The Thief Who Came to Dinner (1973)

Ryan O'Neal: Webster

Photos 

Quotes 

• Webster : [to Jackie]  In a world full of thieves, I wanted to be an honest one.

• Webster : [meeting Laura for the first time]  Maybe I've been selected as a potential reformer.

  Laura : No. Only the wives want to reform me. The men like me the way I am.

• Webster : [Laura is jealous about Jackie]  Goddamnit! I love you! I live with you! And you know enough about me to put me away for three hundred years! What must I do to prove myself?

  Laura : [pause, then]  Everything.

• Webster : Don't forget, you walked out on me!

  Jackie : I walked out on a computerized man, not a chess burglar!

• Webster : [last lines; Dave has finally caught Webster doing a robbery]  Did you bring your gun with you?

  Dave : What do you think?

  Webster : Because that's the only way you're going to bring me in. Jail does not suit my lifestyle. So if you want to bring me in, you're going to have to shoot me.

  Dave : [pause, then]  Maybe I'll just have to do that.

  Webster : If you feel about me the way I've grown to feel about you... then I don't envy you.

  [Dave stares at Webster, but says and does nothing. The sound of police sirens is heard. Webster turns and starts to run; Dave just stands there and watches him escape] 

• Webster : [to a dog pound attendant]  I'm looking for a large dog in heat.

• Webster : [to the female dog he's brought along to distract guard dogs]  Wendy, tonight you're going to be the belle of the ball.

• Jackie : I thought you were honest.

  Webster : Only when I'm stealing.

• Webster : Hello, my name is Webster McGee. I broke into your safe last week while you were away in Europe. Have a nice trip, Gene?

• Webster : I don't like this life. I've got an accountant who steals from the government. I've got a doctor who lies for me so that I can steal from the insurance company. The insurance company's stealing from their clients. Everybody is stealing from everybody. And we work...

  Webster , Ted : To computerize the whole mess.

  Webster : That's right!

• Henderling : I think you two might have a great deal in common.

  Webster : Thank you, Gene.

  Henderling : Don't mention it.

  [walks away] 

  Webster : What do you think he meant by that?

  Laura : I haven't the faintest idea. Nothing about me is at all common.

  Webster : I noticed that.

• Webster : In another couple of years, these machines will have your jobs.

  Ted : Not mine. Somebody's always got to change the ribbon. Right?

• Webster : I'm well educated, Gene, and I've recently come into a great deal of money. Some of it's yours. And like you, I'm a connoisseur of fine secretarial talent. You'd be proud of me.

• Ted : Listen, what the hell are you so smug about? You're divorced and jobless.

  Webster : Yeah. And you're married and working.

• Laura : You're too beautiful to be any good.

  Webster : Any good at what?

  Laura : What else is there?

  Webster : Something tells me we're off to an interesting start.

  Laura : Gene did say we had something in common.

• Laura : Say, what do you do anyway?

  Webster : I do what I want.

• Webster : You don't know them well at all and we are breaking in their house? You'll get me arrested.

  Laura : They'd arrest me too, Webster.

  Webster : Well, unfortunately, they don't put men and women in the same cell.

• Laura : [walks into her bedroom]  This is the Tunnel of Love.

  Webster : Yeah.

  [Laura turns out the light] 

• Laura : I love you, Webster.

  Webster : Really?

  Laura : No; but, almost.

• Webster : Maybe he brought along a bitch in heat.