Peter Ustinov credited as playing...
Prince John - A Lion • King Richard
- [the Sheriff of Nottingham enters the castle singing]
- Sheriff of Nottingham: He throws an angry tantrum if he cannot have his way / He calls for Mom and sucks his thumb and doesn't want to play / Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
- [to Sir Hiss]
- Sheriff of Nottingham: [speaking] Am I right?
- Hiss: [chuckles] That's P.J. to a "T". Let me try, let me try.
- [lowers his voice]
- Hiss: [singing] Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
- [sees an angry Prince John peeking behind a door, with a glass jug of wine in his hand, shrivels]
- Hiss: The Fabulous, Marvelous, Merciful, Chivalrous.
- Sheriff of Nottingham: Oh, you've got it all wrong, Hiss. The Sniveling, Groveling, Measly, Weaseling.
- Prince John: [shouts] Enough!
- [throws the glass jug at the sheriff, but it hits the wall and the wine rains down on him]
- Sheriff of Nottingham: But, but Sire, it's a big hit. The whole village is singing it.
- Prince John: Oh, they are, are they? Well, they'll be singing a different tune. Double the taxes! Triple the taxes!
- [grabs Sir Hiss by the neck]
- Prince John: Squeeze every last drop out of those insolent musical peasants.
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- [Prince John and Hiss have just been robbed by Robin Hood and Little John]
- Hiss: I knew it! I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. You just had to.
- [Prince John is about to hit Hiss with his mirror]
- Hiss: Ah! Ah! Ah! Seven years bad...
- [Hiss yelps as the mirror crashes right down on him]
- Hiss: Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.
- Prince John: Ahh! Mommy!
- [sucks his thumb and gets mud all over it]
- Prince John: I've got a dirty thumb.
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- Prince John: I sentence you to sudden, instant, and even immediate death!
- Marian: Oh, no. Please. Please, sire. I beg of you to spare his life. Please have mercy.
- Prince John: My dear, emotional lady, why should I?
- Marian: Because I love him, Your Highness.
- Prince John: Love him? And does this prisoner return your love?
- Robin Hood: Marian, my darling, I love you more than life itself.
- Prince John: [Sincerely] Young love, your pleads have not fallen upon a heart of stone.
- [Tone changes to fierce and determined]
- Prince John: But traitors to the crown must die!
- Robin Hood: [cutting him off] Traitor to the crown? That crown belongs to King Richard. Long live King Richard!
- Crowd: Long live King Richard!
- Prince John: [gives the crowd a dirty look]
- [Throwing a childish tantrum]
- Prince John: Enough! I am King! King! King! Off with his head!
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- Little John: [as Sir Reginald] Ah, milord, the esteemed royal sovereign of the realm. The head man himself. You're beautiful.
- Prince John: [chuckles] He has style, eh, Hiss? Du savoir-faire il y a, n'est-ce pas, Hiss.
- Little John: You took the words right out of my mouth, P.J.
- Prince John: [Absolutely delighted] P.J.! I like that, do you know I do! Hiss, put it on my luggage.
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- Hiss: A perfect fit, Sire! Looks most becoming! You look regal, dignified, sincere, masterful, noble...
- Prince John: Don't overdo it, Hiss!
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- Prince John: Taxes! Taxes! Beautiful, lovely taxes! Ah-hah! Ah-hah!
- Hiss: Sire, you have an absolute skill for encouraging contributions from the poor.
- [chuckles]
- Prince John: To coin a phrase, my dear counselor, rob the poor to give the rich.
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- Little John: [after sitting on Hiss] Oh, excuse me, Buster.
- Hiss: Buster? You, sir, have taken my seat!
- Prince John: [laughs] Hiss, with you around, who needs a court jester?
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- Prince John: [Robin Hood and Skippy mocked Prince John after another trap failed] Oh, no! It's so miserably unfair!
- Hiss: Well, I tried to tell you, but no, no, no. You wouldn't listen. Your traps just never work. And NOW look what you've done to your mother's castle.
- Prince John: [screams at the sight of his burning castle, with a stick in hand] Mommy!
- [sucks his thumb and chases Sir Hiss]
- Prince John: Hold still!
- Hiss: Sire, no!
- Prince John: You cowardly cobra! Procrastinating python! Aggravating asp!
- Hiss: Save me!
- Prince John: Ooh, you eel in snake's clothing!
- Hiss: Help! He's gone stark raving MAD!
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- Prince John: One more hiss out of you uhm Hiss. And you are walking to Nottingham.
- Hiss: [to himself] Snakes don't walk, they slither. Hmph. So there.
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- Prince John: Hiss! You're never around when I need you!
- Hiss: Coming, coming.
- [begins singing 'For I'm a Jolly Good Fellow' until Prince John uncorks the barrel he's in]
- Hiss: Oh! there you are, old boy! P.J., you're not going to believe this, but the stork is really Robin Hood.
- Prince John: Robin Hood?
- [screams angrily]
- Prince John: [ties Hiss around a pole]
- Prince John: Get out of that, if you can.
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- Prince John: Stop! Executioner, stop! Hold your axe!
- Little John: [threatening him with a dagger] Okay, big shot, now tell him to untie my buddy, or I'll.
- Prince John: Sheriff, release my buddy! I mean, release the prisoner!
- Sheriff of Nottingham: Untie the prisoner?
- Clucky: You heard what he said, bushel britches!
- Prince John: Sheriff, I make the rules! And since I'm head man.
- [to Little John]
- Prince John: Not so hard, you mean thing.
- [back to the Sheriff]
- Prince John: Let him go, for heaven sakes! Let him go!
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- Hiss: Sire, taxes are pouring in, the jail is full. Oh, and good news, Sire. Friar Tuck is in jail.
- Prince John: [Angry] Friar Tuck? It's Robin Hood I want, you idiot! Oh, I'd give all my gold if I could get my hands on... Did you say Friar Tuck?
- Hiss: Did I? Y-yes, I did.
- Prince John: Yes, yes! I have it, Hiss! I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood.
- Hiss: Another trap?
- Prince John: Yes, you stupid serpent. Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows at the village square, don't you see.
- Hiss: B-But Sire! Hang Friar Tuck? A man of the Church?
- Prince John: Yes, my reluctant reptile, and when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric
- [laughs evilly]
- Prince John: my men will be ready.
- [laughs evilly]
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- Clucky: [smacking Prince John on the head with the golden arrow] Take that, you scurvy knave!
- Prince John: Seize the fat one!
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- Prince John: Robbed! I've been robbed! Hiss! You're never around when I need you!
- [clears his throat]
- Prince John: I've been robbed.
- Hiss: Of course you've been robbed!
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- Hiss: [Prince John is sucking his thumb] Sire, if you don't mind my saying, you see you have a very loud thumb.
- [starts to hypnotize him]
- Hiss: Hypnosisss can cure you of your psychosis so easy.
- Prince John: [Snaps out of it and screams] No, no! None of that!
- Hiss: Well, I was only trying to help.
- Prince John: I wonder. Silly serpent.
- Hiss: Silly serpent?
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- Hiss: How nobly King Richard's crown sits on your royal brow.
- Prince John: Doesn't it? King Richard?
- [wrings Hiss' neck]
- Prince John: I told you never to mention my brother's name!
- Hiss: A mere slip of the forked tongue, Sire.
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- Little John: And now, your mightiness, allow me to lay some protocol on you.
- Prince John: Oh, no, forgive me, but I lose more jewels that way.
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