- Lucas: You're the Democratic nominee for Senator.
- Bill McKay: You make that sound like a death sentence.
- Floyd J. Starkey: I think he's gonna get his ass kicked.
- John J. McKay: He's not gonna get his ass kicked.
- Floyd J. Starkey: Oh yeah?
- John J. McKay: He's cute!
- Bill McKay: [with his team after giving one speech too many] Can't any longer play off black against old - young against poor. This country cannot house its houseless - feed its foodless.
- [and he begins making gaga noises]
- Bill McKay: . They're demanding a government of the people - peopled by people. Our faith, our compassion, our courage on the gridiron.
- [makes the sound of an explosion]
- Bill McKay: The basic indifference - that made this country great. And on election - *and* on election day - we won't run away. Vote once, vote tuh-wice, for Bill McKay, you middle-class honkies!
- Reporter: [Jarmon's helicopter lands] You know who that is, don't you?
- Bill McKay: Yeah. Smokey the Bear.
- Dinner MC: [Introducing McKay to fund-raiser dinner audience] Seriously folks, you better watch your step when he comes out here because he's a man who shoots from the hip and a man who's hip when he shoots. Join me in welcoming Bill McKay!
- Klein: [watching a promotional video of McKay trying to convince a female voter, who keeps yelling at him at the same she slaps her baby] Grim scene, baby, grim scene. Look at that. You're off into other issues, now. You look uptight and uncool and nobody is listening. Nobody is digging you.
- Bill McKay: Aside from that though, it's a great bit.
- Floyd J. Starkey: There's no point in us chewing over our differences. When we get right down to it, you might find we have a lot in common.
- Bill McKay: I don't think we have shit in common.
- Bill McKay: Did you really run your own campaigns?
- John J. McKay: Why, shit yes, what do you take me for?
- Senator Crocker Jarmon: But I remember this: I remember my mom and dad went through the 1930's without welfare, without poverty programs. Why - none of us kids even had a social worker. How did we do it? Ladies, excuse me, but we worked our butts off!
- Bill McKay: I just worked through the weekend - 20 straight hours - and I loved every minute of it. So, why do I need what you're offering? I'm happy.
- Lucas: You're happy?
- Bill McKay: Yeah.
- Lucas: Clams are happy. What did you accomplish?
- Bill McKay: You're free, McKay. You don't have a chance, so say what you want. It's just between you and the public. The question is whether you can put your ass on the line.
- Lucas: No, the question is whether it's worth it.
- Klein: I dig it! It's raw, but I eat it up. A lot of work to be done, my friend, but I get the feeling you know where you're going.
- Bill McKay: I don't.
- Senator Crocker Jarmon: You think I'm mean? If I am, I've spent the last 18 years in the Senate being a meanie - and, if need be, I will spend another 18 years working to keep this country healthy and growing and *moving* into the future!
- Senator Crocker Jarmon: The solution to welfare is not more welfare! It's more enterprise, more industry, and more jobs. Now, there are those who say to industry, don't build, don't develop, don't cut a single tree or you'll destroy our watershed, and so on, but I know that when the time comes for building, we will build, because building means jobs. And - and we'll find a way to love Mother Nature - and preserve her - without going to extremes.
- Senator Crocker Jarmon: I tell you this, good people, that Crocker Jarmon still believes that individuals are responsible for themselves. And so does the vast majority of the American people. And that's why we're going to tell Big Brother to get lost!
- Klein: You see that? He works from a staged pose. How many politicians you know can look straight in the camera without coming off shifty eyed?
- Klein: The bottom line is this: I like what you stand for. You've got balls, Otherwise, I wouldn't take you on.
- Klein: You might just make it, my friend. People are gonna take a look at our stuff and see a guy with guts. They're gonna take a look at the Crock and think maybe he can't get it up anymore.
- Klein: We'll label him "Mr. Geritol." and you'll do the "I'm-my-own-man" bit. Okay, now, for starters, we have to cut your hair and 86 the sideburns. All right, let's go.
- Klein: Go shake some hands.
- Bill McKay: What?
- Klein: Say hello.
- Bill McKay: Hello. Bill McKay, running for U.S. Senate. Bill McKay. I'm running for U.S. Senate. Hello, I'm Bill McKay. Hello. Bill McKay, running for U.S. Senate...
- Nancy McKay: Oh! They cut your hair! Let me see it. I really like it. Turn. Let me see it. I really like it!
- Watts Heckler: Hey, brother.
- Bill McKay: How are you doing?
- Watts Heckler: Bill McKay. You - the golden wonder of the West!
- Bill McKay: I wouldn't say that.
- Watts Heckler: Well, what do you think about my dog?
- Bill McKay: [in a mock session, preparing for a TV interview, Bill is asked what he thinks about legalized abortion] I'm for it. I think every woman should have that right.
- Lucas: Ah, uh, wait a minute, Bill. You can't put it that way.
- Bill McKay: That's what I think.
- Lucas: Well, it's not going to be understood without hell of a long explanation. So, eh, how about this for time being? Uh, just say it's worth studying.
- Bill McKay: Okay. I'll think about it.
- Bill McKay: I can tell you what's basic for the ghetto. It's a scandal. There's no hospital. There's no on-the-job training for medical aides. There's no housing program. Excuse me, just a second. They have no housing program. They have no public transportation. There's no birth control centers.
- Bill McKay: Maybe I am middle class, in a way. But I didn't find that out today. I found that out working with people trying to make sure their kids have enough to eat tomorrow morning.
- Bill McKay: Do you like health food?
- Natalie Wood: Yes, I do. Do you?
- Bill McKay: Oh, yeah, I like strawberries.
- Bill McKay: Thanks for the campaign dinners that you've hosted.
- Natalie Wood: It's a pleasure. I admire what you stand for.
- Lucas: I'm telling you you'll be wiped out. You'll be humiliated.
- Bill McKay: That wasn't part of the deal.
- Bill McKay: I'm going to challenge Jarmon to a crapshoot. Crapshoot is a matter of individual enterprise. Crapshoot made this country great.
- Lucas: God made this country great.
- Bill McKay: God shoots crap.
- Bill McKay: Are there any questions? I'd be happy to respond to anything that's on your minds. Any comments? Suggestions? Dirty jokes?
- Bill McKay: The time has passed when you can turn your back on the fundamental needs of the people. And don't think that you can distract them any more by playing off the young against the old, black against white, the poor against the less poor. I think the time has come when the American people realize that we're in this together - and that we sink or swim together. And I say to you, maybe, just maybe that's the way it should be. A test of our courage, of our compassion, our faith in ourselves, and our faith in our country.
- Klein: You're going to be sitting camera right. All the time while Jarmon's talking, just keep looking at Jarmon. Jarmon talks, you look at Jarmon.
- Bill McKay: Right.
- Klein: Try to keep your eyes steady. Don't blink. Whatever you do, don't look up at all. Don't look up. Don't look up, because your eyes are glazed and you look cock-eyed. You look like a moron.
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