There's a Girl in My Soup (1970)

Peter Sellers: Robert Danvers

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marion : Are you trying to get me tight?

  Robert Danvers : You're frightening enough sober.

• Wedding Guest in Blue Dress : It's such a joy to see someone with breeding on the television, instead, of those young savages with their banjos.

  Robert Danvers : Quite.

• Freddie, Wedding Guest : Tell me, do you have a proper job? I mean, when you're not doing this television stuff?

  Robert Danvers : I perform abortions. Didn't you know? Excuse me.

• Willie the Bridegroom : I must say, she's looking absolutely, eh...

  Robert Danvers : Yes, yes.

  Willie the Bridegroom : Yes. Yes. I mean, she's really quite, um...

  Robert Danvers : She is.

  Willie the Bridegroom : She is. Yes. What is the word? How would one put it?

  Robert Danvers : Lovely.

  Willie the Bridegroom : Yes! Yes, that's it. Lovely.

• Robert Danvers : [on the television in Robert's bedroom, while he's in bed with Julia Halforde-Smythe]  So, having set ones taste buds bursting, we come to the main dish. A sort of shish kabob or skewered lamb. These are meticulously selected cuts impaled

  [demonstrating with his fingers] 

  Robert Danvers : with onions and garlic flavor and turned over and over a bare flame until the meat sizzles and the juice is run out. For pudding or sweets or afters, I prefer the word pudding, myself, the banana surprise was - a masterpiece.

• Robert Danvers : You look stunning today, Clare. Immaculate. Like virgin snow.

  Clare, the bride : Do I?

  Robert Danvers : My God but you're lovely.

  [leans down to kiss Clare's neck] 

  Clare, the bride : No, Robert.

  Robert Danvers : We had six glorious months. This is our last time.

  Clare, the bride : No. That's out.

  Robert Danvers : Isn't it better to end with a bang than a whimper?

  Clare, the bride : Someone may come in.

  Robert Danvers : I locked the door.

  Clare, the bride : You only want me for one thing.

  Robert Danvers : What a lovely thing.

• Julia Halforde-Smythe : Ahhh, Lady Heather was right. You are a rotter.

  Robert Danvers : [kissing his way up her bare belly]  You have a delicious flavor.

• Clare, the bride : [knock at the door, while she's in bed with her former lover]  Who is it?

  Lady Heather : [from the hallway]  Do you need any help darling?

  Clare, the bride : No, Mommy, I can manage.

  Lady Heather : Well, don't forget the plane. Will you be long?

  Robert Danvers : [whispers to Clare]  Tell her five minutes.

  Clare, the bride : [whispers back]  My God, at least make it ten!

• Julia Halforde-Smythe : [in bed]  Mmm, ahhh. You're wonderful.

  Robert Danvers : I know I am.

  Julia Halforde-Smythe : But, please, no more.

  Robert Danvers : My God, but you're lovely.

  [continues] 

• Robert Danvers : What would you like to drink?

  Marion : What have you got?

  Robert Danvers : Well, there's Sherry, Brandy, Whiskey, Scotch and Rye, Kirs, Dubonnet, Campari, Slivovitz, Port, Vodka, Ouzo, Saki. Or, we could even be devils and split a bottle of the old champagne wine.

  Marion : Got any beer?

  Robert Danvers : There's some rubbing alcohol in the medicine cabinet, if you care for that.

  Marion : Scotch.

• Andrew : Who is this?

  Robert Danvers : Can't you look at a girl without lathering up?

• Marion : [from Robert's bathroom]  Hey, what are you, a weirdo or something?

  Robert Danvers : Why do you ask?

  Marion : All these mirrors.

  Robert Danvers : It amuses me.

  Marion : What's so amusing about staring at yourself on the throne?

• Robert Danvers : If I made a pass at you now, what would your reaction be?

  Marion : Oh, well, you want the results. before you place the bet! What do you reckon the odds are?

• Marion : You didn't bring me here to look at me.

  Robert Danvers : I was under the impression that you brought me.

  Marion : Oh, wow. Next, you'll be shouting rape.

  Robert Danvers : Oh, if you like, yes.

• Robert Danvers : Look, may I ask you a question without getting a question in reply?

  Marion : It depends.

• Marion : There's always a bit of yak about sex before the pass to get you in the mood.

  Robert Danvers : To get who in the mood?

  Marion : The girl. You're already in it.

• Robert Danvers : Why do you always answer a question with another question?

  Marion : Why do you?

• Robert Danvers : Why did you say just now that you wanted to keep one up on me a bit longer?

  Marion : Supply and demand, I suppose. I'm in demand and until I supply, I'm one up.

  Robert Danvers : And a bit longer?

  Marion : Well, the final result is never much in doubt, is it?

• Robert Danvers : Look, that's enough. You are most arrogant young idiot I've ever laid my eyes on. What's left of them. You imagine that if a woman even looks at you, it must be love. And that any man over 40, eh 34, I mean, 35, must be repellent.

  Jimmy : Well let's face it, chicks don't go out with old geezers like you for their lovely profiles, do they?

  Robert Danvers : I can beat you to any woman.

  Jimmy : You what?

  Robert Danvers : Yes. Any woman, any place, any time!

• Robert Danvers : You can hardly expect her to enjoy sharing you.

  Jimmy : Why not? Most of the blokes I know are havin' it off with birds all over the place.

  Robert Danvers : Well...

  Jimmy : Well, I just want to get mine under the same roof. Save me self a bloody fortune, mate.

• Jimmy : Will you listen to me? Oh, Christ, my head.

  Marion : I hope your head breaks open and all your brains spill out all over the place and you tread on them and fall over.

  [slams the door] 

  Robert Danvers : Gruesome turn of phrase, hasn't she?

• Robert Danvers : One last word of advice, young lady. You're 19 and what is commonly called a push-over. Now then, had it been anyone else but me last night...

  Marion : I know.

  Robert Danvers : If you continue like this, by the time you're 21, you're going to - well, you're too lovely to go throwing yourself at any man to - let them take advantage of you.

  [Marion giggles] 

  Robert Danvers : What's so funny?

  Marion : Just the words you use: "take advantage".

• Robert Danvers : What is so offense about her being with me?

  Jimmy : Well me. Don't you think you ought to know better at your age?

• Robert Danvers : My God, but you are lovely.

  Marion : Oh, my God, but you're corny.

• Jimmy : What about women, eh? Just cause I'm moving Caroline in, she starts screaming blue murder.

  Robert Danvers : Well, that's only natural, isn't it?

  Jimmy : Natural? Why? Caroline'd be company for her. Cut the 'ousework in 'alf. They'd be laughin'. No, it's too reasonable. Friggin' women. I tell you, if I didn't fancy them so much, I reckon I'd change sides.

• Robert Danvers : [at a French wine tasting]  You don't swallow it. You spit it out.

  Marion : Why waste it?

  Robert Danvers : Then you can judge the next.

  Marion : Who wants my opinion?

• Robert Danvers : Where did you learn to make love? In a laboratory?

• Reporter #2 : Where did you both meet?

  Robert Danvers : At breakfast.

  Reporter #3 : Where?

  Marion : At a Turkish bath.

• Robert Danvers : Now what? How very romantic you are. I ought to bloody well put you across my knee.

  Marion : Okay, come on! Come on.

• Floor Waiter : Monsieur. Madame. And we all 'ope you'll have a penis - all your life.

  Robert Danvers : [waiter leaves, Marion gives Robert a puzzled look]  They hope that you will have - *happiness* - all of your life.

• Robert Danvers : Why must you go back to that - psychedelic zombie?