San Francisco International

Boring. Befuddled. Blah. These are all adjectives that could be used to to describe this lame 70's pilot for a really crappy t.v. show. Like Stranded in Space, this loser show never got off the ground. Can't imagine why. Although, to give it credit where credit is due, Stranded in Space was actually better and more coherent than this dreadful yellowish mess.

There's a lot of 70's b grade actors in this one, from Pernell Roberts to Tab Hunter to Clu Gullagher. Pernell plays the head of security at San Francisco International, and a more annoying, uptight, moralizing, ego-ridden jerk I haven't seen in a long time. That first scene, in which he scares the crap out of an entire plane load of people just so that he can teach a 'lesson' to some Congressman just leaves you shaking your head in disgust. Where's Homeland Security when you need them?

The 'plot', such as it is, is totally incomprehensible. There are so many trailing off plot lines that you could have woven a sweater from them. There was something about some boxes, the wife of a pilot being kidnapped, a weenie kid somehow stealing a plane, a secretary being held hostage, and a weird little scene with Pete from MacGyver getting into a fist fight with a guitar toting hippie kid. None of it makes much sense, and the only closure is the kid being brought down safely(too bad, he was a really irritating kid). The film is so yellow that it looks like the 'before' pics of coffee stained dentures. Everybody is drably uninteresting, and the whole thing could be used as a sleep inducer. A total waste of time, even as an MST3K episode.

If there's anything on TV that could make "Cop Rock" look like "Masterpiece Theatre", San Francisco International is it. Pernell Roberts, long before he discovered his TV niche as Trapper John, stars here as an arrogant, self-aggrandizing, pompous head of security for the San Francisco airport. >

In order for you to get an idea of his modus operandi as head of security, he stages a crisis aboard an airplane full of congressmen in order to demonstrate his need for more security. Thankfully, the scene of these VIPs cleaning up after discovering the hoax was left on the editing room floor. > David Hartman also stars as a clueless pilot whose wife is kidnapped. The kidnapping takes place so that Hartman's character can stall his next flight long enough so that the bad guys can steal some gold, money, potatoes...who really cares?

This movie throws in every bad TV movie element of the time, missing only the opportunity to cast either Bert Convy or one of the Landers sisters. Roberts' character is neither likable nor identifiable in this film.

Sterno says keep this film on your personal radar, only to make sure that you've shot it down and to watch it go down in flames.

A tense and thrilling drama is what this show tries to be, but fails in all aspects except becoming great ammo for the guys at MST3K. If it has Tab Hunter and David Hartman, well you know it's good. Facially disfigured crooks try to smuggle a large reserve of cash to El Paso while idiot Davey, upset that his parents can't communicate steals a plane and doesn't know what to do. Pernell must rescue him and figure out how to foil the bad guys with the money and save David Hartman's bad hair-do wife. Show also stars Clu Gulager, Van Johnson (who doesn't sing in this)and a bunch of nobody's who don't do a lot else but stand and stare wondering what their next move should be. Is this anyway to run an airport? Sure it's 1970. Metal detectors? We don't need no stinkin metal detectors!!

A series that has airport disasters every week should be cool so this series should be cool. Well it is not, for the simple reason that it is a television show, so it is not like they have a budget to show a whole lot of crashes and whatnot. So you get minor incidents and heists being pulled all at the same time in this pilot episode! Though while watching this and the way it sets itself up, it sort of resembles the typical disaster film of the era and a couple of points of it seem like scenes they made fun of in the parody film, "Airplane". There are stars aplenty in this one, the typical people you would see in many television series and made for television movies of the era as well. So, while not a particularly entertaining show as far a plot and what is going on, it does have some interesting points to look out for.

The story of the pilot episode has a person who is sort of in charge of the airport scaring some congressman, a boy whose parents are getting a divorce because the father works to much and this boy really likes planes, a kidnapping that is a set up for a heist and a man punched by a hippie. All these stories intertwine a bit, well not the hippie one. That one just seems thrown in for no apparent reason. The boy with his parents was really kind of lame as the mother's reason for wanting to separate is idiotic, as she knew going in what his job entailed and the funniest part is when the head of the airport talks to the boy at one point it so reminded me of the scene with Peter Graves and the boy in "Airplane". The one with the boy leads to some airplanes being flown and really small cheap ones, which probably all the show could afford to do. The heist was a good story to have in this film as it is in an airport, but only really affected a plane on the ground. So other than a possible crash at the beginning of the film they teased us with there isn't really any other areas where there could have been a possible crash with the big planes.

I, of course, saw this on Mystery Science Theater 3000 as I would imagine seeing a film made for television in 1970 that was basically a bit of a failure would not be easy in 2015. I guess I could have youtubed it, but no, it was released in the latest volume from my favorite television show of all time. It made for a very funny episode as they also did good with another television pilot called, "Code Name: Diamondhead". These old shows from the 70's just make for an entertaining watch because it is fun seeing all the stars in them and the groovy settings.

So, this one was not a good story, but it had its moments. You get to see plenty of television stars from years past and what is apparently the blueprint for disaster films in its infancy. Remember the film, "Earthquake" and the plot point of the couple on the plane who became a boring plot point once their plane averted the danger, it could owe some gratitude for man punched by hippie! The main reason this show probably did end up failing is simply the fact it is a television show and you just cannot do a whole lot involving planes and disaster on a television budget.