"Zeta One" (what's with the "Love Factor" nonsense?) is a curious mix of a spy spoof and a sci-fi sex comedy. The two parts rarely interact with each other, as Robin Hawdon's suavely bumbling secret agent spends most of his time in bed, usually in the company of a pretty woman, while most of the action takes place around London and in Zeta's extra-dimensional all-woman universe. For all its psychedelic effects and topless women, "Zeta One" is not nearly as exciting as it sounds: the comedy is rarely funny, some women are shown training in hand-to-hand combat but in the "action" climax they just zap the bad guys with invisible rays coming out of their fingers, the story often makes little sense (if the Zeta women can teleport themselves at will, why don't they just teleport themselves out of trouble when they get captured?), and even at just 82 minutes, the film feels padded. On the plus side, some of the women - especially Yutte Stensgaard and Wendy Lingham - show not only their wonderful bodies but some comic talent as well. ** out of 4.
27 Reviews
Trippy, with lots of eye-candy, but falls short of its potential
gridoon202418 July 2010
Warning: Spoilers
I'd love to know the behind scenes story...
kittenkongshow29 April 2017
Warning: Spoilers
A very disjointed British exploitation flick...Which as other reviewers have said seems to have had production troubles...
The poker sequence which takes up the first 3rd of the film seems like a later addition to try to stick the rest of the film together. As it involves Yutte Stensgaard topless and looking stunning i'll let it slide that it's at least 10m too long...Robin Hawdon spots a stick on moustache in this part briefly...Did he shave the one seen in the flashback sequence off and have to fake it...or is it fake for the whole film?, as for his acting it ranges from wooden to well...more woodern!
James Robertson Justice and Charles Hawtrey play...well, they are supposed to be baddies but what then does that mean for the Angvians?...Mr. Justice realizes that he's in a piece of rubbish and at times gives up even trying...Charles Hawtrey in between Carry on Camping and Again Doctor is given little to work with...both actors break the 4th wall at times as well, maybe looking for forgiveness from the audience. Justice just disappears near the end...the last section seems to only exist to get more nudity into the film.
The action sequence in the woods is oddly entertaining with the Angvians using their fingers as weapons...
Best Sequence - The lift...and the bits with Yutte looking stunning.
As I say I'd love to know the true story of it's making.
The poker sequence which takes up the first 3rd of the film seems like a later addition to try to stick the rest of the film together. As it involves Yutte Stensgaard topless and looking stunning i'll let it slide that it's at least 10m too long...Robin Hawdon spots a stick on moustache in this part briefly...Did he shave the one seen in the flashback sequence off and have to fake it...or is it fake for the whole film?, as for his acting it ranges from wooden to well...more woodern!
James Robertson Justice and Charles Hawtrey play...well, they are supposed to be baddies but what then does that mean for the Angvians?...Mr. Justice realizes that he's in a piece of rubbish and at times gives up even trying...Charles Hawtrey in between Carry on Camping and Again Doctor is given little to work with...both actors break the 4th wall at times as well, maybe looking for forgiveness from the audience. Justice just disappears near the end...the last section seems to only exist to get more nudity into the film.
The action sequence in the woods is oddly entertaining with the Angvians using their fingers as weapons...
Best Sequence - The lift...and the bits with Yutte looking stunning.
As I say I'd love to know the true story of it's making.
ZETA ONE (Michael Cort, 1969) *1/2
Bunuel197631 October 2008
I believe I first became aware of this sci-fi/sexploitationer via the biography for actress Valerie Leon included among the extras on the Anchor Bay DVD of Hammer's superior BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY'S TOMB (1971); incidentally, the film under review was made by rival company Tigon.
To begin with, the script was apparently inspired by a comic strip (such cinematic adaptations were all the rage at the time no doubt, the makers were encouraged by the success of BARBARELLA [1968]). Still, even reading through the cast list, I knew not to raise my 'artistic' hopes too highly given that it featured both James Robertson-Justice and Charles Hawtrey, stalwarts of (respectively) the popular "Doctor" and "Carry On" comedy franchises who actually turn out to be the villains of the piece!! The narrative drew heavily on another then-current fad i.e. espionage in fact, the hero is a stud-like albeit laid-back secret agent who naturally proves irresistible to the alien women (actually, an alternate moniker for the film) the titular figure (played by veteran Dawn Addams) sends his way in order to derail his investigation into the abduction of several earth girls.
That said, the plot is barely there and becomes especially confusing not to say silly during the latter stages; for what it's worth, the film culminates in a chase wherein the otherworldly gals kill virtually all of their male pursuers simply by pointing their fingers at them (accompanied by the incongruous noise of gunshots)!! Needless to say, ZETA ONE's raison d'etre and prime asset is its relentless parade of innumerable but anonymous starlets of the era in the nude or otherwise scantily-clad: the above-mentioned Valerie Leon herself is underused, but fellow future Hammer lead Yutte Stensgaard who engages the hero (to whom he's recounting his non-exploits) in a lengthy and decidedly irrelevant game of strip-poker comes off quite well (no pun intended). Also worth mentioning are the low-budget but appropriately psychedelic sets and the title tune (featuring a reasonably effective guitar riff).
To begin with, the script was apparently inspired by a comic strip (such cinematic adaptations were all the rage at the time no doubt, the makers were encouraged by the success of BARBARELLA [1968]). Still, even reading through the cast list, I knew not to raise my 'artistic' hopes too highly given that it featured both James Robertson-Justice and Charles Hawtrey, stalwarts of (respectively) the popular "Doctor" and "Carry On" comedy franchises who actually turn out to be the villains of the piece!! The narrative drew heavily on another then-current fad i.e. espionage in fact, the hero is a stud-like albeit laid-back secret agent who naturally proves irresistible to the alien women (actually, an alternate moniker for the film) the titular figure (played by veteran Dawn Addams) sends his way in order to derail his investigation into the abduction of several earth girls.
That said, the plot is barely there and becomes especially confusing not to say silly during the latter stages; for what it's worth, the film culminates in a chase wherein the otherworldly gals kill virtually all of their male pursuers simply by pointing their fingers at them (accompanied by the incongruous noise of gunshots)!! Needless to say, ZETA ONE's raison d'etre and prime asset is its relentless parade of innumerable but anonymous starlets of the era in the nude or otherwise scantily-clad: the above-mentioned Valerie Leon herself is underused, but fellow future Hammer lead Yutte Stensgaard who engages the hero (to whom he's recounting his non-exploits) in a lengthy and decidedly irrelevant game of strip-poker comes off quite well (no pun intended). Also worth mentioning are the low-budget but appropriately psychedelic sets and the title tune (featuring a reasonably effective guitar riff).
In the future all women will dress like this.
gavcrimson8 April 2004
Warning: Spoilers
Spoilers: included.
Kicking off the sporadic genre of British comedies that served up softcore nudity with sci-fi trimmings, 1969's Zeta One was itself based on a short lived photo-magazine that obsessed on models scantily dressed in futuristic clothes. At its liveliest the film contains recreations of kinky photo-shoot favourites like catfights and underwear clad dollies in torture chamber tableau, as well as colourful scenes of alien women discreetly disguised in identical black wigs and thigh-high Carnaby Street fashions. Sadly the movie version of Zeta One is also saddled with the tiresome exploits of Robin Hawdon -wooden lead of When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth- playing a poor man's James Bond.
Slow to start the film's first quarter of an hour is a mercilessly static two-hander between Hawdon and his boss's secretary as they drink, deliver pages of inconsequential dialogue and generally make goo-goo eyes at each other. Despite containing the film's first show of flesh- they also get round to playing strip-poker- this is padding at its most painful and just seems to go on forever. Eventually Hawdon narrates flashbacks of some 'very extraordinary business' concerning the Angvians, a strange race of women from outer space who kidnap pretty girls then brainwash them with kaleidoscope-type optical effects. One such abductee, Soho stripper Edwina Strain ('please call me Ted') gets bustled into a car by Angvian women in broad daylight then is treated to a guided tour of their lair. Looking like the set of a Children's programme, Angvian HQ includes such delights as the 'the contemplation room', 'the self revelation room' and not forgetting 'the static time area'. Incredulously in the middle of this already ridiculous scenario up pops Charles Hawtrey- clearly in a pay cheque role between Carry On's- as Swyne, the second in command of a sinister organisation out to put an end to the Angvian's capers. Campy and cowardly as ever, Hawtrey's Carry On persona dictates his character as he follows Angvian women around London only to get on the wrong side of a far more terrifying force in irate Bus clippie Rita Webb.
Understandably Hawdon struggles to make any sense out these events, and with alien women and misplaced comedy veterans rubbing shoulders lets face it who wouldn't. Indeed when he relates the tall tale to the secretary as pillow talk she responds with 'oh you're making this rubbish up', a fine epitaph for the film. A virtually asleep James Robertson Justice plays the film's villain Major Bourdon, a roly-poly and seemingly inebriated creep who enjoys chasing alien women around his Scottish estate as if they were game. Robertson Justice's complete apathy towards appearing in the film is all up there on screen, he clearly hasn't learnt the script. At one stage Director Michael Cort reportedly had to tape Bourdon's dialogue to the actor's trouser leg. Cheekily, during the scene in question Cort inserts leery shots of a girl's thighs to 'explain' Robertson Justice's motivation for spending much of the scene glancing down.
There is more than a hint of post-production troubles in the final film. The disjoined feel gives the impression large amounts of plot ended up on Tigon's cutting room floor, particularly noticeable is the lack of a dramatic comeuppance for Bourdon with Robertson Justice simply disappearing towards the end. The film's biggest abnormality though has to the Hawdon character. Very much like Ken Parry in Come Play with Me, Hawdon is always kept at arm's length from the main story and is never called upon to mingle with most of the other characters. All of which fuels suspicion that Hawdon's scenes were either shot separately or merely added by Tigon in an attempt to make sense of it all, he does after all spend the first 15 minutes desperately trying to explain the upcoming plot! His scenes bear all the hallmarks of a regular Tigon ghost director in their blandness and opportunistic employment of full female nudity and sex scenes to spice up a film that otherwise offers nothing hotter than topless women prancing around in asexual situations. Hawdon's mysterious lack of interaction with the rest of the characters is most hilariously obvious in his absence from the climatic bust up between alien women and men in deerstalker hats. The reason he's unable to join in the fight? ........he has to go back to his car to collect some Wellington boots!
The climax also serves as the film's inglorious highlight with 'starlets as alien women' running around the British countryside freezing their backsides off while pretending to fire invisible rays from their hands, and trying (and in one instance failing) not to break out laughing. Whilst Euro-trouper Brigitte Skay managed to drum up a fair amount of publicity for the film- photos of her in a revealing space-age bikini earned Zeta One the cover of both Continental Film Review and Cinema X magazine -it wasn't until the 1995 video re-release that the film really found an audience. On video and DVD the film has since gone on to achieve a degree of novelty status on account of many of its female cast members later finding success in Hammer horror and comedy roles. Not that many of these actresses have fond memories of the production, Yutte Stensgaard claimed she felt exploited by her then father-in-law/manager who in a spivvy turn didn't tell her about her nude scenes until she turned up on set, while the late Imogen Hassall was known to joke a higher force must have been looking out for her the day she turned down the opportunity to play an 'Angvian girl'. Valerie Leon's sole memory of the production was one movie wonder Cort being a somewhat strange chap. Then again if you've seen the film you've probably guessed that already.
Kicking off the sporadic genre of British comedies that served up softcore nudity with sci-fi trimmings, 1969's Zeta One was itself based on a short lived photo-magazine that obsessed on models scantily dressed in futuristic clothes. At its liveliest the film contains recreations of kinky photo-shoot favourites like catfights and underwear clad dollies in torture chamber tableau, as well as colourful scenes of alien women discreetly disguised in identical black wigs and thigh-high Carnaby Street fashions. Sadly the movie version of Zeta One is also saddled with the tiresome exploits of Robin Hawdon -wooden lead of When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth- playing a poor man's James Bond.
Slow to start the film's first quarter of an hour is a mercilessly static two-hander between Hawdon and his boss's secretary as they drink, deliver pages of inconsequential dialogue and generally make goo-goo eyes at each other. Despite containing the film's first show of flesh- they also get round to playing strip-poker- this is padding at its most painful and just seems to go on forever. Eventually Hawdon narrates flashbacks of some 'very extraordinary business' concerning the Angvians, a strange race of women from outer space who kidnap pretty girls then brainwash them with kaleidoscope-type optical effects. One such abductee, Soho stripper Edwina Strain ('please call me Ted') gets bustled into a car by Angvian women in broad daylight then is treated to a guided tour of their lair. Looking like the set of a Children's programme, Angvian HQ includes such delights as the 'the contemplation room', 'the self revelation room' and not forgetting 'the static time area'. Incredulously in the middle of this already ridiculous scenario up pops Charles Hawtrey- clearly in a pay cheque role between Carry On's- as Swyne, the second in command of a sinister organisation out to put an end to the Angvian's capers. Campy and cowardly as ever, Hawtrey's Carry On persona dictates his character as he follows Angvian women around London only to get on the wrong side of a far more terrifying force in irate Bus clippie Rita Webb.
Understandably Hawdon struggles to make any sense out these events, and with alien women and misplaced comedy veterans rubbing shoulders lets face it who wouldn't. Indeed when he relates the tall tale to the secretary as pillow talk she responds with 'oh you're making this rubbish up', a fine epitaph for the film. A virtually asleep James Robertson Justice plays the film's villain Major Bourdon, a roly-poly and seemingly inebriated creep who enjoys chasing alien women around his Scottish estate as if they were game. Robertson Justice's complete apathy towards appearing in the film is all up there on screen, he clearly hasn't learnt the script. At one stage Director Michael Cort reportedly had to tape Bourdon's dialogue to the actor's trouser leg. Cheekily, during the scene in question Cort inserts leery shots of a girl's thighs to 'explain' Robertson Justice's motivation for spending much of the scene glancing down.
There is more than a hint of post-production troubles in the final film. The disjoined feel gives the impression large amounts of plot ended up on Tigon's cutting room floor, particularly noticeable is the lack of a dramatic comeuppance for Bourdon with Robertson Justice simply disappearing towards the end. The film's biggest abnormality though has to the Hawdon character. Very much like Ken Parry in Come Play with Me, Hawdon is always kept at arm's length from the main story and is never called upon to mingle with most of the other characters. All of which fuels suspicion that Hawdon's scenes were either shot separately or merely added by Tigon in an attempt to make sense of it all, he does after all spend the first 15 minutes desperately trying to explain the upcoming plot! His scenes bear all the hallmarks of a regular Tigon ghost director in their blandness and opportunistic employment of full female nudity and sex scenes to spice up a film that otherwise offers nothing hotter than topless women prancing around in asexual situations. Hawdon's mysterious lack of interaction with the rest of the characters is most hilariously obvious in his absence from the climatic bust up between alien women and men in deerstalker hats. The reason he's unable to join in the fight? ........he has to go back to his car to collect some Wellington boots!
The climax also serves as the film's inglorious highlight with 'starlets as alien women' running around the British countryside freezing their backsides off while pretending to fire invisible rays from their hands, and trying (and in one instance failing) not to break out laughing. Whilst Euro-trouper Brigitte Skay managed to drum up a fair amount of publicity for the film- photos of her in a revealing space-age bikini earned Zeta One the cover of both Continental Film Review and Cinema X magazine -it wasn't until the 1995 video re-release that the film really found an audience. On video and DVD the film has since gone on to achieve a degree of novelty status on account of many of its female cast members later finding success in Hammer horror and comedy roles. Not that many of these actresses have fond memories of the production, Yutte Stensgaard claimed she felt exploited by her then father-in-law/manager who in a spivvy turn didn't tell her about her nude scenes until she turned up on set, while the late Imogen Hassall was known to joke a higher force must have been looking out for her the day she turned down the opportunity to play an 'Angvian girl'. Valerie Leon's sole memory of the production was one movie wonder Cort being a somewhat strange chap. Then again if you've seen the film you've probably guessed that already.
British sexploitation
Mark_D-214 July 2000
If anything, "Zeta One" (a.k.a. "The Love Factor" and "Alien Women") proves that the U.S.A. doesn't have a lock on cheesy soft-core porn movies. In this one, a race of alien women (many of whom run around topless) kidnap earth women to repopulate their world. What sounds like a fun spoof of spy movies and sci-fi flicks fails miserably, due to many factors, not the least of which is that there's simply no point of view. The cast (and the script) seem to meander around without any real purpose. The secret agent character, James Word (played by Robin Hawdon of "When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth") seems to have two purposes in the movie: to have sex with every woman who crosses his path, and smoke cigarettes, since he doesn't seem to do anything else. A part like his takes a deft comedic touch, which Hawdon just doesn't have. The story is told in flashback, and the framing sequences featuring Hawdon and lovely Yutte Stensgaard seem to indicate trouble with the original film (Hawdon has a moustache in the main body of the film, but is without it in the framing sequences). Scenes dealing with a strip-poker game and Word's ultimate fate go on for what seems like an eternity without any real payoff. And top-billed James Robertson Justice gives a textbook example of a "where's-my-paycheck?" type performance. The British have a reputation for stuffiness, and if this movie is any indication, it is a reputation well-deserved.
Impertinence!
bakerjp6 December 2001
Truly one of the WORST films of all time - and worth watching just to spot the numerous narrative holes, terrible acting and risable dialogue.
A group of women led by Zeta One live in another dimension - their home is called Angvia (guess what that's an anagram of). They kidnap earth women and spirit them off to Angvia in the back of big truck - I suspect that the big truck IS actually Angvia. It's not understood why they kidnap women or what they do with them when they get to Angvia, which looks like the inside of a lava lamp.
Meanwhile, Major Bourden (James Robertson Justice) and his assistant Swyne (Charles Hawtrey) are trying to find out how to get to Angvia, because the women have thwarted their plans several times (it's never adequately explained what their plans are), nor if the Angvians are good or bad - they do kidnap women, but then they appear to be heroines.
Meanwhile again, James Word (a kind of low-grade James Bond figure) tells the story of all this in flashback to a pretty blonde. However, James Word has hardly any contact with any of the other characters in the film - you get the impression that all of his scenes were filmed as an after-thought, in order to add some sort of narrative coherence to the storyline - but in fact the reverse happens.
There's lots of softcore (female) nudity, chasing and silliness. The special effects ain't that special. It's a complete mess. You MUST see it to believe how bad it is. The best thing about it is the soundtrack, which tries to emulate a kind of sub-Barbarella kistchness at times.
A group of women led by Zeta One live in another dimension - their home is called Angvia (guess what that's an anagram of). They kidnap earth women and spirit them off to Angvia in the back of big truck - I suspect that the big truck IS actually Angvia. It's not understood why they kidnap women or what they do with them when they get to Angvia, which looks like the inside of a lava lamp.
Meanwhile, Major Bourden (James Robertson Justice) and his assistant Swyne (Charles Hawtrey) are trying to find out how to get to Angvia, because the women have thwarted their plans several times (it's never adequately explained what their plans are), nor if the Angvians are good or bad - they do kidnap women, but then they appear to be heroines.
Meanwhile again, James Word (a kind of low-grade James Bond figure) tells the story of all this in flashback to a pretty blonde. However, James Word has hardly any contact with any of the other characters in the film - you get the impression that all of his scenes were filmed as an after-thought, in order to add some sort of narrative coherence to the storyline - but in fact the reverse happens.
There's lots of softcore (female) nudity, chasing and silliness. The special effects ain't that special. It's a complete mess. You MUST see it to believe how bad it is. The best thing about it is the soundtrack, which tries to emulate a kind of sub-Barbarella kistchness at times.
Not a Very Good Movie
gavin69426 February 2013
A race of topped, average-breasted women from the planet Angvia, in another dimension, come to earth to kidnap women to repopulate their planet.
There were a few things I liked about about this film. One was that the spy was named James Word, who I assume was named so because his "word is his bond". Or something along those lines. The joke names (such as Angvia being an obvious anagram for vagina) are not very deep.
The other was that the elevator seems to be an inspiration for Marvin the Paranoid Android in Douglas Adams' books. Adams was 17 when the film first came out, and being a British science fiction film, he may have seen it. Someone might know this... I do not. But I found the similarity striking enough.
There were a few things I liked about about this film. One was that the spy was named James Word, who I assume was named so because his "word is his bond". Or something along those lines. The joke names (such as Angvia being an obvious anagram for vagina) are not very deep.
The other was that the elevator seems to be an inspiration for Marvin the Paranoid Android in Douglas Adams' books. Adams was 17 when the film first came out, and being a British science fiction film, he may have seen it. Someone might know this... I do not. But I found the similarity striking enough.
A film for only the most forgiving of bad movie lovers
Leofwine_draca7 December 2016
Warning: Spoilers
The British production company Tigon, which enjoyed success from the mid '60s to the mid '70s, has a lot to answer for. As well as acclaimed classics like Reeves' WITCHFINDER GENERAL and Polanski's REPULSION, they released a glut of B-movies in the horror and exploitation genres most of which are must-sees for the British cult fan. ZETA ONE is one of their sexploitation efforts and generally an appalling movie, only to be watched for nostalgic purposes. The story is plot less drivel, lurching from one scene to the next with no continuity, and the lame sci-fi additions to the story simply consist of supposedly alien women (the only alien thing about them is their dress sense!), who stand in a darkened room with silly-looking sets and lighting and spout nonsensical drivel about alien invasions which never happen. It's hideously dated of course, whether in the garish attire or in sequences in which people float around in dark rooms with lava-lamp footage superimposed over the top.
The paucity of the budget is very much in evidence in the first twenty minutes of the movie, which consists of two characters sitting in a flat, flirting a lot and finally engaging in a silly, never-ending game of strip poker which will test the patience of even the most hardened bad-movie lover. After this timewasting footage finally grinds to a halt, we get lots of interconnected characters like a secret society of sadists; aliens kidnapping earth women and the "hero" of the piece, a wannabe James Bond spy who spends all of his screen time bedding naked women (I don't know why they bother - he's pretty repulsive). The fact that his moustache appears and disappears throughout the film suggests some kind of post-production problems and tampering with footage.
After endless scenes of naked and half-naked women wandering around aimlessly, the finale arrives, an action sequence set in the woods in which loads of alien women (dressed in VERY skimpy clothing) arrive and zap the male bad guys. Well, I say zap, but really all they do is stretch out their arms and the men fall down dead, with an appropriate sound effect superimposed over the action. It's so cheap that this scene is laughably incredible. All of the female cast (aside from Dawn Addams, wasted as the alien queen) lose their clothing for various silly reasons, and the camera is always on hand to capture them crawling through air vents or being stripped in a makeshift torture chamber! Robin Hawdon is the spy, and I think it's pretty fair to say that he's a very bad actor indeed - perhaps one of the worst I've seen! Amateurish at all times and totally incompetent...it comes as no surprise that he was never heard of again. Two 'big names' have been drafted in to give the film some kind of status. The first is James Robertson Justice who sleepwalks through his performance and picks up the cheque at the end, and the second is the inimitable Charles Hawtrey who has some of the funniest sequences in the film and is a delight as ever - in fact he's one of the main reasons to watch and he makes an effort too. Don't you just love the man? Most of the female cast are unknown and can't act (for obvious reasons), but B-stars Valerie Leon and Yutte Stensgaard are a welcome sight amongst the rest of the heaving naked female flesh. Sometimes fun, mainly dull, this inexplicable offering is for those fans who are VERY forgiving for their movie's lackings - I don't think anyone would claim that this is a good film at all.
The paucity of the budget is very much in evidence in the first twenty minutes of the movie, which consists of two characters sitting in a flat, flirting a lot and finally engaging in a silly, never-ending game of strip poker which will test the patience of even the most hardened bad-movie lover. After this timewasting footage finally grinds to a halt, we get lots of interconnected characters like a secret society of sadists; aliens kidnapping earth women and the "hero" of the piece, a wannabe James Bond spy who spends all of his screen time bedding naked women (I don't know why they bother - he's pretty repulsive). The fact that his moustache appears and disappears throughout the film suggests some kind of post-production problems and tampering with footage.
After endless scenes of naked and half-naked women wandering around aimlessly, the finale arrives, an action sequence set in the woods in which loads of alien women (dressed in VERY skimpy clothing) arrive and zap the male bad guys. Well, I say zap, but really all they do is stretch out their arms and the men fall down dead, with an appropriate sound effect superimposed over the action. It's so cheap that this scene is laughably incredible. All of the female cast (aside from Dawn Addams, wasted as the alien queen) lose their clothing for various silly reasons, and the camera is always on hand to capture them crawling through air vents or being stripped in a makeshift torture chamber! Robin Hawdon is the spy, and I think it's pretty fair to say that he's a very bad actor indeed - perhaps one of the worst I've seen! Amateurish at all times and totally incompetent...it comes as no surprise that he was never heard of again. Two 'big names' have been drafted in to give the film some kind of status. The first is James Robertson Justice who sleepwalks through his performance and picks up the cheque at the end, and the second is the inimitable Charles Hawtrey who has some of the funniest sequences in the film and is a delight as ever - in fact he's one of the main reasons to watch and he makes an effort too. Don't you just love the man? Most of the female cast are unknown and can't act (for obvious reasons), but B-stars Valerie Leon and Yutte Stensgaard are a welcome sight amongst the rest of the heaving naked female flesh. Sometimes fun, mainly dull, this inexplicable offering is for those fans who are VERY forgiving for their movie's lackings - I don't think anyone would claim that this is a good film at all.
How not to make a movie - but succeed anyway
mike-390517 October 2022
Fun but very silly B-movie. Not so much poundshop 007 as pervy Dr Who. There is scant story, dialogue or direction. Both James Robertson Justice and Charlie Hawtrey are completely wasted (although were they actually wasted their performances might actually improve). A half hour nap would not disrupt your viewing pleasure.
The photography, art and wardrobe (or lack of) are the only things keeping the ship afloat as it lurches towards the final credits; although sheer awfulness of execution makes for truly comical moments along the way. If you like "so bad it's good" movies I recommend this one.
The photography, art and wardrobe (or lack of) are the only things keeping the ship afloat as it lurches towards the final credits; although sheer awfulness of execution makes for truly comical moments along the way. If you like "so bad it's good" movies I recommend this one.
At least more fun than Modesty Blaise
wilvram31 August 2017
Surely one of the most tatty, inept, and certainly most bonkers productions from a British studio since 'Fire Maidens From Outer Space' over a dozen years previously, it seems Zeta One was originally planned on a considerably more ambitious scale, only to soon run into financial trouble.
John Hamilton, Tony Tenser's indispensable chronicler, reveals that construction work on the studio had still not been completed during shooting. James Robertson Justice didn't have a proper dressing room and understandably was not pleased. Not in the best of health following a stroke the year before, he made sure he was out of the mess at the first opportunity. Anyhow he's completely wrong, and not in any good way, as the sadistic Major Bourdon. They'd have done better to have cast the amazonian Nita Lorraine, the 'Angvian' failing to keep a straight face in the fight scene (and briefly memorable wielding a whip in 'Curse Of The Crimson Altar') as Zeta's adversary, or to take it to a further stage of silliness, Rita Webb, who puts in an appearance as a bus conductor with Charles Hawtrey in a scene that misses a chance to be funnier.
Robin Hawdon's James Word, so called apparently so they could use a hilarious tag-line on the lines of 'His Word is our Bond' and whose main activity seems to be confined to between the sheets, only function is to attempt to make sense of what passes for the narrative. Mission impossible. One flashback confusingly ends with him in bed with one of the Angvians before switching to him in the same bed with Yutte Stensgaard, as part of the framing device. A typically inane scene toward the end sees him drive up to a field, go through a hedge and then wander around, then back to the car for some waterproofs. And that's it. Meanwhile Dawn Addams' Zeta remains a peripheral figure throughout.
At least Zeta can boast Johnny Hawksworth's jazzy, driving opening score, and the costume department made delightful use of their minuscule budget on the wigs and outfits, if that is the word, of Zeta's followers: Valerie Leon, for one, can rarely have looked more alluring. Anyhow, once the deadly tedious opening sequence was out of the way, it was more fun than the laboured attempts at humour of Joe Losey's infinitely more prestigious 'swinging sixties' spoof, Modesty Blaise, which I also watched recently.
John Hamilton, Tony Tenser's indispensable chronicler, reveals that construction work on the studio had still not been completed during shooting. James Robertson Justice didn't have a proper dressing room and understandably was not pleased. Not in the best of health following a stroke the year before, he made sure he was out of the mess at the first opportunity. Anyhow he's completely wrong, and not in any good way, as the sadistic Major Bourdon. They'd have done better to have cast the amazonian Nita Lorraine, the 'Angvian' failing to keep a straight face in the fight scene (and briefly memorable wielding a whip in 'Curse Of The Crimson Altar') as Zeta's adversary, or to take it to a further stage of silliness, Rita Webb, who puts in an appearance as a bus conductor with Charles Hawtrey in a scene that misses a chance to be funnier.
Robin Hawdon's James Word, so called apparently so they could use a hilarious tag-line on the lines of 'His Word is our Bond' and whose main activity seems to be confined to between the sheets, only function is to attempt to make sense of what passes for the narrative. Mission impossible. One flashback confusingly ends with him in bed with one of the Angvians before switching to him in the same bed with Yutte Stensgaard, as part of the framing device. A typically inane scene toward the end sees him drive up to a field, go through a hedge and then wander around, then back to the car for some waterproofs. And that's it. Meanwhile Dawn Addams' Zeta remains a peripheral figure throughout.
At least Zeta can boast Johnny Hawksworth's jazzy, driving opening score, and the costume department made delightful use of their minuscule budget on the wigs and outfits, if that is the word, of Zeta's followers: Valerie Leon, for one, can rarely have looked more alluring. Anyhow, once the deadly tedious opening sequence was out of the way, it was more fun than the laboured attempts at humour of Joe Losey's infinitely more prestigious 'swinging sixties' spoof, Modesty Blaise, which I also watched recently.
Invasion of the dubbed swingers ...
parry_na8 December 2021
Angvia is in space, in a different timescale or something. The first fifteen minutes are spent watching James (Robin Hawdon) and Ann (Yutte Stensgaard) paying cards.
Highpoints, at least as far as casting is concenred is Charles Hawtrey (as Swyne) and James Robertson Justice (Major Bourdon). These two legendry performers could be said to be playing their roles uncharacteristically straight - or possibly uninterested.
Zeta One attempts to be a sort of sci-fi, camp James Bond production. Viewed in 2021, it is pretty tedious and tame. The first scene features James coming home to find Ann barely dressed, having prepared a sumptuous dinner (which they never get to eat). I'm no fan of knocking productions that were very much a product of its time - it's a very lazy and unfair thing to do - but if I say this lacks the wit and sophistication of the Carry On films, you'll get some idea as to its level. Sadly, despite featuring a planned sexy alien invasion of swinging London in 1969, it's also rather dull.
James Word (... is his Bond, get it?) sports a moustache that comes and goes, and spends most of the time pouting and posturing in bed with many lovely young ladies while trying to glue the paper-thin plot strands together. The inconsistencies in the execution (Word disappears for vast swatches of time, and Bourdon disappears before the finale) indicate some kind of troubled production. Actor Hawdon tested for the role of James Bond before Roger Moore got the role.
It's odd rather than amusing, looks pretty cheap and every female character seems to be dubbed, which happened a lot in films around this time. A rather tedious curio. My score is 4 out of 10.
Highpoints, at least as far as casting is concenred is Charles Hawtrey (as Swyne) and James Robertson Justice (Major Bourdon). These two legendry performers could be said to be playing their roles uncharacteristically straight - or possibly uninterested.
Zeta One attempts to be a sort of sci-fi, camp James Bond production. Viewed in 2021, it is pretty tedious and tame. The first scene features James coming home to find Ann barely dressed, having prepared a sumptuous dinner (which they never get to eat). I'm no fan of knocking productions that were very much a product of its time - it's a very lazy and unfair thing to do - but if I say this lacks the wit and sophistication of the Carry On films, you'll get some idea as to its level. Sadly, despite featuring a planned sexy alien invasion of swinging London in 1969, it's also rather dull.
James Word (... is his Bond, get it?) sports a moustache that comes and goes, and spends most of the time pouting and posturing in bed with many lovely young ladies while trying to glue the paper-thin plot strands together. The inconsistencies in the execution (Word disappears for vast swatches of time, and Bourdon disappears before the finale) indicate some kind of troubled production. Actor Hawdon tested for the role of James Bond before Roger Moore got the role.
It's odd rather than amusing, looks pretty cheap and every female character seems to be dubbed, which happened a lot in films around this time. A rather tedious curio. My score is 4 out of 10.
Sexy British James bond spoof
vampi19601 October 2006
years ago i purchased this drive in double feature from the company; sinister cinema,the 2nd film is;when women had tails(70)it also features all the drive in intermission countdowns,snack bar stuff,etc; anyway zeta one(titled love factor on this double bill)is a fun James bondish spoof from 1969,it features lots of soft core nudity,and psychedelic images.its about an amazon like race of scantily clad superwomen that must fight enemy agents and such,robin hawden(when dinosaurs ruled the earth)is a secret agent like James bond who discovers the amazon race and helps them.its no classic but its a rarity to see a film like this.its drive in fare the 2nd feature however is very silly and lowbrow.but entertaining.look for sexy Valerie Leon,the busty brunette actress from hammers;blood from the mummy's tomb(74)as one of the amazonions.i thought it was a silly but entertaining little film.i recommend it.8 out of 10.
Impossible-to-categorise nonsense
Chrid-9097 February 2015
This has got to be one of the silliest films I have ever seen. You watch it and you have no idea what it's supposed to be!
Here comes an agent into a flat, complete with 1969 all-the-rage white plastic furniture and pod chair. He produces an automatic. This must be an agent film... But wait, he falls down in the kitchen and loses half of his stick-on moustache, so OK, it must be a slapstick agent comedy, but no, now he's playing strip poker with a very hot girl...
Ah, there's Charles Hawtrey, acting exactly like in a Carry On film... OK, so this is, what, 'Carry On Space Amazons', er, no, it's not that either.
Oh look, James Robertson Justice, what's HE doing in this cheapo movie?
To give an indication of just how weird this film is, there's Dawn Adams, and instead of being 'the one in the Bond film who can't act very well', she's 'the one who is the most convincing of all the actors'. Now, get your head round THAT paradox if you can!
Some other reviewer mentioned that one scene reminded him of the Avengers, and I had the same thought; there is a definite Avengers vibe at times, and then suddenly, the action and music is pure Benny Hill!
No, friends, nothing makes sense in this amateur-hour production!
It's not a spy-spoof, it's not a Carry On film, it's not a sci-fi movie, it's not simple sexploitation, I just don't know what to call it. Really, you have to see it for yourself!
Here comes an agent into a flat, complete with 1969 all-the-rage white plastic furniture and pod chair. He produces an automatic. This must be an agent film... But wait, he falls down in the kitchen and loses half of his stick-on moustache, so OK, it must be a slapstick agent comedy, but no, now he's playing strip poker with a very hot girl...
Ah, there's Charles Hawtrey, acting exactly like in a Carry On film... OK, so this is, what, 'Carry On Space Amazons', er, no, it's not that either.
Oh look, James Robertson Justice, what's HE doing in this cheapo movie?
To give an indication of just how weird this film is, there's Dawn Adams, and instead of being 'the one in the Bond film who can't act very well', she's 'the one who is the most convincing of all the actors'. Now, get your head round THAT paradox if you can!
Some other reviewer mentioned that one scene reminded him of the Avengers, and I had the same thought; there is a definite Avengers vibe at times, and then suddenly, the action and music is pure Benny Hill!
No, friends, nothing makes sense in this amateur-hour production!
It's not a spy-spoof, it's not a Carry On film, it's not a sci-fi movie, it's not simple sexploitation, I just don't know what to call it. Really, you have to see it for yourself!
Zeta-One Zeta-Nothing
swnthom12 June 2003
Promises good atmosphere for all those that like 70's english exploitation but in the end it lays there and really refuses to focus on it's point. Strip poker scene with Yutte Stensgaard does go on forever, as Mark D-2 says, without major payoff. There are better of this genre out there
Zeta One
BandSAboutMovies16 April 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Directed by Michael Cort, who wrote it with Alistair McKenzie and Christopher Neame, The Love Factor is also known as Zeta One. It's about secret agent James Word (Robin Hawdon) telling his boss W's Ann (Yutte Stensgaard, Some Girls Do) about his latest adventure just as we also meet Zeta (Dawn Addams, The Vault of Horror) and her cadre of alien women from the planet Angvia - get it, it's an anagram for vagina - who are trying to find new girls for their planet while also fighting off Major Bourden (James Robertson Justice) and his henchman Swyne (Charles Hawtrey).
Zeta has a formidable force of extraordinary magnitude, including Brigitte Skay (Isabella Duchess of the Devils), Anna Gael (Nana), Wendy Lingham, Valerie Leon (Queen Kong), Kirsten Betts (Twins of Evil) and Carol Hawkins (The Body Stealers).
Released in America by Film Ventures International four years after it played England as Zeta One, it was first shown as The Love Slaves and the next year was renamed The Love Factor. It was produced by Tigon and Vernon Sewell directed some of the scenes.
This is like Bond, Barbarella and pop art mixed with pasties, go go boots and the kind of humor that has the secret agent show up late and just want to make love to the many, many aliens he's battling. It doesn't make much sense, but who cares? It starts with a thirty minute strip poker scene that really goes nowhere as well, but when you're having fun, who is looking at the run time?
Zeta has a formidable force of extraordinary magnitude, including Brigitte Skay (Isabella Duchess of the Devils), Anna Gael (Nana), Wendy Lingham, Valerie Leon (Queen Kong), Kirsten Betts (Twins of Evil) and Carol Hawkins (The Body Stealers).
Released in America by Film Ventures International four years after it played England as Zeta One, it was first shown as The Love Slaves and the next year was renamed The Love Factor. It was produced by Tigon and Vernon Sewell directed some of the scenes.
This is like Bond, Barbarella and pop art mixed with pasties, go go boots and the kind of humor that has the secret agent show up late and just want to make love to the many, many aliens he's battling. It doesn't make much sense, but who cares? It starts with a thirty minute strip poker scene that really goes nowhere as well, but when you're having fun, who is looking at the run time?
The Sweet of Stupid
Tweetienator8 March 2022
One of those most stupid movie discoveries that let me ponder, is this somehow genius entertainment or am I gone completely mad to watch a movie like this to the end? No doubt, the story is a dumb sexploitation story put in a sci-fi context, and there are really some funny and entertaining scenes, but on the other side where is some filler time and a rather limited budget. To sum it up: I won't recommend Zeta One to you but, if you like the sexploitation genre a lot, mixed up with with a good shot of infantile humor, and you can cope with a lot of bad stuff, you may find something worth to watch.
Angvia Needs Women - No, It Doesn't. It Needs Laughs And Thrills. 1-2-Miss.
P3n-E-W1s324 September 2022
Greetings And Salutations, and welcome to my review of The Love Factor - aka Zeta One; here's the breakdown of my ratings:
Story: 1.00 Direction: 1.00 Pace: 1.00 Acting: 1.00 Enjoyment: 0.25
TOTAL: 4.25 out of 10.00.
Calling The Love Factor a comedy is tenuous at best because there are few titters in this picture - either intentional or unintentional. It's a case of titter ye not. What's worse is that the film possesses a decent story idea, not too terrible direction, and a talented cast. But yet it fails immensely to entertain.
I particularly liked the notion of interdimensional humanoid beings coming to Earth and pilfering our female population to repopulate theirs. It's sound and offers many possibilities. Michael Cort and Alister McKenzie primarily offer up a delightful narrative. Sadly, the characterisations and comedic elements deflate the story of its power. The Love Factor is supposed to be a spoof of James Bond and all the other spy movies of the era. To do this correctly, you require characters who are as large as the ones being spoofed or larger. Take Austin Powers; he's the perfect parody of every spy ever written. And there are no individuals in this tale who come close to Autin Powers' shadow, let alone his wacky powerful persona. As for the humour, the writers should've considered hiring a comedian to help them out on the script. Because as far as the comedy goes, it's as lame as Trump in the White House - and he provided more funny moments like injecting bleach to kill covid.
Luckily Cort is better behind the camera. He knows how to light and compose a scene appropriately. I especially liked the black space and vivid colours used when filming the Angvia scenes. Cort even throws in some appealing and humourous camera angles and pans. It's a shame he uses them on jokes that are as old as the bible. Sadly, they fail to breathe fresh air into the skits. But the worst thing is the combat training and fight sequence towards the film's climax. Clad only in blue rope, pasties, and panties, the elite Angvia fighting squad should have looked better than they fought. However, these scenes required a fight choreographer to add a splash of authenticity or a slapstick comedian to make them looney tunes fun. But neither was applied, which leaves you relying on the beauty of the semi-clad girls to keep your attention. But they're not beauties, and they're not that good.
The superb cast is hindered by the weak characterisations and poor dialogue the writers gave them. But it doesn't stop everyone from giving their best effort. And I cannot fault any of the performers. Though, it felt as if Robin Hawdon was batting below average when placed against James Robertson Justice and Charles Hawtree.
As you can guess, I'm not going to recommend this film to everyone, even though I can be that nasty. But I will say to any promising directors out there, it's worth a look-see so you can note should your story and its characters be rubbish, your direction and cast might not lift it out of the morass of misfortune.
Miss? Could you please book me on the next interdimensional trip to Angvia? While I wait, I'll check out my IMDb lists - The Final Frontier, The Game Is Afoot, and Just For Laughs and refresh my memory to where I rated The Love Factor.
Take Care & Stay Well.
Story: 1.00 Direction: 1.00 Pace: 1.00 Acting: 1.00 Enjoyment: 0.25
TOTAL: 4.25 out of 10.00.
Calling The Love Factor a comedy is tenuous at best because there are few titters in this picture - either intentional or unintentional. It's a case of titter ye not. What's worse is that the film possesses a decent story idea, not too terrible direction, and a talented cast. But yet it fails immensely to entertain.
I particularly liked the notion of interdimensional humanoid beings coming to Earth and pilfering our female population to repopulate theirs. It's sound and offers many possibilities. Michael Cort and Alister McKenzie primarily offer up a delightful narrative. Sadly, the characterisations and comedic elements deflate the story of its power. The Love Factor is supposed to be a spoof of James Bond and all the other spy movies of the era. To do this correctly, you require characters who are as large as the ones being spoofed or larger. Take Austin Powers; he's the perfect parody of every spy ever written. And there are no individuals in this tale who come close to Autin Powers' shadow, let alone his wacky powerful persona. As for the humour, the writers should've considered hiring a comedian to help them out on the script. Because as far as the comedy goes, it's as lame as Trump in the White House - and he provided more funny moments like injecting bleach to kill covid.
Luckily Cort is better behind the camera. He knows how to light and compose a scene appropriately. I especially liked the black space and vivid colours used when filming the Angvia scenes. Cort even throws in some appealing and humourous camera angles and pans. It's a shame he uses them on jokes that are as old as the bible. Sadly, they fail to breathe fresh air into the skits. But the worst thing is the combat training and fight sequence towards the film's climax. Clad only in blue rope, pasties, and panties, the elite Angvia fighting squad should have looked better than they fought. However, these scenes required a fight choreographer to add a splash of authenticity or a slapstick comedian to make them looney tunes fun. But neither was applied, which leaves you relying on the beauty of the semi-clad girls to keep your attention. But they're not beauties, and they're not that good.
The superb cast is hindered by the weak characterisations and poor dialogue the writers gave them. But it doesn't stop everyone from giving their best effort. And I cannot fault any of the performers. Though, it felt as if Robin Hawdon was batting below average when placed against James Robertson Justice and Charles Hawtree.
As you can guess, I'm not going to recommend this film to everyone, even though I can be that nasty. But I will say to any promising directors out there, it's worth a look-see so you can note should your story and its characters be rubbish, your direction and cast might not lift it out of the morass of misfortune.
Miss? Could you please book me on the next interdimensional trip to Angvia? While I wait, I'll check out my IMDb lists - The Final Frontier, The Game Is Afoot, and Just For Laughs and refresh my memory to where I rated The Love Factor.
Take Care & Stay Well.
Hilarious!
JAvatar8018 February 2013
Found this little gem on Netflix streaming. The story seems made up as they went along, the "action" scenes make WWE look like real fighting, and sometimes I wasn't sure how the characters were supposed to be feeling. It was a great movie.
Between the dated, Andy Worhal-esque style, with the actors and actresses taking themselves seriously, and the points mentioned in the first paragraph, this turned out to be a side-splitting hilarious film. This is one of those "so bad it's good" kind of films. A few spots were a little slow, but everything around them more than made up for them.
As my wife said, "If I wouldn't be embarrassed to say I saw this movie, I would recommend it to a friend!"
Between the dated, Andy Worhal-esque style, with the actors and actresses taking themselves seriously, and the points mentioned in the first paragraph, this turned out to be a side-splitting hilarious film. This is one of those "so bad it's good" kind of films. A few spots were a little slow, but everything around them more than made up for them.
As my wife said, "If I wouldn't be embarrassed to say I saw this movie, I would recommend it to a friend!"
Salvation comes in many arrays. This is just one of them!
JohnHowardReid11 December 2016
Warning: Spoilers
This is one of those "so bad, it's good" movies that you encounter from time to time. Admittedly, it doesn't start 0ff very promisingly, but it gradually gets down - or rather gets off - to business, although the "business" is periodically interrupted by Charles Hawtrey (presumably he was not required on the "Carry On" set that day) and James Robertson Justice (obviously not one to rest on his laurels but willing to pick up any assignment, no matter how trite!) Despite the delightful abundance of feminine flesh, the screenplay doesn't make much sense - indeed some of the scenes - as well as some of the actors - seem to be playing against each other. I watched the movie twice - in case I'd fallen asleep and missed something (I do like to be thorough) - but it still didn't make much in the way of sense. At least I'm not alone. Obviously both the movie's barber and its dress designer did not have a clue either as to which scenes were which and who was wearing what! Available on a very good Salvation DVD. (You heard me!)
The Lovely Yutte Stensgaard!
Freddiebaer14 May 2004
Well I liked it!
If you're a fan of Yutte Stensgaard (cor!) it's a goodie - she appears throughout.
A good cast in a strange mixture of Doctor/Carry On/Spy spoof (watch for the Harry Palmer lookalike!) & Sci-fi, containing much female pulchritude!
There's Rita Webb as a bus conductress, & watch out for Carol Hawkins - Sharon Eversleigh from 'Please Sir'.
The woodland finale, inexplicably, reminded me of The Avengers.
And did I mention Yutte? Cor! :D
If you're a fan of Yutte Stensgaard (cor!) it's a goodie - she appears throughout.
A good cast in a strange mixture of Doctor/Carry On/Spy spoof (watch for the Harry Palmer lookalike!) & Sci-fi, containing much female pulchritude!
There's Rita Webb as a bus conductress, & watch out for Carol Hawkins - Sharon Eversleigh from 'Please Sir'.
The woodland finale, inexplicably, reminded me of The Avengers.
And did I mention Yutte? Cor! :D
Best film anyone studying any part of movie making can see/this is all my fault.
nickgillies17 May 2017
This is for the DVD: the Blu-ray has been letter boxed, and so loses half its greatest merit.
The film slowly gained notoriety after I wrote an article in the lads magazine 'Loaded' in 1993,headlined 'The Worst British Film Ever?'. The question-mark was Loaded's addition. I'd videotaped it from a cable channel's late-night exploitation movies, where you could see more of TV actresses trying to break into film than TV itself would show in those days. The cable channel picked only the cheapest films it could rent, but even among that dross Zeta One was a car crash.
In those days videotapes were expensive, and only mainstream films were distributed. I never expected to hear of the film again.
But a cuttings agency had sent a copy of my article to Tigon, and it went on file. I'm guessing someone in marketing recognised that even the badge of worst British film ever had market value, because I saw it referred to in the sleeve notes of a Tigon DVD box set, and the film itself was in the second wave of Tigon's videotapes, about the same time as Au Pair Girls: the 'so bad it's good' culture began about that time.
Tigon must have been deeply hacked-off by Zeta One, because normally you make only a passing reference to your failures. But John Hamilton's exemplary account of Tigon, 'Beasts in the Cellar' devotes nearly as much space to the film as to the company's triumphs, like 'Witchfinder General'.
We don't get to choose what we are remembered for, and my memorial, and that in a very narrow circle, will be giving cult status to a piece of tosh. C'est la vie.
That said, this film could replace the first three weeks of a film course in almost any discipline. It is so obvious what went wrong that you know afterwards what is right about other films.
Starting with the script, what was originally filmed was full of plot holes and missing information, and as filmed ran for sixty minutes or less. It stayed on the shelves before the producer decided to add framing scenes explaining what had happened. Enter Yutte Stensgaard as a sort of nude Dr Watson ("Tell me, Holmes, how did you know that...?").
Secondly, a job you've never thought of before: the production accountant. The inexperienced director spent lavishly on props and location shooting that the budget of £60,000 could not possibly justify. It is, in fairness, all on the screen: gorgeous costumes for the beautiful all-girl aliens, and the finest Finnish furniture film ever made (only one other, I think: Billion-Dollar Brain).
Third, actors. If you want to treat actors like cattle, you'd better be Hitchcock. Michael Cort so wasn't Hitchcock. James Robertson Justice, the principal villain, was so angry that he refused to come back for 'fills', and someone else had to do his voice and hand giving a spy a knock-out pill, essential to the plot.
Fourth, make-up: the gorgeous Valerie Leon, actress in many Carry On films, appears topless in Zeta One. I found this out only years later. Her make-up disguises her utterly without enhancing her character.
Fifth,props, carpenters, lighting: that generation of British techies were wonderfully professional. Why, then did they treat the director with such contempt? The film is lit as lifelessly as a cheap ITV drama of the period. The distinctive Saarinen "Tulip" tables and chairs are replaced by hideous clunky Scandinavian furniture in one scene, and it says much for the strip-poker scene that I noticed the pedestal of one chairs still had packing dirt on it. I wrote in 'Loaded' of another scene "Their lovemaking was both intense and prolonged, so much so that they didn't notice builders had come in and installed a bathroom that wasn't there before".
Actually, if you want to be a camera operator or director, do get the Blu-ray: you will see at once that the natural tendency of a camera is to focus on the centre of the action. This is why so many films don't work on disc: the re-framing from the 4:3 Academy ration most films of the era were shot in to TV-filling 16:9 loses key details, in this case much of the film's only merit, Yutte Stensgaard's beautiful bottom.
Lastly, Lorna Selwyn, who is credited for Continuity in the film. This is unfair. She must have been constantly over-ridden by a director running out of time and money. Previously she'd worked for master craftsmen like Eric Sykes, on The Plank, and she continued to work for Tigon afterwards.
So, a paradox: this is a rotten film, and I thoroughly recommend it.In 80 minutes or so you will gain an understanding that many skilled crafts go into making a good film.
For Londoners, alas, there is another, sad, reason to cherish the film: one of the most unnecessary location shots was of Berwick Street Market, which is now being closed down so advertising and PR people can get to their coffee shops a few seconds quicker.
The film slowly gained notoriety after I wrote an article in the lads magazine 'Loaded' in 1993,headlined 'The Worst British Film Ever?'. The question-mark was Loaded's addition. I'd videotaped it from a cable channel's late-night exploitation movies, where you could see more of TV actresses trying to break into film than TV itself would show in those days. The cable channel picked only the cheapest films it could rent, but even among that dross Zeta One was a car crash.
In those days videotapes were expensive, and only mainstream films were distributed. I never expected to hear of the film again.
But a cuttings agency had sent a copy of my article to Tigon, and it went on file. I'm guessing someone in marketing recognised that even the badge of worst British film ever had market value, because I saw it referred to in the sleeve notes of a Tigon DVD box set, and the film itself was in the second wave of Tigon's videotapes, about the same time as Au Pair Girls: the 'so bad it's good' culture began about that time.
Tigon must have been deeply hacked-off by Zeta One, because normally you make only a passing reference to your failures. But John Hamilton's exemplary account of Tigon, 'Beasts in the Cellar' devotes nearly as much space to the film as to the company's triumphs, like 'Witchfinder General'.
We don't get to choose what we are remembered for, and my memorial, and that in a very narrow circle, will be giving cult status to a piece of tosh. C'est la vie.
That said, this film could replace the first three weeks of a film course in almost any discipline. It is so obvious what went wrong that you know afterwards what is right about other films.
Starting with the script, what was originally filmed was full of plot holes and missing information, and as filmed ran for sixty minutes or less. It stayed on the shelves before the producer decided to add framing scenes explaining what had happened. Enter Yutte Stensgaard as a sort of nude Dr Watson ("Tell me, Holmes, how did you know that...?").
Secondly, a job you've never thought of before: the production accountant. The inexperienced director spent lavishly on props and location shooting that the budget of £60,000 could not possibly justify. It is, in fairness, all on the screen: gorgeous costumes for the beautiful all-girl aliens, and the finest Finnish furniture film ever made (only one other, I think: Billion-Dollar Brain).
Third, actors. If you want to treat actors like cattle, you'd better be Hitchcock. Michael Cort so wasn't Hitchcock. James Robertson Justice, the principal villain, was so angry that he refused to come back for 'fills', and someone else had to do his voice and hand giving a spy a knock-out pill, essential to the plot.
Fourth, make-up: the gorgeous Valerie Leon, actress in many Carry On films, appears topless in Zeta One. I found this out only years later. Her make-up disguises her utterly without enhancing her character.
Fifth,props, carpenters, lighting: that generation of British techies were wonderfully professional. Why, then did they treat the director with such contempt? The film is lit as lifelessly as a cheap ITV drama of the period. The distinctive Saarinen "Tulip" tables and chairs are replaced by hideous clunky Scandinavian furniture in one scene, and it says much for the strip-poker scene that I noticed the pedestal of one chairs still had packing dirt on it. I wrote in 'Loaded' of another scene "Their lovemaking was both intense and prolonged, so much so that they didn't notice builders had come in and installed a bathroom that wasn't there before".
Actually, if you want to be a camera operator or director, do get the Blu-ray: you will see at once that the natural tendency of a camera is to focus on the centre of the action. This is why so many films don't work on disc: the re-framing from the 4:3 Academy ration most films of the era were shot in to TV-filling 16:9 loses key details, in this case much of the film's only merit, Yutte Stensgaard's beautiful bottom.
Lastly, Lorna Selwyn, who is credited for Continuity in the film. This is unfair. She must have been constantly over-ridden by a director running out of time and money. Previously she'd worked for master craftsmen like Eric Sykes, on The Plank, and she continued to work for Tigon afterwards.
So, a paradox: this is a rotten film, and I thoroughly recommend it.In 80 minutes or so you will gain an understanding that many skilled crafts go into making a good film.
For Londoners, alas, there is another, sad, reason to cherish the film: one of the most unnecessary location shots was of Berwick Street Market, which is now being closed down so advertising and PR people can get to their coffee shops a few seconds quicker.
Lots of 60s silliness, yet somehow fun
Mikel318 March 2013
It's another cold snowy winter day here so I once again took advantage of our Amazon Prime subscription and picked a flick. This time I watched a film from 1969 called 'zeta one' (aka 'The Love Factor'). It's a British made secret agent film...sort of... maybe it's more a sex-ploitation film. I can best describe it as a cross between the over the top spy films like 'Our Man Flint' and the recent Austin Powers films. Also a touch of James Bond. There is a 'Barbarella' sci fi element to it too. There's a race of alien women with advanced technology who want us for mating purposes or something. I'm not really sure. Like so many other B-movie female aliens they only seem to have women in their society. Women who like to dress as male fantasies. Even their warrior women dress in pasties and G strings. Evidently it's their favorite combat gear no matter how impractical and uncomfortable it must be. Yes, this is one of those movies. It's loaded with 60s era nudity, mini skirts, boots and even a psychedelic trip or two. It reminds me of the Austin Powers movies because it seems more an exaggerated spoof of the 60s then what it really is, a real 60s film. I lived through that time as a young teen so I know a little. It even had 'Laugh-in Style' girls dancing topless in body paint. It's more 60s then I ever remember the 60s as being, it you can understand that. It's like what people now seem to imagine those days to be who weren't there.
Anyway, it's a funny film if you're in the right frame of mind. There is one agent who looks like a British version of Barney Fife in round glasses. Their version of M here is more into 'S & M'. Yes, it's a strangely entertaining flick that bad movie fans should enjoy.
Anyway, it's a funny film if you're in the right frame of mind. There is one agent who looks like a British version of Barney Fife in round glasses. Their version of M here is more into 'S & M'. Yes, it's a strangely entertaining flick that bad movie fans should enjoy.
Awesome!
djangofango4 April 2019
Weird, in a bad way
kmoh-16 June 2008
Most of the time, when you watch a film, you think about the film itself, the narrative, the people in it, the cinematography etc. In this case, you spend half the time wondering what the film-makers were trying to do. It really is worth emphasising what a weirdie this one is. Weird in a bad way.
It is incredibly disjointed. The stars remain completely separated. James Robertson Justice and Charles Hawtrey are in one lot of scenes. Robin Hawdon sans moustache and Yutte Stensgaard are in another lot. RH avec moustache is in a third lot, and Dawn Addams appears in a fourth. There is no overlap between these. The opening twenty minutes with the charisma-free Hawdon & dear old Yutte playing strip poker are so excruciatingly dull that you wonder how many people lasted the course in the days before fast forward buttons. Or maybe pause buttons.
Of course the story is intended to be quirky, and the makers were obviously going for a Barbarella-type vibe. OK, but this one is downright strange. Some of the odd bits include: a completely unmotivated dialogue between James Word and a grumpy lift; the bizarre incident of James Word's moustache, revealed as false in the opening scene; overdubs of Major Bourdon's added dialogue, which sound nothing like James Robertson Justice, but passably like Basil Brush; James Word being fed an aphrodisiac diet of oysters and what appears to be Mackeson Stout; the British secret service employing an American boss and a Scandinavian secretary; the mystery of why Charles Hawtrey's bottom is bitten by one of his own dogs.
Other commentators have unpicked the relationships between the various bits of the film - it looks like the Justice/Hawtrey scenes were shot first, and then the Hawdon/moustache scenes shot to make sense of them, and then the Hawdon/no moustache scenes shot to make sense of them. Stensgaard's lines about what rubbish it all is are clearly a tongue-in-cheek admission of the blindingly obvious. Naturally, the whole thing is a thin excuse for some girlie nudity (and that also is laid on thicker in the scenes shot later, as if they realised that nudity would be the film's only saving grace). The basic idea of topless aliens invading Earth is a very amusing one. But given the cast there really is no excuse for making such an awful picture.
The nadir of the film is the jokey kidnap-and-torture sequence about half way through. Not erotic, just a gigantic lapse of taste, unredeemed by the reappearance of the kidnapped girl towards the end. That is the problem with this film in its most egregious aspect - it is just not likable enough.
It is incredibly disjointed. The stars remain completely separated. James Robertson Justice and Charles Hawtrey are in one lot of scenes. Robin Hawdon sans moustache and Yutte Stensgaard are in another lot. RH avec moustache is in a third lot, and Dawn Addams appears in a fourth. There is no overlap between these. The opening twenty minutes with the charisma-free Hawdon & dear old Yutte playing strip poker are so excruciatingly dull that you wonder how many people lasted the course in the days before fast forward buttons. Or maybe pause buttons.
Of course the story is intended to be quirky, and the makers were obviously going for a Barbarella-type vibe. OK, but this one is downright strange. Some of the odd bits include: a completely unmotivated dialogue between James Word and a grumpy lift; the bizarre incident of James Word's moustache, revealed as false in the opening scene; overdubs of Major Bourdon's added dialogue, which sound nothing like James Robertson Justice, but passably like Basil Brush; James Word being fed an aphrodisiac diet of oysters and what appears to be Mackeson Stout; the British secret service employing an American boss and a Scandinavian secretary; the mystery of why Charles Hawtrey's bottom is bitten by one of his own dogs.
Other commentators have unpicked the relationships between the various bits of the film - it looks like the Justice/Hawtrey scenes were shot first, and then the Hawdon/moustache scenes shot to make sense of them, and then the Hawdon/no moustache scenes shot to make sense of them. Stensgaard's lines about what rubbish it all is are clearly a tongue-in-cheek admission of the blindingly obvious. Naturally, the whole thing is a thin excuse for some girlie nudity (and that also is laid on thicker in the scenes shot later, as if they realised that nudity would be the film's only saving grace). The basic idea of topless aliens invading Earth is a very amusing one. But given the cast there really is no excuse for making such an awful picture.
The nadir of the film is the jokey kidnap-and-torture sequence about half way through. Not erotic, just a gigantic lapse of taste, unredeemed by the reappearance of the kidnapped girl towards the end. That is the problem with this film in its most egregious aspect - it is just not likable enough.
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