The Magic Christian (1969)

Peter Sellers: Sir Guy Grand

Photos 

Quotes 

• Youngman Grand, Esq. : Dad, do you think words corrupt?

  Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : I don't know, let's try. Agnes?

  Dame Agnes Grand : [looks up from the television]  Yes?

  Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : Nipple.

  Dame Agnes Grand : Shh!

  [turns back to the television] 

  Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : [watches her a moment]  Well, there's no immediate physical change.

• Ginger Horton : Ah! My Second World War Nazi atrocity book came at last.

  [turns to Youngman, dog in her lap, and browses the book] 

  Ginger Horton : Do you know what Bitsy and I do? We sit down and imagine all those atrocities being done to sex criminals. - Yes, sex criminals and the like. And that Dr Thorndike!

  Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : [overhearing]  What's that, Ginge? Bill Thorndike a sexy criminal?

  Ginger Horton : The man you sent me to. He behaved VERY strangely.

• Traffic warden #27 : What's your game, Mister?

  Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : [riffling a wad of bills under the warden's nose, to persuade him to eat a parking ticket]  Grand is the name, and, uh - money is the game. Would you care to play?

• Sir John : [Oxford has just purposely rammed Cambridge, at the annual Boat Race]  It would never have happened in my day!

  Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : Nor mine!

  Youngman Grand, Esq. : Well, it's happenin' in mine!

• Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : [on being told a Rembrandt might fetch £10,000 at auction]  In that case my final offer is thirty.

  Mr. Dougdale : [stunned]  Thirty - thousand - pounds? Shit! I beg your pardon, I do beg your pardon.

• Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : [as he and Youngman admire a painting]  I like school of Rembrandt.

  Youngman Grand, Esq. : St. Rembrandt's High.

• Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : [voiceover, as a £10 note appears onscreen]  Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations - like people. We'll be using quite a bit of it in the next two hours... luckily I have enough for ALL of us.

• Hamlet : [Laurence Harvey, onstage]  "To be..."

  Youngman Grand, Esq. : [loud enough to be heard, turning to Sir Guy]  I've seen it.

  Hamlet : "Or not to be... that is the question."

  Youngman Grand, Esq. : Shakespeare, right?

  Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : [whispers, eyes toward the stage]  Right, and double right.

• Youngman Grand, Esq. : You're certainly puttin' everybody on today, Dad.

  Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : Well, you know, Youngman, sometimes it's not enough merely to teach. One has to punish as well. A little bit of the old pause.

  Youngman Grand, Esq. : Cause for pause?

  Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : Yes.

• Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : [a police car drives up to Grand's car]  Could be routine, or... mere damnable harassment.

• Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : [Laurence Harvey performs a strip tease while playing Hamlet]  This chap's taking licence in my view?

• Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE : [speaking with the Oxford crew, before the annual Boat Race]  We have come here, in fact, to make you a very interesting offer...

  Youngman Grand, Esq. : ...of money.

  Oxford crew : [as the whole crew laughs]  I think... I think they're trying to bribe us!

  Oxford coach : [giving a matter-of-fact look]  They ARE.