Red Zone Cuba (1966) User Reviews

"I may never experience joy again."

[thenintengenius · 1/10 · 11 April 2004]

Where can one even start on this film? It's most certainly one of the Top 5 worst films I've ever seen in my life, and winner of my impromptu "Most Incoherent Film" award, due to incredibly shoddy editing and exceptionally unmemorable performances. If anything, the best way to sum up the film is "Curly look-alike goes to Cuba, returns from Cuba, throws a man down a well, and dies."

The most nightmarish thing about the movie is not the poor acting, poorer writing (where the hell's the plot? WHAT the hell's the plot?), abysmal editing, grainy footage, or Curly in Hell as played by Coleman Francis. Rather, it's the rather paradoxal nature of the film. Individually (and even when put together), all of the aspects of the film are quite forgettable. Yet, once you've watched this film, you can somehow never forget it. Ever. It will haunt you for the rest of your life, taunting you for ever having experienced it. Even with the help of MST3K (where I and most others got a glimpse of this trainwreck), it can give you nightmares. Only recommended for the foolhardy or masochistic. All others should not view this film without a crash course in Coleman Francis' other catastrophes (Beast of Yucca Flats, Skydivers), or the aid of MST3K (thought admittedly, it doesn't help much).

Unreal

[EdWood-8 · 1/10 · 5 January 2005]

It staggers me that people would put money - however little - into something this awful. Who in their right mind could ever think this garbage even approaches the quality of a B movie? One viewing and you'll see what I'm talking about. There is basically no plot. Three men sort of wander around a little, take a plane to Cuba for whatever reason (maybe money, though that point is not made clear), train for one day, lie around on some cots, and take part in an 8-man invasion of the island where a Castro "look-a-like" in a ridiculous fake beard awaits. The rest of the plot is so absurd I won't bore you with it. Suffice to say it is a colossal mountain of pointless celluloid. But it's fun to watch with the bots. In my opinion this and MANOS are tied for worst film ever.

Family fun, a joy for all that is good and beautiful

[ticklemetorgo · 1/10 · 5 February 2005]

This would be true if it were a different movie. Red Zone Cuba is not a movie, yes movie film (black & white) was used and shot through a camera lens. It featured people who spoke words in English and they physically moved around. And then it ends. What you, the viewer need to do is try to comprehend and make sense of everything that you had witnessed. Is it difficult for you to do this? OK, I understand. After several viewings myself of Red Zone Cuba I am not sure if it was an actual film or not. Why? Well most film makers try to have things like plot, story, acting and continuity. Coleman Francis decided to go against the grain and not have any of listed ingredients to make what we refer to as a film. If RZC was made today it would not even be released as a direct to video product. In the decades to follow this may be viewed as a piece of abstract art. But let not hold our breaths.

"Water! Thirsty! Sick man!"

[bensonmum2 · 1/10 · 8 July 2007]

Do you know what's worse than a movie directed by Coleman Francis? A movie directed by and starring Coleman Francis. I simply cannot imagine anyone watching this thing without the Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary. I'm a fan of "bad" movies, but Red Zone Cuba would be too much on its own. A nonsensical plot involving a Cuban invasion, the worst acting imaginable, and editing that looks as if it were done by monkeys are just a few of the "highlights". I defy anyone to find a frame of this movie that in some way isn't flawed. Every moment presents a new and even more amazing decent into putrid film-making. I cannot see giving this abomination anything higher than a 1/10.

But, with the MST3K commentary, Red Zone Cuba becomes absolutely hysterical. I laughed so hard during the film's second half that I had tears in my eyes. I'll put this episode near the top of my list of favorites. Episode #619 gets a 5/5 on my MST3K rating scale.

Script,we don't need no stinking script

[moviemeister1 · 1/10 · 29 November 2004]

As far as I'm concerned this flick resets the bar for terrible movies.I have never been subjected to so much pain in such a short span of time since my last root canal.in fact, I think I would rather Laurence Olivier give me a root canal than to ever have to watch this piece of celluloid schitzen again.It had no discernible plot,the filming was horrible,and the acting nonexistent.The editing looked like it been done by Leatherface.The director(who was also the leading man)spent way too much time trying to play the tired antihero to really do any directing.If there was any kind of storyline,then it was beyond my grasp.It seemed to me like some sort of psychotic flight-of-ideas tale.The characters just amble on from one disastrous screw-up to another(which could have made a good story if you could have followed it).In the final analysis,it was just a painfully unwatchable waste of time.But,if you like,cinema terrible', then this is the one for you.rp

Truly an unforgettable cinematic experience

[Tobias_R · 1/10 · 30 June 2006]

For many years, I felt secure in my opinion that Plan 9 From Outer Space was truly the worst movie ever made. But, after seeing Red Zone Cuba, I'm seriously considering revising my opinion. Ed Wood, for all of his confusion about whether certain scenes take place during the day or during the night, is a master of clarity compared to Coleman Francis. At least in Wood's features, the viewer has some sense of a story being told with a point to it however confusedly that point may be presented. This film, Red Zone Cuba, dispenses with any clear narration. In fact, it doesn't bother to show or tell how the characters get from one place to another. Half of the time, the viewer isn't sure where the characters in the story are. In fact, the whole Cuban episode from the film derived its name is in fact a digression that sets up the sort of Treasure-of-Sierra-Madre climax of the film. Essentially, the cast goes to Cuba so they can be taken captive and put together with Lieutenant Chastain (sp?) who tells about his pitchblende mine. That, as far as I can make out is the point of the story.

Oh, the humanity!

[Mr. Devo · 10 April 1999]

I realize this is just yet another post on an overcrowded site, but we all need to vent after seeing this film. I have watched it several times in an attempt to discern what exactly is going on, and it sort of fits together...until that whole "throwing the old guy down a well" thing. I mean, sure, there are plot holes big enough to put Coleman Francis through, but it's still sort of a story until that point. I still don't understand who the group was that invaded Cuba, though. Were they mercenaries, because there was some garbled mention of two one thousand dollar payments made (which enticed the trio to sign up in the first place)? Where did this money come from? The government? If so, you'd think they might have thrown a little more money that way, and maybe had an invading force in double figures. AGH! See, this is what this movie does to you! It laughs in your face with its ineptness, knowing you can't count fast enough to put a number on its flaws! Another Crow quote: "I see the movie has finally thrown up its hands and just said, 'I don't know.'" This film does contain one moment that still makes me laugh, however: when bombs are going off all around their jail cell, we get a super close-up of the repugnant Coleman Francis saying "Bay of Pigs", in a voice I will spend the rest of my life trying to emulate. It's easily one of the stupidest scenes film has ever recorded, and I'm surprised the film didn't spontaneously burst into flames from the shame.

This movie hurts.

[Nadsat · 1/10 · 30 March 1999]

This is a truly awful movie. Keeping your attention on the dialogue is harder than holding a bar of wet soap. Sitting through that endless scene in the bunkhouse is like having a fifteen-minute continuous blackout; the moment it's over, you immediately forget what just happened. It is physically impossible to stay focused on this movie for more than about three words-- it's that painful.

That's not the only reason why this movie is impossible to comprehend. No scene in this movie seems to follow from anything else. Many scenes end with a shot of the main characters (who seem to appear in one shot, then vanish in the next, then reappear again as if nothing had happened) in a stationary plane; however, since the plane is never shown flying, it's impossible to tell if they have actually left or arrived. It doesn't help that every shot in the movie (including those supposedly in Cuba) was taken in the same small American town.

The movie begins with what is apparently a runaway convict, played by the flabby Mr. Francis himself. He gets together with about seven other people and they decide to invade Cuba (???), which actually doesn't seem like such a bad idea since as far as the movie's concerned the total population of Cuba is three soldiers and a man with a really fake beard (Castro.) This somehow gets around to a tungsten mine (back in America? who knows or cares?) and a man thrown into a well for no apparent reason.

This movie hurts. After you see this movie, you'll want to hurt it too. It's actually worth seeing just to experience the sheer awfulness of it; if you like bad movies, you'll get a laugh out of watching the line flubs, scene goofs, continuity jumps and gaping plot holes. But this movie is not funny so much as just pathetic.

What's going on?

[Fishbait · 1/10 · 30 December 1998]

Everyone has already commented about this film, but I'm here for one reason: A plea. Please, someone tell me what exactly was going on? There's obviously some sort of embryo of a plot that isn't mentioned to the audience. Just trying to sort things out makes my head hurt. Only watch this movie in the MST3K version, and even then be careful not to pay too much attention to the movie, just the wise-cracks. Oh yes, and take breaks and get some sugar in you. Treat the movie like a series of unrelated, boring scenes. You've been warned.

What Did That Sign Say?

[Calaboss · 1/10 · 7 March 2010]

The reviews on this movie seem to have the general idea covered very well, so suffice it to say that I agree, it's a horrible film. One thing that I did not see in the reviews was any mention of Cherokee Jack's sign. The version of the film I saw only flashed to the sign for about 1/2 second. I ran it back and played it twice more and I still could not absorb the whole thing. So I paused on the sign and did a screen-grab.

The sign in itself is funny, so I posted the screen-grab on my personal Web site and was going to give you a link here so you could see it for yourselves. Alas, the posting guidelines for IMDb forbid giving URL's. Too bad. It's worth a look.

While it doesn't do the actual sign justice, here is what it says:

*******************************

"CHEROKEE ~ JACK"

WiLL FLiE YOU ANYWHERE?

RATES - PRETTiE - REASONEBLE;

*******************************

All misspellings and punctuation above are correct. The "i"'s were all lower case, but capital sized. The sign was done by hand. I'll admit that the possibility exists that this was intentional, but considering how little thought went into the rest of this movie, I doubt it. So, Jack somehow managed to get a pilot's license but can't spell the word "fly"? Not exactly confidence inspiring.

I was also counting how many times a cigarette was put to lips in this film, but I lost count after 27.

Coleman Francis, was there any movie you couldn't make for $35,000?

So where's Cuba?

[bat-5 · 1/10 · 13 August 1999]

As far as I can tell, Coleman Francis and two other losers, escape from the cops hook up with "Cherokee" Jack and hightail it to some para military camp that's training for a invasion of Cuba. After their failed attempt to capture Cuba from a very fake Castro, our heroic trio steals a plane, make it back to the states and then throw some old guy down a well while his blind piano playing daughter goes about her music. Then they start searching for tungsten and decide to go legit.(?) This movie makes absolutely no sense. Coleman Francis cuts and cuts and those cuts hurt. There are also scenes of Coleman strangling other characters and sitting in his cell in a very provacative manner. Watch this with Mike, Tom and Crow and try to keep a straight face when John Carradine sings the haunting title track, you'll shake for weeks to come.

A film with a vision . . .

[Tim Fox · 10/10 · 3 September 1999]

Sure, Coleman Francis probably had cataracts and couldn't find his glasses, and he was standing in a dark tunnel, but we must give him credit, for this film tries desperately with a burning desire to tell the story of corruption, power, and chronicles of the evils of Communism and the beauty of planes, coffee, and cigarettes. And Cherokee Jack.

Those bad films which stand out the most are those who the makers considered art. Ed Wood's Glen or Glenda? Is a good example. Who would dare make a film revealing such shocking facts in that day and age? Transvestism was a no-no back then. And Phil Tucker even said of his own film, Robot Monster "For the budget and for the time, I thought I had achieved Greatness."

And what does this film try to convey to the public? Commies suck. Well, maybe not. Let's just start with the *uh-hum* plot . ..

Coleman Francis plays Griffin, a man who "ran all the way to Hell." But on his way, he picked up two bumbling farmhands (Producer Tony Cardoza and Harold Saunders of The Skydivers), who were on their way to fight in Cuba. After flying with the most memorable character of the film (Buddy Hackett look-a-like Cherokee Jack, who sadly only has two minutes screen time.) After talking to a guy named Justine (!), the soldiers-of-fortune train for battle for a couple minutes, and then walk along to the beach to Coleman Francis's idea of a PT boat, a family pontoon. Soon, they land in an extremely un-tropical Cuba (probably the Gulf of Mexico) and climb up the cliffs towards Castro's hideout. This segment is, by far, the most entertaining aspect of the whole film. It's supposed to be midnight, yet it's clearly daylight, the American Forces outnumber the entire Cuban population, and the HQ of Castro is an apartment complex. The music, however, is entertaining (probably they used stock themes.) But, sadly, our heroes get captured without even firing a shot. then, after being exposed to a lengthy segment of the rebels being shot and Coleman sniffing someone's pant leg, they break the neck of a guard (who, if you look closely enough, was the same actor who played an executed rebel a scene earlier!) and capture a crop duster, flying off to America and freedom. By the way, the jump-cut from Cuba to America is one of the most poorly executed in history. It looks like they just waited until they ran out of film and pasted on the next segment. Sadly, the rest of the film doesn't live up to the entertaining quality of the first part, dealing with the heroes throwing a restaurant owner down a well and shooting Justine's wife before being shoot by a posse of policemen (posse's were one of Coleman Francis's trademarks.) The End. Did I mention that John Carradine is the engineer who is telling the story, and that he ALSO sings the theme song? It's truly a career first for Carradine.

Finally, if you wanted my honest opinion (I know some of you won't), this film is barely a monument in the Bad Movie Hall of Fame. The first half of the film is worthy of anything Ed Wood or Al Adamson has ever made, if not better, but after the escape from Cuba, scenes are padded out needlessly, with trips to the grocery store, looking at the car, etc. It could've been great. Maybe Coleman should've just cut out the last part. But then again, that would make an incredibly shoddy film even shoddier.

On a final note, no normal human being can withstand the amazing levels of sheer stupidity radiating from this film. Best viewed on MST3K. If otherwise, congratulations. You're viewing the artistic work of a "genius". Good luck, and may our hopes be with you.

A horrible, horrible, horrible movie. Why do I love it so?

[Thanos6 · 1/10 · 25 June 2001]

In the prologue of "Night Train to Mundo Fine," a reporter named Jim Benton (Bruce Love) from "The Gazette" interviews Mr. Wilson (John Carradine), a train engineer, about the time three criminals hopped a train he was working on four years ago, in 1961.

After Carradine sings the title song (not a bad track), we journey to 1961. We witness Griffin (Coleman Francis) escape from prison. He meets two ex-convicts, Landis (Tony Cardoza) and Cook (Harold Saunders). Together, they decide to join a group of government sponsored mercenaries and invade Cuba for $2,000 each.

Hiring pilot Cherokee Jack (George Prince) to take them from New Mexico to somewhere near Cuba, they sign up with the group, headed by Joe (John Morrison) and Bayiev Chastain (Tom Hanson), the latter of whom wants to overthrow Castro so that his grandparents can get their sugar mill back.

The invasion goes haywire and all are captured; Chastain is shot in the leg, and Griffin says that within 24 hours he will die of gangrene. Joe and several soldiers are executed. The three criminals escape, but not before learning about the tungsten and pitchblende that is located on a mountain near Chastain's home.

In Arizona, they throw restaurateur Cliff Weismeyer (Charles Harter) down a well, leaving his blind daughter (Elaine Gibford) and stealing his car. They eventually ditch it and hop the train. They get off the train. Griffin and Landis fight for possession of Landis's ring, given to him by his father; Griffin wins and uses it to buy another car.

They reach Chastain's home, where they meet his wife Ruby (Lanell Cado). Together, the four conspire to raid the mountain. However, the criminals are spotted. Cook and Landis are arrested. Griffin shoots Ruby and flees. Chastain shows up, somehow surviving and escaping, and takes his wife back home. Griffin is gunned down by cops, who find that "Griffin ran all the way to Hell, with a penny and a broken cigarette." End.

WOW! This is one horrible movie! The only redeeming factors are the music (pretty good) and Tom Hanson's performance, which he actually tried to invest dimension into. The script, the other performances, the editing, etc, etc...all are bad.

And yet, I love this film. Why? Is it because of the witty remarks of Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot when they viewed it on "Mystery Science Theater 3000" under the title "Red Zone Cuba?" Or perhaps because of some mysterious quality of the film itself? I don't know. I just know I love it.

And I'd love to see a remake.

aesthetic distinctions

[bst3k · 1/10 · 3 December 2000]

Look, Folks, a lot of the reviewers here are missing the finer distinctions of artistic expression. There is a difference between being a fine work of art and being an excellent example of a given genre. Red Zone Cuba (by any name) is a stinker of a movie. It is execrable. It is abominable. But it may be a work of genius. Let's look at the facts: everything about this film is wrong. Every scene is inept, every element is unfit. The editing is botched, the sound is miserable, the acting dead and naturalistic, the characters are anti-appealing, the mise en scene is as flat and barren as capitalistic materialism, the direction is directionless, the story isn't one. Whence John Carradine and this great train robbery? What about the blind woman interminably playing that piano? Francis subverts every expectation we have of a movie. It does not entertain, nor does it provide spectacle. He gives us nothing with which to justify watching this Wretched Thing. Only a determined genius tapped into a conduit from Plato's realm of the Forms could have so deconstructed Film. It is ugly, it is dirty, it is mean and it is boring-- sounds like the world we live in. This is a portrait of our empty American existence. It is about the tyranny of a system that doesn't care about anything except its own perpetuation. It's about the Bay of Pigs invasion, which was arguably as corrupt, doomed and ridiculous as Francis portrays it. Francis shows us the dark underbelly of American hegemony. It's not surprising that everyone loathes it so much and fails to see its (admittedly sub-textual) merits. If movies are about lies, this film is about Truth. Just as the little boy discovers in Flannery O'Connor's The River, Truth isn't pretty and it isn't what you've been told to expect or what you want to see.

Coleman Godard

[Mr. Fark · 28 September 1999]

Come on, folks! Coleman deserves a break. If the film's credits said DIRECTED BY JEAN LUC GODARD critics would praise it as revolutionary "new wave" cinema.

Coleman challenges our conventional notions of narrative & structure. Coleman challenges our suspension of disbelief by DELIBERATELY making things fake & unconvincing, by distorting time, place & sequence in true "cinema verite" fashion. Remember, there are people out there who think Marcus Welby & Obi Wan Kenobi are REAL - so, rather than exploit the viewer, Coleman DEMANDS that we face our concepts of "reality."

Try an experiment: take just about ANY Godard film (but especially NUMERO DEUX) and pretend it's a COLEMAN FRANCIS film; you'll see what I mean. ANYONE can make a horrid self indulgent incompetent "movie" & be successful if the film has a European (preferably French) director's name on the credits... [note that Numero Deux is French for "#2" - translation: caca] ...Ok... RED ZONE CUBA really did hurt; it was abysmal; it was obvious that many script pages blew away while shooting & Coleman never noticed. It deserves a special place of honor with MONSTER A GO-GO, PLAN 9, ROBOT MONSTER and MANOS as one of the all time worst.

Coleman hurt me; I think I'm suffering the movie watcher's equivalent of the Stockholm syndrome... pardon me while I check out BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS again; I am sure to find relief therein. I will imagine BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS is a Jean Luc Godard film...

Lead Zone Cuba

[godofweather · 1/10 · 29 March 2005]

This movie, as with all of Coleman Francis' movies, raises some important life questions. Such as, "How could humanity stand by and let this movie be inflicted upon an innocent world?" Or, "Coleman Francis: War Criminal, or Gross Idiot?" We begin our exercise in futility by opening our movie with John Carradine, who is roughly the age of an Egyptian mummy in this film. He plays the pivotal role of a train engineer, who is interviewed by a reporter from Watchtower. After a smattering of dialogue, we learn that he was conducting the train during the fateful night that desperadoes hopped the train. (He ran all the way.....to hell!)

After this bombshell, the audience is treated to the wonderful audio stylings of Mr. Carradine as he sings very badly through the opening credits. Finally, we are introduced to Griffin, a fat convicted loser who has somehow escaped from wherever they keep people like him (the zoo maybe?) Anyway, he is able to get away from the mini posse that is searching for him by throwing himself into a back of a pickup truck, driven by the other two "stars".....named Landis and Cook. Sometime later, after a frustrating series of cuts, we see Griffin introduce himself to these two bums. He points a pistol at them, and they give him coffee and beans, which he promptly makes a mess of himself with. A cop pulls up(how do we know hes a cop?...well....hes not in a patrol car, but he wears a cowboy hat!) and questions the two hobos about Griffin. After a $5000 chance to give him up, the cop is sent on his way. Soon, we go meet Cherokee Jack, who provides inspiration to all want to be pilots with IQs under 30. They trade their truck to fly to some sort of military base where the Army is recruiting dumb moronic men to fight in Cuba. Here we are introduced to Chastain...the idealistic fool of the movie. After an intense training regimen(Jumping off four foot cliffs and climbing ropes badly.), our heroes are ready to take Cuba. So, they take a five min boat ride from Long Beach, CA to Cuba, and land on a sunny night.

The three stooges promptly get captured by a Cuban using the outhouse, and they are lead to some sort of metal structure. After a few hours, Chastain is captured, and brought in as well, wounded in the leg. Dr Griffin, Medicine Loser, determines Chastain has gangrene, and will die. At this point, the movie begins to get worse. The three morons hatch an amazingly juvenile escape plan, which involves these famous words: "Water! Thirsty! Sick man!" Griffin, being the action hero he is, is able to snap the guards neck, and they make it to Havana International Airstrip, where they are instantly transported to a place called Sleepy Valley

In Sleepy Valley, we meet a creepy man who likes to paint his menu on the outside of his house and restaurant. After some more coffee, Griffin and Landis throw the creepy guy down a well, and Griffin goes to do bad things to his blind daughter. This touching exchange ended, they steal a car, then abandon it moments later to take a train.....to get another car. Mission accomplished, they end up at Chastain's widows house, where they sucker her into splitting half of her pitch blend(??) mine with them. Unfortunately, they have the dime dropped on them, and get caught before they're able to make it. Chastain arrives, with a Nobel prize for having discovered the cure for gangrene in a dirty Cuban warehouse. Griffin runs away, and is shot and killed moments later by a helicopter. This movie is not for everyone.....okay..its really not for anyone at all. I give it a generous 1 out of 10 MST3K Episode: 9 of 10

One of the Biggest Milestones in the History of Film

[davejohnstephens · 1/10 · 18 August 2009]

Through watching MST3K, I have also come to view a lot of really, really bad films. Manos, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians ... they even inspired me to watch Plan 9, which is widely considered the worst movie ever created.

But nothing can be compared to when I sat watching the episode featuring the Coleman Francis movie, "Red Zone Cuba". I soon came to understand that this was no ordinary film. I came to know that this was truly the worst movie ever conceived.

There is no plot. The dialog is 100 percent incomprehensible and incoherent. The acting is pretty much the worst you can imagine. The editing is equally horrible. The cinematography seems as though they just got a random kid on the street, stuck a cheap camera in his hand and said, "Here, point the camera this way for us." From the moment the characters start talking and interacting, you know you're in for a bumpy ride.

The only thing good about the whole movie was the fact that is was so terrible. I don't know if Coleman Francis thought it was funny to waste his money like this, or if he truly thought this would be a good film, but either way, he achieved some kind of all-time low for film-making.

But I warn you to watch it only on MST3K. I don't know what might happen to you otherwise, the movie stinks so bad...

Cherokee Jack's Classic

[paulmst3k · 2/10 · 11 August 2000]

Before I begin with the summary, let me just say that this movie should only be watched with the help of Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo. (or collectively: MST3K)

Anyway, I'm what you call an obsessed fan of MST3K and I own this episode and have seen it many times. On one of these viewings, I decided to push out the hilarious comments of the Bots and focus on the actual movie, just to see if I could actually understand the whole thing. And I'll be honest, I did kind of understand where Francis was going with this whole thing. The movie is unforgettable, because it is so bad. The characters, the plot, the editing, the music, the crudely drawn map used to invade Cuba (looks like it was drawn by a 7 year old trying to draw like a 4 year old), and the really long drawn out scenes. Everything about the movie is bad, and maybe that's Coleman Francis point. He's not going to entertain us with a happy ending and interesting characters, he's making us face brutal reality. People are mean, evil, like sucks for some people. Francis is portraying all the dreariness of life, and he succeeds because he is able to make the audience suffer through what the characters suffer. Think about the part when the car is at the side of the road, and the camera pans over to the crosses with words on them that spell out something like, "You will be here forever." Think about it as long as you like, maybe Francis is trying to say with his dreary sets, dreary plots, and dreary characters that life is dreary. Take the movie for what it's worth...dreary.

I don't know, maybe I'm just nuts. Maybe Coleman was trying to do a edge-of-your-seat thiller. But he didn't. Still, I'd rather watch this movie than "Waterworld" "Speed 2: Cruise Control" "Police Academy 7" or "She's All That." I have a good idea for a sequel focusing on the uprising with Manuel Noriega, you could call it "Red Zone Nicaragua."

It just doesn't get any better than this

[TomServo · 1/10 · 16 November 1998]

Coleman Francis stars in this rollicking romp through, um, I guess Cuba or something, where some guys smoke and kill people and something about a penny and a broken cigarette. Which is all you really need in Hell. To quote Apshai of Harrisonburg, VA, in the above comment on this very website, "I don't even know much about what was going on, except there were some guys running around or something, and then it ended." You people who like to watch bad movies just THINK you've seen bad movies. This is the most incomprehensible piece of garbage I've ever seen. The editor of this film, J.H. Russell, is only credited as an editor on this one film. My theory on this is that he wasn't actually an editor at all, and almost certainly he was not involved in any way with the movie industry. He was just a guy who had some scissors and scotch tape.

The absolute best (Coleman Francis could do)

[Sandcooler · 2/10 · 20 October 2012]

"Red Zone Cuba" is a movie that peaks early, with a brief cameo by the always fantastic John Carradine. Once the king of B-movie legends is done reading cue cards while looking 200 years old, it just turns into the usual Coleman Francis dreck. No plot whatsoever: check. Shot on film that looks like it wants to kill itself: check. A cast consisting of the ugliest people on the planet: check. But unlike "Beast Of Yucca Flats" or "The Skydivers", "Red Zone Cuba" does become so bad it's good here and there. Don't get me wrong, it's a boring movie, but occasionally it gets so bizarre you just have to laugh. The part where they try to take over Cuba is hilarious, the army consists of ten people tops. I also love the part with the woman "who's been blind since her husband was killed in the war". If anyone can figure out how that would work, I'll be glad to hear it. The best part however is that Coleman Francis, apparently blinded by his massive success (or possibly since his husband was killed in the war), gave himself the lead this time! Glorious bad acting ensues. If you're ever in a situation where you're forced to watch one Coleman Francis movie (it could happen), better make it this one.

Remedial cinema 101

[InzyWimzy · 1/10 · 9 September 2000]

Coleman Francis, why did you do this??

After seeing this MSTied with Mike & the bots, I believe that was the first time my cynicism for movie quality began to grow and grow. Red Zone Cuba was the pen-ultimate standard on which I based crappy movies against.

First off, I don't think Coleman cared much for setting. Probably lack of a budget too. Second, the severely toilet paper thin plot makes the film seem like a horrid continuous series of images where you're forced to use your imagination (or what's left of it) to make any sense of what's going on. I think I read somewhere that when this was first made, the audio part of the film got erased and poor Coleman was forced to re-tape the audio part and match it to the film. The result are the many overlapping or mismatching scenes where a voice can be heard when nobody's talking (watch towards the end of the beginning credits where the men run across the field - classic Coleman Francis cut). Plus, terrible stock footage including the "ghost brigade" scene of soldiers getting ready to invade Cuba/New Mexico. I also loved Coleman's saving money on actors where one minute an American soldier is executed by Cubans and five minutes later, he's alive as a Cuban guard! Terrible acting, whiplash cut scenes, and diabolically nonsensical dialogue will show all inspiring filmmakers what not to do in the film. And I couldn't believe that the 2 minute guest appearance by John Carradine couldn't save this flop!

Remember to fly Cherokee Jack Airlines...major credit cards and used pickup trucks accepted

My favorite movie

[headbone · 10/10 · 8 November 2001]

The funniest movie I ever saw.

Warning: This will only be funny to you if you know the differences between a well made movie and a badly made movie.

I love to watch and laugh at bad movies. This one has to be the worst movie ever made. Anyone who thinks Ed Wood Jr. made the worst movies ever, has never seen a Coleman Francis movie. Thank you, Mystery Science Theater 3000, for unearthing this bomb, and for not letting people get away with being utterly incompetent.

Coleman has the screen presence of a meat loaf - and he looks like one, too!

[Torgo_Approves · 1/10 · 3 July 2006]

(r#41)

1966 sure was a great year for movies! It must've been hard for the poor moviegoers to decide which movie to see first with such blockbusters as 'Manos' The Hands of Fate, Gamera vs. Barugon, Agent for H.A.R.M., Secret Agent Super Dragon and The Deadly Bees in theatres! The biggest question is, which of these movies topped the box office? It sure must've been a tough competition. Finally I realized that there could only be one box office king - THE defining film of the sixties, a milestone in artful movie-making, a touching, grim drama with powerhouse performances. No, I'm not talking about some Bergman flick - I'm talking about the epic crime drama Red Zone Cuba, also known as Night Train to Mundo Fine. What a movie.

All sarcasm aside, this is a bad movie. And I don't mean it's a bad movie like Gigli or Simon Sez are bad movies. This goes beyond that. It almost equals the Fuhrer of awfulness itself, 'Manos'. It is SO unbelievably awful that it should be set as a bad example at film schools. "This is how not to make a movie". I could even go so far as to say that other bad movies can be rated on a Red Zone Cuba scale - Leprechaun in the Hood, for example, would be three Red Zone Cubas out of five. It's that bad.

Let's begin with the cast. Coleman Francis himself plays "our friend and humble narrator", Griffin, a chain-smoking butt-wipe who sponges his friends' food before strangling them in their sleep (thank god our friend Bad Editing is here to make sure the victims are alive and well in the very next scene!). Coleman Francis is possibly the worst actor ever born and in this film he's in his "prime". In some shots he might as well have been dead, I swear (maybe he was, who can tell in a script with holes the size of Texas?). Anthony Cardoza, responsible for both the production of, and one of the lead performances in this film, is just awkward. John Carradine makes an inexplicable cameo and gets to sing the title song. Sound like fun yet?

The true hero of the film is the plot. From what I understand, Griffin is a criminal on the run. He teams up with Cook and Landis (Anthony Cardoza and Harold Saunders) and invades Cuba. After spending some time in prison, they seek down their former inmate's wife and go hunting for a treasure or something (honestly, the messy direction lost me at this point). That's it. Seriously.

The direction makes Boll look like Kubrick, the script is to scriptwriting what Aleister Crowley was to Christianity, and the film is about as fun to watch as watching your grandparents do the balloon dance (well, I guess some people are into that sort of thing). If you want to be bored for an hour and a half, this is the film. Coleman Francis is the Milos Forman of bad movies and this is his most "classic" outing. Overall this is a painful zit in the crack of the cinematic ass, and one that badly needs to be popped. Avoid at all costs.

Damned With Faint Praise?

[Nick Zbu · 21 July 2004]

The more you look at the works of Coleman Francis, the more you see a certain motif with his films. Originally found in a gutter where Ray Dennis Steckler felt sorry for him and paid him as an extra, Coleman Francis's film career is pretty much either bit parts or baffling little films that suffer greatly from both technical knowhow and extreme budget limitations. I'd be surprised if both this movie and Skydivers were made for more than $500 outside of what it cost to get the film.

But even after he's been roasted on MST3K numerous times, Red Zone Cuba is a failure but at least a magnificent one. The plot is such: a reporter goes to talk to the engineer (John Carradine) who then relates his part in Coleman Francis's story. Sadly the budget was too cheap to even bother with a flashback camera effect so this obvious prologue/cameo comes off as being a bit pointless. As the credits roll we see Griffin's (Coleman Francis) escape from prison. A bit of fate intervenes as Landis and Cook (Cardoza and Saunders) are pulled over and harassed by a cop before he gets word of the escape and bolts off to help. Griffin makes his escape in the back of Landis and Cook's truck and reveals himself after they stop for the night (the budget can't do day for night at all so the coyote calls are evidence of 'night'). Landis and Cook make peace with the felon and accept him into their group. Landis and Cook are presumably ex-con drifters who find work wherever they can and take Griffin along because they see in him someone who is like them. They cover for him despite the reward and the three become fast friends.

Landis and Cook find a way to make money by being part of the invasion force that leads to the failed Bay of Pigs operation. Since it's convert they don't need to reveal their past histories and since the money's up front, why not? They take the chance, sell their truck for a ride out there, and find out that it's not as good as it seemed. They try to escape and remain loners from the rest of the group until Chastain tries to break them out of their shell. He doens't succeed but the three slowly find out about each other. Stuck into invading Cuba, they are captured as the invasion goes wrong. Seeing Chastain as not one of them--he's a idealistic college boy who's just doing this for his grandparents, not money--they leave him to die and make a run for themselves and fly back to the States. Griffin wants to go legit (possibly due to weariness of running) but finds he can't. The restaurant owner is too easy of a target and they kill him, rob the place, and take his car. From there they travel a long distance (hence why they dump the car, grab a train, and then buy another car with Landis's heirloom). Here Griffin believes he can forget about his past and just go legit mining materials out of Chastain's mountain with his wife. Unfortunately the feds find Griffin and go after him which leads to the end where Landis and Cook are arrested for helping Griffin elude capture and accomplices to murder. Chastain survives Cuba only to find his wife killed by the same man he tried to be friendly towards and begged for his life, and Griffin meets his end violently.

Yes, Red Zone Cuba is a very badly made and scripted movie. The technical flaws in this reveal a lack of budget to make it truly cohesive which it desperately needs. But at it's heart it's the story of a man who is trying to change his fate but finds he can't. With real actors and a real film crew it could have been less hilarious then it turned out to be but at it's heart it was a noble effort. But definitely a failure at trying to really accomplish when it tried to do. But a worthy try.

What is going on in this movie?

[odo_ital · 1/10 · 2 June 2002]

All hails to a movie that can make Manos - The hand of Fate seem at least comprehensible. It took me four viewings to simply find out what the plot of the movie was. It is totally incoherent, nondescriptive, lame, and dumb. How the characters of this film get from one scene to the next is left totally out of the movie, which instead insists on using ten minutes of manic attempts to raise the hood on a car to no avail. This movie only proves why MST3K was such a delightful and neccesary show, otherwise a rotten movie like this one would have been long forgotten by now.