- Grandpa Munster: Herman, this is the secret of Munster Hall.
- Herman: Call the police. Call the FBI. Get Scotland Yard. Phone Batman. Car 54, where *are* you?
- Marilyn Munster: [trying to get out of a Ferrari without revealing too much leg] A girl has trouble getting out of these things.
- Roger: Yes, I think the Italians designed them that way. I've been racing it in America. What do you think of it?
- Marilyn Munster: Oh, it's real cute.
- Roger: My dear girl, one does not refer to a Ferrari 3-liter overhead cam GT Spider as cute. Formidable, magnificent, sexy, perhaps; but, never cute.
- Herman: Gee, Lily, tonight's the night of the Captain's party, dear. I've got my sea legs now. And I want to go to the party and put on funny hats and be obnoxious and talk too loud and get stoned. Uphold the American image abroad.
- Lily Munster: Never mind that. You'll have plenty of time to make a fool of yourself when you get to England.
- Herman: Well, okay. If that's a promise.
- Marilyn Munster: Uncle Cavanaugh? I didn't know there were any English Munsters.
- Grandpa Munster: Marilyn dear, no matter where you go in the world, you can always dig up one of our relatives.
- Lady Effigie Munster: Really children. Last night couldn't have been more badly bungled if I had given it to Parliament to do.
- Cruikshank: Can I get you a bite of breakfast, governor?
- Herman: Oh, thank you very much, Cruikshank, eh, but I am not a governor. I never even made Alderman.
- [chuckles]
- Herman: I'm a simple man, a man of the people. You may call me "Lord".
- Grace: Mumsy, Freddy is bashing his head against the wall and if he opens a vein it will ruin the drapes.
- Lily Munster: [Lily and Grandpa are 'borrowing' a couple of horses] Grandpa, what if we get caught?
- Grandpa Munster: Listen, it won't be the first time I was hanged as a horse thief.
- Eddie Munster: Mom, how come Pop inherited an English title? I thought he was made in Germany.
- Lily Munster: Well you see, Eddie, at an early age, your father left Doctor Frankenstein's lab in Germany...
- Herman: [Herman puts a monocle over his eye and looks in the mirror, which promptly shatters] That's right, son.
- Lily Munster: ...and then he arrived in England and he was adopted by a family called Munster, who gave him their name.
- Eddie Munster: [to Marilyn] Since you got to be an old lady of nineteen, you don't wanna have any fun at all!
- Freddie Munster: By the way, where's my darling mumsy?
- Grace: I don't know. I don't understand her missing this, she so enjoys a good killing.
- Freddie Munster: [still wondering about the identity of 'The Gryphon'] By Jove, I've got it! It's Cruikshank! You know, whenever the Americans make a picture about the British, it's always the butler!
- Lily Munster: Marilyn, if you should happen to meet any strange men on board, be sure and speak to them.
- Herman: That's right, dear. Don't let your... unattractiveness make you self conscious.
- Grandpa Munster: Listen, Buster, this is modern day England, you can't get away with knocking off Herman!
- Freddie Munster: But that's what makes the whole thing so delightful, we can!
- Eddie Munster: [Herman gets seasick] Grandpa, what's wrong with Pop?
- Grandpa: What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong, Lord Munster is about to *heave* ho.
- Lily Munster: Herman, you've been in bed now for two days. You're not going to die.
- Herman: I know I'm not. I'm not strong enough to die.
- Grandpa Munster: Relax, Herman. Eddie and Marilyn are in the hold now, getting my portable laboratory out of our car. I'll whip up a potion and have you on your feet before you can say: Jack the Ripper.
- Freddie Munster: Mumsy, let me do him in, pretty please?
- Lady Effigie Munster: He shall be done in, but according to the Gryphon's prearranged plan.
- Lily Munster: Oh! Freddie Munster, you're not a very nice person!
- Freddie Munster: I am a thorough rotter, like all the Munsters before me, and proud of it!
- Grandpa: I've been prescribing these seasickness pills for centuries, if it wasn't for me, Columbus would've discovered America leaning over the rail.
- Freddie Munster: *I'm* Lord Munster! I'M Lord Munster! Not *HIM*!
- Lady Effigie Munster: Not "he", Freddie... the objective pronoun always takes the nominative case!
- Herman: Oh, what's the happy occasion?
- Lily Munster: The reading of a will.
- Herman: Oh, goody! That sounds like a fun thing.
- Freddie Munster: Mumsy, this American rotter sends us this wireless, says he's coming on Wednesday with his family and he has the audacity to sign it Lord Munster!
- Lily Munster: There, there, dear. You've only had your heart broken. Wait till you've had a stake driven through it a half a dozen times, like I have.
- Marilyn Munster: If you wanted to give me the brush off, you didn't have to make up stories about beasts and monsters.
- Roger: Now, why would I want to get rid of you? You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met!
- Marilyn Munster: Roger, on top of *everything* else, do you have to be sarcastic?
- Roger: There was a Lagonda, an Albus, a Bentley, an Alfa Romeo, ending with that luscious Italian beauty I have tucked away below decks. What's the matter?
- Marilyn Munster: All of a sudden I feel inadequate, as if I should have fenders or something.
- Roger: Not at all. Your - standard equipment will do very nicely.
- Lily Munster: Marilyn, you could take a few lessons from Cousin Grace. See what a sandpaper skin and a touch of malnutrition can do for the complexion?
- Marilyn Munster: Oh, yes! It does wonders for you, Cousin Grace.
- Herman: I just can't get over it, Lily. To think that this is mine. All mine!
- Grandpa Munster: I know. I know, Hermy baby.
- Millie: I suppose when you've been around animals for a long time it's very difficult to tell one horse-face from another. Right?
- Mrs. Moresby: Time he met someone with decent bone structure. Instead of those thin-lipped wallabies he finds in London.
- Herman: Lily, dear, I promised Aunt Effigie I would uphold the family honor. Roger insulted our Marilyn, and Aunt Effigie said it was this or fight a duel. And you know I don't have a gun permit.
- Millie: What's your pleasure, sir?
- Freddie Munster: We'll talk about that later. In the mean time, I'll have an *enormous* Scotch and a teeny weeny drop of soda.
- [winks]
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