Tony Curtis credited as playing...
The Great Leslie
- [On a melting iceberg]
- Leslie: [measures the base] 37 inches to go.
- Fate: Oh, 37 inches to go. Huzzah! At the rate we've been melting, that's good for about one more week!
- Leslie: You'd better keep it to yourself.
- Fate: Oh, of course I'll keep it to myself.
- [Leslie walks away]
- Fate: [muttering] Until the water reaches my lower lip, and then I'm gonna mention it to SOMEBODY!
- Maggie DuBois: And because I consider myself sexually free and morally emancipated, I am still a responsible, discriminating woman who does not intend to jump into bed with the first wavy-haired, muscle-bound, egocentric male who thinks he can seduce me by agreeing with some of the things I believe in.
- Leslie: I only wanted to kiss you!
- Maggie DuBois: Why?
- Leslie: Because I love you, that's why!
- Maggie DuBois: Ha!
- Leslie: You don't believe me, huh?
- Maggie DuBois: I do not!
- [Leslie stops the car, inches from the finish line]
- Maggie DuBois: What are you doing?
- Leslie: Proving that I love you.
- Maggie DuBois: But you'll lose the race!
- Leslie: Can you think of a better way to prove it?
- [Leslie kisses Maggie]
- Professor Fate: [having beaten Leslie] I am king! I am the king!
- [sees Leslie and Maggie kissing]
- Professor Fate: No, I'm not!
- Max: What?
- Professor Fate: I didn't beat him, he let me win! I can't win this way! I can only win one way, MY way! He let me win!
- [angrily climbs on Leslie's car]
- Professor Fate: You cheated! Cheated! I hate you! I refuse to accept! I won't win any way but my way! You've ruined my reputation, do you hear? You I hate! You and your hair that's always combed, your suit that's always white, your car that's always clean! I refuse to accept! I challenge you to another race!
- [crowd cheers]
- Leslie: Get off my hood!
- Professor Fate: Another race!
- Leslie: It's just that you bear an uncanny resemblance to someone we both know.
- Prince Hapnick: Someone who looks like me?
- Leslie: Yes, sir.
- Prince Hapnick: [laughing, then comes silent pause] Poor fellow.
- Baron von Stuppe: Well, Mr. Leslie. I had expected to see you again, but, ah, not with a sword in your hand. Are you partial to the foil?
- Leslie: Not particularly. It happened to be convenient.
- Baron von Stuppe: I presume you know how to use one.
- Leslie: I hope that won't be necessary.
- Baron von Stuppe: I'm sure you do.
- Leslie: Will you release Ms. Dubois and the others?
- Baron von Stuppe: No...
- Leslie: I'm afraid this will be necessary.
- Baron von Stuppe: You're being very foolish, Mr. Leslie.
- Leslie: That's an assumption, Baron. You make me the victim even before we start!
- Baron von Stuppe: [shrugs] It's your life...
- Leslie: [gestures with sword] You're assuming again.
- Leslie: I was once on an anthropological expedition to study the Kwakiutl Indians. In the winter, one Kwakiutl Indian in a blanket froze, but two Kwakiutl Indians in the same blanket...
- Maggie DuBois: Yes...?
- Leslie: ...Were warmer.
- [Leslie encounters Maggie stranded in the desert]
- Leslie: I'm offering you a lift.
- [Maggie ignores him]
- Leslie: Or would you prefer an engraved invitation?
- Maggie DuBois: I might consider an apology.
- Leslie: An apology? For what? It's twenty miles back to Borracho, you'd never make it.
- Maggie DuBois: Well, that's your fault.
- Leslie: MY fault?
- Leslie: It's been my experience, General, that there is little advantage to winning if one wins too easily.
- Prince Hapnik: Rah! Oh oh, rah! Oh rah! Oh rah ah ah! What do you think of that, General?
- General: An admirable point of view, for anyone but a soldier. In my profession, to win is imperative. To win easily is a blessing.
- Professor Fate: [inside Leslie's car with Max] My apologies, there's a polar bear in our car.
- Leslie: If you don't leave this car immediately, I shall personally feed you to the bear!
- Leslie: [to Maggie] You talk a good fight, but when it comes down to it, you're as emancipated as a confirmed spinster in a knitting bee.
- Maggie DuBois: Do you want a wife, a companion? Or just a woman?
- Leslie: There are certain things we shouldn't discuss.
- Maggie DuBois: Why? Men discuss their relationships with women.
- Leslie: Gentlemen don't.
- Maggie DuBois: But I'm not a gentleman. I'm a woman.
- Leslie: Indeed you are.
- Professor Fate: You have blankets and stimulants.
- Max: Stimulants. Stimulants.
- Maggie DuBois: He's right.
- Leslie: Miss Dubois, you're not suggesting that I...
- Maggie DuBois: If two in a blanket stand a better chance than one.
- Professor Fate: Then four in a blanket!
- Crown Prince Frederick Hoepnick: What makes you so great, Mr. Leslie?
- Leslie: Greatness is a light-hearted title for theatrical amusements. Or a definition endowed on men too long dead to know that its been awarded. I'm simply Leslie.
- Leslie: Now you're using your female attractiveness as a weapon.
- Maggie DuBois: [shakes her head no] Equality, real equality of the sexes bothers you, doesn't it.
- Leslie: You're a suffragette. You're the one who wanted to bring sex out in the open.
- Maggie DuBois: So.
- Leslie: So I brought it out into the open and I got slapped in the face for my trouble.
- Maggie DuBois: Your interpretation of bringing sex out into the open and mine are two different things.
- Leslie: Well, will you please tell me what your concept of sex is?
- Maggie DuBois: Gladly!
- Baron von Stuppe: My compliments, Mr. Leslie. You handle the foil very well.
- Leslie: Thank you, Baron. So do you.
- Baron von Stuppe: Personally, I prefer a man's weapon. How are you with a saber?
- Leslie: There's only one way to find out.