Crooks in Cloisters (1964) User Reviews

Dated, very gentle British comedy

[Leofwine_draca · 4/10 · 14 April 2015]

CROOKS IN CLOISTERS is one of the weaker British comedy films I've watched. Made in 1964 and shot in colour on what looks to be a serviceable budget, the storyline sees a gang of robbers who escape the long arm of the law by travelling to a remote monastery on an island off the coast of Cornwall. There they must masquerade as monks while attempting to evade the notice of the authorities lest their true identities be revealed.

It's an acceptable enough storyline but it has to be said that the jokes are very tame here and almost unnoticeable for the most part. The character-focused shenanigans are almost entirely of the "fish out of water" variety as these friendly rogues must get used to farmyard animals, cooking, cleaning, and working in the vegetable patch. There are very few belly laughs and as a whole the comedy is weaker than a contemporary feature like CARRY ON JACK.

What CROOKS IN CLOISTERS does have going for it is an exemplary cast of comic faces. Ronald Fraser headlines the cast as the gang leader desperately trying to keep everything together, while Melvyn Hayes is the moonstruck youngster. Barbara Windsor, as the token female member of the crew, is as grating as ever, while Bernard Cribbins spends almost his entire running time getting to grips with a pesky goat. Watch out for an unrecognisably young Francesca Annis as a love interest, Corin Redgrave as a senior monk, and Wilfrid Brambell as a local chap who becomes involved in the shenigans and becomes a valuable ally.

Heaven help us!

[hitchcockthelegend · 6/10 · 24 November 2011]

Little Walter and his motley crew of robbers decide to get out of London after pulling off a tiny little train robbery. Holing up in a disused monastery off the Cornish coast, the gang start to find the way of life somewhat appealing, could it be that this gang of villains are going to get the habit?

There is no beating around the bush here, anyone outside of Britain are advised to stay well clear of this very British caper. It's amiable if very forgettable, but it most certainly shines as a beacon of Great British sensibilities. It's the sort of British film that would have benefited from having some top line writers at the helm, I smile when I think what Gilliat, Launder, Galton or Simpson could have done with the premise on offer. As it is it, it's daft nonsense that plays out exactly as you would expect, but upon the finale reveal, it still manages to cheer the spirit and bring about a cheesy grin. This is mainly down to the highly engaging cast that have managed to pull the discerning viewer into their new and engaging lives. Ronald Fraser, Barbara Windsor, Bernard Cribbins, Davy Kaye, Wilfrid Brambell and Melvyn Hayes are all instantly recognisable to fans of British film and television, so if you be one of those people? Then give it a go with your expectation level set at amiable. 6/10

Mildly amusing sub-'Carry On' British comedy of the 1960s

[csrothwec · 6/10 · 15 April 2009]

Something to watch whilst having a severe cold and being stuck in the house on a freezing November afternoon. The performers try their best but the plot is so wafer-thin and episodic and the basic comedic premise (of a gang of Cockney crooks holed up in a deserted monastery off the Cornish coast disguised as monks) is so over-used that one's interest soon flags. Interesting only really in order to ascertain how Barbara Windsor is STILL basically putting in the same performance as when this was made and to show anyone under fifty that the 1960s were definitely NOT about innovation and creativity when it came to the production of much of what passed as 'popular culture' in the first half at least of the decade. Watch and forget.

Dated panto-style humour that is a bit rambling

[bob the moo · 4 April 2003]

Having pulled over a train robbery where they succeed in stealing a pair of printing plates from the mint, Walt's gang find themselves top of Superintendent Mungo's `to do' list. Seeking to get away from the heat the gang go to a monastery on an England off the south coast of England. Despite finding the life of work and celibacy hard going the gang find the remote location the perfect place for reworking hot nick before selling it on.

Very much of it's time, this comedy features plenty of famous faces from British comedy and a style of humour that is based more on attitude than fantastic jokes. As such it isn't really that funny but is more amiable than anything else. The laughs are expected to come from the juxtaposition of the cockney slang with the monk's dress. It works to a certain extent – but really you need to be content to make do with this style of humour and not much else. I rarely laughed out loud and the set up only brought a vague sense of humour to the film.

The story goes nowhere in particular. I won't be spoiling anything to say that our gangsters soon fall into the monk's life with a certain affection. Rather than go anywhere the film just gets as much mileage out of the set up as possible before quickly drawing things to a close with an unsatisfying and hasty conclusion. It is pretty poor but if you're after a dated piece of British comedy then this is OK but not as funny as the better of the Carry On series.

The cast are OK. All well know faces playing their caricatures to full effect. Windsor is a little annoying and the film uses her for her blonde bimbo looks and her breasts. The majority all have cockney clichés to act out and do it with a certain amount of fun. It's good to see faces like Cribbins, Fraser, Kaye, Brambell and Hayes in a film.

Overall this is not very good but I didn't expect very much from basically a sub-Carry On caper movie. Manages to get some smiles out of the set up but really it's a bit stretched with nowhere to go at the end.

Criminals in Cassocks

[richardchatten · 2/10 · 31 January 2020]

After a slick credits sequence parodying the Great Train Robbery (with Barbara Windsor taking over as driver!) this surprisingly elaborate production in CinemaScope and Technicolor relocates of all places to Cornwall were it proves disconcertingly rambling and preachy (if you'll pardon the word)!

Worth noting are brief supporting appearances by a young Corin Redgrave in his film debut, Arnold Ridley treading water before becoming a household name in 'Dad's Army', and former Devil Girl from Mars Patricia Laffan making her final film appearance as Gregoire Aslan's foxy blonde mistress.

Desperately weak comedy.

[splendidchap · 2/10 · 31 January 2020]

A promising premise that fails to live up to its potential. The third rate cast and fourth rate script produce a laugh-free comedy whose only redeeming feature is an appearance from a young Francesca Annis. Watch only if you have absolutely nothing else to do with your time.

A life of crime can become a bad habit!

[General Urko · 8/10 · 7 November 2001]

A group of criminals are on the run after a train robbery & find the perfect hiding place. A remote monastery on a small Cornish island. However after a shaky start the criminals start to adapt & enjoy their new life. But will their criminal origins catch up with them? A classic British comedy from the golden age with a cast of familiar faces from the big & small screen( Babs Windsor, Ron Fraser, Wilfrid Brambell , Cribbins etc). Sadly many of them are no longer with us.Not as cheeky as the Carry Ons but with some similarities,fans of UK comedy will enjoy this great British crime caper with its gentle humour & great characters.Their initial mishaps in dealing with a more sedate, natural life offer many classic scenes & the characters shine through. A shame we don't make 'em like this anymore.

Both daft & amusingly engaging.

[Hotwok2013 · 8/10 · 12 September 2015]

"Crooks In Cloisters" is the kind of comic movie that is unlikely to be ever made again, mores the pity. After a gang of London thieves rob a train their leader Walter (Ronald Fraser) finds a place for them to hide out until the heat dies down. It is a disused monastery on an island off the coast of Cornwall. They disguise themselves as monks & eventually get used to & even like their new lives. Brother Willy (Melvyn Hayes) becomes a pig farmer whilst Brother Squirts (Bernard Cribbins) gets himself a pet goat and collects apples from the orchard. Brother Lorenzo (Gregoire Aslan) tends the vineyard & Brother Specs (Davy Kaye) gets lumbered with milking the cows. Barbara Windsor plays the Father Superior Walt's gangsters moll Bikini & as she is very obviously a woman she is easily the most preposterous monk of them all. Walt wants her to prepare the gangs meals & she tells him she can't cook so he gets Squirts to buy a cookbook on a visit to the mainland. When they get a visit by a couple of genuine monks Walt tells Specs in his thick Cockney accent to, "Keep your trap shut. You know how bad you talk". Squirts is a heavy gambler & is the owner of a greyhound. He asks a local fisherman visitor from the mainland, Phineas (Wilfred Brambell) to place a £100 bet on the dogs at Hackney races. It wins costing the bookmaker a lot of money. The bookie complains to a detective from Scotland Yard who immediately becomes suspicious. Phineas grand-daughter June is played by the beautiful young Francesca Annis who Willy falls in love with. When Walt decides it is time to leave the rest of the gang have got used to their new lives & are reluctant to do so. Bikini has become a good cook & is particularly annoyed. Walt tells the them, "Get on her!. She didn't know that chips was made from taters until she read it in that book I bought her". The gang are just leaving their hideout when detectives from London roll up, but they are too late & get caught. Willy had left slightly earlier with his beloved June & is the only gang member to escape the law. The reviews by others for this movie are somewhat mixed but I liked "Crooks In Cloisters" a lot.

a classic of the time

[raypdaley182 · 8/10 · 25 July 2006]

Take some famous actors playing small time criminals making good while bigger gangs are in prison. Bernard Cribbins, Barbara Windsor, Melvyn Hayes, as some of the crooks and Wilfred Bramble appears as an old sailor who helps the crooks by transporting their ill gotten gains which they recycle and turn into clean loot that can be sold on.

The crooks buy an island and pretend to be monks. You just know that problems are going to happen. Almost being caught by tourists and the old sailor. Almost being caught by the monks who used to live on the island.

Cribbens can't keep away from gambling and wagers on his greyhound.

The monks do manage to start to make an honest living growing food on the island and start to enjoy it!

All the time while they are on the island they are in hiding from the police who are trying to catch the last big criminal gang.

Babs Windsor is very much playing the dizzy blonde, but she's a very cheesecake pin-up style beauty.

Melvyn Hayes comes down with and recovers from the flu (after divine intervention?) but Cribbens's Greyhound leads the police to the island with the large bets being made on it.

The criminals are not eager to leave the island when their leader tells them it's safe for them to leave. They have become happy with the simple life that the island gives them.

As the criminals are leaving the island the police are hot on their tail. Finally the law put 2 and 2 together and are wanting the monks. They are caught but not before they give the island back to the real monks but we are left wondering what was in the suitcase - Fake Money, Silver, Gold, Jewels?

Getting into bad habits!

[ShadeGrenade · 9/10 · 11 May 2010]

How many British comedies can I name with the word 'crooks' in the title? Let me see now. There was 'Too Many Crooks', 'Crooks Anonymous', 'Crooks & Coronets'...um...I think that's it. All these pictures were based on the same premise - a gang of lovable crooks plan a daring robbery, only to foul it up completely. 'Crooks In Cloisters', however, begins with a robbery - a small-time London-based gang - headed by the gruff Walt ( Ronald Fraser ) - robs a train, and eludes the long arm of Superintendent Mungo ( Alistair Williamson ) of New Scotland Yard by living on a remote Cornish island as monks. As you might expect, being used to the high life they struggle to adapt to their new surroundings.

The other gang members include Bernard Cribbins, Melvyn Hayes, Davy Kaye, Gregoire Aslan, and - sticking out like the proverbial sore thumb - Barbara Windsor as the wonderfully named 'Brother Bikini'. Being a woman she has to be kept out of sight at all times, hence she is confined to the kitchen. Her first culinary attempt is a disaster - boiled sausages. She does not even bother to separate them. Windsor's bubbly persona would later be carried over into the 'Carry On' series.

Normally in a film like this you'd expect Sid James to play the leader of the gang, but Ronald Fraser makes a decent enough substitute. When Willy ( Melvyn Hayes ) falls gravely ill, Walt does something he has never, ever before done - he prays to God. Cribbins raises a few laughs especially as he has been given responsibility of the monastery goat.

Also around are Wilfred Brambell as a boat captain and - in his first movie role - the recently deceased Corin Redgrave, in the role of 'Brother Lucius'.

Directed by Jeremy Summers ( who also made the Tony Hancock masterpiece 'The Punch & Judy Man' ), this is a nice little film that keeps you smiling throughout. As was the case with so many of these British comedies, the crooks are such nice folk you almost want them to get away scot free.