Beach Party (1963)
Robert Cummings: Professor Sutwell
Photos
Quotes
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Here, take a look, please.
Marianne : Oh, not me! I blush easily. I'm a Philadelphia girl.
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Marianne, this book will be my triumph.
Marianne : And you'll never get it though the mail. But hang on to the picture rights, I'm sure American International will snap it up in a minute.
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Cappy : Just one thing, Professor, will you level with me? What's with the feather duster? The beard? You think it moves the chicks?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : No, it usually works the other way.
Cappy : I don't dig. You don't want to level with me?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : All right, I'll level with you. When I first started out at Harvard, I was the youngest professor at the university. I was so young that it was sickening. No one took me seriously. Every time when I opened my mouth to speak, my students laughed, the other professors laughed, even the janitors laughted. Well, I knew it couldn't go on for long before I would be fired by the dean who did not want a professor that his students didn't take seriously. So one day at lunch, I sat down in the student cafeteria and presented my problem to this old professor friend of mine. And without even glancing up from his soup, he said to me: "buy yourself a pair of glasses and grow a beard." So you see, all of this is just 18 years of professor windowdressing.
Cappy : Amazing how our lives parallel. You have that, and I have this.
[points to the goatee on his chin]
Cappy : You know why I grew this? I got a dimple in my chin and I didn't want anyone mistaking me for Kirk Douglas.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : But you don't look anything like Kirk Douglas.
Cappy : See? It works.
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Eric Von Zipper : Ah, Professor?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes, Mr. Von Zipper?
Eric Von Zipper : I wonder if we could talk for a minute?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You mean like palaver?
Eric Von Zipper : We could do that, too.
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : I'm doing research on post-adolescent surf dwellers. I'm writing a book. It's called the Sutwell Report.
Cappy : How 'bout that.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : I'm studying their rather primitive behavior patterns.
Cappy : Boy, you came to the right cat. If anything you want to know about these kids I can tell you the whole thing in two words - they're nuts.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : They're nuts?
Cappy : Yes, see, you noticed it too.
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : [flying DeeDee in his plane] Dolores, this is a great little plane, it will do anything.
Dolores : [her face turns green] Will it land?
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : [helping DeeDee out of the plane] Will I see you tomorrow?
Dolores : Only if they allow me visitors.
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Marianne : Well! I can see the headlines now: Famed Anthropologist Dr. R. O. Sutwell Arrested As A Peeping Tom.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : My, dear young woman, at this moment I'm concentrating on developmental biology in human beings.
Marianne : That's what I mean.
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : It's my new book. Oh, by the way, how do you like this title: The Behavior Pattern of the Young Adult and it's Relation to Primitive Tribes.
Marianne : I've got a shorter title.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : What's that?
Marianne : Teenage Sex!
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Marianne : Have I ever said no?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Come to think of it, you never have.
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Marianne : I'll help.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Thank you, Marianne.
Marianne : On one condition.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes, what's that?
Marianne : After you write this book on sex...
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes?
Marianne : Read it!
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : The music you hear in the background they're playing - a brief footnote on a comparison to Haitian Voodoo ceremony.
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Dolores : You better let me go.
Eric Von Zipper : Hey! I like you. And what Eric Von Zipper wants, he gets.
[moves in for a kiss]
Dolores : No. No! Don't!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Excuse me. Excuse me.
Eric Von Zipper : Huh?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : I'm R.O. Sutwell. I'm sorry to intrude; but, you're molesting this young lady.
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Dolores, I've got to confess something to you. You've suddenly become very important to me and I'm interested in finding out more about you.
Dolores : Oh?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You see, I'm an explorer. I explore. You understand?
Dolores : Yes, I understand.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You're my first contact.
Dolores : Really? At your age?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes. And to men at my age, first contacts are terribly important.
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You know, I think it would be better if we talked this over at my place.
Dolores : [gulp] Alright.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You mean you will?
Dolores : Yes.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Tomorrow then.
Dolores : Tomorrow?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes, say about noon.
Dolores : Oh, Robert, you even know when a girl shouldn't be rushed!
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Would you say that I'm an old man?
Marianne : Older than what?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Older than young.
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Marianne : [Dolores leaves] No wonder you feel old.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Marianne, that's my first contact. It's pure research! It's business.
Marianne : Lolita business.
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Dolores : Isn't it a hooting day!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes, it - a hooting day?
Dolores : The sets are so glassy!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : The sets are glassy?
Dolores : The waves! They're just like glass!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Oh, I see. Tell me something. Hooting, now, as I see it, means, sort of a cry of pleasure - from the word: to hoot?
Dolores : Oh, yeah. Robert, you're so intelligent!
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Marianne : By the way, how did the game go last night? Any home runs?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : No. But, it wasn't exactly a shut out.
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : I'm really enjoying this. Scratch you later, chick.
Marianne : Eh, *dig* you later.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Dig? Oh, yes, yes. Yes, I must work on that.
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Dolores : Robert, you know I like you very much.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : I like you too.
Dolores : Thank you. But, I just can't stand by and listen to what they're saying about you behind your back.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : What are they saying?
Dolores : They're calling you awful things, like: hair mattress, old billy goat, pig bristles, and the finger!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : The finger?
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Frankie : Who's she?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : She happens to be...
Marianne : His girl!
Frankie : Boy, for an oldie, you really move around!
Marianne : He takes vitamins.
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Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You know, Marianne, you won't believe this; but, my next trip is gonna be to the Mariana Islands.
Marianne : Oh!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes.
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Eric Von Zipper : Look, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'!
J.D. : That's right, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Who are you?
J.D. : J.D.
Eric Von Zipper : That's short for "Juvenile Delinquent."
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Frankie : I want to talk to you about Delores. I'm Frankie.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Oh, hi, Frankie. I'm...
Frankie : I know who you are.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You do?
Frankie : You're the guy that's been cutting in on my time!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : No, please, just a moment I...
Frankie : You're brainwashing her with your beard!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Brainwashing her with my beard?
Frankie : Why else would she be crazy about someone like you?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Now that, I resent.
Frankie : I mean, you're an old man.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Now just a second. If you're so crazy about Dolores, why are you running around flirting with that Hungarian goulash?
Frankie : Because she's my girl.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Who? Goulash?
Frankie : No, Dolores!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Oh, I see now, yes! You're trying to make her jealous. Put her down. Typical Aborigine attitude. I suppose you'd like to drag her off on your surfboard by the roots of her hair.
Frankie : Yes, I would! I love her. Look, I know how you can love her too because she's lovable. But I'm telling you this: I am not gonna let any over aged fuzzy-face take away my girl! Not, if I have anything to do with it, and believe me Mister, I do! By the way, how are you fixed for blades?
[Frankie exits before Sutwell can say anything, who then sighs with frustration]