- The General: To the airport as quickly as possible. We've got to get out of here before the Americans have time to offer us aid.
- Otto: Refuse aid? But you know how poor our people are. Our entire wealth is composed of liquor, a few Japanese cameras, and a library of forbidden books confiscated by the customs. Our entire income is derived from deliberately printing stamps with defects in them. And by now, even the philatelists are growing suspicious.
- Hooper Moulsworth: [trying to persuade the General to cast his vote on the United Nations amendment from which he has abstained] Why, a child could understand it!
- The General: [obdurate] Alas, I'm no longer a child.
- Otto: You may say you didn't understand the motion, but that never stopped a real statesman from voting.
- The General: Incidentally, you know, they know you know they know you know - code.
- Hooper Moulsworth: What? Are you sure?
- The General: I'm positive, because I've been talking, you know...
- Hooper Moulsworth: Thank you! Thank you! I shan't forget this!
- The General: YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW?
- Hooper Moulsworth: NO!
- The General: We'll send you to the Mauve Friars. They neither stand nor sit. They walk about on their knees.
- The General: In view of the fact that in our opinion, the amendment to the amendment of the amendment of the draft resolution is incomprehensible, my delegation regretfully abstains.
- reporter: Where is Concordia?
- The General: Why should I tell you? The reason it still survives may be because no one can find it.
- The General: So what are you doing here, Miss Juliet?
- Juliet Moulsworth: I'm joining my parents during the University vacation.
- The General: Oh.
- Juliet Moulsworth: Here's my ticket.
- Joseph the Pilot: You mean you paid for this trip?
- [laughs]
- The General: Otto, for many centuries now, we have survived by paying each other in bad money. Once all money is bad, it's as good as good money.
- The General: Otto, my gloves please. The pair without the holes in them.
- Otto: Both pairs have holes in them.
- The General: In that case, either pair will do.
- The General: The important thing in diplomacy is to have a door that will lock, even if there is nothing behind it.
- Igor Romanoff: I am an officer, sir. I am incapable of cowardice.
- The General: Believe it or not, sir, I am an officer myself. I am incapable of almost everything.