- Cheryl Heath: I just love banana splits. Is it all the wonderful mixed-up flavors, or is it something Freudian?
- Gertrude Ross: Actors don't have mothers. They're the only people on earth who give birth to themselves.
- Sidney Schreiber: I should be in the American flag business. Cigarettes turn me blue, whiskey turns me red, and women turn me white.
- Gertrude Ross: You've GOT to get a haircut. And if you have to let the barber give you Novocaine, let 'em!
- Mike Rule: Now where do you want a honeymoon?
- Kitty Foster: [amorously] What difference does it make - we'll never leave our hotel room!
- Kitty Foster: [to Mike] Where else could you get a wife so carefully trained to kneel, bend, and squat charmingly?
- Dale Heath: [about to crash, forced to choose between saving himself or the airliner] I WONT kill them, I'm DIVING!