Susan Slept Here (1954)

Alvy Moore: Virgil, Mark's Gofer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mark Christopher : Now every law has a loop-hole. What can we do, Harvey? She's a nice kid.

  Virgil, Mark's Gofer : You and Isabella can adopt her, if you don't tell Isabella.

• Harvey Butterworth, Mark's Lawyer : Just a simple little annulment, Susan. And since you and Mark aren't really married...

  Susan Beaurgard Landis : But we are married. We drove to Las Vegas and came back with a wedding license.

  Virgil, Mark's Gofer : You're lucky. Usually people don't come back with anything.

• Virgil, Mark's Gofer : But as a very wise child bride pointed out: who needs me around here? I'm too old for college and too young for charity. That leaves the navy.

  Mark Christopher : Deserter.

• Susan Beaurgard Landis : Leave me alone! Let me go!

  Maude Snodgrass : *After* I've talked to you like a mother.

  Virgil, Mark's Gofer : What do *you* know about motherhood?

  Maude Snodgrass : I happened to have typed the script to 'Stella Dallas.'

• Virgil, Mark's Gofer : Hey, woman of distinction, I thought you gave up drinking?

  Maude Snodgrass : I only say that when I'm loaded. When I sober up, I come to my senses and get loaded.

• Virgil, Mark's Gofer : Any judge who starts handing out 17 year old chicks to 35 year old bachelors will become President next election. Of course, you could fool a court by marrying the girl, supporting her on what you haven't got.

• Virgil, Mark's Gofer : Take a lot of coffee, don't ya?

  Sergeant Monty Maizel : Only black. It's the cream and sugar that hurts you.

• Isabella Alexander : [snidely]  My father is Senator Rufus D. Alexander.

  Sergeant Sam Hanlon : You'll still have to leave.

  Isabella Alexander : You'll have to carry me out.

  Sergeant Monty Maizel : Hold my cheese sandwich.

  [hands it to Susan] 

  Isabella Alexander : The Senator will have you broken!

  Sergeant Monty Maizel : Ha! A Democrat. He's got his own troubles.

  [picks up Isabella on his shoulder and carries her out of the bedroom] 

  Isabella Alexander : Enough of this! Put me down!

  Sergeant Monty Maizel : I can't hear ya lady, I've got flat feet.

  [opens apartment door, Virgil enters] 

  Virgil, Mark's Gofer : Isabella, what are you doing up there?

  Isabella Alexander : Wishing I were a Republican!

• Maude Snodgrass : Here's to ya, Junior.

  Virgil, Mark's Gofer : Don't call me Junior! Or, I'll cancel your mamba lessons at Arthur Murray's.

• Harvey Butterworth, Mark's Lawyer : He can't be serious.

  Virgil, Mark's Gofer : Oh, he's serious and he'll convince her he's serious and she'll take him serious and he'll start writing serious and we'll all be in serious trouble.

• Virgil, Mark's Gofer : Mark, so help me, I was as surprised as you are. When I read it, my tattoo turned over.

• Virgil, Mark's Gofer : It's easier to fall in love in 12 hours than it is in 12 months.