Trama

Daffy Duck pitches to J.L. Warner a starring role with himself in a ridiculously over the top swashbuckler film.

Daffy tries to sell movie studio head J.L. his script for a swashbuckler set in Merry Olde England, a plot involving a maiden in distress, a scheming Chamberlain, an evil Grand Duke and a dashing masked hero (to be played by Daffy, of course).—Paul Penna <tterrace@wco.com>

Tired of comedy roles, Daffy Duck sells studio chief J.L. on a 2,000-page script to a swashbuckling adventure in 18th century England. The adventure involves The Scarlet Pumpernickel, a good-natured desperado who covets the hand of Lady Melissa, the ward of the evil Lord High Chamberlain. The Lord High Chamberlain decides to lure Scarlet into a trap by forcing the marriage of Lady Melissa to The Grand Duke, which leads to a wild chase and sword fight. Daffy's script calls for miscasting such as Sylvester Cat as The Grand Duke and Porky Pig as Lord High Chamberlain and even at 2,000 pages the script isn't finished when Daffy makes his pitch, forcing him to improvise an apocalyptic ending that leaves him muttering about the difficulty of selling a story in Hollywood.—Michael Daly

At the Warner Bros. Studio in Hollywood, a frustrated Daffy is talking to his boss J.L., complaining that he's been typecast in nothing but comedies. He appeals to J.L. for a dramatic role, and demonstrates by presenting a ridiculously long script he's written, entitled "The Scarlet Pumpernickel". He begins reading it to J.L.

The script presents Daffy in the title role, as a daring swashbuckler who always evades the Lord High Chamberlain (played by Porky Pig) and his evil henchmen. The lord's lady, Melissa Duck, is madly in love with Scarlet, although the Chamberlain does not want her near him. One day, he gets an idea-- he decides to marry Melissa to the Grand Duke (played by Sylvester), which would quickly bring Scarlet into town for his men to kill. The Grand Duke is both happy at the opportunity to marry Melissa, and furious at the prospect of the Scarlet Pumpernickel getting involved.

Melissa is heartbroken when she hears the news, being locked in a tower to cry her eyes out and lament that she will never marry Scarlet. The Scarlet Pumpernickel does make it into town, albeit disguised as a gentleman. He takes up lodging at an inn (the innkeeper being played by Elmer Fudd) and prepares to visit Melissa. Back at Warner Bros, Daffy is 192 pages into his script and is getting exhausted, but a fascinated J.L. implores him to continue.

The disguised Scarlet Pumpernickel visits the Lord Chamberlain, who tells him that Melissa does not want to be seen until after the wedding. At that moment, the Grand Duke enters and declares that since the Scarlet Pumpernickel is in town disguised as a gentleman, the wedding must take place that night. The lord agrees, and Daffy immediately returns to the inn, changes into his Scarlet Pumpernickel garb, and goes off to rescue Melissa. He jumps from the inn window and prepares to land on his horse, but misses. Dazed, he mutters, "That's funny... that never happens to Errol Flynn."

The wedding is taking place at the Lord Chamberlain's castle. Scarlet stops outside, and scales the ridiculously high wall by poking himself in the buttocks with a pin (labeled "Ye Little Olympic High Jumper"). He lands in the wedding area, and mutters, "I'll have to check with Errol..." just as Melissa notices him and flees the wedding with him. Daffy is 1,666 pages into the script now, but J.L. is still riveted to the story, and an exhausted Daffy continues reading.

Scarlet takes Melissa to the inn, and leaves, this time using a parachute to successfully land on his horse ("Here's a wrinkle Errol never thought of."). At that moment, the Grand Duke enters the inn. He is pursuing the Scarlet Pumpernickel, and desires refreshment. He notices Melissa in the room, and goes up and threatens her. At that moment, Scarlet swings from a tree, meaning to go through the window, but instead smashes through the wall. The Grand Duke and Scarlet engage in a sword fight.

By this point, Daffy has reached the end of the script, and begins wildly improvising an ending (which includes events like an erupting volcano and food prices skyrocketing) without revealing who won the sword fight. A frustrated J.L. asks, "Is that all?" An exhausted Daffy simply says, "There was nothing for the Scarlet Pumpernickel to do but blow his brains out, which he did." He then takes out a revolver and shoots himself in the head. He gets up for a moment to remark, "It's getting so you have to kill yourself to sell a story around here!" Iris out.