Brideless Groom (1947)

Shemp Howard: Prof. Shemp Howard

Photos 

Quotes 

• Shemp : [Giving instructions to Miss Dinkelmeyer]  Gargle with old razor blades.

  Miss Fanny Dinkelmeyer : All right, professor. I know you wouldn't want anything to happen to my throat.

  [exits] 

  Shemp : [to Larry]  Except to have somebody cut it.

  Larry : How'd you like to be married to a dame like that?

  Shemp : Don't even say that!

• Shemp : [to Miss Dinkelmeyer during class]  You're supposed to be singing about the voices of spring, not the eruption of a volcano.

• Moe : Shut up and listen. Do you remember your Uncle Caleb?

  Shemp : Do I? Why, that old tightwad! He'd steal flies from a blind spider!

  Moe : But, Shemp, he's...

  Shemp : He's a louse and a weasel!

  Moe : Yeah? Well, he just died and left you $500,000 bucks.

  Shemp : Just like that old skinflint!

  [gasps] 

  Shemp : $500,000 bucks?

  [begins to cry] 

  Shemp : Poor old Uncle Caleb! Like I was sayin', he was a swell guy, giving me the shirt off his back and throwing the buttons too.

• Shemp : [Moe enters and opens the door in Shemp's face] 

  [to Moe] 

  Shemp : I oughta...

  Moe : [to Shemp]  You oughta what?

  Shemp : I oughta be a little more careful.

• Shemp : [on the phone in phone booth]  Hello, is this Ginger Grey? It is? Well, this is your little snookums. I'm about to do ya a big favor, will ya marry me?

  [click] 

• Moe : You know any girls?

  Shemp : [pulls a black book out of his pocket]  I got a lot of numbers, but haven't had much luck with them lately.

  Moe : Well, you can't get killed for trying. Where's a phone?

  Shemp : [turns around and points]  There's a booth down the hall.

  Moe : [grabs Shemp's hair and pulls him towards the door before he can finish his sentence]  Well, what are we waiting for?

• Moe : [opens a top drawer, looks, then to Shemp]  Say, where are the towels?

  Shemp : In the bottom drawer.

  Moe : [shakes his head, then opens the bottom drawer, and pulls out a towel]  Ah, here we are.

  [stands straight up, and puts his head through the bottom of the still open top drawer. He turns around slightly groggy and walks towards Shemp with the drawer still around him] 

  Larry : [to Moe, laughing]  Boy, you sure look funny wearing a buster brown collar.

  Moe : [handing Larry the towel]  Hold that.

  [Larry takes it, then Moe removes the drawer and puts it over Larry] 

  Moe : You do too!

• Shemp : [admiring self in mirror]  Oh, there I am, and as pretty as a picture!

  Moe : [with a slap to Shemp]  Yeah, of an ape!

• Moe : Those dames you phoned this morning found out about the 500 grand in the papers. Come on, pal, we gotta make this quick.

  J.M. Benton, Justice of the Peace : Uh, have you got the ring?

  Shemp : Why certainly. Certainly, I got it.

  [he drops it as he takes it out of his coat pocket] 

  Shemp : Oop.

  Moe : It went in the piano.

  [going over to look] 

  Moe : Get it. You see anything?

  Shemp : Yeah. Wires.

  [Moe mushes his head down] 

  Shemp : Listen, you...

  Moe : What?

  Shemp : You know what? I think the piano's out of tune.

• Shemp : You are too fortissimo. Too allegro. Too quantro.

  Miss Fanny Dinkelmeyer : Oh, is that bad?

  Shemp : It ain't good.

• Shemp : [to Moe in phone booth]  Moe, where's your hat?

• Shemp : [to Miss Dinkelmeyer]  That's enough for today, you might hurt your voice. Ya know, bend it or crack it or break it or something.

• Shemp : Shemp: "All I wanted to do was get married."

  Miss Fanny Dinkelmeyer : Miss Dinklemeyer: "Married? Oh, Professor! This is so sudden."

  Moe : Moe: "You mean you'd really marry him?"

  Miss Fanny Dinkelmeyer : Miss Dinklemeyer: "Why, yes! He's my little old dreamboat."

  Shemp : Shemp: "Your little dreamboat is sailing. Hoot! Hoot!"