Mit dir geteilt
- Leon: You like Scotch stories?
- Ninotchka: Never heard one.
- Leon: Well, two Scotchmen met on the street - and I don't know the name of the street, it doesn't matter anyway - one's name was McGillicuddy. The other one's name was McIntosh. McGillicuddy said to McIntosh, "Hello, Mr McGillicuddy." McGillicuddy, McIntosh said to McGillicuddy, "Hello, Mr. McIn - Mr. McGillicuddy." Then, McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, "How's Mrs. McIntosh?" And McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, "How's Mrs. McGillicuddy?"
- Ninotchka: I wish they'd never met.
- Comissar Razinin: This anonymous report was sent to me. They're dragging the good name of our country through every cafe and nightclub. Here: How can the Bolshevik cause gain respect among the Muslims if your three representatives Bujlianoff, Iranoff and Kopalski get so drunk that they throw a carpet out of their hotel window and complain to the management that it didn't fly?
- Prologue: This picture takes place in Paris in those wonderful days when a siren was a brunette and not an alarm - and if a Frenchman turned out the light it was not on account of an air raid!
- Leon: A radio's a little box that you buy on the installment plan, and before you tune it in, they tell you there's a new model out.
- Russian Visa Official: To an unseen caller: "Hello! Comrade Kasabian? No, I am sorry. He hasn't been with us for six months. He was called back to Russia and was investigated. You can get further details from his widow."
- Pere Mathieu, Cafe Owner: Now, what shall it be?
- Ninotchka: Raw beets and carrots.
- Pere Mathieu, Cafe Owner: Madame, this is a restaurant, not a meadow.
- Iranoff: What a charming idea for Moscow to surprise us with a Lady Comrade.
- Comrade Kopalski: If we had known, we would have greeted you with flowers!
- Ninotchka: Don't make an issue of my womanhood. We're here to work, all of us.
- Ninotchka: I must have a complete report of your negotiations and a detailed expense account.
- Buljanoff: No, non, Ninotchka. Don't ask for it. There's an old Turkish proverb that says: If something smells bad, why put your nose in it?
- Ninotchka: And there is an old Russian saying: The cat with cream on his whiskers had better find good excuses.
- Leon: It's midnight. Look at the clock, one hand has met the other hand, they kiss. Isn't that wonderful?
- Leon: A man comes into a restaurant. He sits down at the table. He says, "Waiter, bring me a cup of coffee without cream." Five minutes later the waiter comes back and says, "I'm sorry sir, we have no cream, can it be without milk?"
- Ninotchka: I am so happy. Oh, I'm so happy! No one can be so happy without being punished. I will be punished and I should be punished.
- Leon: I'll picket your whole country! I'll boycott you! That's what I'll do. No more vodka. No more caviar. No more Tchaikovsky! No more borscht!
- Ninotchka: I am a traitor. When I kissed you, I betrayed a Russian ideal. I should be stood up against the wall.
- Leon: Would that make you any happier?
- Ninotchka: Much happier!
- Leon: All right.
- [Walks Ninotchka over to the wall, puts a blindfold on her and pops open a cork of champagne]
- Ninotchka: I have paid the penalty. Now, let's have some music!
- [Ninotchka is examining a map of Paris]
- Leon: Pardon me, are you an explorer?
- Ninotchka: No. I'm looking for the Eiffel Tower.
- Leon: Good heavens, is that thing lost again? Oh, are you interested in a view?
- Ninotchka: I'm interested in the Eiffel Tower from a technical standpoint.
- Leon: Technical? No, no, I'm afraid I couldn't be of much help from that angle. You see, a Parisian only goes to the tower in moments of despair to jump off.
- Ninotchka: How long does it take a man to land?
- Leon: Now isn't that too bad? The last time I jumped, I forgot to time it.
- Iranoff: He is cutting our throat.
- Buljanoff: What can we do? We have to accept.
- Comrade Kopalski: Comrades, comrades. Don't let's give in so quickly. After all, we have to uphold the prestige of Russia!
- Buljanoff: All right, let's uphold it for another ten minutes.
- Ninotchka: So, it's your house?
- Leon: Well, let's say I live in it. It's such a pleasant little place. It has all the comforts. Easy to reach - near the subway, bus and streetcar...
- Ninotchka: Does it mean you want me to go there?
- Leon: Oh, now, please, please, don't misunderstand me.
- Ninotchka: Then, you don't want me to go there?
- Leon: No, no, no, no. No, no. I didn't say that either. Naturally, nothing would please me more.
- Ninotchka: Then, why don't we go? You might be an interesting subject of study.
- Leon: I'll do my best.
- Leon: Ninotchka, tell me, you're so expert on things, can it be that I'm falling in love with you?
- Ninotchka: Why must you bring in wrong values? Love is a romantic designation for a most ordinary biological or, shall we say, chemical process. A lot of nonsense is talked and written about it.
- Leon: Oh, I see. What do you use instead?
- Ninotchka: I acknowledge the existence of a natural impulse - common to all.
- Leon: What can I possibly do to encourage such an impulse in you?
- Ninotchka: You don't have to do a thing. Chemically, we're already quite sympathetic.
- Ninotchka: [3 pretty cigarette girls eagerly enter hotel suite, and are dismayed to confront a scornful Ninotchka] Comrades, you must have been smoking a lot.
- Russian Visa Official: Everything is in order. Enjoy your trip to Russia, Madam.
- English Lady Getting Visa: Thank you. Oh, by the way, I've heard so many rumors about laundry conditions in Russia. Is it advisable to take one's own towels?
- Russian Visa Official: Certainly not, Madam! That is only Capitalistic propaganda. We change the towel once a week.
- Ninotchka: [to Leon] I want to tell you something which I thought I would never say, which I thought nobody should ever say because I thought it didn't exist. And Leon, I can't say it.
- Ninotchka: Now, don't misunderstand me. I do not hold your frivolity against you. As basic material, you may not be bad; but you are the unfortunate product of a doomed culture. I feel very sorry for you.
- Leon: Good evening, Gaston.
- Gaston: Good evening, Monsieur.
- Ninotchka: Is this what you call the butler?
- Leon: Yes.
- Ninotchka: Good evening, Comrade.
- [shakes Gaston's hand]
- Ninotchka: This man is very old. You shouldn't make him work.
- Leon: He takes good care of them.
- Ninotchka: He looks sad. Do you whip him?
- Leon: No. But, the mere thought makes my mouth water.
- Ninotchka: A day will come when you'll be free. Go to bed, little father. We want to be alone.
- Leon: You like Scotch stories?
- Ninotchka: Never heard one.
- Leon: Well, two Scotchmen met on the street - and I don't know the name of the street, it doesn't matter anyway - one's name was McGillicuddy. The other one's name was McIntosh. McGillicuddy said to McIntosh, "Hello, Mr McGillicuddy." McGillicuddy, McIntosh said to McGillicuddy, "Hello, Mr. McIn - Mr. McGillicuddy." Then, McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, "How's Mrs. McIntosh?" And McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, "How's Mrs. McGillicuddy?"
- Ninotchka: I wish they'd never met.
- Grand Duchess Swana: Have you forgotten our first commandment? Never complain, never explain. Now, it's worked so often and so perfectly in the past. Let's not break the rule. And please don't look so guilty!
- Leon: I warn you gentlemen, if this case comes to trial, it'll be before a French court. And when the Grand Duchess takes the stand...
- Iranoff: All right, go ahead. Get her on the witness stand. What can she say?
- Leon: Well, how will she look? The fashions this Spring are very becoming to her. Oh, Gentlemen, the judge will be French. The jury will be French. Everybody in the courtroom will be French. Have you ever seen a French court, when a beautiful woman sits in the witness stand and then raises her skirt a little? You sit down and pull up your pants and where would it get you?
- Iranoff: That must be the one.
- Buljanoff: Yes. He looks like a Comrade.
- Man at Railroad Station: [with a Nazi Salute] Heil Hitler.
- German Woman at Railroad Station: [with a Nazi Salute] Heil Hitler.
- Iranoff: No, that's not him.
- Buljanoff: Positively not.
- Ninotchka: What's that?
- Comrade Kopalski: It's a hat, Comrade. A woman's hat.
- Ninotchka: How can such a civilization survive which permits their women to put things like that on their heads. It won't be long now, Comrades.
- Ninotchka: How much does this cost?
- Iranoff: 2,000 Francs.
- Ninotchka: A week?
- Iranoff: A day!
- Ninotchka: Do you know how much a cow cost, Comrade Iranoff?
- Iranoff: A cow?
- Ninotchka: 2,000 Francs. If I stay here a week, It will cost the Russian people seven cows. Who am I to cost the Russian people seven cows?
- Ninotchka: The Revolution is on the March... bombs will fall, civilizations crumble -- but not yet! Let us have our time. Let us be happy.
- Leon: You can't tell me that you don't look forward to the day when you can come in here, stand square on your two feet and say, "From now on, it's share and share alike."
- Gaston: Emphatically not, sir. The prospect terrifies me. Now, don't misunderstand me, sir. I don't resent your not paying me for the past two months, but the thought that I should split my bank account with you - that you should take half my life's savings - that is really too much for me, sir.
- Grand Duchess Swana: Isn't it amazing? One gets the wrong impression of the new Russia. It must be charming. I'm delighted conditions have improved so. I assume this is what the factory workers wear at their dances?
- Ninotchka: Exactly! You see, it would have been very embarrassing for people of my sort to wear local gowns in the old Russia. The lashes of the Cossacks across our backs were not very becoming. And you know how vain women are.
- Grand Duchess Swana: Yes. You're quite right about the Cossacks. We made a great mistake when we let them use their whips. They had such reliable guns.
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