The Dentist (1932)
W.C. Fields: Dentist
Photos
Quotes
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Benford's Tough Son : So, you're the guy that hit my father on the head.
Dentist : Yes, you want to make anything out of it.
Benford's Tough Son : [socks him in the jaw]
Arthur - The Iceman : [rising to the Dentist's defense] I'd like to see you do that again.
Dentist : Is it necessary for him to do it again?
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Dentist : [as an unconscious golfer that he hit in the head with his ball is dragged away] Get those teeth out of there, too, they're right in my lie.
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Mary - Dentist's Daughter : [after her father has patted her on the derriere as she looks into the ice box] Fifty pounds and chop it fine.
Dentist : [reading from a newpaper] "Mrs. Unclebeck..."
[looking up when her words have sunk in]
Dentist : What do you mean, "Fifty pounds and chop it fine"?
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : Oh, I thought you were Arthur.
Dentist : Who's Arthur?
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : He's the man I intend to marry.
Dentist : Oh, well, don't tell me anything about it - I'm only your father. I can read in the newspaper. What does he do for a living?
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : Well, he's the iceman.
Dentist : [shocked] An iceman?
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : Yeah, he goes to college. He's a Cornell man.
Arthur - The Iceman : [voice from outside] Iceman.
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : Red Grange was an iceman.
Dentist : He's still an iceman as far as I'm concerned.
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Miss Peppitone - Patient : [nervously] You won't hurt my leg, will you? My doctor says I have a very bad leg.
Dentist : [looking at her shapely leg] Your doctor is off his nut. I don't believe in doctors anyway. There's a doctor lives right down the street here. Treated a man for yellow jaundice for nine years - then found out he was a Jap.
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Dentist : Shall I use gas?
Miss Peppitone - Patient : [nervously] Well, gas or electric light. I'd feel nervous to have you fool around me in the dark.
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[first lines]
Dentist : Where are my glasses?
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : They're on your head.
Dentist : Oh, yeah, thanks. Where's the newspaper?
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : You're sitting on it.
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Dentist : Where are my golf clubs?
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : In your golf bag.
Dentist : Yeah, but, where's the golf...
[trips]
Dentist : ...bag?
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : You just fell over it.
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Mary - Dentist's Daughter : Where's the ice?
Dentist : In the icebox!
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : There's just a little piece left. Now I'll have to get some more.
Dentist : Keep that iceman outta here! I'm going to order a Frigidaire.
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Dentist : Where's my cap?
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : You never wear any.
Dentist : Oh, yeah, that's right.
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Dentist : Open that door!
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : I can't. You locked me in.
Dentist : Where's the key?
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : In your pocket.
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[last lines]
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : Father, you're not *really* going to buy a Frigidaire, are you?
Dentist : [turning in a huff and addressing Arthur the Iceman in an gruff "okay-you-win-but-I'm-not-happy-about-it" tone] Fifty pounds of ice and make it snappy.
Mary - Dentist's Daughter : [leaps into Arthur's arms for a joyful kiss, relieved that her father has accepted her beau]
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Dentist : Don't stand behind when I'm shooting!
Dentist's Caddy : You told me to stand over there, sir.
Dentist : Never mind where I told you to stand. You stand where I tell you!
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Dentist : [to his assistant who is frantically trying to get his attention about the patient screaming in pain in the waiting room as he tells a golf story to another patient] Oh, to hell with her!
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Dentist : Were they burned up. You could have fried eggs on the back of his neck.
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Dentist : A dog bit you?
Miss Peppitone - Patient : Yes. It was a little dachshund. What a little tiny dog.
[bends over, backside to the Dentist]
Miss Peppitone - Patient : He sneaked right up behind me and he bit me right like that.
[pointing to her ankle]
Miss Peppitone - Patient : And I was standing with my back to him and here he was, this little dog, who bit me - right - here!
Dentist : [looking at her backside] You're rather fortunate that it wasn't a Newfoundland dog that bit you.
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Dentist : [talking to his Dental Assistant behind the chair while patient Miss Mason eavesdrops on the conversation] When I tell you to go out and tell one of these palookas that I'm out, go out and tell them I'm out. Don't have these buzzards walk in on me.
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Miss Mason - Patient : [thinking the piece of fallen ceiling plaster the Dentist pulls from her mouth is a tooth] Why, it came out easily, didn't it.
Dentist : Yes it did. Yes it did. A surprise to me.
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Dentist : [referring to his patient, Miss Mason] Is that female wrestler gone?
Dental Assistant : Yes, she's gone.
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Dentist : Have you ever had this tooth pulled before?
Miss Mason - Patient : No!
Dentist : This won't hurt you - much.
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Dentist : Where's the soap?
Dental Assistant : It's in your hand.
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Dentist : [referring to his caddy] That kid's so dumb, he doesn't know what time it is.
Charley Frobisher : Say, by the way, what time is it?
Dentist : I don't know.