Animal Crackers (1930)

Zeppo Marx: Horatio Jamison

Photos 

Quotes 

• Capt. Spaulding : Now read me the letter, Jamison.

  Horatio Jamison : [reading]  "Honorable Charles H. Hungadunga..."

  Capt. Spaulding : [correcting him]  Hungerdunger.

  [they say the "hung" syllable in unison] 

  Capt. Spaulding : Hoong.

  Horatio Jamison : Hungerdunger.

  Capt. Spaulding : That's it, Hungerdunger.

  Horatio Jamison : [continues reading]  "... care of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick."

  Capt. Spaulding : You've left out a Hungerdunger. You left out the main one, too. Thought you could slip one over on me, didn't you, eh?

  [pause] 

  Capt. Spaulding : All right, leave it out and put in a windshield wiper instead.

  [Jamison nods and writes] 

  Capt. Spaulding : I tell you what you do, Jamison, I tell you what. Make it, uh, make it three windshield wipers and one Hungerdunger. They won't all be there when the letter arrives anyhow.

  Horatio Jamison : [rushes quickly through what he's just written]  "... Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger... and McCormick."

  Capt. Spaulding : And McCormick.

  Horatio Jamison : [reading]  "Gentlemen, question mark."

  Capt. Spaulding : [correcting him]  Gentlemen, question mark? Put it on the penultimate, not on the diphthongic. You wanna brush up on your Greek, Jamison. Well, get a Greek and brush up on him.

  Horatio Jamison : [reading]  "In re yours of the fifth inst..."

  Capt. Spaulding : I see.

  Horatio Jamison : Now, uh... you said a lot of things here that I didn't think were important, so I just omitted them.

  Mrs. Rittenhouse : Well!

  Capt. Spaulding : Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

  [suddenly tries to hit Jamison with his switch, but misses; he falls] 

  Mrs. Rittenhouse : [helps Spaulding up]  Oh, Captain! Good gracious! Oh, my.

  Capt. Spaulding : [to Jamison]  So, you just omitted them, eh? You just omitted the body of the letter, that's all. You've just left out the body of the letter, that's all. Yours is not to reason why, Jamison. You've left out the body of the letter.

  [pause] 

  Capt. Spaulding : All right, send it that way and tell them the body will follow.

  [swings his switch indignantly] 

  Horatio Jamison : Do you want the body in brackets?

  Capt. Spaulding : No, it'll never get there in brackets. Put it in a box. Put it in a box and mark it, uh..."fragilly."

  Horatio Jamison : Mark it what?

  Capt. Spaulding : Mark it fragilly. F-R-A-G... Look it up, Jamison, it's in the dictionary. Look under "fragile." Look under the table if you don't find it there.

• [Spaulding has repeatedly told Jamison to take a letter to Spaulding's lawyers, but he has kept interrupting himself] 

  Capt. Spaulding : I say, take a letter to my lawyers!

  Horatio Jamison : Well I am taking it!

  [long pause, as nothing has yet been written] 

  Capt. Spaulding : Honorable Charles H., uh, Hungerdunger, care of Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick... semicolon.

  Horatio Jamison : How do you spell semicolon?

  Capt. Spaulding : All right, make it a comma.

  [pause] 

  Capt. Spaulding : Honorable Charles. H. Hungerdunger, care of Hunger...

  [rushes through the repetition] 

  Capt. Spaulding : ... and McCormick.

  [pause] 

  Capt. Spaulding : Gentlemen, question mark?

  [grunts] 

  Horatio Jamison : Do you want that, uh,

  [grunt] 

  Horatio Jamison : in the letter?

  Capt. Spaulding : No, put that in an envelope.

  [pause] 

  Capt. Spaulding : Now then. In re yours of the fifth inst., yours to hand and beg to rep... brackets...

  [pause] 

  Capt. Spaulding : ... We have gone over the ground carefully, and we seem to believe, i.e., to wit, e.g., in lieu, that, uh, despite all our... precautionary measures which have been involved...

  [pause] 

  Capt. Spaulding : ... uh, we seem to believe that it is hardly necessary for us to proceed unless we, uh, receive an ipso facto that is not negligible at this moment, quotes, unquotes, and quotes...

  [pause] 

  Capt. Spaulding : ... uh, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain...

  Horatio Jamison : [interrupting]  Hoping this finds him where?

  Capt. Spaulding : Well, let him worry about that. Don't be so inquisitive, Jamison.

  [insultingly] 

  Capt. Spaulding : Sneak.

  [pause] 

  Capt. Spaulding : I say, hoping this finds you, I beg to remain, as of June 9th, cordially yours, regards. That's all, Jamison.

• [Jamison finishes reading the letter that Spaulding dictated to him] 

  Horatio Jamison : [reading]  "Quotes, unquotes, and quotes."

  Capt. Spaulding : That's three quotes?

  Horatio Jamison : Yes, sir.

  Capt. Spaulding : Add another quote and make it a gallon. How much is it a gallon, Jamison?

  Horatio Jamison : Regards.

  Capt. Spaulding : Regards. That's a fine letter, Jamison, that's an epic. That's dandy. Now, I want you to make two carbon copies of that letter and throw the original away. And when you get through with that, throw the carbon copies away. Just send a stamp, airmail, that's all. You may go, Jamison. I may go too.

• Guests : Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer!

  Capt. Spaulding : Did someone call me schnorrer?

  Guests : Hooray, hooray, hooray!

  Horatio Jamison : He went into the jungle where all the monkeys throw nuts.

  Capt. Spaulding : If I stay here, I'll go nuts.

  Guests : Hooray, hooray, hooray! He put all his reliance / In courage and defiance / And risked his life for science.

  Capt. Spaulding : Hey, hey!

  Mrs. Rittenhouse : He is the only white man who covered every acre...

  Capt. Spaulding : I think I'll try and make her...

  Guests : Hooray, hooray, hooray!

• Capt. Spaulding : [Dictating a letter]  "Dear Elsie" - no, never mind "Elsie".

  Horatio Jamison : Do you want me to scratch "Elsie"?

  Capt. Spaulding : Well, if you enjoy that sort of thing, it's quite alright with me. However, I'm not interested in your private affairs, Jamison.

• Capt. Spaulding , Ravelli , Horatio Jamison : [they walk in, singing]  We will sing one song for my old Kentucky home, For my old Kentucky home, Far away... So far away.

  Capt. Spaulding : [song ends]  This program is coming to you from the House of David.