Nobody genuinely thinks "Emily in Paris" is a good show, right? It doesn't seem like anybody in the world is comparing Darren Star's Netflix original to, say, "The Wire" or "The Sopranos," or even great television comedies like "Veep" and "30 Rock." The offenses committed by "Emily in Paris" and the titular character Emily Cooper -- gratingly played by Lily Collins -- are numerous and infuriating, especially as the show enters its fourth season. There's a larger issue, though, other than the show just being "bad" or "an astoundingly terrible vision of what it looks like to live in Paris." The show is rotten from its very root because it's fundamentally incapable of telling a story.

"Emily in Paris" is abysmal at storytelling, to the point where it doesn't even bother with the basic conventions of the form. There is never any real conflict on "Emily in Paris," there are no stakes whatsoever,...