In our current IP-obsessed Hollywood blockbuster landscape, it's hard to not feel like movies are becoming really expensive commercials to get us to buy things. But at the same time, the American economy is such garbage that I've accepted the fact I'll never be able to afford a mortgage, but I can afford to splurge a little bit on a collector's edition Weird Barbie from Greta Gerwig's "Barbie" movie.

My house is decorated with assorted film and TV posters and toys already, so it isn't as if buying "Barbie" merch is a new thing, and had the film not earned a 9 out of 10 in my review, I certainly wouldn't be investing in limited edition dolls. Before "Barbie" hit theaters, Mattel sold a handful of Ken dolls, including one in his custom Calvin Klein-inspired denim and visible underwear band, and later wisely started selling "I am Kenough" hoodies to...