Something Old, Something New...

CBS was king of the prime time soaps which were at the top of the ratings throughout the 80s. Besides juggernauts like FALCON CREST & DALLAS star-studded mini-series like PAPER DOLLS, RETURN TO EDEN and BARE ESSENCE were vying for a slot on the schedule. Robert JACQUELINE SUSANN'S VALLEY OF THE DOLLS Grauman created the 2 part mini series based on the the vapid best selling paperback by Meredith Rich. The director chose Robert Hamilton to adapt the globe-trotting drama for the TV screen . Hamilton also worked on the high profile BONANZA reboot PONDEROSA, you may remember.

The A-List cast included Linda DYNASTY Evans as the oft married Lady Bobbi, Lee VALLEY OF THE DOLLS Grant as the oft widowed Ava Marshall & the Queen of daytime television Genie Francis as the woman everyone wants to love, possess or destroy ... Tyger Hayes! Francis played Laura on GENERAL HOSPITAL on & off since 1977 & by the time she was cast as Tyger Hayes was an Emmy winning, internationally known actress with a tremendous fan base. Her casting generated a lot of buzz. The always reliable Bruce THE SCARECROW AND MRS. KING Boxleitner & the usually charming Joel BEST OF THE WEST Higgins play 2 of the grieving heiress' many lovers. The movie was a hit with audiences & creators Grauman & Hamilton were invited to produce BARE ESSENCE as a weekly series for NBC. Unfortunately of that exceptional cast only Francis would commit to the 1983 show.

Other artists co-starring in this romantic claptrap about board rooms and bed hopping include John DYNASTY II: THE COLBYS Dehner, Susan CAPTAIN AMERICA II: DEATH TOO SOON French, John BOSTON LEGAL Larroquette, Donna LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDORED THING Mills, Maidie WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE? Norman, Margan FAME Stevens, Johnathan STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION Frakes, Belinda MAN FROM ATLANTIS Montgomery, Tim QUARK Thomerson and Wendy KNOTS LANDING Fulton as Ava's slightly insane daughter Muffin.

BARE ESSENCE was a slickly produced melodrama I quite enjoyed watching again 4 decades later.

Robert Hamilton had a very respectable track record having worked on popular brands like JAKE AND THE FAT MAN and SPENSER: FOR HIGHER while his directorial partner Walter Grauman shot entire seasons of MURDER, SHE WROTE but cut his teeth on ABC MOVIE MOVIES OF THE WEEK like CROWHAVEN FARM. Their 1982 mini-series adaption of Meredith Rich's trashy paperback best seller was a huge success for CBS who had DALLAS and SECRETS OF MIDLAND HEIGHTS cluttering up their soapy schedule already. NBC who fell flat on their faces with expensive BOMBS like FLAMINGO ROAD and THE YELLOW ROSE throughout the era of decadent prime time drama leapt at the chance to finally chart their own guilty pleasure ala MODELS INC. or CENTRAL PARK WEST. Sadly, this lavishly produced, all-star soap FLOPPED as spectacularly as BERRINGERS.

With only GENERAL HOSPITAL's Genie Francis returning from the main cast BARE ESSENCE revolved around the over-hyped Tyger Hayes whom the fans didn't embrace. Her fanbase was devoted to 'Luke and Laura' and not thrilled she jumped the daytime ship to headline another series. Ava Marshall was played to the hilt by Jessica 90210 Walters while Jennifer SCANNERS O'Neal played Tyger's aloof mother Lady Bobbi.

Jonathan ROSWELL Frakes, Morgan MELROSE PLACE Stevens, Michael DYNASTY Nader, Ian JOHN WICK CHAPTER 4 McShane & Jamie THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS Lynn Baurer co-starred along with Wendy KNOTS LANDING Fulton as Ava's slightly insane daughter Muffin.

BARE ESSENCE was poised to become a genuine cult classic within the genre but failed to find an audience & was cancelled after only 11 episodes made it to air. The program was rebroadcast to more appreciative European viewers throughout the 80s.

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR was based on an insanely well promoted novel by the obscure Jay Anson shortly before his death. The hoax devised by George & Kathy Lutz primarily was intended to exploit a real tragedy that occurred at 112 Ocean Avenue prior to their purchase of the 'possessed' house. In 1974 a young man named Ron Defoe shot gun massacred his sleeping family there one dark and stormy night! The Lutz family (including 3 children) are soon under attack themselves by the mostly invisible evil spirits, if the book is to be taken seriously.

The novel sold millions of copies cementing it's rep among devotees of Charles Berlitz' THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE or Erich Von Daniken's CHARIOTS OF THE GODS. Comic book scribe John G. Jones wrote 4 increasing ridiculous 'authorised' Lutz adventures with Robin Karl's Amityville: The Nightmare Continues lastly considered canon. It was an unusually hot commercial property for B-movie studio American International Pictures to acquire so soon before their bankruptcy in 1980. They cast Canadian actress Margot Kidder fresh from the set of SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE & Babs boy toy James Brolin who appeared in the cult classic; THE CAR as the imperilled home owners. The actors share a sincere chemistry that helps keep you watching the pedestrian/sanitised supernatural mumbo jumbo as it predictably unfolds.

Three time Oscar winner Rod HOLLYWOOD WIVES Steiger steals every scene he's in with ease. He's so deliriously over the top you wish their was more of the tormented priest tasked with blessing the house. Five time Academy Award nominee Lalo VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED Schifrin took home a sixth for composing THE AMITYVILLE HORROR's haunting score.

Sandor AMITYVILLE 4: THE EVIL ESCAPES Stern faithfully adapted the book which contained little by way of explicit sexuality or gore. Dell THE INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS Rheaume & William METEOR Cruse barely lifted a finger by way of special visual effects. Director Stuart THE POPE OF GREENWICH VILLAGE Rosenberg allowed the cast to do the work instead of the makeup department.

I didn't dislike THE AMITYVILLE HORROR but never bought into the hype either. As an entertainment I'd rate it on par with Disney's THE WATCHER IN THE WOODS but fans expecting hardcore material will be disappointed. Followed by Dino de Laurentis' production of AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION. Formally remade by Michael Bay in 2005

Following the collapse of A.I.P. famed Italian producer Dino FLASH GORDON de Laurentis called dibs on the brand with this non sequitur, Mexican prequel. The latest John Jones novel The Amityville Horror II stunk so he was unwilling to negotiate with the originators of the infamous hoax George & Kathy Lutz for a bloated licensing fee. As luck would have it a new Amityville horror novel was just published by a writer named Hans Holzer. Murder In Amityville claimed to tell the 'true story' of Ron Defeo's murder rampage back in 1974. The book was a cash in devised between Holzer & Defeo's lawyer at the time. An excellent non fiction account of the Defeo murder trial called High Hopes: The Amityville Murders was in print also & I encourage anyone who's curious as to what really went down take a peep! It's much better than AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSSESSION.

The original poster stated in fine print AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION was NOT a sequel to THE AMITYVILLE HORROR in any way. The source material which was cleverly tied to the film was also largely ignored by the screen writers. Tommy HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH Lee Wallace got the credit but somebody named Doradano THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY Saccetti had their hands all over it first. This has a crude giallo aesthetic and relies heavily on the surge in popularity of make up designs fans saw more of since AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON's release 4 decades ago. The old school makeups & pyrotechnics were generously applied by Glen KING KONG Robertson & John AMITYVILLE 3D Caligone south of the border on the cheap for director Damiano THE TEMPTER Damiani.

The true story is a thing of the past from the opening credits on. The family is now the Montellis with loutish Burt THE AMITYVILLE MURDERS Young & Rutanya MOMMIE DEAREST Alda heading the dysfunctional brood. Their older teens appear to be auditioning for FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC but before you can say; brother humper he gets possessed by the devil! Can a priest save the family from a shotgun massacre? James THE SPELL Olson is a bland choice for an exorcist, btw. He's upstaged every step of the way by those 40 year old gooey prosthetic FX.

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR tried to be a faithful recreation of the Jay Anson bestseller and succeeded. AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION succeeds because the people who made it wanted to make a better horror movie. The prequel also recycled Lalo Schifrin's Oscar worthy score. One of Hans Holzers' other novels THE AMITYVILLE CURSE which was shot in 1990 & 2023 actually never saw a word of print make it to screen either. This minor haunted house hit was arguably no better or worse than the campy 1979 original but it's a much livelier a viewing experience. Followed by the Richard Fleischer catastrophe AMITYVILLE 3-D.

Richard Fleischer was an Oscar winning director who hadn't made anything worth looking at since the 1973 sci fi classic SOYLENT GREEN. At the time he was responsible for a string of Razzie worthy BOMBS including MANDINGO, RED SONJA, MILLION DOLLAR MYSTERY and THE JAZZ SINGER. He would not have been my 1st choice to direct this high profile haunted house pic. He wouldn't have been my 15th choice either! What was producer Dino KING KONG LIVES! de Laurentis thinking? And then David Ambrose signed on to prepare the original screenplay dooming AMITYVILLE: THE DEMON (as it was known for television broadcast). Ambrose isn't someone you ever heard of but if you ever saw his 1981 adaption of the James Herbert horror novel THE SURVIVOR you'd understand why his name in the credits is never a good thing. He does to THE AMITYVILLE HORROR brand exactly what he did to Herbert's beloved novel; He RUINED it!

The grainiest looking 3-D effects since JAWS 3-D didn't help either. The entire visual fx crew looked as though they'd been cherry picked from the set of POLTERGEIST released the year before so you'd think the work would be 100 times better. The 3-D effects are a disgrace! Charles Band was doing cleaner visuals for awful videos like METALSTORM: THE DESTRUCTION OF JARED SYN. Shooting in Mexico to cut cost obvs had an impact but there's also no question in my mind the team of special effects artists only had a fraction of the budget they had at their disposal for the Spielberg film.

The bright and appealing cast which includes Meg SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE Ryan, Lori FULLER HOUSE Loughlin, Robert CSI: NY Jay & Tess TENDER MERCIES Harper so early in their careers uniformly depressed me. What were they doing in this? And why in the name of God was Tony THE MILLION DOLLAR DUCK Roberts cast as the male lead? I'm not sure the guy had even seen a horror movie! They're all dragged kicking and screaming into this tedious nonsense about a possessed well.

AMITYVILLE 3-D was marketed as NOT A SEQUEL in the fine print but George & Kathy Lutz sued anyway hoping to drum up publicity for their book Amityville: The Final Chapter. Nobody cared. In the end as part 3-D BOMBED. It was a chore to sit through and remains the least interesting of the formal franchise. DEG would soon be forced into bankruptcy because of south of the border productions like AMITYVILLE 3-D and David Lynch's DUNE. The brand de Laurentis inherited from American International fell dead in it's tracks until the series revival in 1989.

Sandor JOHN & YOKO: A LOVE STORY Stern was a no-brainer to direct this unnecessary revival of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR franchise for NBC. Stern was best known for his respectable adaption of the Jay Anson novel. He does the same regurgitating the 'possessed lamp' chapter of John AMITYVILLE: IT'S ABOUT TIME Jones book as a teleplay. He makes no effort whatsoever to improve the preposterous story about a demonic lamp sold at an Amityville yardsale. The networks were scrambling to make TV movie sequels to faded brands...LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ROSEMARY'S BABY, OMEN IV: THE AWAKENING, PSYCHO IV: THE BEGINNING, etc. It was only a matter of time.

The god awful book 'authorized' as a true account of what happened after George and Kathy's RL divorce is recounted here. A yardsale at the haunted house results in a hideous lamp being shipped to California. Nobody suspects that Satan lives in the bulb or that it's planning to bloodlessly murdered all of them in keeping with tv movie standards at the time. You can't help but admire AMITYVILLE 4: THE EVIL ESCAPES because it's so jaw droppingly stupid.

A cast of pros play the material with consummate straight faces. They pay no attention whatsoever to to glowy floor model peeking at them when their backs are turned. Patty VALLEY OF THE DOLLS Duke, Jane FATHER KNOWS BEST: HOME FOR CHRISTMAS Wyatt, Brandy V: THE FINAL BATTLE Gold, Aron. PRAYER FOR. THE ROLLERBOYS Eisnor and Norman AUDREY ROSE Lloyd all deserved better than what they got!

There's not a scare to be had but plenty of unintentional snickers at the sight of Richard FIRESTARTER 2: REKINDLED Strutland''s pathetic lamp. The marketing of this tv movie sequel as the fourth was a smart step towards establishing the brand's identity moving forward. Followed by an unofficial sequel based on the Hans Holzer novel THE. AMITYVILLE CURSE in 1990.

In the 80s comic book writer John Jones tried to diversify THE AMITYVILLE HORROR brand by excluding the Lutz family. His concept was the same used by producer Frank Mancuso for FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES. The show which was in 1st run syndication at the time AMITYVILLE 4: THE EVIL. ESCAPES saw publication concerned cursed objects. Jones forgettable Amityville spin-off kick-started the brand with a modestly successful TV movie sequel. That guilty pleasure featured a possessed lamp. This slightly superior sequel is about a satanic clock purchased at an Amityville garage sale.

Jones smartly entered into a production deal with Christopher WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE? Defaria. At the time Defaria was building his rep with solid direct-to-video fare like TREMORS 2: AFTERSHOCKS so his commitment to write & produce back-to-back Amityville sequels was a step in the right direction for the franchise. Defaria became a major player in Hollywood producing George Miller's MAD MAX: FURY ROAD and Steven Spielberg's READY PLAYER ONE.

This was the second feature for nondescript director Tony Randel who fans barely remember for HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II. AMITYVILLE 1992: IT'S ABOUT TIME doesn't even begin to approximate the 'Pinhead' pic as a special effects extravaganza however in one regard Randel excels. Randel captures the same energy as the Lemarchand puzzle box using the ever expanding guts of an evil clock. Peter Q: THE WINGED SERPENT Curan has just enough cash to make the clockworks fun to watch.

Stephen KNOTS LANDING Macht, Shawn BAYWATCH: PANIC ON MALIBU PIER Weatherly, Damon GHOULIES II Martin & Megan MELROSE PLACE Ward starred as the likeable clan hurled into supernatural displacements in the space/time continuum. Dick FAME Miller, Nina SUPERTRAIN Foch & Jonathan BLOODFIST VII: MANHUNT Pemmer filled out the charismatic cast.

This 5th film in THE AMITYVILLE HORROR series (not counting the in-name-only Canadian video THE AMITYVILLE CURSE made in 1990) may not have had a lavish budget like the de Laurentis sequels but Defaria got his money's worth with AMITYVILLE 1992... and it's immediate continuation AMITYVILLE: A NEW GENERATION.

Christopher GRAVITY Defaria wrote/produced 2 direct-to-video sequels to THE AMITYVILLE HORROR as part of a deal with John Jones. Jones wrote 4 novels based on the 'true story' made famous by Jay Anson. His 3rd excluded the original hoaxters (George & Kathy Lutz) & chose instead to focus on cursed objects sold at an Amityville yardsale. The premise established by AMITYVILLE 4: THE EVIL ESCAPES was showing it's age by the time this formulaic haunted mirror pic rolled off the assembly line.

AMITYVILLE: A NEW GENERATION is a slick, generic, well-cast story about a loft dwelling co-op of artists who become possessed by the evil spirit of a mirror. The mirror is given to them by a guy who shogun massacred his family at 112 Ocean Avenue but he's not scripted as RL killer Ron DeFeo or as Sonny Montelli who showed up in AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION.

Richard SHAFT IN AFRICA Roundtree, Terry MILLENNIUM O'Quinn, Ross PROM NIGHT Partridge, Julia READY PLAYER ONE Nickson & David AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON Naughton fill the credit scroll nicely but none of them are putting the least bit of effort into this as if they were expecting the special effects to do the heavy lifting.

Tony Randel who made the similar AMITYVILLE 1992: IT'S ABOUT TIME had at least an affinity for the genre and made an impression with fans with HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II. Director John Murlowski only had the drab slasher pic THE RETURN OF THE FAMILY MAN to show by way of inexperience. I think he expected the visual artist team to sell this stale bit of cheese too! The fx team consisted of TV movie mainstays Allan DEVIL DOG: THE HOUND FROM HELL Blaisdell & Joshua THE HAUNTED Culp while the makeups were sparingly provided by Ed COWBOYS VS ZOMBIES Martinez. This tolerable video with a low bodycount a t least looks more polished than it is thanks to the Oscar winning cinematography of Wally Pfister who fans know today for his work on THE DARK KNIGHT trilogy. Followed by the superior AMITYVILLE: DOLLHOUSE.

AMITYVILLE: DOLLHOUSE was the best of the 'cursed object' direct-to-video pics loosely spun off from AMITYVILLE 4: THE EVIL ESCAPES. Steve White who served as an executive producer on that cultish 1989 TV movie & every sequel since also more than capably directed this fast paced yarn about a pleasant family under attach by the evil spirit living inside a child's dollhouse. The toy is a reproduction of 112 Ocean Avenue; the birthplace of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR hoax.

The cast is filled with names you never bothered to get to know like Starr SCANNER COP Andreeff or Robin FROM THE DEAD OF NIGHT Thomas but the performers are uniformly engaging. Laura Schiff is a multiple Emmy Award winning casting director known for series like MAD MEN so know you're in good hands going in to this 7th official Amityville pic.

The visual effects artists played a more pro-active role than was required for the less entertaining AMITYVILLE: A NEW GENERATION. Josh 3 FROM HELL Foster, Larry THE CROW: SALVATION Roberts & Mark FULL TILT BOOGIE Allen have been given a few moments to shine.

I'm giving this unusually strong entry in the franchise an additional star for cinematographer Thomas Callaway who is a legend within the B-movie community. He's known for CREEPOZOIDS, TALES FROM THE HOOD 3, RAGIN' CAJUN REDNECK GATORS, SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II & CLICK: THE CALENDAR GIRL MURDERS to name a few! He offers a lot of credibility to his pics by way of his experience. You'll see more of Callaway's skill on display than from Joshua SURVIVOR Michael Stern who wrote the standard issue screenplay. Not that I'm hating. AMITYVILLE: DOLLHOUSE is the best of the sequels to date, IMO. Followed by a brand reboot in 2005.

Michael Bay hasn't always left a good impression with genre fans because his remakes (FRIDAY THE 13TH, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, THE HITCHER, etc) frequently compare badly to the originals. This reboot of the occasionally popular THE AMITYVILLE HORROR franchise is a welcome exception to the producers' spotty track record.

Most of the credit goes to screenwriter Scott Kosar who adapted the tame novel by Jay Anson & the original A.I.P. cult classic scripted by Sandor AMITYVILLE 4: THE EVIL ESCAPES Stern. He's done noteworthy work in recent years on projects like THE CRAZIES, THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE & THE BATES MOTEL. He does solid, respectable work. The director also did an OK job trying to amp up the material. Andrew Douglas was known for music videos rather than features but he manages to give this minor hit considerable visual appeal. A better cinematographer than Peter HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS Collister behind that camera would have helped. While I'm knit picking, the perfectly acceptable score Steve THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING Joblonski turned in doesn't even come close to being as effective as the Oscar nominated composition Lalo Schifrin wrote more than 4 decades ago.

Canadian actor Ryan DEADPOOL 2 Reynolds and MULHOLLAND DR. actress Melissa George are easily on par with James Brolin & Margot Kidder who first played the infamous hoaxters back in '79. Attention has also been paid casting the Lutz children this time around. Jimmy POSEIDON Bennett, Jesse THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT James and Chloe CARRIE Moritz help breathe life into this upscale remake. The family claims they were attacked by evil spirits at 112 Ocean Avenue not long after purchasing the 'cursed' house. Turns out the property was the scene of a multiple homicide in 1974.

KNB handled the practical makeup special effects. They're known for cable series like MONSTERS and the splatter in Larry Cohen's MANIAC COP 3: BADGE OF SILENCE while powerhouse Industrial Light and Magic provided the seamless CG elements. THE AMITYVILLE HORROR is arguably the best of the series but sadly it's still only slightly above average IMO. This modest box office hit was met with unenthusiastic reviews. Followed by the unreleasable AMITYVILLE: THE AWAKENING in 2017.

Oscar winning actress & occasional Scream Queen Jennifer THE HITCHER Jason Leigh starred as the mother of a brain dead teen who moves her son & his twin sister to the infamous 112 Ocean Avenue. She hopes the satanic energy emitting from the secret red room will restore his health but his sister fears the possession will lead to a repeat of the DeFoe massacre. Bell DIRTY SEXY MONEY Thorne is great as Leigh's daughter and Cameron GOTHAM Managhan gets around to being fun to watch when the script finally lets him out of bed. The cast is uniformly excellent including Kurtwood THAT 90'S SHOW Smith as the neurologist at a loss to explain the young man's sudden recovery. As good as they all are none are capable of overcoming a script loaded with drek.

The special effects team also failed to deliver the much needed goods. The list of artists who contributed to AMITYVILLE: THE AWAKENING is as long as your arm. Many are staples at Blumhouse including Oscar winning make up artist Howard THE HATEFUL 8 Berger and you'll see their work in HALLOWEEN KILLS, THE INVISIBLE MAN and BLACK CHRISTMAS. What's not to love? As good as they are the main protagonist is a quadriplegic much of the time. Sometimes that device can work as it did in PATRICK but this set up isn't even as much fun as MONKEY SHINES. Game over.

Franck Khalfoun wrote & directed this unambitious but very polished looking horror movie. It's significantly better than MANIAC but somewhere along the way over 10 minutes of R rated scenes were cut by the studio to obtain a PG-13. AMITYVILLE: THE AWAKENING packs no punch. Test screenings were dismal so the movie sat on the shelf for nearly 4 years.

When AMITYVILLE: THE AWAKENING was finally released The Weinstein Company was closing it's doors because of multiple criminal & civil suits filed against Jewish film-maker Harvey Weinstein. The metoo movement declared the movie's catastrophic box office failure a victory for women. AMITYVILLE: THE AWAKENING made less than a grand before it was pulled from theatres and gifted to global streaming services with no fanfare. This 9th & final instalment compares well to AMITYVILLE 1992: IT'S ABOUT TIME and is par for the franchise imo.

Hans Holzer was a new age vegan guru selling quackery like 'The UFO-nauts: New Proof of Extraterrestrial Landings' & 'Elvis Presley Speaks!' to whatever high school drop out who'd listen. He cut a deal with spree killer Ron DeFeo's lawyer to write a book about the killings. George & Kathy Lutz had a similar scam on the go entitled THE AMITYVILLE HORROR and weren't thrilled to see their intellectual property poached. Holzer's fictional account of the Defoe murders was marketed quite successfully as an unofficial prequel to the Jay Anson best-seller. Italian producer Dino de Laurentis bought the rights to Murder In Amityville and transformed it into a reasonably well made horror movie; AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION. While the Lutz hoaxters sued Ron DeFeo's sleazy lawyers for stealing their brand Hans put his tiny brain to work on his ultimate true account of what really caused the possession of 112 Ocean Avenue. He called it; THE AMITYVILLE CURSE!

The book is ridiculous trash that was made into a turgid Canadian rip off of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR. It was shot in Quebec inside a house that looks nothing like the infamous Long Island home.The plot was adapted poorly by people you've never heard of. This hoax states the bastard son of a murdered priest is to blame for the hauntings. 3 years later Holzer wrote yet another pirate themed explanation for the possession called The Secret of Amityville no one believed either. Tom Berry who is a businessman known for hundreds of film & tv productions directed without enthusiasm. He showed more talent behind the scenes filming the recent V.C. Andrew's LANDRY mini series. He tries to get by on haunted house cliches that would have made Bela Lugosi blush and the worst fx since STARSHIP INVASIONS! There was no money for special effects anyway but what little smoke and lights there was were provided by the crew of SNAKE EATER II: THE DRUG BUSTER which was filming nearby.

Two of Canada's more high profile actors appeared in this boring mockbuster; Jan ONE MAGIC CHRISTMAS Rubes & Kim INNOCENT BLOOD Coates. Both are unusually bad but their material is cringe worthy at times. The rest of the cast should have been dubbed. Close your eyes and THE AMITYVILLE CURSE sounds like it was staged as downtown Toronto dinner theatre. Helen VISITING HOURS Hughes was the only other name I sorta knew from the cast and even she turned in an embarrassing performance.

In the new millennium the Amityville hoax is alive and well. THE AMITYVILLE CURSE which entirely failed to make an impression in 1990 was remade in 2023 against all better judgement. The adult children of George & Kathy Lutz are still selling their parents snakeoil just as Holzer's daughter sells his to a new generation of underachievers.

Ghost Hunter Alexandra Holzer shopped this adaption of her father's best forgotten 1989 novel of the same name to global streaming services. She also served as executive producer along with Hans who's been dead for more than a decade. More marketing than macabre, I'd say but the real question is why anyone would want to remake THE AMITYVILLE CURSE in the 1st place.

Hans Holzer's unpopular and ignored retcon of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR hoax featured a 10th rate murder mystery as the REAL reason for the demonic possession. The ridiculous backstory he concocted was promoted as 'non fiction' as was this Tubi Original nudge, nudge, wink, wink. It's no less cheap and shameless than Chistopher Lutz' recent MY AMITYVILLE HORROR which also propagates the lies his deceased parents told. The only divergent point worth noting is that a few paranormal experts were written into the mix which weren't mentioned in that boring Canadian mockbuster nobody liked.

The vaguely identifiable cast includes Brendan WRAPPED UP IN CHRISTMAS Fehr, Dillan THE GREAT CHRISTMAS SWITCH Casey, Vannessa CHRISTMAS BENEATH THE STARS Smythe & Michael CHRISTMAS COMES TWICE Xavier. Most of the backstage folks worked on those artery clogging Lifetime holiday TV movies too. This cost about half as much to make and features a quarter many FX so horror fans need not get their hopes up. Dennis ATOMIC BETTY Wheaton adapted the book which Eric WHEN LOVE BLOOMS Tessier made worse by directing. Followed by (probably) The Secret of Amityville. It's the only dead horse of her fathers Alexandra hasn't beaten yet.

If the end scroll is to be believed Dustin THE LEGACY OF BOGGY CREEK Ferguson did everything from property management to film editing, from electrical services to set design. He also provided the effects. I refuse to call them special! He certainly does like taking credit, doesn't he? He credits himself as the writer/director of AMITYVILLE: CLOWNHOUSE and markets this mockbuster as if it were a sequel to the official THE AMITYVILLE HORROR franchise. Ferguson is a plagiarist recycling concepts John Jones was selling 35 years ago to network TV.


This was the 2nd film in an unofficial sequel trilogy following the forgotten THE AMITYVILLE TOYBOX and proceeding the forgettable AMITYVILLE IN THE HOOD. It steals the cursed object premise in it's entirety from AMITYVILLE 4: THE EVIL ESCAPES while paying repulsive homage to mass murderer Ron DeFeo. The shotgun murders are depicted as having been committed by a clown. No particular reason other than IT was big in theatres. The clown vanishes and the rest of the video concerns a symbol banging stuffed monkey haunting the new owners.

Julia SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT 2: THE REVIVAL Farrell, Ben NEMESIS 5: THE NEW MODEL Gothier & Darren KRAMPUS: THE DEVIL RETURNS Barcomb lead this sorry cast of unknowns. The only pleasant surprise was seeing a badly aging Mark Patton again after all these years. Patton was to A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE what Langenkamp was to the original as Nancy. He deserves a whole lot better than a day player in this garbage. 2 out of 10 stars and 1 of them's for Patton.

Dark Infinity is the 'cool alias' Dustin Ferguson promotes himself as sometimes when he's throwing these videos together on the weekend. I loathe to describe his continuous stream of content as movies because film making is about art. AMITYVILLE IN THE HOOD is at best an example of copyright infringement. These are backyard productions made for less money than it costs to buy a decent used car which are then dumped onto global streaming services to lure in the gullible.

This dismal mockbuster is the 3rd of a trilogy of unauthorised sequels to THE AMITYVILLE HORROR following the unwatchable AMITYVILLE TOYBOX and AMITYVILLE CLOWNHOUSE. If you missed those horrible vids take heart in knowing Dork Infinity has thoughtfully padded this worst instalment with over 20 minutes of depressing stock footage! Sitting through that nonsense once was bad enough. The archived material puts this at barely over an hour but sorry viewers will agree; it still feels too long!

With the stuffed monkey finally dead, drug dealers start a grow op in 112 Ocean Avenue then distribute the evil weed to racist stereotypes in Compton. I didn't find AMITYVILLE IN THE HOOD as overtly racist as the similarly stupid LEPRECHAUN 6: BACK TO THE HOOD but that's because it's mercifully only half as long. At least the Leprechaun pic had a few memorable rap tunes to spice up the blaxploitation. Can't even say I liked the box art and usually that's all you get that's worth looking at with Wild Eye. They make The Asylum look like MGM by comparison. Dim Infinity shared the writing credit with Jeremiah ARACHNADO 2: FLAMING SPIDERS Douglas as if that'll sweeten the pot.

Daniel Farrands wrote the lousy slasher movie HALLOWEEN: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS. Mostly he makes fawning documentaries about Freddy Kruger and Jason Vorhhees nobody but the most thirst trapped nerds would have any interest in watching. In 2005 his History Channel special AMITYVILLE: CONFIDENTIAL was included as a free disc in the box set containing the 1st 3 Amityville movies. None of what he filmed even remotely resembles this retcon of events. Farrands also produced the unreleasable AMITYVILLE: THE AWAKENING. This fan made horror pic isn't in any way formally connected to the official brand despite the production credit. This is a fictional account of the real life Defeo murders told by a guy who's seen way too many bad movies. Hans Holzer did it better 40 years ago with Murder In Amityville. So did de Laurentis converting it to film as AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION.

Two actors from the original DeFeo hoax were cast in this recon...Burt Young & Diane Franklin but neither are playing members of the doomed family this time. The only name other than Young you might recognise is Lainie THE JERK, TOO Kazan. The bulk of the cast is made up of working actors who's names you're never going to know. The supernatural mumbo jumbo is cheaply layered into this tame murder drama with no skill. This feels like a mockbuster but you've got to give Ferrands a little credit. He obviously is an admirer of the brand. That said; THE AMITYVILLE MURDERS is hollow articulation of that love and mostly a way for him to cash in on an established franchise. I have not a lot of respect for how this guy presents the Defeos. The only one who treated them worse IRL was Ronald Jr.

I didn't know any of the backstage folks other than (minimally) the writer/director himself. The crew appears to be made up of folks who worked on his recent serial killer videos including THE HAUNTING OF SHARON TATE and TED BUNDY: AMERICAN BOOGEYMAN. You'll see nothing much by way of sex or graphic violence. Watching Yuri Geller bend spoons was more thrilling than what this impoverished rip off has to offer.

The real life killer who inspired this tacky, talky & entirely fictionalised vid dropped dead not long after it's release having served 47 of his 150 year sentence.

THE AMITYVILLE HARVEST was the 1st of a loosely connected trio of Amityville mockbusters written, produced and directed by Thomas Churchill who somehow scored a distribution deal with Lion's Gate. Seeing a name-brand associated with backyard film-makers does not bode well for the industry or audiences IMO. The video is a mashup of stolen concepts arbitrarily bannered by the place name Amityville but sharing none of the backstory fans expect pertaining to the Dutch Colonial at 112 Ocean Avenue.

Some of the copycatted scenes were taken from THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE for example. There's a Choptop lookalike (Yan THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE Birch) who drives a hearse & another briefly seen nutcase who embalms corpses. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to play LEATHERFACE or Dr. Satan from Rob Zombie's HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES but he's lousy at both. These guys exist only to pad the screen time as do the fright-less A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET dream sequences that kill time but are apropos of nothing. You'll be (mis)treated to a backyard homage to the bartender scene from Kubrick's THE SHINING just because Churchill had nothing especially interesting of his own to contribute.

Kyle Lowden is a good actor known for his leading man roles on the daytime soaps THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL and DAYS OF OUR LIVES. He plays a vampire named Vincent Miller who runs a funeral parlour in Long Island. Lowden is clearly channelling Frank DRACULA Langella & Christopher THE HORROR OF DRACULA Lee but he's not even on par with Ben Cross who unremarkably took a stab at Barnabas Collins for the 1990's reboot of DARK SHADOWS. He invites the crew of a reality web series to his lair so that he can reveal to the world it was he who was behind the assassination of Lincoln & that he plans to kill them all! In addition to his insane entourage Miller can use telepathy, the power of invisibility & his Freddy Krueger-esque dream warrior super power to kill the film crew. All that and the only thing that's scary is how lame everything is and how fast it got that way.

Of the forgettable cast Sadie WRONG TURN 6: THE LAST RESORT Katz & Brandon BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 Smith try their best but are swept away by the stupidity of the screenplay. Smith was also a producer so he may have kicked in a few grand for vanity's sake. The dozen producers could afford one special effects person named Joe Castro who shot a few squibs of blood & crafted a Halloween decor cadaver that looked even more fake than the one he made for THE AMITYVILLE VAMPIRE two years later. There's no nudity or anything close to realistic gore but I wasn't bored stiff watching THE AMITYVILLE HARVEST like I usually am suffering through one of the unofficial sequels to the campy 1979 hit THE AMITYVILLE HORROR. I still wouldn't recommend it or (spoiler alert!) Churchill's banal werewolf-themed THE AMITYVILLE MOON which unnecessarily hit streaming services soon after. 3/10

THE AMITTYVILLE MOON was the 2nd video for William Churchill in a very informal trilogy of mockbusters unexpectedly distributed by Lionsgate who also pimped THE AMITYVILLE HARVEST & THE AMITYVILLE RISING to thirsty global streaming services. In his thanks during the end credits Churchill names a few of his influences (ie: artists whose shots he's clumsily plagiarized) including Joe THE HOWLING Dante & John AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON Landis. The writer, producer, director etc may have copied some camera angles closely but doesn't have the skill to make the set-ups work This reminded me of HOWLING IV: THE ORIGINAL NIGHTMARE for it's formulaic mystery. The werewolf material is strikingly similar to the substandard fabrications created for THE HOWLING: REBORN. Churchill should have given thanks his unauthorised sequel isn't too much worse.

Tim ALIEN ORIGIN McClurry plays an Amityville cop investigating the disappearance of delinquent teenage girls (half of whom are played by actresses obviously in their 30s) from a church shelter. A secretly wed priest is feeding the 'kids' to his wife who has been living at the church disguised as a nun to obtain victims in the form of a werewolf. The cast is a slop bucket but only a few supporting guest stars are worth mentioning (they are Tuesday A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 4: THE DREAM MASTER Knight and David THE MANSON BROTHERS MIDNIGHT ZOMBIE MASSACRE Meadows). Twice as many truly unskilled actors flatly fill the screen including Augie ANOTHER PLAN FROM OUTER SPACE Duke, Sherri NIGHT OF THE TOMMYKNOCKERS Davis & Cody EVIL BONG 888: INFINITY HIGH Cameron. These guys simply cannot suspend disbelief and Churchilll's script demands a lot!

A handful of special effects people created the old school werewolf costume. Roy DANCES WITH WEREWOLVES Kingrym, Marcel THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE III: FINAL SEQUENCE Banks & Kevin KRAA!: THE SEA MONSTER Hall also were responsible for the blood splatter. There's no gore or nudity & overall I'd say these practical fx aren't even as well designed as what you'd see popping HOWLING VI:THE FREAKS into your bluray. At least something made 35 years ago has an excuse for a sh!tty looking lycanthrope. Followed by AMITYVILLE UPRISING.

Whenever I see a decent actor in one of these bottom of the barrel mockbusters it's a little depressing. Eric Roberts is a respectable performer who's probably thrilled to still be acting but AMITYVILLE: DEATH HOUSE is a long was from his critically acclaimed performances in RUNAWAY TRAIN, KING OF THE GYPSIES and STAR 80. He plays a hooded (so you can't see how embarrassed he is) warlock with a deck of Tarot cards casting the bad fortune of everyone associated with the Dutch Colonial at 112 Ocean Avenue. Such a waste! He was the only person on set with a speck of talent and was given nothing to work with. At least in 2023s unrelated AMITYVILLE BIGFOOT he scored top billing!

This would be Mark Palonia's 1st attempt at ripping off George and Kathy Lutz's 5 decade old urban myth about their possessed Long Island home with an unofficial 'sequel'. He also directed AMITYVILLE EXORCIST, AMITYVILLE ISLAND and AMITYVILLE IN SPACE which have nothing whatsoever to do with AMITYVILLE DEATH HOUSE other than they all stink! John Oak Dalton is a frequent partner in crime and story contributor to Palonia's video sweatsohp Wildeye Releasing with titles like HAUNTED HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW and SHARK ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND on his unimpressive resume. His 'screenplay' is rancid but a few seconds of GC and a name celebrity in the cast at least give this from starvation horror pic an tiny edge over their 2020 non sequitur follow up.

FYI this uninvolving yak-fest contains no nudity, gore or suspense so don't expect much by way of entertainment. A group of friends visit a house that looks nothing like the one where Ron DeFeo murdered his family in 1974 only to discover a 300 year old curse hangs over the property. There's also about 20 seconds worth of spider-woman monster footage by way of woefully inadequate FX from some guy named Brad Steele who's never worked before or since and no wonder! A few of the untrained actors appearing in this boring download reoccur in multiple Wildeye fake THE AMITYVILLE HORROR vids but no one you'd know by name. 1/10 stars.

I started to write a review of this terrible video thinking it would be a breeze knowing I'd watched it before but then realised I couldn't remember anything other than it stunk! Yes, I actually had to watch this garbage twice! It's rancid, worthless & feels 70 minutes overlong. This would be Mark REVENGE OF THE EMPIRE OF THE APES Palonia's 3rd attempt to plagiarise THE AMITYVILLE HORROR franchise with an unauthorised sequel. It's not a sequel. It's barely a movie! This backyard mockbuster is designed to fill a space in a queue on streaming services I wouldn't recommend you watch either.

AMITYVILLE ISLAND is unrelated to Palonia previous rip-offs AMITYVILLE DEATH HOUSE & AMITYVILLE EXORCISM nor does it have anything to do with the embarrassing AMITYVILLE IN SPACE dumped onto Tubi the following year. It was written by John CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE SHARK KIND Datton although he knows as much about screenplays as Palonia does about the language of film which is to say nothing. You want proof?...

A woman is possessed by a box of dollar store junk at an Amityville yard sale. She kills her 4 kids off cam & is sentenced to death row. She and another talent-less actress are transferred to an island where two lousy actors pretend to be mad scientists using women to birth cloned super soldiers. The women escape but must reach the boat guarded by a zombie wearing a paper mache mask.

You won't know any of these 'actors' but I'm telling you their names in the hope you won't waste your time like I have TWICE. Danielle BIGFOOT VS ZOMBIE Donahue, Jamie CAMP BLOOD 666 PART 2: EXORCISM OF A CLOWN Morgan, James ZILLAFOOT Carlos & Jeff SHARKENSTEIN Kirkendall were all pitiful like the fx. The special effects department is some guy named Jk Farlew who opened 2 cans of tomato soup, inflated a glove to look like a severed hand, recycled photo-shopped shark footage from SHARKULA, added a stock footage bear and mixed up some paper mache to make a zombie. Avoid this like the plague! 1/10

Mark Polonia has 'directed' nearly 100 videos for backyard distributor Wildeye NONE of which are worth watching & nothing he ever videotapes will be any good. Wildeye makes fake movies to sell to disreputable streaming services and high school drop outs. He's not the 'new Roger Corman' as the hack/plagiarist promotes himself to be. Palonia's shameful filmography doesn't even stack up against the movies cranked out by the Lloyd Kaughmans and Alan Smithees of the cinematic world. Connoisseurs of 'so-bad-they're good' movies or lovers of camp & kitsch will find nothing to love or admire about his work except maybe it's sweatshop business model. Palonia made this garbage with some guy named Aaron JURASSIC SHARK 2: AQUAPOCALPSE Drake for as much as it costs to buy a used car and turned a profit selling his mockbuster to global streaming services which poisons the artistic air we breathe.

AMITYVILE IN SPACE has about as much depth as Saturday morning cartoons from half a century ago and about half as much polish. The vid has nothing whatsoever to do with the licensed THE AMITYVILLE HORROR brand and barely cuts it as a loose sequel to his equally incoherent AMITYVILLE EXORCIST from 2017. Non actor Jeff Kirkendall is the only tenuous connection having appeared in all 4 of Polonia's Amityville rip-offs. He plays a priest named Brenna who was featured in 2021's non sequitur NOAH'S SHARK. After a two minute exorcism where Brenna confronts a ball of photo shopped fire, 112 Ocean Avenue is hurled into another part of the galaxy. A spaceship which looks likes an ugly apartment with shiny tarps draped over the windows finds the house Ron Defeo killed his family in orbiting a black hole sometime in the 35 century. 2 more minutes of embarrassing special fx depicting a giant priest in space battling a glowing pentagram toward the end sums up 'the action'. Everything else is folks you've never heard of pecking at refurbished laptops while talking nonsense.

Rob JURASSIC SHARK 3: SEAVENGE Haurchild produced all 75 tedious minutes of this filler 4 of which were not made better with 5 grand worth of Anthony Palonia's (Any relation?) recycled code. I won't bore you with the cast because none are actors any more than Kirkendall who's appeared in 70 of these things and you can still watch his eyes reading from cue cards. Do yourself a favour and watch one of the official films in THE AMITYVILLE HORROR film universe. Any one of them is 100 times better than AMITYVILLE IN SPACE. 1/10

Mockbuster 'studio' The Asylum threw this shameless rip-off of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY together but because they had so many shameless rip-offs of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY on the go in backyards and garages all over their low income neighbourhood already they decided to market this as an Amityville pic.

THE AMITYVILLE HAUNTING claims to be genuine found footage obtained from 112 Ocean Avenue where the Benson family has met their supernatural demise. The 'action' (wobbly flashlights, misplaced tools, family bickering, etc) is set 30 years after real life killer Ron DeFeo shotgun massacred his sleeping family in their Long Island home. This also has no connection to the Lutz family hoax other than a genuine sequel to THE AMITYVILLE HORROR was announced around the time this knock off was thrown together.

Geoff ASTEROID-A-GEDDON Meed is the uncredited writer/director. The special effects crew also opted to not include their names on a scroll. Their names are: Melissa NAZIS AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH Whitcomb, Joe MEGA PYTHON VS GATEROID Lawson & Valerie TITANIC II Garcia. Ben Demaree handle the cinematography. If you've never heard of Demaree it's because he only makes movies nobody would watch like PIRANHA-MAN VS WEREWOLF-MAN: HOWL OF THE PIRANHA.

THE AMITYVILLE HAUNTING is so tedious you almost wish Meed had slipped a gateroid in to liven things up! Even by shaky cam (sub)standards this vid is the pits! No actors were given a credit either but in all fairness there wasn't an actor in the bunch worth mentioning.