The Teen Girl Movies That Make Me Horny

You know what I don't hate about you? A hot, blonde, 17 yo Julia Stiles dancing around drunk and all horned up on a table after a few douche bags feed her free alcohol in exchange for her firm boobie hugs and hj's at an out of control high-school party. Don't forget the barely budding boobs of 16 yo Larisa Oleynik whose hoo-hoo cannot wait to be discovered on her first date. Sure, it's a take-off from Shake-His-Spear's "The Taming Of The Shrew", but don't forget, this mov is more about white alabaster mounds than it is about Iambic Pentameter. Does anyone else appreciate when hot daughters lie to daddy? I turned lying to daddy into an art form, and have written several hot books on the subject. Guess who plays dear ole dad? The dad from "Clueless" (Dan Hedaya). I guess he jumps at the chance to play the father who cannot pick the forbidden fruit of his coming of age daughters. We all know that bald, middle-aged, overweight men have a weakness for the woo-tang clan; butt this time his will is strong, and nothing happens, so mommy does not divorce daddy. There are way too many Italian stallions in this thing, but we will forgive this 1999 oversight for the moment. What does my snatch hate about this movie...nothing!

Cute little Debby Ryan actually is 16 in this movie about a sweet 16 party that has magical repercussions. You know what else has the number 16 concerning this movie? The 16 red candles that I lit during this movie while I went all naughty in my bedroom under the covers. Those tight little teen outfits in this movie just did it for me. This flick did the trick 16 times before my little brother almost walked in on me and I had to quit.

Olivia Alaina May has a super-tight, 18 yo virgin vagina that needs to get overrun like the Visigoths ravaged Rome. One suggestion Olivia, shave the V of that barely legal love tunnel before a potential bf puts his spicy Italian sausage in your untouched hot dog warmer. Don't miss the gamer girl scene just a few minutes in where she bends over and shows us that upside down heart shaped hiney we all wish our gf's had. Shhhh, don't let your chubby wife bust you reading this list. Those fatties will divorce you in 2 minutes when they catch you texting me. Don't blame me when your crappy relationship runs ashore bc I really get a chance to turn you on. There's nothing wrong with a married man sexting a single girl. It's completely natural, just like Olivia Alaina's boobs.

This Cinderella story is all about Hilary's Duff walking around for us to judge. We all know that 16 yo Hilary is in her prime in 2004, and has a duff that just won't quit. Don't worry, you will have the opportunity to see her bend over in tight pants and see some downblouse action to beat the boner band. Don't feel guilty, she's in her twenties now, and has made millions off of many of us who have gotten off. Check out those recent pics on google of her in yoga pants. It nearly made my head explode.

Our dirty little braided schoolgirl Ashley Henshaw is a 22 yo hottie who plays a teen that Heather Graham just can't get enough of. Big ole' down syndrome forehead Heather tells her that her body is a work of art. You know what else is a work of art? My opening flower when Trashley Henshaw shows us the nip nips and a little drippy drip comes out into my white cotton panties. It's ok, girl jizz is white, and we all know that white is all-right. This movie is all about Cherry, and my cherry is all about this movie. Bam!

After her nude debut in Prozac Nation, Christina Ricci just didn't get enough exhibitionism out of her system, so this time she goes full frontal and full bubble butt nudity in this drama/suspense. We all know our cute little Chrissy loves to play the dark, creepy and sarcastic goth girl...butt this time she has gone way too far. About halfway through the film, she gets all-out nakey and her clothes stay off for the rest of this raunchy romp. The old mortician man cannot stop thinking about her bouncy body, and what a body it is! No stunt-butts here my friends. I knew she had a rack, but who knew she had a full-on 100% hourglass body that just won't quit? Did you know that only 15% of girls have an hourglass body? This is why this naughty nubile gets a 10 star nipple-tingling rating from this labia lover. At 29, she's tipping the scales at nearly too old for a woman to be naked on film, butt go ahead and give it a go. My 'gina thanked me with a nice little splish-splash before the credits rolled out. Bam!

What is this movie all about? Teenage girl bodies in tight as hell volleyball outfits. Once you start watching the flick, all you've got is a tingly V or a manbone that is just waiting to be relieved. Turn down the lights, get under the covers, light 7 candles, and get your mound-motor running until the job gets done. Adrienne Bailon and Sarah Wright are both 23 yo here, and they show us just how far girl power can go. They take volleyball playing to a whole new level when they learn that butts and legs get sculpted to perfection when they work out every day and stop eating like greedy cows. We can all take a lesson from this mov and learn to be hotter than bacon grease if we will just stop eating and let those calories out into the restaurant toilet once in a while. There is nothing wrong with it as long as the stomach is flat and the body is tight. Go team!

My pie tingles every time I watch this flirty flick on my fallopian tube. Our cute little firecrotch Alyson Hannigan is a tight bodied 22 yo when she reveals that she likes to insert a silver plated flute into her eagerly awaiting love pudding each summer at high school band camp. Super-tramp Tara Reid is a slightly older 23 yo who is playing an iron-box virgin who won't give it up to her sackless effiminate bf. Don't worry, we've got a true teen in this pie; the cute lil' 18 yo Mena Suvari with her petite body and little perky boobs that just won't quit. Please do not forget 19 yo Natasha Lyonne who was offered the part on Dawson's Creek that Katie Holmes played. Guess what, she said she didn't want to be on a television show bc it might restrict her movie career. What a dumb bitch...when was the last time you saw Natasha in a movie? This teen sex mov is all about losing your virginity inside of a hot teenage girl's jizztrap and not pulling out even if you promise her that you will. We all know that boys lie to get girls to lie on their backs.

The main thing to remember about this twat tingling flickity flick, is that the pies in American Pie 2 are two years older. We must be careful in our judgment here. We don't want no saggy pies. Alyson Hannigan brings her A-cup game into this one, and sluts it up like her daddy taught her when she was going through the awkward years. Tara Reid stays slutty, and it is just impossible to stop looking into her bright blue Aryan eyes no matter how old she is. Do not forget to check out 20 yo Mena Suvari's butt that just got bigger this year because her body is still developing. Let's face it, many girls are not done developing their bodies until they hit 20 or 21 yo. Shannon Elizabeth makes a topless debut, which resulted in my g-spot making a gooey debut when I watched the webcam scene. What will this movie do to your pie while you watch it? I don't know, but I can tell you that it Americanized me. Bam!

A blonde, innocent, and very stuck-up 17 yo Sara Paxton stars in this movie about several horny teenage girls who turn into mermaids every time their hot teen bodies get wet...and it seems to happen pretty often in this filthy film. Sure, it may be a rip-off of Splash, but their bodies are much tighter and younger than Daryl Hannah's 23 yo body. Is it inappropriate to call this one Scale-Bait? Bam!

23 yo Jeneta St. Clair, 21 yo Lisa Younger, and 22 yo Melissa Johnston are all playing 18 yo barely legal bitches that need to lose their virginity, so they all decide to do it on the same day. I'm not kidding. This is literally the premise of the movie. Too bad these girls don't swing both ways because they could just do each other with their digits and toys that can easily be ordered from dirty magazines. It's their birthday, but presents aren't the only thing they're unwrapping. Nudity is flying at us left and right as we see titties, twenty year old butts, and even a shot of Melissa Johnston's totally shaved 22 year-old snatch. Because it is shaved, we can see the top of her cute lips just before she slips in to the shower to clean up her slippery slit. Make sure you watch the unrated version so you can see the lezbionic scenes that almost made my mound explode.

Sometimes we just get tired of naked bodies from the planet Earth. If you have ever seen 'Bikini Carwash Company', or 'Bikini Summer', then this is pretty much the same friggin' movie. 25+ breast implanted hoebags dancing around to music on a California beach that comes from nowhere. In this movie, whores from another planet steal daddy's spaceship and land in southern California to dance around and wave their boobies and boxes until some jerkoff slides his American sausage into their alien snootches just to shut them up. They are better off for the experience, and tell daddy all about it when they take the busted up spaceship back home. Daddy eventually says that it is ok, if his daughter's and her 2 friends dance around in bikinis for a few minutes. That is the price they must all pay for intergalactic grand-theft spaceship.

If you like old washed up breast-implanted bikini bimbos, then this is the movie for you. All of my friends are younger and tighter than these leather-faced hags with boobs that look like 2 fried eggs hangin' on a nail. Good luck trying to get a c-bone or d-bone with this one bc there are no teenagers in this movie at all. Boo. Hey, put dem drunk goggles on, and pretend they aren't middle-aged saggy maggies. When I was a very little girl, I used to watch these kind of movies on USA 'Up All Night' where Gilbert Godfried was the host and made sexual pun jokes at every commercial break. I miss that old Heeb. Bam!

A never been touched down there 17 yo Kirsten K. Dunst shows us just how hot her body can get before she's legally allowed to have casual sex in the state of California. What did this flirty flick really bring on? A full-on dripping orgasm after the introductory scene where we are supposed to imagine little Kiki naked in front of the entire school body. We all know Kirsten has finally took the top off in 'Melancholia' and 'All Good Things', so just memorize her older boobs first, and then make her boobs time travel back in your mind to 17 years old. Her little dance did it for me downstairs during the first 5 minutes of this teen cheer mov. Bammo!

OMG, this has got to be one of my favorites TV movies of all time! Our cute little Hilary's Duff is barely 16 yo in this movie about a spacey, schoolgirl outfitted, hippie-headed little boobed blonde who gets shipped off to a military academy after her horny mommy dates a military man. It's ok, because she meets many hotties along the way and eventually learns to fit in after fingering late at night under the covers. You'll have to find the super-rare NC-17 version in Japan to see Hilary's orgasm scene. We all know that Hilary develops her melons and roundy-round at age 18, but we are allowed to check out her tight bod before it fills out. I hope that Hell is not a real place, because watching this movie may actually send me there due to the perverse thoughts which keep entering my mind along with the tingling that cannot be stopped down there. It will probably be worth it in the end... and Hilary's end is so tight at 16, I am willing to chance it.

What a tingly tale for my tail tonight. We have an all-star cameo cast for my cont in this naughty film. Here we go, Jennifer Love Hugetits is a nice little 18 yo barely legal teen who is dating the jerk-off football player. Lauren Ambrose is a 19 yo ginger firecrotch before she starred in 'Six Feet Under'. Melissa Joan Hart is a 21 yo cheerleader yearbook girl with blonde pigtails that could make me squeal all night long. Don't forget 20 yo Jaime Pressly before she hit the wall and lost her looks, and 25 yo Selma Blair who isn't allowed to say one word during her one scene because we did not want to see any wrinkles showing. If you like watching drunk horny teen girls and Seth Green playing a super-wigger, then this is the mivvity mov 4 U!

This lonely Brit store clerk has way too much time on his hands at work after his gf Suzy (played by 21 yo English muffin Michelle Ryan) breaks up with him and moves on like George Clooney. This limey develops insomnia and fantasizes about Sharon the checkout girl (played by 29 yo old sock Emilia Fox) during the graveyard shift. His artistry allows him to undress the women he sees with x-ray vision and we all get to watch. He draws dirty dick pictures in his sketchbook and wanks off like a wanker in the bathroom as we all watch. Eventually he gets what he wants, but all we are really left with is a mov that we are guessing the plot of, while hottie models walk by and by. Oh my my!!!

A slutty and sultry 23 yo Amanda Seyfried stars in this movie about a prostitute whose ultimate goal is to lie to Julianne Moore about husband handjobbies, and to eventually eat her raunchy ole rug like there's no tomorrow. Our no-no places get to throb when the R-rated full on female nudity occurs, and a no weenie sex scene ensues. Chloe gets her way, and forces Julianne to jizz. Don't forget about the big butt we see on Amanda these days. She must be proud of it, or we she wouldn't have shown it off to millions of eagerly awaiting horndogs, all grabbing their goo-filled gobs in the back row of the movie theater. Boys make me sick! Big bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go round!

Alicia Silverstone trots out her infamous pouty lip in this sexy teen-tramp film about a self-absorbed hottie with the million dollar body who needs to get off any which way butt loose. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing loose on that body. At 18, Alicia really knows how to please my P when she talks about putting things in her mouth to make sure that boys think about sex. Cher is dumb as hell, but stays sizzling hot in her super-tight preppy-clothes for the hole damn movie. Don't worry, Amanda Seyfried and Brittany Murphy join the gorgeous gina-clan, so we can watch all three of their young beautiful bodies walk around on screen for 97 minutes. Oh Alicia, why won't you return my nasty twitter tweets anymore? This is an 8 star ovary box-office blowout. Bam!

Our lusty little Lindsay Lohan is barely 17 when she stars in this airhead teen comedy about a girl who wants to get with her fav band's singer. She pretends what it might be like to have sex for the first time each night before she goes to bed. She is not above breaking out the electric toothbrush that her daddy bought her for Christmas. Don't worry, the rockstar's penis gets too trashed to ravage our little Lilo's untouched twat. He passes out, and she is left all alone and horny so she has no choice butt to give herself a secret fingerbang while he sleeps his hangover off. The real confession is all about her ability to please herself just like I can each and every night.

Our bad little schoolgirl Britney Spears stars in this teen girl film about three 18 yo girls who need to get away from daddy's watchful eye and go on a roadtrip to California with a strange man who may or may not be a serial-killer. Remember when our little virgin Brit was only 16 and innocent in that super-slutty schoolgirl music video? It started an underage teen girl fetish that has just gotten worse with each and every year. Girls all over the world started acting like sloppy sluts in order to keep up with what all the boys wanted. She's my hero. Bad little Britney is actually almost 20 yo here, but we'll forgive her after we see her naughty little underwear dance in the opening scene. In another scene, she almost loses her virginity to Justin Long, but he is too much of a pussy to force his way up into her teen love tunnel. She may not lose her choo-choo cherry in that scene, but she does come out of the bathroom in matching pink undies and we get to see what little Louisiana has goin' on upstairs and downstairs. Ohhhhhh, here comes the goo-goo juice! Thirty-two minutes in, there is an all out cat fight between all three girls. The uppity black, the trailer trash preggo, and our dear little darling Britney Rears. She must be a terrorist, cause he body is da bomb! Boom! I'm glad busty Britney is making a comeback, cause I just made a comeback in my panties.

Why is this movie in a list of teen girl movies? I don't know, but after I gave this stripper movie a chance, I realized that it was worth it. Sometimes us girls need a different type of movie to slide in a finger or two sideways on a lonely Saturday night. I have to admit that I've always been a fan of tight-assed Daryl Hannah, and big-boobied Jennifer Tilly. We know from watching 'Splash', that Aryan Daryl just can't keep her clothes on, and from watching 'The Getaway' that crazy ass Jennifer Tilly goes nuts on everyone bc she's a typical emotionally unstable woman. The Blue Iguana is a strip club where dreams go to die, and the dumbest of the dumb strippers end up working. Turn down the lights, do a big ole line of Coca-Moca, and bootie dance to the stripclub music like there's no tomorrow. You can thank me for it later.

You know what drives me crazy? A 21 yo Melissa Joan Hart who keeps growing her boozies and butt like it's going out of style. She sho don't look 21 because I totally believe that she is sweet and 17. I guess I fell for it during 'Sabrina' the 1995 movie where she plays a 16 year old and she really does look 16. MJH is just one of those girls that looks younger than she really is, and we love her for that. In 'Drive Me Crazy', my little Melissa is old enough to legally drink alcohol, and she drinks it like a fish. Her fav poison is Gin, and when she drinks it makes her lazy eye drift around like a flying saucer on "Lost In Space"! It's ok though, because we will never forget that Melissa Joan Hart has a heart-shaped hiney that will never quit. My secret naughty muscle gets all tingly and wet just thinking about how I would caress and worship every square inch of that angelic ass. I bet even her poops smell like strawberries and rose petals. Text me back hun, and we will make this magical night happen anytime you are ready for some Asian action. Bamm-Bam-A-Lam!

This time sweet little 16 yo Kirsten KiKi Dunst is a shy trailer-trash hottie wit da body who wants to win an underage beauty pageant with her tight and tawdry body. Somehow, only one of the judges is a perv. The stuck-up rich slut who is her main competition is 27 yo Denise Richards. Who knew that a woman so old could still have a tight body with DD boobies that refuse to droop. Thank you Dr. Solarno. The beauty of these bodies yanks my young yahoo every time I watch these googly gals. Look away when big ole' fatty fat Kirstie Alley elephants her way across the screen as the mommy of Denise Richards. Let us focus on the teen action so that we can complete the fj before the movie is over.

What's easy about this flick? Emma Stone's 21 yo vagina. She may not be as whorish as her reputation is in this movie, but don't let the Hollywood story here fool you. We know from Jim Carrey, that she loves to get on all fours and bark like a dog while you spank her with a paddle. Don't ask me why she gets off on it, bad girls just like to get spanked and they deserve it. She decides to one up her dark-skinned bff to see who can get the sluttiest reputation. Easy Emma is not above taking cash for a dirty story that didn't happen. I kinda like that idea. I wouldn't mind getting paid for making up dirty stories that never happened. Give me a job Penthouse Forum!