Steve Carell: Evan Baxter

Un'impresa da Dio

Evan Baxter

God: How do we change the world?
Evan Baxter: One single act of random kindness at a time.
God: [spoken while writing A-R-K on ground with a stick] One Act, of, Random, Kindness.

Joan Baxter: Honey, maybe God didn't mean a literal flood. Maybe he meant a flood of knowledge, or emotion, or awareness.
Evan Baxter: If that's true, I am going to be *so pissed*.

Rita Daniels: [upon seeing Evan's beard] Evan, what happened? Did you fall down a mine shaft?
Evan Baxter: No.
Rita Daniels: Did you just come out of a coma?
Evan Baxter: No!
Rita Daniels: Were you attacked by a werewolf?
Evan Baxter: No, I wasn't.
Rita Daniels: Well, if you were going for that rugged look, I think you overshot it. You look like a bum in a suit! You need Supercuts *and* a shave.
Evan Baxter: Ah, da-da, da, da! Right! Yeah! But I can't! It doesn't work!
Rita Daniels: What do you mean, it doesn't work?
Evan Baxter: It doesn't *work*!

[from trailer]
Joan Baxter: You want to build a boat?
Evan Baxter: It might be something fun for the family. Go sailing on the lake. I don't know.
[looking at his feet, under his breath]
Evan Baxter: Be great in case it floods or something...

Ark Reporter: Evan Baxter! You have gone from newsman to congressman to caveman. What makes you think God chose you?
Evan Baxter: He chose all of us.

[Evan is driving to work]
Evan Baxter: I am successful, I am powerful, I am handsome, and I am happy. Sucessful, powerful, handsome-
[Looks into rearview, and sees God in the back seat, having just appeared out of nowhere]
Evan Baxter: AAGGGHHHHH! AAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
God: [smiling] Let it out, son. It's the beginning of wisdom.
Evan Baxter: How did you get in here? D'ah! I'm calling the cops.
God: No wait. Look-look-look. There's one right there.
[Points to a motorcycle cop on the shoulder. Evan rolls down his window]
Evan Baxter: Officer! Officer! Carjacker, carjacker in the car! Carjacker in the car!
[the officer turns his head, revealing that he is God]
Officer "God": Careful pulling out. Pedestrian in the crosswalk.
[Evan turns around. God has vanished from there. He looks and sees God crossing the street, and in the car behind him, honking for him to move]

[from trailer]
Evan Baxter: [on the ark, addressing a big crowd] People! The flood is imminent!
[everyone looks around, bewildered, and up at the sunny sky. Evan addresses the heavens]
Evan Baxter: Is it too much to ask for a LITTLE PRECIPITATION?

[first lines]
Susan Ortega: And that's the news. But before we sign off, we'd like to thank our very own Evan Baxter, who has just been elected Buffalo's representative to Congress. And now we have a surprise for Evan.
Evan Baxter: No, you don't.
Susan Ortega: We do.
Evan Baxter: Oh, no. I really didn't expect this.
Susan Ortega: Here's a look back at his run for office.

Evan Baxter: Chicken! September 22nd would be a good day for chicken! Joan, could we have chicken September 22nd midday?

Congressman Chuck Long: [stunned] How?
Evan Baxter: The dam, Congressman. Your reservoir ruptured. Prestige Crest, it's all gone.
Congressman Chuck Long: No, they said that couldn't happen, they... you did this, you set me up! You crazy son of a b...
[Long gets spit up on by an alpaca]
Rita Daniels: [to the alpaca] If that comes out your front, I don't even want to know what's coming out the back.
[behind Evan, wolves begin growling lowly; Long steps back in fear]
Evan Baxter: Don't look down, Congressman, but the wolves are here, although I wouldn't worry so much about these wolves as those.
[Long turns around to face a bunch of angry Congressmen who've heard of his deception]

Evan Baxter: [reading Genesis 6:14] Make thee an ark of gopherwood. Gopherwood?

Eve Adams: Congratulations!
Evan Baxter: What are you talking about?
Eve Adams: The lots! You bought the lots next door! Hello! And pulling the down payment out of your home equity? Very gutsy move.
Evan Baxter: I didn't do that, did I?
Eve Adams: You sure did.