- Guybrush Threepwood: [after being told to "use" a cliff] Goodbye cruel adventure game!... Aah, forget it.
- [Upon being told that a core belief in LeChuck's church is LeChuck's marriage to Elaine]
- Guybrush Threepwood: Elaine can't marry LeChuck; she's already married!
- Reverend Rasputin: The first church of LeChuck (orthodox) doesn't recognize Elaine's blasphemous marriage to the... Anti-LeChuck.
- Guybrush Threepwood: Who?
- Reverend Rasputin: The evil Anti-LeChuck, "He-Whose-Name-Must-Not-Be-Spoken".
- Guybrush Threepwood: Guybrush Threepwood?
- Reverend Rasputin: Ack, you said the name! Blasphemer!
- Guybrush Threepwood: I'M the Anti-LeChuck?
- Reverend Rasputin: Hahahaha. Don't be silly. The Anti-LeChuck is three meters tall, has a prehensile tail, a forked tongue, and the number "1138" stamped on his forehead.
- Guybrush Threepwood: I find it hard to believe that the SCUMM Bar is owned by someone named I. Cheese.
- Guybrush: You could get fired if people found out you posed for that picture
- Harbor Mistress: How do you think I got my last promotion?
- Guybrush: I'd rather not know
- Guybrush Threepwood: [singing] Oh... the... Lava is hotter/ than a flame-broiled otter/ and my shoes are slowly melting to the fiberglass floor.
- Guybrush Threepwood: [singing] Oh the temperature is rising and my sweat is vaporizing and I cannot feel my legs below the knees anymore