- Otis the Prisoner: Oh, come on. Don't be bitter. I'm here to help. Not just for the money.
- Guybrush Threepwood: Money?
- Carla the Swordmaster: Yeah, we are getting paid for this, right?
- Guybrush Threepwood: How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
- Carla the Swordmaster: You never did know when to use that one.
- Pirate Leader: Do you have any special skills?
- Guybrush Threepwood: I can hold my breath for ten minutes!
- LeChuck: You dared come here to confront me!
- Guybrush Threepwood: I've just remembered an appointment at the dentist's.
- Bob the Ghost Pirate: Captain LeChuck... sir... I...
- LeChuck: Ah... There's nothin' like the hot winds of hell blowin' in your face.
- Bob the Ghost Pirate: No sir... Nothing like it... Ah... Sir... I...
- LeChuck: It's days like this that make ye glad to be dead.
- Bob the Ghost Pirate: Oh, yes sir... glad to be dead...
- LeChuck: Ye are glad to be dead, RIGHT?
- Bob the Ghost Pirate: Oh yes sir. I feel so lucky that you happened to capture my ship, then murder me and everyone on board... yes sir... lucky.
- LeChuck: Glad to hear it.
- Guybrush Threepwood: Please don't kill me.
- LeChuck: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill ye.
- Guybrush Threepwood: I'm wired to explode if anyone tries to kill me.
- Cannibals: Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see us?
- Guybrush Threepwood: [one of three possible last lines] Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's this: never pay more than 20 dollars for a computer game.
- Elaine Marley: What's that?
- Guybrush Threepwood: Never mind. I don't know why I said that.
- Guybrush Threepwood: Can you tell me the story about this LeChuck guy?
- Pirate: LeChuck? He's the guy that went to the Governor's for dinner and never wanted to leave. He fell for her in a big way, but she told him to drop dead. So he did. Then things really got ugly.
- Meathook: You've got a real attitude problem!
- Guybrush Threepwood: Well... you've got a real hair problem!
- Meathook: You just don't know when to quit, do you?
- Guybrush Threepwood: Neither did your barber.
- Mancomb Seepgood: HA! Guybrush Threepwood! That's the stupidest name I've ever heard!
- Guybrush Threepwood: Hey! What's your name then?
- Mancomb Seepgood: Mancomb Seepgood.