Amori in città... e tradimenti in campagna

This thing was beyond crap, and I don't use that word often. I had heard it was bad, so I rented it for dud night, and called my sister to come watch it, because we need to bounce our comments off each other. Well, she left halfway through, vowing to watch Lord of The Rings, to try to cleanse her brain. I'm going to use a toilet brush on mine.

I should have known it wasn't an ordinary bad movie in the first scene. There's Grampa, aka Warren Beatty, sitting in a bed, trying to cover his wrinkled shoulders with the sheet. Talk about stomach-turning. That's the plot in a nutshell, old Warren pretending it's 1966 when swingers like him hopped on the nearest woman as regularly as they hopped on a plane.

Seriously, there is no plot. Every washed-up actor or actress in Hollywood is invited to drop by to make an ass of him (or her) self, including Charleton Heston, who must have already been in the grip of his recently-announced Alzheimer's Disease. I know rents are high in Los Angeles, but how badly do these people need money? And did any of them even get any? This stinker can't have made a nickel.

I can't summarize this mess because there was no rhyme or reason anywhere. I can't describe the wild over-acting, except to call it amateur night. All I can do is recommend that nobody, and I mean nobody, watch this thing. Don't inadvertently let your dog or cat see it. It's so bad you can't even make fun of it. That's how bad it is.

You have to wonder what combination of roofies and blackmail

New Line's former kingpin Michael DeLuca used to lure Warren

Beatty into this grotesque travesty of a Philip Barry comedy. TOWN

& COUNTRY is one of those rare movies that preoccupy you for

their entire running time with questions bearing in no way on the

story onscreen. Questions like: How did this get greenlit? Why

would someone send a comedy into production with no script?

Why would someone let a comedy finish production with no script?

Did these very gifted people (there are good, hard-working, clean

and industrious performances from Beatty, Diane Keaton, Goldie

Hawn, Jenna Elfman and Nastassja Kinski) think this was funny

when they read it? When they were shooting it? Did the crew just

kind of stand there in stony silence?

Considering the combined ages of the cast, and the movie's

splashy failure in an era where teen mediocrities rule the earth,

and the movie's damage to the career of its director, Peter

Chelsom, a talented man who's not to blame, the whole thing

provokes, not bitchy snickers, but a sigh of profound sadness.

It seems that the people behind this drudge of movie took all their cues from Woody Allen's movies during the 1990s. What I mean is, "Town & Country" is about a bunch of rich New Yorkers cheating on each other. I'm sure that everyone involved in it must be embarrassed beyond redemption for having gotten involved in it (and I don't just mean because of its abysmal performance at the box office). The only good character is Charlton Heston, basically spoofing himself. And how could a great screenwriter like Buck Henry have written this? He should have known MUCH better, given that he wrote "The Graduate".

All in all, terrible. Fortunately, the cast members have all done good work since. At least I think that they all have.

Warren Beatty is one of those Hollywood icons that has had an inconsistant career. For every Bonnie and Clyde he has made, he has also made Ishtar (which I think is better than this movie). This movie is by far his worst. It feels like a desperate attempt by Beatty to make him feel young by having him sleep around with so many women. The whole cast feels lost in this movie. The characters are all unlikable, especially Beatty's. Why would I sit through a "comedy" where we don't want to be around these people? The usually charming Goldie Hawn and Diane Keaton are rather shrill in this movie. I say read articles about this movie's troubled production. I think that story would be up there with the story of "Heaven's Gate," "Ishtar," "Bonfire of the Vanities," and "Waterworld" as the behind the scenes story is more interesting than the movie itself.

This is as bad as you've heard. Insultingly stupid. I really only watched it to see Josh Hartnett, who mercifully was spared a lot of the embarrassment.

Then again, there is so much to be embarrassed about, so much to go around, he could have taken some on to ease the burden for all the 'adults' who are on display dishonoring their craft.

Diane Keaton should have the most explaining to do, as she sleep-walks through her part. She also has some difficult-to-hear dialogue, some of it involving husband Warren's endowment.

No, scratch that...Charlton Heston, as a character who has no business in the movie in the first place, has the most to explain. The scene where he threatens a party with a gun made the NRA also require an explanation.

No, wait... the trio of Jenna Elfman, Andie McDowell and Nastassia Kinski, as the women in Warren's life..they appear at will or when the situation calls for something illogical to happen.

I guess I should settle this by giving the award to Warren, who still has 'Ishtar' to apologize for. Its obvious in some ways its his movie, as the majority of the cast has worked with or for him before. What a great friend you are, Warren! Good thing for us you're not an agent, then good actors would do garbage like this more often.

1/10, needless to say. Avoid the pain.