Crispin Glover: Fifi

Open Season 2

Fifi

Elliot: It's me! Elliot.
Fifi: Who is Elliot?
Elliot: I am. And I'm here to rescue my lady, kick butt and take names? What's your name?
[gets captured and is tied up]
Elliot: Wow. Did anybody see that coming?
All: Yes.
Roberto: Even Roger saw that coming.
Roger: I did?

Fifi: I have had it! No more! The wild animals have pushed me too far! The next Wild I see crawl out of that forest, if they don't have their papers, they are getting a full-Fifi-smackdown! This... Is... War!

Roberto: How long do you think it'll be till we stop? 'Cause I gotta poop. Seriously, I gotta poop really bad.
Fifi: I said that it was going to be a long ride, but you never listen. Just like when I told you not to eat that leftover burrito grande.

Giselle: [being held hostage by Fifi] Help! Help! Help! Help! Somebody, help us!
Fifi: Scream all you want. The humans can't hear you from here. And the house pets, well, they hate wilds just as much as I do!
McSquizzy: When I get free, you're gonna pay for this, you big tube, you numpty, you big lassie's blouse.
Rufus: Watch your language, varmint. There's a lady present.
Charlene: What a vile little creature.
Fifi: My friends, it is time to tame these savage beasts.

Elliot: If this is the end, I need to say something. Giselle, I really, really, really...
Roger: Really?
Fifi: Time's up!
Charlene: Now you hold your little old horses, Fifi. I do believe this boy's got something on his mind.
Rufus: Yeah, give the guy a sporting chance.
Giselle: Oh, just forget it, Elliot. You've already made it clear how you feel.
Fifi: I feel this has gone long enough.
Elliot: Please let me finish!
Fifi: Fine. You've got 60 seconds.
Elliot: Are you serious? How about a minute?
Roberto: Hey, you better hurry up.
Elliot: Okay, okay. Giselle, before the wedding, my rack was huge.
Giselle: What?
Buddy: It's true.
Elliot: Very huge. And it broke very bad. And without my huge rack, I felt like less of a buck. But as time went on...
Fifi: Thirty seconds!
Elliot: The point is, I'm a better buck with not a huge rack on my head... but with you, Giselle, on my head instead.
McSquizzy: Oh, that's awful.
Giselle: And how does this relate to our wedding and the fact that you left me stranded at the altar?
Charlene: Left you at the altar?
Rufus: You, sir, are a coward.

Roberto: [Fifi prepares to electrify Elliot, Giselle, McSquizzy and Buddy] Fifi, come on. Is this really necessary?
Fifi: You see why we have to do this, right? They will take everything. Our food, our homes, our very lives!

Elliot: [to Fifi] No, no. You are missing the point.
Fifi: Oh, come on!
Elliot: [to Giselle] During our wedding, there was the incident with the other woman.
Rufus: Another woman?
[the others gasps]
Roberto: I can't even handle one.
Rico: Speak for yourself, amigo.
Elliot: No. No. Not that kind of other woman. The kind that grabbed Mr. Weenie.
Charlene: You're disgusting. You make me sick.
Rufus: That is a pig.
Stanley: [to Roger] This is getting good.

Fifi: Fifteen seconds!
Elliot: [grunts] Will you, please?
[to Giselle]
Elliot: Giselle, you are good. And me? Not always good. But with you, the me that is not good can be better. You make my not-good me almost not bad. And that's not almost good, it's almost great.
[Fifi starts saying "Tick"]
Elliot: So, Giselle, you and me, not badder, but greater. Understand?
[the others says "What?"]
Rufus: What is he talking about?
Fifi: Tick, tick, tick!
Elliot: Oh, forget it. Just push the button already!
Fifi: Finally.
McSquizzy: No!
Giselle: Don't.
Boog: [sliding down the water slide] Cannonball!
[grabs Elliot, Giselle, McSquizzy and Buddy]
Boog: Gotcha.
Elliot: I love you, Boog.