Martin Starr: Bertram Gilfoyle

Articles of Incorporation

Bertram Gilfoyle

Richard: We love the name Pied Piper. It's a classic fairy tale.
Jared: Well, I looked it up. It's about a predatory flautist who murders children in a cave.
Gilfoyle: It has all that going for it, Richard, and I still hate it.

Dinesh: Hey, Jared, you know who else is Canadian? Justin Bieber, the Hitler of music.
Gilfoyle: Do you have a problem with me being Canadian?
Dinesh: I do, actually. Do you have any idea how long it took me to become a citizen?
Gilfoyle: Did it take you a long time? I'm glad I didn't do it then.
Dinesh: Typical lazy immigrant. These people think they can just walk into this country
Gilfoyle: did just walk into this country. My car broke down on the ambassador bridge. It took me an extra 15 minutes to get across the border. Major hassle.
Jared: ...You know, Hitler actually played the bassoon. So, technically, Hitler was the Hitler of music.

Richard: What they have is like Pied Piper, but not as good. People will see that.
Dinesh: Not if they get to market before us. Inferior products win out all the time.
Gilfoyle: Like Jesus, over Satan.
Dinesh: I was going to say VHS over Beta.

Dinesh: You're Canadian?
Gilfoyle: Your borders are merely a construct. I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the world.

Jared: [Trying to come up with a new company name] All right, what about Smaller, spelled "S-M-L-L-R"? You know, because we make things smaller, and this would be like a smaller version of the word "smaller".
Gilfoyle: It looks like "Smeller".
Jared: Ok. What if we spell it "S-M-L-R"? Because that's an even smaller version of the word smaller.
Dinesh: Then it looks like "Smiler".
Gilfoyle: We're not gonna kick the shit out of "Nucleus" with "Smiler.
Erlich Bachman: Where's Richard? Why isn't he in here for this?
Dinesh: I think he was out back, wishing he'd taken the ten million dollars.
Gilfoyle: No, I just saw him in his room, wishing he had taken the ten million dollars.