Red Riding Hood

Relying on the positive reviews above, we saw a free screening of this last night. Now I KNOW that filmmakers plant positive reviews, because there is no way an objective individual could have written these. "Destined to become a 'cult classic'"?? The theater was packed, apparently with friends and families of the production crew, because only a few of us walked out by the first hour.

The songs were the most literal I've ever heard in a musical – "don't take the short cut, honey, there's a wolf in the woods..". Debi Mazar's eyes blinked furiously as she struggled to sing. Fortunately, most of the tunes lasted for only a few lines.

Now, whoever plays the wolf in this tale should be charming and seductive. Instead, we get Joey Fatone, ex N'Syncer, living up to his last name as he's not aged well. He's not exactly lithe with his extra 50 pounds and junior high school-quality makeup and out-of-tune singing. Seriously, this guy was in vocal group? The rest of the actors are semi-adequate, but can't do much about the unimaginative script. You know, it is possible to write for adults and children at the same time – see under "Pixar".

On the positive side, the virtual sets looked nice and were well-integrated with the actors. And it wasn't as offensive as "Crash".

I watched this as preparation for the Tim Burton "Alice in Wonderland." That and "Riding Hood" are surely among the most stretched, adapted and versioned stories ever told. Red is particularly interesting because the versions all contain the same elements: girl, wolf, grandma, hunter. Woods.

But it ranges from political allegory to sexual allusion. The background is so rich that almost any version is fun.

This one is particular fun. I would recommend it.

Some commentors think the sexual overtones are inappropriate. Well, phooey. Any youngster that gets that can benefit from the way it is handled. Lighthouse? Weenie roast? Over-sized Musket? "Fill out" so she can be tastier? Hey, you should have seen the last red Riding Hood I saw: the very clever porn version.

Other commentors are offended by the flamboyant staging and effects. Gosh, though it has a metallic aftertaste, I loved it. Every effect was deliberately shown to be an effect within a story.

The framing is that Lainie Kazan plays a grandmother who reads the story featuring her two grandkids — one of whom is Red. The wolf is a werewolf who can assume the appearance of his victims. There is the sort of dumb moralizing that is required in kiddie fare, but it is mixed in with a hodge podge of parallel lessons and jokes. The werewolf develops a split personality, making it possible for every character to have two identities.

Film enthusiasts will know Lainie, who created a key role in introspective film in "My Favorite Year." She has grown into a stereotypical Jewish grandmother, of the sort maintained on stage. She has that character here, and it adds a welcome tone. But she really is the weakest element: every time she is on screen, we cannot wait for het to get off.

See it. I expect it will be no more scrambled, excessive, stereotypical and sexual than Burton's Alice.

Red's cloak/hood is often a dramatic character itself. Red, her mother and her grandmother are all redheads.

Ted's Evaluation -- 3 of 3: Worth watching.

Creepy & lascivious wolf. The young "Red" is wearing full make-up, and extremely short shorts & robe. Got about 20 minutes through and realized it could be a pedophile's dream come true. The "up-beat" music sounds a lot like something I'd hear at a strip club. I actually think this movie is a sick joke - it's not a family movie. Gross, glad I was watching this with my daughter, I don't want her to think it's normal for families to view quasi kiddie porn together. Very bad, Very sad it's sold as a family film, Joey Fatone will probably be embarrassed he was in it. And what's with advertising it as a "special effects spectacular"??? The effects do look low budget, gawd awful.

Just because someone is under the age of 10 does not mean they are stupid. If your child likes this film you'd better have him/her tested. I am continually amazed at how so many people can be involved in something that turns out so bad. This "film" is a showcase for digital wizardry AND NOTHING ELSE. The writing is horrid. I can't remember when I've heard such bad dialogue. The songs are beyond wretched. The acting is sub-par but then the actors were not given much. Who decided to employ Joey Fatone? He cannot sing and he is ugly as sin.

The worst thing is the obviousness of it all. It is as if the writers went out of their way to make it all as stupid as possible. Great children's movies are wicked, smart and full of wit - films like Shrek and Toy Story in recent years, Willie Wonka and The Witches to mention two of the past. But in the continual dumbing-down of American more are flocking to dreck like Finding Nemo (yes, that's right), the recent Charlie & The Chocolate Factory and eye-crossing trash like Red Riding Hood.

Teenage Claire (Morgan Thompson) would rather hang out with her friends at the mall than to stay home with her brother Matt while Grandma babysits. Who wouldn't? Unfortunately, Grandma isn't about to let Claire out of the house. Worse, she insists that Claire and Matt listen to her reworking of the Brothers Grimm classic tale "Little Red Riding Hood". Fortunately, Grandma has a sense of humor, and adds some modern twists. Claire imagines herself as Red, and her brother, parents and grandma as....her brother, parents and grandma.

Although this movie's star drawing power is represented by Lainie Kazan as Grandma, singer Joey Fatone as the werewolf and Cassandra Peterson (a.k.a. Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark) in a small role, the real fun is watching freckle-faced Thompson and Sam Stone (who plays Matt and Rusty) reciting their one-liners. Oh sure, there's the songs and CG effects, but it's the characters and dialogue that you'll remember. (When the werewolf as Grandma tells Red that she must eat to "fill out", Red looks at her chest and says, "Yeah, I know.") Undeniably the funniest version of this story that I've seen.

IMDb and other web sites claim 2004 as the year of release, however Key DVD (20th Century Fox's revival of Key Home Video, the company Fox created to distribute movies it was too embarrassed to put it's name on) claims both 2005 and 2006 copyright dates on the box, while the film itself states 2006.

For the record, this is my fourth and final "Little Red Riding Hood" review.