Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

The Allowance Evaporation

Sheldon Cooper

Amy Farrah Fowler: [after Sheldon invites Bert to join them for dinner] Sheldon, that was so sweet of you.
Sheldon Cooper: I could deduce by his facial expression and body language that he was sad.
Amy Farrah Fowler: So the part where he got stood up didn't clue you in?
Sheldon Cooper: You want me to look at him and listen to him?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, look. It's Bert at the bar. We should say hi.
Sheldon Cooper: Why?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Because that's what you do when you see someone you know in a public place.
Sheldon Cooper: I have multiple restraining orders that say otherwise.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, there's a difference between greeting a friend and following a celebrity to the bathroom.
Sheldon Cooper: The judge couldn't explain it to me, I don't see how you will.

Sheldon Cooper: Two years ago... I got my driver's license.
Amy Farrah Fowler: What? Why didn't you say anything?
Sheldon Cooper: Well, I like being chauffeured around. It makes me feel important.
Amy Farrah Fowler: So, when I got up at 4:00 a.m. to drive you across the desert to an antique train museum, I didn't have to?
Sheldon Cooper: No, you didn't. But keep in mind, I felt extremely important.

[first lines]
Leonard Hofstadter: Go!
[Raj takes a deep breath and holds it]
Howard Wolowitz: Come on, Raj.
Leonard Hofstadter: You can do this.
Sheldon Cooper: There's no way.
Penny Hofstadter: What is happening?
Leonard Hofstadter: This is an Euler's disc. It's a physics toy that demonstrates angular momentum, potential energy and kinetic energy.
Penny Hofstadter: Aw, look at you watching sports.
Howard Wolowitz: We're betting to see if Koothrappali can hold his breath longer than the disc can spin.
Sheldon Cooper: Its weight and smoothness along with the slight concavity of the mirror mean it can spin for a long time.
Leonard Hofstadter: But Raj is from India which means he's no slouch at holding his breath.
Penny Hofstadter: OK, I want in. Ten bucks says I'll lose interest before that thing stops spinning.
Amy Farrah Fowler: [Amy enters] Hey, Sheldon, I found a great restaurant for date night.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, eh, kinda busy right now.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, an Euler's disc; fun.
Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, we're seeing if Raj can hold his breath longer than it.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, immature.

[last lines]
[Sheldon has been haranguing the cafeteria]
Leonard Hofstadter: What brought that on?
Sheldon Cooper: Well, last night Amy was angry with me because I've been foolishly telling people about certain personal matters.
Howard Wolowitz: That's understandable.
Sheldon Cooper: Mmh, I know that now. At first, I thought she was cranky because of her horrific menstrual cramps, but... it turns out no, she was genuinely mortified.

Amy Farrah Fowler: The food here's supposed to be great. Don't fill up on chips.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh I won't. I have a trick. I only eat equilateral triangles. Isoceles, isoceles, scalene...
[tears a corner off one chip and eats it]
Sheldon Cooper: You didn't see that.

Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry you were embarrassed, and now I understand that some things are just between you and me, and in the event of redness and swelling, Dr. Fink.

Sheldon Cooper: Thank you, Bert. You're a good man. That woman who stood you up and humiliated you last night really missed out.
Bert Kibbler: That doesn't paint me in the best light.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. Correction, that woman not only had vigorous coitus with Bert, but she also tipped him a dollar for a job well done.