Elizabeth Hurley acreditado por interpretar...
Vanessa Kensington
- Vanessa Kensington: Look, I know I'm being neurotic, but I can't shake off this suspicious feeling about that Italian secretary. You know, Miss Fagina. I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have been known to be jealous. I'm sorry.
- Austin Powers: No, don't be sorry, baby. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her.
- Vanessa Kensington: What?
- Austin Powers: I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
- Vanessa Kensington: I don't believe you, Austin! I mean, she was repellant.
- Austin Powers: Saucer of milk, table 2. Meow.
- Vanessa Kensington: Well, did you use protection?
- Austin Powers: Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.
- Vanessa Kensington: You know I meant 'did you use a condom'?
- Austin Powers: No. Only sailors use condoms, baby.
- Vanessa Kensington: Not in the 90's, Austin.
- Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy buggers. They go from port to port.
- Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties. You know, a lot's changed since 1967.
- Austin Powers: No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
- [Austin and Vanessa see a man decapitated]
- Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one's head.
- Vanessa Kensington: No.
- Austin Powers: That's not the way to get ahead in life.
- Vanessa Kensington: No.
- Austin Powers: It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
- Vanessa Kensington: Hmm.
- Austin Powers: He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
- Vanessa Kensington: Okay, that'll do.
- Austin Powers: Okay.
- Austin Powers: That's Dr. Evil's cat!
- Vanessa Kensington: How can you tell?
- Austin Powers: I never forget a pussy... cat.
- Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
- Austin Powers: What's your point, Vanessa?
- Vanessa Kensington: Always wanting to have fun, Austin. That's you in a nutshell!
- Austin Powers: No, this is me in a nutshell.
- [acts as if he were in a nutshell]
- Austin Powers: Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this nutshell? Look at the size of this bloody great big nutshell! What sort of shell has a nut like this? This is crazy!
- Austin Powers: Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah, do I?
- Vanessa Kensington: [in disgust] God, I hope this is part of the unfreezing process.
- Austin Powers: That's fascinating, Vanessa. Listen, why don't we go in the back and shag?
- Vanessa Kensington: What?
- Austin Powers: I've been frozen for 30 years. I've gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working.
- Vanessa Kensington: Excuse me?
- Austin Powers: My Wedding tackle.
- Vanessa Kensington: I'm sorry. Uh...
- Austin Powers: My meat and two veg. My twig and berries. H-ello, lads, are you still awake?
- Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers... Mr. Powers, please! I'd appreciate it if you could concentrate on our mission and give your libido a rest...
- Dr. Evil: [addressing the members of the U.N] Gentlemen, I give you the Vulcan...
- [the drill is unveiled]
- Dr. Evil: The world's most powerful subterranean drill.
- Austin Powers: Does that make you horny?
- Vanessa Kensington: [a little disgusted] Not now, Austin.
- Vanessa Kensington: What's your plan?
- Austin Powers: [nervously] First, I plan to soil myself. Then I'm going to regroup and come up with a new plan. Any thoughts?
- Austin Powers: You're smashed.
- Vanessa Kensington: No, I'm not.
- Austin Powers: Yes, you are.
- Vanessa Kensington: No, I'm not. I'm the sensible one. I'm always the designated driver.
- [after a moment of silence]
- Vanessa Kensington: Oh, kiss me.
- Austin Powers: I can't, darling.
- Vanessa Kensington: Why not?
- Austin Powers: 'Cause you're drunk. It's not right.
- Vanessa Kensington: No, I'm not drunk. I'm just beginning to see what my Mummy was talking about all those years ago.
- Austin Powers: I can't.
- Austin Powers: No, you're right to be suspicious! I shagged her!
- Vanessa Kensington: What?
- Austin Powers: I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
- Vanessa Kensington: Hello, Mummy?
- Mrs. Kensington: Oh, hello, Vanessa. And how's Austin?
- Vanessa Kensington: He's asleep.
- Mrs. Kensington: You didn't.
- Vanessa Kensington: No! I made him sleep on the sofa.
- Mrs. Kensington: Vanessa, I'm proud of you.
- Vanessa Kensington: Why?
- Mrs. Kensington: Because you've managed to resist Austin Powers' charms.
- Vanessa Kensington: [laughing] Oh, well, God knows he tried, Mummy. I actually had to end up being rather firm with him. What about his teeth? It's really bizarre.
- Mrs. Kensington: Darling, you have to understand, in Britain in the '60s, you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. It didn't matter.
- Vanessa Kensington: Did you ever?
- Mrs. Kensington: Me? No, of course not. I was married to your father.
- Vanessa Kensington: Did you ever want to?
- Mrs. Kensington: Austin is very charming, very debonair. He's handsome, witty, has a knowledge of fine wines. Women want him, and men want to be him. Every bit an international man of mystery.
- Vanessa Kensington: Yeah, well, you didn't answer my question, Mummy.
- Mrs. Kensington: I know. Let me just say this: Austin was the most loyal and... caring friend I ever had. I will always love him.
- Vanessa Kensington: We're going to outfit you with this. It looks like a watch, but in fact, it's a geosynchronous positioning device.
- Austin Powers: Very shagadelic.
- Vanessa Kensington: And then there's this.
- Austin Powers: Okay, let me guess. The floss is garrote wire, the toothpaste is plastic explosives, and the toothbrush is the detonation device.
- Vanessa Kensington: No, actually. Well, since you've been frozen, there have been fabulous advances in the field of dentistry.
- Austin Powers: W-What do you mean?
- Vanessa Kensington: [understanding that he doesn't get the hint] Nothing.
- Vanessa Kensington: I'm gonna need you to sign these release forms.
- Austin Powers: Release forms?
- Vanessa Kensington: Well, yes. You're not officially working for the Ministry of Defence, and these forms indemnify the Ministry against any, um... mishaps that may occur in the line of duty.
- Austin Powers: Mishaps? But isn't that what being an international man of mystery's all about?
- Austin Powers: Whatever happens, I want you to know that I feel really bad about that Italian bird. What I'm trying to say is... that if you want me to be a one-woman man, well, that's just groovy, baby.
- Vanessa Kensington: Behave.
- Austin Powers: Alotta meant nothing to me.
- Vanessa Kensington: Well, it means something to me. Austin, if you want us to have a relationship, you have to get it into your head that times have changed. You can't just go off shagging anybody anymore. And if you could, I wouldn't, because I'm not like that.
- Austin Powers: Vanessa... you're everything to me.
- Vanessa Kensington: You just don't get it, do you? Well, good night, Austin. Welcome to the '90s. You're gonna be very lonely.
- Vanessa Kensington: I look forward to working with you, but do me a favor and stop calling me "baby". You can address me... Agent Kensington.
- Austin Powers: Oh, come on.
- Vanessa Kensington: All right, then. Vanessa.
- Austin Powers: Was that so hard?
- Vanessa Kensington: You know, I haven't had this much fun since college.
- Austin Powers: Well, I'm sorry.
- Vanessa Kensington: Why?
- Austin Powers: I'm sorry that bug up your ass had to die.
- Austin Powers: So... which side of the bed do you want?
- Vanessa Kensington: You're sleeping on the sofa, Mr. Powers. In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that the only reason we're sharing a room is to keep up the context that we're a married couple on vacation.