Tommy Wiseau en el papel de...
Johnny
- [Johnny walks to the apartment rooftop]
- Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her!
- [throws water bottle]
- Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark.
- Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?
- Johnny: I have a problem with Lisa. She says that I hit her.
- Mark: What? Did you?
- Johnny: [sits down] No, it's not true. Don't even ask. What's new with you?
- Mark: I'm just sitting up here thinking, you know. I got a question for you.
- Johnny: Yeah?
- Mark: You think girls like to cheat like guys do?
- Johnny: What makes you say that?
- Mark: [gets up] I don't know. I don't know. I'm just... I'm just thinking.
- Johnny: I don't have to worry about that because Lisa is loyal to me.
- Mark: Yeah, man, you'll never know. People are very strange these days. I used to know a girl; she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.
- Johnny: Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark.
- [gets up]
- Mark: Yeah, you can say that again.
- Johnny: I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much.
- Mark: Yeah, man. Yeah, you are very lucky.
- Johnny: Well, maybe you should have a girl, Mark.
- Mark: [pauses, then walks forward] Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I have one already. I don't know yet.
- Johnny: Well, what happened? Remember Betty? That's her name?
- Mark: Betty? Yeah. Yeah, we don't see each other anymore. You know, she wasn't any good in bed. She was beautiful, but we had too many arguments.
- Johnny: That's too bad. My Lisa's great whenever I get it.
- Mark: [sits down] Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're just flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.
- Johnny: It seems to me that you're the expert, Mark.
- [sits down]
- Mark: No. Definitely not an expert, Johnny.
- Johnny: [walks into flower shop] Hi.
- Flower Shop Clerk: Can I help you?
- Johnny: Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?
- Flower Shop Clerk: Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you.
- [grabs bouquet of roses]
- Flower Shop Clerk: Here you go.
- Johnny: That's me. How much is it?
- Flower Shop Clerk: It'll be eighteen dollars.
- Johnny: [hands over cash] Here you go. Keep the change.
- [grabs flowers and pats dog on the counter]
- Johnny: Hi, doggy.
- Flower Shop Clerk: You're my favorite customer.
- Johnny: Thanks a lot. Bye!
- Flower Shop Clerk: Buh-bye!
- Peter: Speaking of which, how did you meet Lisa? You never told us.
- Johnny: Oh, that's very interesting story, when I moved to San Francisco with two suitcases and I didn't know anyone, and I have, I hit YMCA with a $2000 check that I couldn't cash.
- Mark: Why not?
- Johnny: Well, because it was an out of state bank. Anyway, I was working as a busboy in hotel, and uh, um, she was sitting, drinking her coffee, and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her, and that's how we met.
- Mark: So, I mean, what's the interesting part?
- Johnny: Well, the interesting part is that on our first date, she paid for dinner.
- Mike: Hi Johnny, what's going on?
- Johnny: Oh hai Mike, what's new?
- Mike: Oh, actually Johnny, I got a, I got a little bit of a, tragedy.
- Johnny: Uh-huh.
- Mike: On my hands... yeah. Me and... Michelle, we were... we were making out, uh, in your place?
- Johnny: Hahaha.
- Mike: And, Lisa and Claudette sort of, uh, walked in on us. In the middle of it. That's not the end of the story.
- Johnny: Go on, I'm listening.
- Mike: OK. We're go-we're going at it, and um, I get out of there as fast as possible, you know, I-I get my pants, I get my shirt, and I get out of there. And then about halfway down the stairs I realise that I, I have misplaced, I have forgotten, something.
- Johnny: Mmm-mmm.
- Mike: Uh... my underwear.
- Johnny: Hahaha.
- Mike: So, pft, so I come back to get it, you know, I pretend I need a book...
- Johnny: Uh-huh.
- Mike: I'm looking for my book, and I-I-I reach in and put the underwear in my pocket ready to slide out real quick?
- Johnny: Uh-huh.
- Mike: Well Claudette, she saw it, sticking out, of my pocket?
- Johnny: Uh-huh.
- Mike: She pulls it out, and she's showing everybody... me underwears.
- Johnny: You must be kidding, underwear, I got the picture.
- Mike: Yeah, I don't know what to do.
- Johnny: That's life!
- Johnny: How dare you talk to me like that!
- [pushes Lisa back on the couch]
- Johnny: You should tell me everything!
- Lisa: I can't talk right now.
- Johnny: [sits next to Lisa] Why, Lisa? Why, Lisa? Please talk to me, please! You are part of my life! You are everything! I could not go on without you, Lisa.
- Lisa: You're scaring me.
- [Lisa gets up, but Johnny also gets up]
- Johnny: You're lying! I never hit you! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!
- Lisa: Why are you so hysterical?
- Johnny: [pushes her back onto the couch again] Do you understand life? Do you?