Zonad

Zonad is probably an alien. What other explanation could there be for finding a red, leather-clad man passed out on your living room floor? So the charade begins. The ruse is obvious to us of course because everything about Zonad is just plain stupid, and funny.

This film finds an hilarious way to tackle naiveté vs. experience, alcoholism vs. sobriety, and mankind vs extraterrestrials. All the characters had such amusing, naive character traits, that it is more fun to accept Zonad than not. It was surprising how easy it was for made up aliens to get laid, but such is the way of life in Ballymoran, Ireland.

If you enter this town, you will need to fall for the sexual and musical charms of Zonad and his fellow alien, Bonad, otherwise you will find yourself on the outside of the city limits with no way back in. "Zonad" is recommended for those that like the quirky charms of small Irish towns mixed with the alcohol-induced and sexually-laced jokes for American audiences but written with the smart and adept skill of small, independent filmmakers.

When I read the jacket for this I thought they must be kidding.

It's pretty much as low brow as it gets, it's certainly not going to win any awards, nor become a hidden gem or even some kind of underground cult classic.

In fact there are many aspects of it, which on face value are just plane bad.

But hold on a minute, why is it then, that when I think back on it, it makes me smile? Why is the friendly visitor track stuck in my head? I'm not sure I know.

But, if you find yourself in the supermarket looking through the under a fiver DVD bin and you come across this film, and then one bored afternoon you find you have 74 minutes spare (it's mercifully short), give it a watch.

It's not great, but there is something about it that's quintessentially Irish in the best possible way.

Zonad (2009)

Why, John Carney, why? It is very difficult to believe that the man who had already brought us the subtle winner "Once" and will later give us the musical delights "Begin Again" & "Sing Street" also directed this. Yes. In the beginning, there was "Zonad". (It actually began as the never released 2003 short.)

It could have been endearing. It could have actually been a science fiction film. It could have been a romantic comedy that actually worked. Instead, it was an unsophisticated travesty comedy in which two alcoholics, Liam and Francis, escape a treatment center and fool an entire Irish town into believing they are Zonad and Bonad, visitors from another planet This is based almost entirely on the use of some bright vinyl material and a helmet. At first, I thought Zonad's staccato speech pattern was his lame attempt at trying to sound foreign. Then, when I saw all the other poor acting performances, some of which had weird speech patterns as well, I began to think it was merely poor acting. Then, towards the end when he started to talk more regularly when he was not incognito, I switched back to my original understanding. At the conclusion of the film, I was more confused than ever because he seemed to do it to varying degrees whether or not he was posing as an intergalactic traveler.

The Good: * Indicatively, the best and most memorable minutes of this film were the two musical numbers performed by Zonad. The first, a solo he sings (accompanied by piano keyboard) in front of the girls in Ballymoran, "Mysterious Girl". The second, the closing scene in the town bar, "I'm Sorry".

* There were some funny moment and one-liners, though they were few and far between.

The Bad: * Not believable in the least.

* Very few actually humorous moments. Compared to the rest of the film that was inundated with failed attempts at such, one would be logically led to believe that the moments that worked could be attributed to pure chance.

The Ugly: *The acting. All around. Nothing else to be said. Excruciatingly bad.

*Sans a few rare scenes, not really fun to watch; but, even worse, not even an anecdotal lesson to compensate. The main character collects free alcohol, food, and rent, taking advantage of not only the Cassidys but the entire town. His escaped alcoholic center companion preys on all the women in the city. Then they are found out and forced to leave. The end.

You can see his Carney's quirky personality in "Zonad", but executed tragically. The director and writers' genius lies in the beautiful marriage between film, music, and romantic stories. This marriage was a blind mess. Gratefully, I watched Carney's other films first. Otherwise I doubt I ever would have been granted the opportunity to fall in love with his oeuvre.

Zonad might not get the appreciation from the description, but this movie was a pleasant surprise. I thought the reality created by the Carney Brothers was refreshing, lite, and enjoyable. At no point did I want to reject that ignorance and acceptance of the space visitor by the towns people, which is a credit to the writing, direction, and performances.

Janice Byrne enticed at every opportunity as the "precocious" and "sexually-frustrated" Jenny, giving Simon Delaney ample moments to shine in his claimed naivete. Delaney, as Zonad, exceeded all expectations, which there were none, so he gets many exaltations. The minor characters added enough charm and quaint towny-vibe to cause no distrust of them. Bonad's addition was a comic gem, the perfect antagonist for this piece. Donna Dent even sold her flirtatious motherly role very well.

Technically, there was nothing remarkable, but the cocaine induced speed up produce a chuckle along with the song choice.

Overall, nice zany moments, and a comedy worth watching.

My sweet jayzuz! In only 75 minutes this pea-brain adolescent wreck seeks to cut the legs out from under the long-deserved Irish rep as a country of endearing, witty and artful storytellers.

One of the worst movies I have ever seen (and I am an ancient, so I have seen plenty). After watching the entire film because my beloved wife wouldn't give up on it, I could only think: boring, sophomoric, witless, crude, poorly acted, jam packed with the requisite "dirty words" and pissing sequences... Great gawd almighty, wot has become of motion picture culture??? Have ye no shame, ye "Irish" poseurs? But then I read something here or on Netflix indicating that this production should be seen as a parody of American teenage gross-out movies. Oh, OK, now I get it: a witless parody of a witless genre! Right. Seen like this, I guess it is a masterpiece.

Do yourself a favor, forget this empty glass. Go make a friend at the pub around the corner and raise a glass and sing a dirge to the Irish wit of yore.