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Dan Lauria and Tom Welling in Smallville (2001)

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Hothead

Smallville

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  • Coach Walt Arnold: Yeah, I remember. Jonathan Kent was one of the best athletes I ever coached. A lot of God-given talent. It's in your genes, Kent.
  • Clark Kent: Actually, I'm adopted.
  • Chloe Sullivan: Clark Kent is a football player and Lana Lang is a waitress.
  • Pete Ross: What's wrong with that?
  • Chloe Sullivan: Nothing. I just wanna click my heels and get back to reality.
  • Chloe Sullivan: I've already started getting hate mail.
  • Clark Kent: You seem very happy about that, why?
  • Chloe Sullivan: Because it means I'm hitting a nerve. Besides, between the abysmal sentence structure and generous use of obscenities, I got a pretty good idea of who's been sending it.
  • Pete Ross: If you think my teammates have been reading the Torch, you're giving them way too much credit.
  • Lex Luthor: Dad, you have no idea what I'm capable of.
  • Clark Kent: The Torch torched. How's that for dramatic irony.
  • Clark Kent: I joined a football team, not a cult.
  • Clark Kent: I'm sick of being punished because I have these gifts. Most parents would be happy if their son could be star of the football team.
  • Jonathan Kent: Son, I am happy when you wake up in the morning. Now, I don't need to live vicariously through your achievements.
  • Clark Kent: Why would you? You got to play.
  • Jonathan Kent: I'm not signing the permission slip, Clark.
  • Clark Kent: You don't have to. I'm playing football, and you can't stop me.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Look at Ross here. He doesn't have a lick of natural talent, but he's got a truckload of heart.
  • Pete Ross: Thanks... I guess.
  • Lex Luthor: My father sent me to Smallville because he'd rather surround himself with drones than people who challenge his archaic business practices.
  • Lana Lang: My mom was a cheerleader, so was my aunt. Figured it was time to break the vicious cycle.
  • Lionel Luthor: You know perfectly well how I feel about you.
  • Lex Luthor: Hence, I'm at a crap factory in Smallville.
  • Lex Luthor: The Luthors wrote the book on uncomfortable silences.
  • Clark Kent: Oh yeah. Joined the football team and poured some coffee. We're a couple of real rebels.
  • Lana Lang: Long live the revolution.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: [after Clark walks right through the fire] How did you do that?
  • Clark Kent: It's in the genes.
  • Clark Kent: What are you working on?
  • Lex Luthor: Oh. I'm trying to figure out which poor bastard should get the ax. My father wants me to cut 20% of my workforce.
  • Clark Kent: Any way around it?
  • Lex Luthor: Once my father's made his mind up, he's not easy to turn around.
  • Lana Lang: If it makes you guys feel any better, you should have seen the look on my aunt's face when I took this job. Not that I was eavesdropping or anything.
  • Clark Kent: I guess we're all in the same boat.
  • Lex Luthor: No, no, you both stood your ground and are doing what you want. I caved. You two have inspired me.
  • Lana Lang: I heard about the coach. Pretty weird.
  • Clark Kent: He won his 200th game and didn't even see it.
  • Lana Lang: Are you gonna play next season?
  • Clark Kent: I don't know if football's for me. I mean, my dad played, my granddad played. I think it's time to break the vicious cycle.
  • Lana Lang: Pretty short career. Why the change of heart?
  • Clark Kent: I don't know. Guess I got out on the field and realized my reason for playing was gone.
  • Lana Lang: I'm sorry to hear that.
  • Clark Kent: Who said life was fair?
  • Lana Lang: Gonna be okay?
  • Clark Kent: Sometimes I just wanna scream.
  • Lana Lang: Why don't we?
  • Clark Kent: Why don't we what?
  • Lana Lang: Scream. I'm game if you are.
  • Clark Kent: [looking around] You serious?
  • Lana Lang: Why not?
  • Clark Kent: Hey, thought you were working.
  • Lana Lang: I got let go. Apparently, I'm not waitress material.
  • Clark Kent: Sorry. How'd your aunt take it?
  • Lana Lang: She said that it was a sign that I should seriously reconsider cheerleading.
  • Clark Kent: [amused] Parents. What are you gonna do?
  • Lex Luthor: Two trips in one week. I'm flattered, dad.
  • Lionel Luthor: What is this?
  • Lex Luthor: It's my new proposal. I worked out how to cut the operating budget by twenty percent without losing a single job.
  • Lionel Luthor: Lex, I specifically told you to cut your workforce.
  • Lex Luthor: Why? With this plan, you don't get the bad P.R.
  • Lionel Luthor: That's not the point.
  • Lex Luthor: Careful, dad, you're getting emotional.
  • [picking up a fencing foil]
  • Lex Luthor: We could always try a rematch. Are you afraid you can't take your son again?
  • Lionel Luthor: You get one.
  • Lex Luthor: One what?
  • Lionel Luthor: One chance to defy me.
  • Lex Luthor: I can't figure out what you hate more; the fact that my plan works, or that you didn't come up with it first.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: How's my favorite football fan?
  • Principal H. James Kwan: Coach, one of the players accused of cheating has come forward and said you supplied them with the tests.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Oh. And which boy told you that little piece of fiction?
  • Principal H. James Kwan: I'm not at liberty to say.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: And I'm guessing you already went to the school board and asked them to suspend me.
  • Principal H. James Kwan: You have a lot of friends in high places.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: I should have. I coached most of them. You don't understand. I'm an institution. Who'd you think the school board was gonna believe? Some cheating little brat who's just trying to cover his own ass? Or the man who's been leading this school to victory for 25 years?
  • Principal H. James Kwan: They may not believe one, but if I can get all of them to step forward, the board will have no choice, they'll suspend you from coaching for the rest of your life.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: You will *NOT* bring me down!
  • Principal H. James Kwan: [Arnold's TV inexplicably catches fire] What the hell's going on here, Coach?
  • Clark Kent: [surprised to see Lana working at a cafe] Lana, what are you doing here?
  • Lana Lang: Taking your order, I hope.
  • Chloe Sullivan: Wha-wha... what is this? Some sort of, like, a cheerleading charity? Like, "be a waitress for a night" sort of thing?
  • Lana Lang: Yes, it is, except for the cheerleading and charity parts. And tips are always appreciated.
  • Clark Kent: So, you're a waitress for real?
  • Lana Lang: Even got the perky nametag to prove it.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Kent, quit looking in the stands. Your dad's not coaching this team, I am. Now, I didn't bring you out here to be a tackling dummy. Get angry! Kick some butt!
  • Clark Kent: Any idea how they got that midterm, Chloe?
  • Chloe Sullivan: Still a mystery, but I'm working on it.
  • Football Player: [noticing her taking pictures] Hey, what's she doing?
  • [he throws his football at her, but Clark manages to catch it just in time]
  • Pete Ross: Ooh, nice catch.
  • Chloe Sullivan: One of your teammates attempts to assassinate me and all you can say is "nice catch"?
  • Pete Ross: I thought you wanted to hit a nerve.
  • Lex Luthor: Well, if it isn't the three wise men. Hello, Dominic.
  • Dominic Senatori: I'm assuming you're running late because you've been in a fencing lesson. Or have you taken up polo again?
  • Lex Luthor: I'm not running late. I canceled this meeting, if you recall.
  • Dominic Senatori: Your father insisted that we drive down here and keep it.
  • Lex Luthor: Mm, and when he barks, you jump.
  • Nell Potter: Lana, you're home early. Did they cancel cheerleading practice?
  • Lana Lang: Sort of. I quit.
  • Nell Potter: You loved being on the squad. What happened?
  • Lana Lang: I just think there's more to life than memorizing cheers and shaking pom-poms.
  • Nell Potter: You just decided this out of the blue?
  • Lana Lang: Some of the football players were caught cheating. Guys I know. I told Whitney how upset it made me. He said it was no big deal, that people aren't perfect. I thought "Why am I doing this? Wearing a fake smile and stupid outfit for people who will do anything to win a game?".
  • Nell Potter: Well, you can't let a couple of bad apples spoil the experience. You're part of a team. You're making friends.
  • Lana Lang: Aunt Nell, I don't wanna go back. I wanna try different things. What's wrong with that?
  • Nell Potter: Nothing. It's just that you're on a good track. I want you to be happy.
  • Dominic Senatori: Have you seen the quarterly numbers?
  • Lex Luthor: Yes, I have. We're 20% below projections.
  • Dominic Senatori: And your father wants you to take drastic action.
  • Lex Luthor: I plan to.
  • Dominic Senatori: Good. Then I can inform him that you'll be cutting your work force.
  • Lex Luthor: On the contrary, you can inform him I plan on increasing my work force.
  • Dominic Senatori: By how much?
  • Lex Luthor: 20%.
  • Dominic Senatori: [sardonic chuckle] Lex, I've always enjoyed your unique sense of humor, but you can't be serious.
  • Lex Luthor: You've gotta spend money to make money, Dominic. If we increase productivity and marketing while our competitors retreat, when the sector bounces back... we'll corner the market.
  • Jonathan Kent: I saw you play, all right? And you could have easily hurt any one of those boys.
  • Clark Kent: But the point is I didn't.
  • [Jonathan quietly scoffs]
  • Clark Kent: [more to Martha] Why are we even having this conversation? He's never gonna believe me.
  • Clark Kent: You know, it's amazing, the same day I make the team, you quit the squad. I was just hoping we'd see more of each other.
  • Lana Lang: I have four shifts a week. You can stop by anytime you like.
  • Clark Kent: [reading the Torch] "Football: Sport or abuse?"
  • Chloe Sullivan: So, what do you think?
  • Clark Kent: I think you need to seriously decrease your cappuccino dependency.
  • Chloe Sullivan: Pete thinks I'm being too hard on Coach Walt.
  • Pete Ross: I mean, the man coached my dad, all my brothers. He used to come over and watch the Super Bowl.
  • Chloe Sullivan: Now, while I'm touched by that hallmark moment, you don't get points for subtlety in journalism.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: I saw your arm out there. Your technique was lousy, but you got a lot of power.
  • Clark Kent: Thanks.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: So why aren't you on our team?
  • Clark Kent: My dad needs me on the farm.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Well, your school needs you on the field. We've got a big game Friday night. We're short of players. Look, look, I... I know your dad would understand.
  • Clark Kent: He's kind of stubborn.
  • Clark Kent: [surprised to see Jonathan at football practice] I'm glad you're here. It means a lot to me.
  • Jonathan Kent: I still don't support your decision, Clark. I'm here to see that no one gets hurt.
  • Martha Kent: Principal Kwan's gonna be in the hospital 'til over the weekend.
  • Clark Kent: Is he gonna be all right?
  • Martha Kent: He's got some burns and suffered smoke inhalation, but he's gonna be okay.
  • Jonathan Kent: Anybody see you, son?
  • Clark Kent: Nobody saw me, dad. I told the paramedics that I wrapped my hands in my jacket before I pulled him out.
  • Martha Kent: Lucky you were there.
  • Clark Kent: [pointedly to Jonathan] Well, I kind of missed my ride.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Whitney, get over here. Refresh my memory. Didn't I just send a pass play in there?
  • Whitney Fordman: The rain is coming down so hard. I couldn't tell if Donner was open, so I figured...
  • Coach Walt Arnold: [pulling him by the facemask] Hey, what does it say on my jacket?
  • Whitney Fordman: Coach.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: That's right. Coach. Football is not a democracy, and you will do as I say because I know what's best for you! Now, look, son, we have run this play a hundred times in practice. You don't have to see Donner to know where he is, just throw it to him. Now, I want you to go out there and I want you to run the same play. And I want you to win this game for us, okay? Go ahead.
  • Jonathan Kent: What do you mean you had to say yes?
  • Clark Kent: Coach Walt sort of didn't give me a choice.
  • Jonathan Kent: Let me guess, did he give you the, uh, "be your own man" speech, right? Well, Walt's been giving that speech for 25 years. Same one. Believe me, I know. What you gotta do is go there tomorrow and tell him you can't play.
  • Clark Kent: Dad, please don't make me do that.
  • Jonathan Kent: Son, I'm sorry, we've already had this conversation.
  • Clark Kent: It's never been a conversation. I can be careful and you don't trust me.
  • Jonathan Kent: Of course I trust you, Clark, but, uh...
  • Clark Kent: But what? I'm old enough to make my own decisions.
  • Jonathan Kent: When you're out on the field, a million things can happen that can affect your judgment. I mean, if you get angry even for just a second, or you, uh, you try to impress some girl with a fancy move, somebody could get seriously hurt out there. You were meant for much more important things than winning football games.
  • Martha Kent: Clark hasn't been able to do anything normal his whole life. No play groups, no Little League. All because we were afraid he might hurt somebody. He's a teenager now. Let's give him a shot.
  • Jonathan Kent: His gifts come with responsibilities.
  • Martha Kent: This isn't about his gifts, it's about his judgment. You're telling Clark that you don't believe in him.
  • Jonathan Kent: Of course I believe in him. Wh-What if he makes a mistake, and somebody suspects the truth? I mean, I do not want anyone coming on this farm and taking our son away from us.
  • Martha Kent: Well, if we don't start trusting him, nobody's gonna have to take him away. He's gonna leave all by himself.
  • Jonathan Kent: [about Clark's desire to play football] How did he get to be so stubborn?
  • Martha Kent: [sarcastic] Gee, I don't know.
  • Jonathan Kent: Hey, wait a minute. I was not like that when I was his age.
  • Martha Kent: No, you were the obedient son who always obeyed his father and didn't run away one summer and try out for the Metropolis Sharks.
  • Jonathan Kent: Since when did you go and join the other side?
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Principal Kwan, what brings you to the sweat box?
  • Principal H. James Kwan: We've got a problem, Coach.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Cheating, huh? My boys?
  • Principal H. James Kwan: Seven of them, on their math midterm. Which means they're ineligible for next Friday's game.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Well, just keep it quiet for a couple of weeks and, uh, we'll deal with it in the off-season.
  • Principal H. James Kwan: I'm not sweeping a major academic breach under the carpet so you can win a game.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: You've been here, what, six months? I've been here 25 years. We're not talking about just a game. We're talking about my legacy.
  • Principal H. James Kwan: I don't care about your legacy. I'm here to educate young people.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: I've been educating young people all my life. You know how many boys have gone on to college because of me? Have gotten good jobs on my recommendations?
  • Principal H. James Kwan: I know most people think you walk on water, Coach. I think you're dangerous. I've seen your temper. I've seen your methods. Just because you win doesn't make you right. On Monday, I'm suspending the players. End of story.
  • Pete Ross: [after Coach Walt browbeats Clark into joining the football team] Remind me what your dad said last time you asked him to play.
  • Clark Kent: He said no.
  • Pete Ross: He said no. That's what I thought. Call me when the hurting's done, okay?
  • Lionel Luthor: [fencing with Lex] Look at your moves, Lex. They're rash, no thought to their consequences.
  • Lex Luthor: If I wanted a running commentary, I'd buy one of your books on tape.
  • Lionel Luthor: You know what your problem is?
  • Lex Luthor: Enlighten me.
  • Lionel Luthor: You're ruled by your emotions. You always have been.
  • [getting the upper hand]
  • Lionel Luthor: And that can be a fatal flaw. I want those workers gone by noon tomorrow.
  • [tapping Lex's chest with his foil]
  • Lionel Luthor: Meeting adjourned.
  • Clark Kent: So you're taking dad's side?
  • Martha Kent: No, Clark, I'm not. I told him he's being unreasonable.
  • Clark Kent: Thanks.
  • Martha Kent: Well, I'm not saying you're entirely innocent here, either. If you wanna make your own decisions, you need to be prepared to live with your mistakes.
  • Clark Kent: You trust me, don't you?
  • Martha Kent: I want to, Clark. So does your dad. Just give him a chance.
  • Trevor Chapell: Why'd you call me? What do you want?
  • Chloe Sullivan: I wanna know if Coach Walt supplied the players with the tests.
  • Trevor Chapell: Look, if you don't wanna get hurt, just leave this alone.
  • Chloe Sullivan: Look, you can talk to me now or later. Either way, this picture's gonna be on the front page of tomorrow's Torch.
  • Trevor Chapell: [seeing the pictures she took] Just leave me alone.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Jonathan, you know the rules. No parents on the sidelines.
  • Jonathan Kent: I'm looking for Clark.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Well, join the club. I need him out here. Guess he doesn't have what it takes to be a winner, huh?
  • Jonathan Kent: Nobody's seen him.
  • Chloe Sullivan: I think the coach is lying.
  • Jonathan Kent: What's going on here, Chloe?
  • Chloe Sullivan: [seeing a group of football players leaving] What's up with your fallen brethren?
  • Pete Ross: I don't know.
  • Chloe Sullivan: [getting up to follow them] I'll see you tomorrow.
  • Lex Luthor: Lana. What happened? Did Nell put you out on the street?
  • Lana Lang: I decided to join the workforce.
  • Lex Luthor: Good for you. I'm sure you'll be employee of the month in no time.
  • Lana Lang: Right now, I hold the record for most dishes broken in a single day.
  • Lex Luthor: Better bring my cappuccino in a Styrofoam cup, then.
  • Lionel Luthor: All right, here's how I propose we solve our impasse.
  • [picking up a fencing foil]
  • Lionel Luthor: We'll fence for it. If you win, I'll let you pursue your plan. If I win, you fire 20% of your workforce. The question you have to ask yourself, Lex, is are you good enough to take your old man?
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Kent, why aren't you in the locker room suiting up?
  • Clark Kent: I'm not walking out on that field, and neither are you.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Look, I don't know what the hell your problem is, but you do not want to tick me off right now.
  • [his powers heat up the sauna stones, inadvertently exposing Clark to the kryptonite inside]
  • Clark Kent: I saw what you did to Trevor's arm.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Trevor should have kept his mouth shut.
  • [seeing him double over]
  • Coach Walt Arnold: What's the matter, Kent? Little too hot for you, huh?
  • [he sucker-punches Clark in the stomach, then throws him against the wall]
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Well, excuse me now. I've got a game to win.
  • Lionel Luthor: Congratulations, Lex. You made the business page for once.
  • Lex Luthor: I told Dominic I was doing this two days ago.
  • Lionel Luthor: Yes, and my drone dutifully reported it to me. I just didn't think you'd be stupid enough to implement it.
  • Lex Luthor: If you had a problem, why didn't you pick up the phone and call me?
  • Lionel Luthor: We have a reporting structure. Just because you're my son, don't expect any special treatment.
  • Lex Luthor: Believe me, I never have.
  • Lionel Luthor: That wounded-pride routine may have worked for your mother, but don't try it with me.
  • Chloe Sullivan: This is more than arson, Clark. It's like the fire knew what I was doing.
  • Clark Kent: And you believe Coach Walt was somehow controlling it?
  • Chloe Sullivan: Look at the facts. Principal Kwan launches an investigation into the cheating scandal, Coach Walt tries to fry him in his car. Then one of his players comes forward and he threatens them all with pyrotechnic sprinklers. I'm about to print that picture and the Torch goes up in flames.
  • Clark Kent: Now you think he's behind the cheating scandal? Come on, Chloe.
  • Chloe Sullivan: Coach obsessed with winning his 200th game helped bonehead players pass the test so he can secure his position in the pantheon of high-school sports.
  • Clark Kent: Do you have another copy of the picture?
  • Chloe Sullivan: No, it's kind of hard to recover the files.
  • Clark Kent: We don't have any proof.
  • Chloe Sullivan: Trevor Chapell.
  • Clark Kent: What about him?
  • Chloe Sullivan: I'm sure he's the one that talked to Kwan about the cheating. He wants to talk, I know it, but he's still scared to talk to me, but I think he might open up to you.
  • Martha Kent: Smallville's resident cynic have a change of heart?
  • Chloe Sullivan: Well, I decided to put my personal politics aside to support my friends.
  • Martha Kent: [pointedly to Jonathan] Yes, we're trying the same philosophy.
  • Jonathan Kent: Where's Clark?
  • Chloe Sullivan: I don't know. I was supposed to meet him before the game, but he didn't show. I thought he was with you guys.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: Talking to the school newspaper, Trevor? I thought you were brighter than that.
  • Trevor Chapell: Coach, I didn't say anything. You gotta believe me. She was at the field last night. She's got a picture of us in the sprinklers.
  • Coach Walt Arnold: All right. Go home. I'll take care of this.

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Dan Lauria and Tom Welling in Smallville (2001)
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