Dave Sheridan aufgeführt in der Rolle von...
Doofy
- The Killer: [rapping] I'm gonna slash and gash, cut another hole in your ass. I spill blood on the walls, then play tennis with your balls. If the phone rings, don't answer the call. Gonna slit your throat, fuck you like a goat, peel your foreskin off and make a winter coat. Peace!
- [camera pulls back to reveal all of Shorty's friends dead]
- Shorty: Yo! That was the illest rhyme I ever seen!
- Shorty: [answers phone] Yo.
- The Killer: Hello, Shorty. What are you doing?
- Shorty: Nothin. Just watching the game. Smokin some bud.
- The Killer: Are you all alone?
- Shorty: [to roommate] Yo, pick up the phone!
- Shorty's Roomate: [sticking out tongue] WAZZZZUPPP!
- Shorty: WAZZZUP!
- [killer looks at phone]
- Shorty: Yo, Dookie! Pick up the phone!
- Dookie: Yo.
- The Killer: WAZZZZUP!
- Shorty, The Killer, Shorty's Roomate, Dookie: WAZZZZZUPPP!
- [Dookie and roommate hang up]
- Shorty: What you doin my son?
- The Killer: Nothing. Just chillin. Killin.
- Shorty: True.
- The Killer: Do you know where I am?
- [Feet are sticking out from behind couch, and are kicking up and down]
- Cindy Campbell: Um, you're behind the couch, I can see your feet.
- The Killer: [Killer sticks head up and sees his feet. He grabs his head] D'oh!
- The Killer: Okay,okay close your eyes!
- [Cindy closes her eyes, and the killer tries to hide under the carpet, but then goes behind the curtains]
- The Killer: Now do you know where I am?
- [Cindy opens her eyes]
- The Killer: What's your favorite scary movie?
- Drew Decker: Kazaam! You know, the one where Shaq plays a genie.
- The Killer: That's not a horror movie.
- Drew Decker: Yeah, well, you've never seen Shaq act.
- Deputy Doofy: Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law.
- Buffy Gilmore: Yeah, and Mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner!
- Deputy Doofy: Special Officer Doofy reporting!
- Policeman #1: Hey, Doofy! Smell my fingers!
- Deputy Doofy: What's that?
- Policeman #1: That's when you know you've become a man, Doofy.
- Deputy Doofy: Hey, Terry! Smell my fingers!
- Policeman #1: What the hell is that?
- Deputy Doofy: My ass!
- The Killer: [reading pornography magazine] Nice breasts...
- Drew Decker: What do you want?
- The Killer: I wanna see what your insides look like.
- Drew Decker: Then turn to page 54.
- Gail Hailstorm: Is that drool?
- Deputy Doofy: Yeah, I forgot to swallow.
- Gail Hailstorm: Don't worry, because I never forget.
- Deputy Doofy: I go poopie.
- Sheriff: Did you just say you went "poopie"?
- Deputy Doofy: Yeah, it was good.
- Gail Hailstorm: Isn't Cindy Campbell's father a suspect?
- Sheriff: That is classified information, where did you get this?
- Gail Hailstorm: Sorry, but my information is strictly confidential shit.
- [Doofy steps out]
- Deputy Doofy: Hi Gail... Gail swallows.
- The Killer: [on the phone] What's was that noise?
- Drew Decker: Oops, I farted. I didn't think you'd hear me.
- The Killer: No... that popping noise...
- Drew Decker: [on the phone with killer] Or else my boyfriend is gonna be here any minute. He's black and he'll kick your ass!
- The Killer: You mean the one who wears makeup and dresses like a woman?
- Drew Decker: How did you know?
- The Killer: Turn the porch lights on.
- Drew Decker: [Turns on the lights, to see a Prince look-alike tied up, screaming] That's not my boyfriend. I mean, I fucked him a couple of times, but that's it.
- Drew Decker: [the man shrieks] Look, I'm calling the cops!
- The Killer: Go ahead, call the cops. But you might wanna check the back door first. You forgot to lock it.
- [first lines]
- Drew Decker: [answers a ringing phone] Hello.
- The Killer: [on the other end] Wanna have a little fun?
- Drew Decker: Who's this?
- The Killer: Tell me your name and I'll tell you mine.
- Drew Decker: I don't think so.
- [farts]
- The Killer: What's that noise?
- Drew Decker: Oops, I farted. I didn't think you'd hear me.
- Principal Squiggy: [to Cindy] Now, Cindy, the sheriff has some questions he would like to ask you today.
- Sheriff: [sniffs the air] What is that... God-awful smell?
- Principal Squiggy: [sniffs] I don't know.
- Deputy Doofy: I go poopie.
- Sheriff: Did you just say that you, uh, you went poopie?
- Deputy Doofy: Yeah. It was good.
- Sheriff: Hmm.
- [to Squiggy]
- Sheriff: Get him outta here.
- Principal Squiggy: Yes.
- [to Doofy]
- Principal Squiggy: Thank you, Doofy.
- Deputy Doofy: Okay.
- Principal Squiggy: You should now go back to Special Ed.
- Deputy Doofy: Okay. Salute.
- [salutes to the Sheriff who salutes back]
- Sheriff: Maybe a change of underwater, son
- Cindy Campbell: Bye, Doofy.
- Deputy Doofy: Bye, Cind
- [Principal Squiggy takes him out of the office]