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Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Once in her long-running feud with Clare Boothe Luce, Mrs. Luce held the door open for Mrs. Parker to walk through and said, "Age before beauty." Mrs. Parker walked through and said, "Pearls before swine." Another time, when told that Mrs. Luce was kind to her inferiors, she said, "And where does she find them?"

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end-to-end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Reviewing Katharine Hepburn on Broadway: "She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B."

The only '-ism' Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

After George Oppenheimer and Ruth Gordon each wrote plays with characters based on Mrs. Parker in them, she wrote, "I wanted to write my autobiography, but now I'm afraid to. George Oppenheimer and Ruth Gordon would sue me for plagiarism."

Time wounds all heels.

I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.

Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion.

(In 1955) "Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are."

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

One more drink and I'll be under the the table, two more drinks and I'll be under the host.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

Scratch an actor - and you'll find an actress.

Upon being told that former US President Calvin Coolidge (known as "Silent Cal" for being very tight-lipped) had died, she quipped, "How can they tell?"

He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

Excuse me, I have to use the toilet. Actually, I have to use the telephone, but I'm too embarrassed to say so.

Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow.

[on Basil Rathbone] Two profiles pasted together.

People ought to be one of two things, young or dead.

On truth: Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

[on children] The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.

[on actress Marion Davies] She has two expressions: joy and indigestion.

[on actress Dame Edith Evans] To me, Edith looks like something that would eat its young.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

[observation, 1928] London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something particularly good is about to come off , and it must hurry to meet it.