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- Two Britons, Hengist and Horsa, are captured and enslaved by invading Romans and taken to Rome. One of their first encounters in Rome leaves Hengist being mistaken for a fighter, and gets drafted into the Royal Guard to protect Caesar.
- With a flu epidemic running rife, three new bumbling recruits are assigned to Inspector Mills police station. They manage to totally wreck the operations of the police force and let plenty of criminals get away.
- A new midshipman joins a frigate, encountering mutiny, pirates, mistaken identities, and shipwrecks while navigating Spanish waters with his captain, lover, and friend. Survival is uncertain in this swashbuckling adventure.
- Farcical misadventures by guests in an English holiday centre.
- Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond looks after the British outpost near the Khyber Pass. Protected by the kilted Third Foot and Mouth regiment, you would think they were safe but the Khazi of Kalabar has other ideas.
- Professors Vooshka and Crump decide to visit an archaeological site to study the artifacts there. Lo and behold, it's right next to a caravan site where all manner of people are staying. With a randy Major owning the site, a snobbish mother, and the two professors' constant innuendos, the film ends with a sinking caravan site and a striptease performance as a replacement for the cabaret night.
- Quietly competent young Joanna moves with her scatterbrained mother to a country village to take up her first job as District Nurse. She soon overcomes the suspicion of her patients used to someone rather older, while becoming romantically involved with a local farmer--at least until he tries to evict a newly-arrived expectant couple who park their caravan on his land.
- A group of tourists arrive at a half-finished hotel in Spain where the oddly identical staff and bad weather threaten the building's stability.
- The sinister Dr Watt has an evil scheme going. He's kidnapping beautiful young women and turning them into mannequins to sell to local stores.
- An idiosyncratic group of patients wreak havoc in the men's surgical ward of Haven Hospital. They decide to take their revenge on the frosty Matron, and there is even a spot of DIY surgery!
- History is only slightly rewritten: instead of experienced sailors, there are only convicts whose last and only meeting with H2O was their prison diet of bread and water. And Columbus doesn't have his own map.
- A gang of thieves plans to make their fortune by stealing a shipment of contraceptive pills from Finisham maternity hospital. They assume disguises and infiltrate the hospital, but everything doesn't go according to plan.
- The Helping Hands agency employs some very strange people to perform some very strange jobs. Even the simplest of tasks get bungled by the incompetent but lovable staff.
- The Wedded Bliss computer dating agency aims to bring together the lonely hearts of Much-Snogging on-the-Green. Its owner, Sidney Bliss, has enough complications in his own love life, but still produces a pamphlet called "The Wit to Woo". The strange collection of hopefuls leads to some outlandish matches, and jealousies are bound to lead to trouble.
- Captain Crowther's lot is not a happy one! Five of his crew have to be replaced and at such short notice before the voyage begins there isn't much to choose from. Not only does he get the five most incompetent shipmates ever to sail the seven seas, but the passengers turn out to be a rather strange bunch too. The SS Happy Wanderer will never be the same.
- Sergeant Grimshawe wants to retire in the flush of success by winning the Star Squad prize with his very last platoon of newly called-up National Servicemen. But what a motley bunch they turn out to be.
- Lady Evelyn Bagley mounts an expedition to find her long-lost baby. Bill Boosey is the fearless hunter and guide. Prof. Tinkle is searching for the rare Oozalum bird. Everything is going swimmingly until a gorilla enters the camp.
- A taxi company is threatened when an all-female firm sets itself up in business and starts to steal their customers.
- A bogus legionnaire proves his mettle during an Arab attack.
- Pupils run amok at Maudlin Street School in an attempt to hang on to their headmaster. He has applied for a new job, but the students like him and don't want to lose him.
- Agent Simpkins and trainees chase STENCH (the Society for the Total Extinction of Non-Conforming Humans) for a stolen chemical formula, using gadgets and disguises to defeat villains The Fat Man, Dr Milchman, and Dr Crow.
- During French Revolution, English nobles Sir Rodney and Lord Darcy aid French aristocracy against Robespierre. Disguised as "Black Fingernail", Sir Rodney battles Camembert and Bidet, French secret police leaders.
- After having just wed Marie of Normandy, Henry VIII's eager to consummate their marriage. Unfortunately, she's always eating garlic, and refuses to stop. Deciding to get rid of her - in his usual manner, Henry must find some way of doing it without provoking war with Marie's cousin, the King of France.
- Neighborhood tensions arise when rambunctious Baines family moves next door to reclusive Abbots, clashing over home distillery and unruly teens while matriarch tries mediating the feud.
- Stodge City is in the grip of the Rumpo Kid and his gang. Mistaken identity again takes a hand as a "sanitary engineer" (plumber) by the name of Marshal P. Knutt is mistaken for a law marshal! Being the conscientious sort, Marshal tries to help the town get rid of Rumpo, and a showdown is inevitable. Marshal has two aids - revenge-seeking Annie Oakley and his sanitary expertise...