So, after nearly 3 agonizing hours, I finished Blonde. This is less a film, and more a sadistic endurance test. While, I can say plenty of positive things about the acting technical aspects (Ana De Armas is trying with all her might to bring soul and empathy to this thing) it's all in service to a film that is cruel, exploitative, and above all, pointless. Even more so, now that I know that a majority of the events portrayed in this film are either crassly exaggerated or made-up entirely. The filmmaker seemed less interested in portraying the actual tragic events of Norma Jeane's life with empathy and tact, and more interested in shocking the audience and tugging at their heart strings with all the subtlety of a 2X4 to the face. It's an utterly miserable experience, with nothing substantial or meaningful to justify it.
Reviews
14 Reviews
Blonde
(2022)
The most pointlessly cruel film I've seen since The Passion Of The Christ
15 December 2022
Orphan: First Kill
(2022)
Way better than I expected.
29 August 2022
This was surprisingly enjoyable. The original is nothing special, but it's a decent horror/suspense movie. I went into this movie not expecting much. The track record for horror prequels isn't stellar.
For about the first 30 or 40 minutes, I was honestly kind of bored with this. It just felt like a retread of the first movie. Not really adding anything new or interesting to the character or the story.
And then about the halfway mark, when I was almost checked out, the movie takes a crazy ass turn, and becomes extremely entertaining. I won't give anything away, but it's pretty surprising and makes the movie way more interesting. Props to the filmmakers for making a prequel that's not a total waste of time.
For about the first 30 or 40 minutes, I was honestly kind of bored with this. It just felt like a retread of the first movie. Not really adding anything new or interesting to the character or the story.
And then about the halfway mark, when I was almost checked out, the movie takes a crazy ass turn, and becomes extremely entertaining. I won't give anything away, but it's pretty surprising and makes the movie way more interesting. Props to the filmmakers for making a prequel that's not a total waste of time.
Funny Games
(1997)
Punishing The Audience.
13 July 2022
Warning: Spoilers
I got a chance to watch this movie recently, and I found it to be a very interesting, if uncompromising, film.
It starts off as a typical home invasion horror movie, with stock yuppy characters that, if you're well versed in horror movies, you know are there just to be tortured and killed by these two creeps. But at a certain point in the first act, you begin to realize that this is not a typical horror movie. While perpetrating their senseless violence, the two villains begin winking at the camera, and talking directly to the audience. And that's when you realize that they aren't punishing the family, they're punishing us. They're basically saying "This is what you came for. Are you not entertained?"
Very interesting and subversive take on a well worn genre.
It starts off as a typical home invasion horror movie, with stock yuppy characters that, if you're well versed in horror movies, you know are there just to be tortured and killed by these two creeps. But at a certain point in the first act, you begin to realize that this is not a typical horror movie. While perpetrating their senseless violence, the two villains begin winking at the camera, and talking directly to the audience. And that's when you realize that they aren't punishing the family, they're punishing us. They're basically saying "This is what you came for. Are you not entertained?"
Very interesting and subversive take on a well worn genre.
Censor
(2021)
"The censor is the one who is the most debouched."
13 January 2022
My buddy showed me the trailer for this, and I immediately bought it when it became available on VOD. I really loved this film.
It's simultaneously a love letter to transgressive entertainment, and a brutal takedown of the sort of pearl-clutching fear mongers that want nothing more than to have it completely stricken from existence out of some misplaced sense of public duty.
It's simultaneously a love letter to transgressive entertainment, and a brutal takedown of the sort of pearl-clutching fear mongers that want nothing more than to have it completely stricken from existence out of some misplaced sense of public duty.
Malignant
(I) (2021)
James Wan does Italian Horror
11 September 2021
Oh no, a positive review. I must be either a bot or a paid studio shill. Good lord, people are such drama queens these days.
James Wan's latest film is a fun and gory love letter to the Italian horror movies of the 1980's. With that, much like the Italian horror movies of the 80's, it is style over substance. It embraces it's outlandish premise, and totally revels in it's campiness, and delivers a stylish, over-the-top, gory romp with a totally bonkers 3rd act. If you don't enjoy movies with a high camp factor, look elsewhere. As for me, I had a damn good time at this thing.
James Wan's latest film is a fun and gory love letter to the Italian horror movies of the 1980's. With that, much like the Italian horror movies of the 80's, it is style over substance. It embraces it's outlandish premise, and totally revels in it's campiness, and delivers a stylish, over-the-top, gory romp with a totally bonkers 3rd act. If you don't enjoy movies with a high camp factor, look elsewhere. As for me, I had a damn good time at this thing.
Bone Tomahawk
(2015)
Tombstone meets Cannibal Holocaust
21 June 2020
A truly effective blend of old-school western and exploitation horror that never feels cheap or contrived. The script is very well-written (it's reminiscent of the Coen Brothers, at times) and is filled with witty and sometimes very funny dialogue, and the actors all bring their A-game. The film is deliberately paced. It spends a lot of time setting up the characters and allowing the audience to get to know them, before diving headfirst into a nightmarish and gruesome third act that's right out of a Ruggero Deodato film. Probably the best blend of genre I've seen since From Dusk Till Dawn. Highly recommended
Assault on Wall Street
(2013)
Way Better Than You Would Expect
1 February 2019
Uwe Boll made a reputations for himself in the early 2000's as an utterly inept director, and for good reason. A good majority of his movies are horrible pieces of crap. But with Assault On Wall Street, he shows that not only can he actually direct, he can direct fairly well. This is honestly a pretty good movie. Dominic Purcell gives a genuine performance. His character feels human and you feel such sympathy for him as he struggles with finances, and his wife's health. And when he's finally pushed to the edge, you understand.
This movie isn't a masterpiece or anything, but if you want to see Uwe Boll direct a fairly decent drama/social commentary, I highly recommend it.
This movie isn't a masterpiece or anything, but if you want to see Uwe Boll direct a fairly decent drama/social commentary, I highly recommend it.
The Mummy
(1999)
Loads of fun
11 January 2019
If you're looking for horror in the vain of the original, look elsewhere. If you're looking for epic high caliber filmmaking, Lawrence of Arabia is thattaway. But if you're looking for good simple adventure, likeable characters, and lots of action, you've come to the right place.
This movie is highly entertaining and honestly has stood the test of time, as far as I'm concerned. After 20 years, it's still a blast to watch.
This movie is highly entertaining and honestly has stood the test of time, as far as I'm concerned. After 20 years, it's still a blast to watch.
DeepStar Six
(1989)
Better than it has any right to be.
29 December 2018
Okay, it's no The Abyss or anything, but for a knock-off of a knock-off, it's pretty damn decent.
The effects, though pretty low budget, are nonetheless well done. The creature design is pretty cool. The characters are likeable and well-written enough to keep me invested in what was happening.
It's no game changer to be sure, but if you're looking for some b-movie monster fun, you could certainly do much worse than this.
The effects, though pretty low budget, are nonetheless well done. The creature design is pretty cool. The characters are likeable and well-written enough to keep me invested in what was happening.
It's no game changer to be sure, but if you're looking for some b-movie monster fun, you could certainly do much worse than this.
Freddy Got Fingered
(2001)
A 14 Million Dollar Prank
14 September 2018
What to say about this thing that hasn't already been said. It's not your typical bad movie. It's so stupid, nonsensical, shamelessly tasteless and gleefully mean spirited that it's actually kind of amazing to witness.
This movie isn't meant to be enjoyed. It dares you to keep watching, and makes fun of you for doing so. I would say that it's what would happen if Andy Kaufman was allowed to direct a movie, but even Andy Kaufman wouldn't have gone this far. The inner prankster in me can't help but admire it for it's sheer reckless abandon.
This movie isn't meant to be enjoyed. It dares you to keep watching, and makes fun of you for doing so. I would say that it's what would happen if Andy Kaufman was allowed to direct a movie, but even Andy Kaufman wouldn't have gone this far. The inner prankster in me can't help but admire it for it's sheer reckless abandon.
Ed Wood meets The Zucker Brothers.
9 September 2018
Me and my girlfriend watched this movie on a lark, expecting it to be just a cheap monster movie. What we got was something more akin to an Airplane-esque spoof movie with the production value of a cheap monster movie. It's not very good, but going into this blind provided for a really surreal and funny hour and 14 minutes. I don't regret it.
Nightmare at Noon
(1988)
Entertaining schlock
20 May 2018
B-movies typically come in two categories: Unwatchable Garbage and Entertaining Garbage. This one falls in the latter category.
It's got the goods: Over-the-top action and violence, snappy corny dialogue, fun performances, and a darkly humorous tone. Aside from a couple of scenes that drag on a little too long, It's quickly paced. Once things get going, they keep going, so it never really feels boring.
Tell Your Friends