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Reviews
Slumlord (2015)
Gross
The landlord is the grossest human being I've ever seen like I actually wanted to vomit the entire movie. If you get past his nasty teeth and creepy face you will realize that everything that happens is low key the husband's fault. He is the second antagonist, and the third antagonist is the TINY master bathroom in the house. There is like 10 shower scenes and they are all in the smallest bathroom where the camera man probably could barely fit. Also, how did this landlord that limps around get everywhere so fast randomly and how did he fix up that entire house on his own??? The true protagonist is the poor dog that's getting fat from all the burgers that guy keeps feeding him, like seriously chill with the burgers. I swear all of the gross guy's income is going straight to that burger place. Don't watch, it has a really bad ending that isn't worth the feeling of wanting to projectile vomit from looking at the landlord and the burning hatred you will feel towards the husband the whole time.
The Good Neighbor (2016)
Why am I crying in the club
So I came into this movie expecting a cheap thriller that would do the typical jump scares and ending anyone could expect...... but I'm just sad. Like "Marley & Me" who? "Boy in the Striped Pajamas" what?.. Okay maybe it wasn't that sad but it did remind me of the "why am I crying in the club" meme. Like I actually feel bad for the old man in a Carl from "UP" kinda way (btw he looks like the dad from "elf" which was pretty distracting). Anyway pretty solid movie, basically the love child of "Disturbia" and "UP" which is a combo I never knew I wanted.
PS. I just looked it up and the old guy is the dad from "elf"
Intruder (2016)
Straight bin juice
This movie is basically what a film student would make right after graduation when they are putting a ton of value into the cinematography and score instead of the actual plot. The main character looks like Heidi Montag from the Hills, but the way too skinny version. She also has the most boring life I could possibly imagine, and her apartment is way too big considering she does nothing but drink wine, shower and be the most oblivious person ever for the whole movie. There are several scenes with absolutely NO payoff so basically a waste of time. The film ends in the LAMEST way possible and yes I watched the stupid middle credits ending scene. (btw if you are getting murdered with a plastic bag over your head, don't be an idiot.. just rip a hole in the bag where your mouth is). Her cat was the star of this movie and honestly, I'd rather listen to lil yatchy's entire discography than watch this movie again.