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Reviews
Barbarian (2022)
Idiotarian
I must start this review by saying I was so hyped up to see this mess that I'm now angry at it. I guess the high expectations contributed to the feeling of being cheated.
Let's see... The plot is dumb and completely unlikely to happen in real life. Yeah, I know, it's a movie, but, please do not offend the audience's intelligence. C'mon!
I really can't believe people are so amped up about this.
Skip it. It sucks. No, it's not creepy enough. No, it's not clever. It is kinda surprising, I'll give them that, but not in a good way.
Bad.
*Oh, and for the record, Terrifier 2 is also not as good as people are saying it is. The first one is way better.
The Jesus Rolls (2019)
Could not get past the first 40 minutes...
Sorry guys, this one is too boring, NOT funny and... well, it just SUCKS! I turned it off after 40 minutes. What a waste!
I'd rather go to the dentist.
Melinda and Melinda (2004)
A borefest.
Is there one single character in this horrible script that is NOT a wreck? Melinda is a pain - And everyone around her for that matter.
I'd rather have a root canal. It would probably go smoother and end sooner than this Goddawful movie.
Skip it.
The Cottage (2008)
Childish, stupid and pathetic
I don't care if the great Andy Serkis is one of the top billed actors here. This is garbage. If only they would tone down the goofy aspects of that and take the story more seriously, then MAYBE we would have a good movie to watch.
The gore was well handled. The script is ludicrous and the decision to turn this piece of junk into a comedy only makes things worse.
Thank God for the 1.25x speed, and then for the 1,5x speed, or else I'd have left the movie unwatched.
Skip it. I mean it. That is, unless you love childish circus-like comedy. If you do, this one was made for you!
A really waste of my time. No wonder it cost 2,5 million pounds and it recouped less than half of that. My sympathy for the producers.
Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021)
Your favorite ingenious traps all over agaaaain, tinted blue or green, every five minutes or so.
This is the worst of all the sequels. Everything is either green or blueish or maybe red. Don't these guys get tired of using the same tricks over and over? Everything from the DP to editing is like having a fast food sandwich.
Oh, and wtf happened to Chris Rock's face? If it weren't for the voice, I wouldn't even recognize him. And, for the record, Chris Rock is not a good choice for this kind of role.
What a waste of time. The script is pretty much nonexistent. Save yourself the trouble and skip it. Really.
Better Off Dead... (1985)
Boring and not funny.
I'll just start this by saying that if you'd like to watch a really good teenage-themed movie, go for John Hughes. This is too artificial and I'd say even amateur-like directing. The story is stupid, the acting is subpar and I'd blame it to the script and the director.
Just stay away. I wanted to watch a nice movie with John Cusack. This is not.
Summer Camp (2015)
Summer Roar!
Seriously, this is one big waste of time.
The whole movie is a neverending roar sound. Like, one hour worth of it. It's boring, tiresome and ridiculous.
Skip it.
You Were Never Really Here (2017)
This movie was never really good.
You know... This movie was "never really good". Good cinematography and "deep" performances could not save an almost nonexistent plot. I could barely get to one hour of screening and felt the urge to fast forward. It's painfully boring. Long shots of long zooms and long periods of time without anyone saying a goddamn word.
So Joaquin Phoenix can act tormented and f..d up and cry on the spot. Okay. That's just about it.
Just one more example of self-indulgent and pretentious artsy-fartsy cinema. Do yourself a favor and pretend that you were "never really interested". Skip it.
... or go ahead and try it. I told you to save yourself the trouble. ;-)
News of the World (2020)
Dances With Wolves subplot rehash
What a waste. Beautifully shot and great art direction in a paper thin script. You have already see this plot in Dances With Wolves and it was better handled! I was begging for the end half an hour before the movie ended. Awful. Save yourself the trouble.
Dark Encounter (2019)
Boring beyond belief!
This should have been made as a 20-minute short movie. The way it turned out is just a script with ZERO content and the slowest set of shots I have seen in a long time! Just a bunch of lights and creepy setting won't do anything without a good script. It's a Close Encounters of the Third Kind ripoff meeting Fire In The Sky. It would be tighter if the running time would be cut to some 20 minutes..
I finished the movie just because of the amazing grades this movie got here at IMDB. They must be fake. Unbelieavable. There's nothing to see here. Good cinematography though - that's the only reason why I'm giving it a 2/10 and not a merciless 1/10. I feel bad for the crew.
The Little Things (2021)
Boring, slow paced whodunnit. Oh boy...
All my expectations about this being the contemporary Se7en in a way have been frustrated. The movie is slow, boring, not thrilling and badly paced. Thomas Newman's score is a borefest - and I don't blame him. I mean, look at that material he had to work with.
A complete waste of good talented actors. By the way, Malek would be better off singing a Queen song.
Skip it.
Run Hide Fight (2020)
Pretentious and plagued with clichès.
You've seen this kind of story one zillion times. It's just one more movie featuring the same smart-ass bad guy, the unexpected hero, the ultimate sacrifice and all that jazz. They've just made it look contemporary.
Not thrilling, not surprising. The script is so poor you can see how things are going to turn out miles ahead. I just don't understand why such great ratings.
Skip it.
Gravy (2015)
Idiotic.
You might like this if you are a 13-year old... might.
There's absolutely NOTHING to praise. It's goofy (but in a bad way), it's gory (also pretty lamely done), and that's pretty much it.
It's not funny. It's not scary. It's just not entertaining. A waste of time, really. I feel sorry for those who worked on this. I'm sure the crew and cast thought it would turn out better than this silly fest.
It doesn't even deliver in the gross-out department. It's so tame in comparison to other cannibalistic horror flicks...
Skip it.
The Last Winter (2006)
The Latest Disappointment
What a waste of time! The story is idiotic and it reminded me of Shyamalan's The Happening - which I also think is moronic!
Everything is just plain wrong with this movie. The casting is atrocious. There's a reason why Ron Perlman is usually typecast as a villain: he looks like a CAVEMAN or a barbarian! These guys tried to cast him as the protagonist and it doesn't work at all! The script does not help either. A huge borefest. Worse yet, you get bad CGI for the "ghosts" of ancient creatures and all that idiotic nonsense.
Not scary, not entertaining, not engaging! I kept checking my watch all the time.
Wanna see something set in snow and cold cold weather? Go and see John Carpenter's The Thing instead. Even if you have already seen it, you'd get a lot more from it than trying and watching this. Take my word for it and don't waste your time!
8 (2019)
Booooooooriiiiiiiinnnnnng!
Slow slow slow movie. It seems like they had material for a 20-minute short and stretched as hell to make it a feature. No payoff.
Good cinematography, though. That's why I gave it a 2/10.
Skip it. Really.
Girl (2020)
Nothing to see here!
What a waste of time! Paper thin story, nothing to write home about.
Bland and boring. This is one to avoid!
Lake Eerie (2016)
A real borefest!
The plot is the weakest, the acting is completely subpar, no chills, no special effects, no nothing! Painfully dull! There is nothing to see here!
Watching paint dry is a lot more fun. Trust me!
Open Grave (2013)
How can this get a 6.2 out of 10 score here? There's nothing to see here!
Seriously, another zombie flick? Really? I mean, maybe back in 2013 there weren't so many of those around (no, there WERE tons of zombie movies around already).
I can't stand any more zombies! C'mon! A lot of us have just had it already!
These guys tried to do Memento meets Night of the Living Dead. The result? A borefest!
Stay away.
My rating: 2 out of 10
Cut and Chop (2020)
Artsy and bold - fascinating.
I must say I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't expect to see a kind of American Psycho movie. The story is minimalist, but the acting was great. Well shot, well executed and the classical needle-drop score is gorgeous and it makes it all the more shocking.
I've just put Drew Hayle on my watch list of promising talent. Great show.
Knock Knock (2015)
Geat trailer, terrible movie! Don't believe me? Go and see it for yourself!
This movie is atrocious! Trailer's good though.
I won't repeat what a whole lot of fellow audience members have already said... so, here's a sum up:
Worthless piece... I wasted my time! Now I know I have to stay away from anything by Eli Roth for good.
Go and watch "Hard Candy" instead. At least you've got Ellen Page on it.
*Oh great, IMDb's system requires that at least 10 lines of text have to be written.
Here I go again, then:
Don't go see this. It's garbage. Sex scenes are nothing that you can't watch on TV nowadays. Horror? There's none - oh, just the fact that you keep checking your watch every 10 minutes or so to estimate how long is it going to take for it to end.
Painful watch. Really. Stay out of it. Don't complain you haven't been warned after wards.
Good luck.
Room 237 (2012)
Come ooooooooonnnnn!!!
This is an elaborate conspiracy theory garbage to the point of being annoying! I can't believe I got genuinely interested in it! Ten minutes into this garbage and I was already reaching for my watch! So, here's a warning: this mockumentary is all about freezing frames of the movie and over-analyzing stuff to the point of crazy ramblings.
Having said that, the experience is basically the same as reading an internet website of "subliminal messages" about stuff. If you get into this subject when chatting with your friends at a party or something like that you'll most likely be mocked and people will start thinking you're actually insane.
So, if you're curious about movie making and backstage stories about your favorite movies (as I am), this is the WRONG PLACE to look for such info! You will only find conspiracy theory stuff.
I rarely write stuff on IMDb, but this has got me so upset that I had to give my 2 cents.
Take care,
Saw II (2005)
Don't waste your time!
This movie reminds me of another idiotic plot: Identity (2003). A group of people locked together bound by something in common! How original! To make things worse, we keep going back and forth in between the Jigsaw "lair" and the trap where the unfortunate people are in. The attempts of plot twists are so unlikely to happen, the sequel tries to give you details about who Jigsaw really is and I really don't think this was interesting at all. Unfortunately, I can see this coming as being a cheap horror franchise as it happened with the Friday the 13th films - I mean, I think we can expect the sequels to be worse and worse until no one will take it seriously anymore (Jason X - anyone?). I really liked the first Saw movie, but this one, in my humble opinion is a capital L Loser! I know it's hard to control yourself, but my hint is to save yourself some money and time and DON'T GO SEE THIS JUNK! Let's hope "hostel" to be at least as good as the original Saw movie... There... I said my peace.