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Reviews
Dolittle (2020)
Dire, unfunny and awful sound mix
Its a shame, i wanted critics to be wrong and for this to be better than expected but its actually a lot worse. My 10yr old hated it, my 17 year old thought it was rubbish and i just wanted it to end. It's a very poorly scripted movie with no real direction, no charm, very few jokes that work and Robert Downey Junior looks high most of the time. What's really odd though is the sound mix. It's obvious his lines were dubbed after but spacially it's really distracting like his words come from all around rather than his mouth. If you see it you'll hear what i mean. Real shame this movie as a few minutes in i knew it was going to be bad and i should have just got up and left. Makes me want to see the original Dr Dolittle with Rex Harrison. That was pretty bad but compared to this it was a masterpiece.
Deep Freeze (2001)
Amazingly awful
I thought this would be a low budget but perhaps passable 1h20 mins. How wrong I was. So much talking about nothing to fill time and a few shots of a big woodlouse. I kid you not. I like bad movies but this was awful x 100. Watch The Thing. Either the original or the prequel.. Don't be fooled by the movie synopsis or cover art. This is baaaaaad. And cheap. And I so wanted just to see a bad movie tonight not a horrificly awful one.
Howlers (2019)
Oh... My... Goodness
Now i like Ray Harryhausen films using old-hat stop motion animation so whilst films don't need ultra brilliant digital effects and retro has its place, there is a fine line between retro and pants. This movie has effects that are pants, so much so that the film is ruined. Werewolf masks looking like budget store Halloween dress up have no place in 2018 and frankly made what was otherwise an OK film a painful experience to watch. OK action scenes, OK but contrived plot, OK cast. Its all serviceable but those wolf effects... Man what on earth was the director thinking allowing that nonsense on screen. Sorry to all those involved with the movie but it was embarrassing to look at those cheap masks and impossible to enjoy the film.
40 Days and Nights (2012)
Guilty pleasure
This is a blatant rip off of 2012, a mock buster by The Asylum studio. It has bad effects and acting, makes no real sense at times and we all should hate it for the shameful copying of the superior 2012. But that said, I loved it. It's a film to watch when it's not yet bed time but you've already seen a decent film and now need a no brainer to see you through the penultimate minutes of your day. I have seen it 5 times and I know that makes me sad but it's daft and stupid and sometimes that's shat you need from a film. Laugh at the ropey effects and guffaw at the script. Cry at the acting but darn it I love disaster films and have seen far worse.
Strange Magic (2015)
Musical with minor dialogue - could be better, could be worse
Firstly, I had read reviews which mentioned the number of songs in the film - the characters breaking into a song and dance routine every few minutes. I knew what to expect, but 30 or so songs later, I confess I hadn't realised there would be quite so many! And the soundtrack isn't bad, it's just a little annoying there being quite so many songs when a bit of dialogue here and there would give the viewer a break, help flesh the story out, and perhaps even make the musical interludes more enjoyable. I'd compare the film to a sickly chocolate cake. One slice, good. Two slices, but much. Three slices - you feel ill. So, to enjoy the film you must go in expecting almost every minute of the running time being filled with singing. The animation is very "Tinkerbell". It's detailed, fluid, inventive and at times really quite beautiful. The plot is simplistic, and the movie feels rather empty here. Its for kids to enjoy as well as adults and I don't mind a simple plot, but basically girl meets boy, boy cheats, girl seeks new boy and finds love in an unlikely place. OK fine, but without wishing to spoil the story, its the equivalent of someone getting ready for a prom. It doesn't feel like a whole film with beginning, middle and end. So aside from too many songs, basic plot, and some nice animation, is the film worth watching? well yes, i thought so. Its far from perfect but as an animation it does not disappoint, and fans of Tinkerbell in particular, may enjoy it in terms of design. Its sickly sweet in places but the soundtrack has some gems and whilst the story is told through the lyrics of the chosen songs, this can be seen as either lazy or clever. I choose clever, so thumbs up for this approach even if overall the film misfires on occasion.
Poseidon Rex (2013)
Enjoyable for those with a love of "so bad it's good" movies
First of all, I need to clarify - no this is not a masterpiece. But if you are on this page, you have probably seen Sharktopus, Sharknado, maybe Age of Dinosaurs....something of that ilk. If not, welcome stranger to a whole new world! Poseidon Rex is about an aquatic dinosaur that is woken from its slumber to kill people in a not overly gory CGI way, usually by wiping out their boat along with the passengers. Some of the acting is somewhat poor, but this is partly some of the movie's charm. You chuckle at the awfulness. Basically, the storyline is.....who cares? You have an aquatic dinosaur on the loose, coming onto land, killing people whilst a beautiful female scientist and her chums seek to do something about it. The CGI is at times terrible, the acting at times worse than terrible, but the locations are nice, it's a fun and cheap movie for a Friday night when you fancy (and will likely need) an alcoholic beverage. I can't believe the low score it's getting. I love it and have it twice in 7 months. yes really. So, if you want decent characterisation, well, lets face it - it's called Poseidon Rex. If you want a great story...same answer. But it's undeniable fun if you like cheesy cheapfests like the aforementioned Sharknado etc. I loved it. Give it a try, you might too. if you don't, then sorry for your loss of 80mins but if you do enjoy it, it will make your life so much better won't it.
Hidden 3D (2011)
Not awful just not awfully good
Saw Hidden 3D last night and before watching had no idea what it was about other than it had some kind of child / monster / ghost in it. Afte watching the film (and its not very long, about 1h15 before the credits roll) I still don't have much idea what it was about nor why there were insects buzzing around randomly in the movie. As far as I could figure out after watching 45mins of it, some young folk attend a mansion that used to be used for cruel experiments on people and out of those experiments a new life form is born. Why the people go there is beyond me, they don't seem to have any reason to be there, and after a while they get killed off. And then the movie ends with the twist that isn't really a twist because we've seen it in every other horror film ever made pretty much. But did I regret watching? No. It was OK, and I agree that some of the reviews are very harsh but then again the movie could have been better and in a word was just lazy. Movies are not easy to finance, make and release and so its disappointing when something is released that just seems a lazy entry into the genre but I sat through it and if you like horror movies, creepy kids, mansions, insects or maybe just random people wandering around tunnels, this could well be for you. Don't expect an amazing movie experience, just 1h15 of head scratching, maybe a slight feeling that its 85mins that may have been stolen from you but i doubt you'll be angry for sitting through it.