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Reviews
No One Will Save You (2023)
Eh, it was alright.
I thought this movie was a little on the boring side. I did like the main character but the Alien part was a little boring. It seemed like two movies, or felt like two movies. I wanted to find out if the parasites took over the aliens and where using them and their tech to travel world to world spreading but there was no definitive proof of it. When she killed the first alien there was that mucus trail leaving it. The ending didn't make much sense, did they not see her as a threat as her greatest desire was being accepted by the town despite what she did? You'd think a parasite would still want her as a host.
In the end it was acted well, the setting was nice, but the story was lacking.
The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)
So they know how to kill him and they don't?
So, they know that they light on fire in the day light AND they know what crates are his AND they know he sleeps in one of them. All that is in the crates is dirt. If I knew all this I'd dump all the dirt into the ocean. They might not know he needs the dirt to live but you know what, I'd dump all his stuff just to get even. The thing that is most infuriating is they know he is sleeping in the largest crate, at the very least dump that one. I'm not 100% if dumping his dirt would kill him, and I don't know if he turns into maggots when he sleeps, but just dump it. At the very least they know daylight would kill him, just put that huge crate in the daylight and see what happens. The crew just isn't very bright.
Also, the made a major change to the movie. Every one on the Demeter is supposed to die, no Doctor lives. If I want a vampire hunter it better be Abraham Van Helsing, who is this doctor guy? If they make the next movie and he is the vampire hunter I'll be upset. He can't even hold a British accent.
BESIDES THOSe, I liked the movie. The atmosphere, I liked Dracula, this should have been the classic horror cinematic universe they tried to make years ago. This does feel like it fits the time period where they didn't focus too much on that back then. I'm actually not sure if it is the same studio or not.
Overall it was a fun watch besides the characters stupidity and the possible set up to make this doctor the main character in the next movie.
Cobweb (2023)
Really fun movie, I think it is going into my October rotation!
I really liked it! Liked the story, how it looked, the acting, the atmosphere, and it takes place during Halloween! I'm confused why it got ratings that were so low, I thought it was really good. I hadn't had as much fun watching a horror movie in a long time. That is the word I would choose, 'fun', I don't know how it hit that nostalgic bone but I felt like I was Peter's age. It seemed like a really high quality long episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark or Goosebumps, I don't know, it just felt that way. I have a few movies that I watch almost every year, some times I leave some out, but I think this is going on that rotation. This is a Halloween candy, popcorn ball, root beer kind of movie. If it wasn't for the swearing and gore I'd say it was a kids movie. That is how I would describe it, a scary kids movie for adults. I'm so glad this takes place during Halloween.
I'm at the point where nothing scares me anymore, I mean movies like Saw can gross me out but don't scare me. I think all I have left is to have fun with scary movies, and this defiantly was fun. If you are on the fence about watching this I'd say it is worth it. It isn't a deep story but it has that kids movie feeling. With swearing. And gore.
Insidious: The Red Door (2023)
Very boring sets, uninteresting characters/protagonists.
One thing I liked about the Insidious movies were the sets, they always had the waking world with interesting buildings and a alternate world where they could go into and everything seemed so vast. This one did a 180 and had the opposite, it seemed to only be a few rooms, only the reflection of the setting they were in, a dorm room. The University setting was just bad and very boring, and it wasn't any university buildings, large halls or hallowed old buildings, it is the dorm building, and only a few rooms of the building. The spirt realm was a few dorm rooms and a few hallways, not like the first films where it was an entire mist filled world.
Every character besides the Dad was just really poorly cast/written. The son was just a guy that did not now how to act and the girl was just a plank of wood they found on set. I can't remember any other characters in it really. Also, there was no protagonists that had a name or any kind of history. There was one guy with a red face in the sprit realm, but he didn't tie into the story at all. That is all you get, spoooky. . .
Also, I didn't see the point of having the characters divorced, what was the point of that? It seemed they just didn't want to pay the actress who was the Mom, she only had a few scenes. It was just depressing and took a main character out of the movie. The Grandmother passing away made sense, it happens 10 or so years later, but having the Mom and Dad get divorced just seemed cruel and didn't serve anything for the plot.
I hope this is the last, the first two were really good, 3 and 4 I could live with or without, but this one makes me thing the franchise just needs to go away. Even if the Mom and Dad got got back together they still have son who can not act and his side kick plank girl. I think they could just not have the son, have something with the Dad and Mom getting back together and having something between them but I don't see the point. It looks like they think they are going to have another sequel, 'the black door', as there is a black door after the credits. I hope not, this one just ruined the franchise.
Nefarious (2023)
Scratching my head over the negative reviews.
So horror is my favorite genera, hands down. I've gotten to the point where I'm a little desensitized to the point I don't think anything will every scare me in a movie. This movie didn't scare me but what it did do was make me think. I was expecting violence when the demon said the main character was going to commit 3 murders before he leaves the jail but there is none, the electrocution was the most violent part but not as bad as I was expecting. Most would think this was a let down but it works really well in this movie.
I didn't know it was a Christian movie until after I watched it and this makes sense, I feel most horror movies, especially possession movies, are made by atheists and most of them don't work. This one, however, was made by people that think constantly about good/evil. I think they knew they couldn't compete by all the CGI and fake blood. None of that, in the end, is really that scary, but the subjects it touched on in the movie at least made you think.
I couldn't understand why the reviews were so low, well, the critics review. When I found out it was a Christian movie it made sense. I often think horror movies are given to professional reviewers that don't really understand horror or even like it. I remember reading a review once and straight up the reviewer said she usually only reviews dramas and didn't understand why she was given a horror movie to review. I think this movie is the same, it was given to reviewers that don't like horror or have a beef against religion.
One thing that makes my head spin, what first made me ask 'who made this?' is the main character was interviewed by a Fox News personality, I don't know his name but he went on to make his own channel, I think the blaze, and that was really weird. I don't know the guys name but I know that he is really religious. Shouldn't have put him in the movie, should have just been a fictional news personality. That probably made a lot of reviewers give low reviews right there.
Other than that it is really good. The entire time I was expecting blood and violence and got something a lot more substantial.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)
Everything I could have wanted in a Mario movie
I find it sad that 'professional critics' have to have politics determine their rating of a movie. Yeah, Chris Pratt has religious/political beliefs you don't like but it isn't fare rating a movie so low. Anyway, now that is out of the way as a Mario fan I loved this movie. The 80s music was a little odd, but when they put hints of the music from Mario in it that gave me a fuzzy feeling. I haven't played Mario games much beyond Mario 64, before that game I passed every SMB game there ever was but I have only played games here and there. There is still a ton of references I got though. Some, like the clear tubes that branch off, are in one of the recent games and I saw that, along with the cat suite, in gameplay footage and now I know where it came from!
My only gripe is Luigi wasn't in it much. It feels like they had to have him captured because they couldn't have the Princess captured but it could have just been they couldn't get back until after they beat Bowser, maybe the Dark Realm had the pipe to Manhattan in it. At the same time this allowed them to have much more Mario, so maybe the next one will have more Luigi.
Besides that, yeah, it was a really good movie. One of my favorite parts is they had the song from 'The Super Mario Super Show' music adapted to their commercial. The Super Mario Super Show was from the 80s, staring Lou Albano and Danny Wells. It is a horrible show but EVERY KID in the 80s watched it because it was a SMB show and had the song engrained in their brains.
I'd recommend it, no matter what a certain ratings site that features a pizza ingredient says.
Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)
I liked it, I thought the story was alright.
Definitely was a 'Earth Day' story but I liked it. I'm not sure why people are so hard on the Avatar movies, do people expect more from James Cameron? I mean look at Titanic, everyone thinks that is great but in the end it has a pretty weak story line, characters and all. I'm not sure why people liked that but not this.
I wasn't expecting much because people were saying the story line was so weak. I think the story part is powerful, on this and the first, but it is basic. I'd rather feel emotion than have a deep story line that doesn't give any.
Really, go to Avatar movies to see great visuals and emotional stories, but basic story telling. I hope they make a third movie. I notice on rotten tomatoes it still got 78% critic and 95% audience score, the latter is the only one that matters anyway. Did not make as much as the first so maybe the third movie won't happen, sad.
Unwelcome (2022)
Not sure why it scored so low, it was pretty good
I have it a 7 because I enjoyed it. I wasn't going in expecting much at all and ended up enjoying it. The 'Red Caps' looked very 80's, that part had a 80's feel.
The only real downfall is I wanted the husband to lean to be a man and actually win a fight but he never does, I guess it is modern day, men have to be weak. Had the husband stood up once I would have given it a lot higher score.
The acting was alright, nothing stands out in this as horrible. I guess it wasn't scary, the scary part is at the first when the home fries broke into the house and attached the couple, I think this might be why people rated it so low, the harsh part was at the first and then it got silly from there. Silly isn't bad though, I would have left a card with the liver inviting them to a party or something, introduced them to Coke and Pepsi products and watched Shrek with them. I don't know, I thought they were adorable. The best part is how they messed up that family at the end. I still have no idea what the heck happened at the end, she became their queen? I thought maybe they were humans turned into goblins because the one that 'Dad' crushed the skull in called him Dad but it never really mentions it again plus the kid that was sold to them before the movie wasn't turned into a goblin so I don't think that was a thing.
This isn't art but it is a lot better than other horror themed movies rated this low, I think it deserves more than a 5, what the rating is at at the time I write this. 5 seems really low, the acting and the goblin characters should have put it higher alone.
Strange World (2022)
Disney should just give all their non-sing-ee movies to pixar
This movie wasn't 'bad' just boring. It didn't give me that 'disney' feel. I never felt sadness, happiness, joy, tension, just nothing. It happened and then it was over. The idea wasn't bad but if it has a story like this I would really want to see more of the world, like the name says 'Strange World', but it focuses too much on the characters. None of the characters are interesting. I guess the son, can't even remember his name and I just watched it, anyway he's gay, I guess that is something. I mean I know it is a Disney movie, the characters are always the main focus, but the setting was a lot more interesting. I actually wanted the 'year later' segment show them leaving the giant turtle and explore more. Maybe it will be more liked over time, like Atlantis, that wasn't a song and dance story and it was panned. That one was about exploration also but I came away from it thinking I saw enough of the unexplored world to be satisfied.
The Paloni Show! Halloween Special! (2022)
Not very funny.
I'm not sure what I was expecting. I like rick and morty, and it uses a lot of the same voice actors, but this wasn't that good. Only a few of the shorts were any good and the rest were just boring. The main story, with the hosts, I wish they would have just focused on that. I'd say which shorts I liked but having just watched it a few hours ago I can not for the life of me really remember any of them. They were also really short, all of them ended leaving me thinking 'wait, that is it?' I wish there was only like 3 shorts, like the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror format, but they crammed way too much in this special.
If a Paloni show came out I'd give it a shot though, like I said the story of the hosts was alright. I don't think it exists though, I looked it up on Hulu and tried to find a wiki and nothing. Either this is a one off joke or the introduction to a new show.
Grimcutty (2022)
Somewhere between a kids movie and a made for TV movie
I really don't think Grimcutty is the monster, the monster in the movie is the paranoia of the parents in the movie. The movie is about calming them down as they fuel Grimcutty. A lot of the hype of internet danger is just that, hype. If you grow up with the internet you realize that but as an adult looking at things you don't understand and how it might be affecting your kids it IS SCARY, to the point where it is dangerous for your kids. I really think this is the message, for parents to take a chill pill, social media right now is the satanic panic of the 80s, just a bunch of paranoia. If you are a parent just realize you don't understand everything, researching won't tell you anything because the people writing the 'research' is written by old people that don't understand everything. The main characters parents were probably good before, they showed love and were lax on rules but they were made paranoid by a blog written by another parent.
Anyway, the movie itself, not the message, was alright. Grimcutty himself wasn't that scary, he was really freaking looking the first few times you see him but after a while you see him so much he looses the scare factor. Like I said above he isn't the monster anyway.
The acting was alright, none of it stuck out as bad to me. The younger brother doesn't seem convincing but he is a young kid so it is understandable.
The movie seems like it isn't theater quality, like above a Nickelodeon movie but below a made for TV movie from a major network, if that makes sense. There were a few shots that pulled me out of the movie, like I thought 'wow, that is a bad pan of the street' or whatnot.
Overall I'd recommend it. A lot of reviews that gave it a low rating don't talk much about the message of the movie so I think it was over their head. I think if you understand a message or it pertains to you current place in your life the movie will have a bigger impact. If you have hulu then I say why not watch it, there are much much worse movies on hulu and not much better there.
The Spore (2021)
The sound technician should be shot
There are parts of the movie I want to hear but the music is too freaking loud. Why did they do this? Is this supposed to make the movie scarier? The beginning it was difficult to hear what exactly was going on because we were told by the radio but the mood music was just too high drowning out what was being said. I thought it was just the first but nope, it is well into the movie. I finally got frustrated and turned it off. They should re-release it with the audio adjusted. Seriously, WTF were they thinking?!?
The Cokeville Miracle (2015)
Atheists should probably only watch the first hour. . .
The movie was weirdly made in two parts. I read a lot of reviews before I watched this and an ongoing theme were people upset about the praying in the movie. Like I said the movie itself is two parts, the factual part and the religious part. I'm not saying the religious part didn't happen, there are a lot of coincidences, but the first hour just tells the story. Up to around the 55 minute mark it is just the events that led up to the explosion and THEN the prayers are mentioned and kids start to talk about the angels. Before the 55 minute mark there is nothing religious besides the cop not wanting to go to church. When the bomb went off I thought it was the end soon and I was wondering if I had downloaded the same movie.
So if you are upset by 'religious propaganda' then just watch the first 55 minutes and then stop. The movie itself isn't a high end production, more like a made for TV special, but it is pretty factual. Most of the acting is pretty good, only a few times was a pulled out thinking that was a scripted reaction or whatever. The last 40 minutes or so is where it shows the kids praying and them recounting their visions of Angels and such.
Vanishing on 7th Street (2010)
OK movie with a let down ending and bad research.
The acting in the movie was alright and the effects of the darkness was alright and the idea was alright. So why give it one star? It was due to the ending, in that it didn't have one. Two kids riding off into the night, it never explained what the heck was going on.
One part that bugged me was the use of Croatoan, totally misrepresented in this move. If you look into the history of the colony on Roanoke island you will find out that yes, Croatoan was carved into a tree in the abandoned colony but what the people that want to believe in myths don't tell you is Croatoan is the name of Hatteras Island in North Carolina circa 1500s. The colony didn't disappear, it left the colony for whatever reason, not uncommon to abandon a colony, and either was assimilated into the Native American tribe there or died on it's voyage there. It was the new world, uncharted territory, it was understood at the time there would be risks involved and it was never a 'mystery' until recently. The movie was poorly researched.
Also, it was not scary at all, it was a slow slow movie that never had any build up. In the first 15 minutes my mind was reeling of what could be going on and all were better than what it actually was. Since the story was set up to end so badly you are never given any clues as to what is going on so there is no fun discovery along the way. It just left me upset because it didn't provoke any emotions besides anger that I wasted 90 minutes of my life.
Paranormal Entity (2009)
Better than PA ***contains spoilers***
I think these two movies, PA and PE, just rip off The Blair Witch Project. I mean come on, you have to see it. I think this one was better than PA, but hind sight is 20/20. If I would have scene this one first I would have enjoyed it much better than the first one, oops, I mean PA.
The characters are a lot more believable than the two in PA, the two in PA drove me nuts and was looking forward to them getting eaten by the 'monster'. These characters are a family with a sad past so you feel for them. This one also did a lot better job with the spirit/demon/ghost/or whatever. In PA it was just a boogie man that followed the girl around, but here it came into the house because the Mom invited it.
Three things I didn't like about this one: One it was too long, this could have been 45 minutes, it is sad that they felt they had to make a feature length movie.
Two is the nudity, horror movies don't really need it, especially a 'ghost' story, which this one is more than a monster movie.
Three is the freaking copyright at the end. After all is said and done you look at the time left to see if it is worth sitting there, and there are a couple of minutes to wait through. I'm thinking something really scary is going to pop up but low and behold it is just the copyright saying not to copy, what studio made the thing and it was all made up. How stupid is that? I guess copyright is more scary than anything that could be at the end, if you copied it you could spend the rest of your life in a forced labor camp in some states.
All in all if you liked PA then you'll probably like this, it is better but just because these guys saw PA and improved on it. If you thought PA was not at all entertaining then steer clear of this one.