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Master_T
Reviews
Octopus (2000)
Classic inspiring cheapness
Octopus is one of the original classic cheap crap movies that started it all for the followers of the 'Elite'. From the outset the movie delivers with absolute genius. It starts with casper the friendly terrorist planting a bomb in some embassy place somewhere, the location isn't that important, anyway the important thing is the explosion with the cuts of henry and his sidekick falling(genius) The explosion which was done for this movie which looked frightfully similar to the cheap explosion in the Seagal classic 'Ticker'. Yes its not like Seagal coppied it for Ticker or anything. Anyway back to the plot, a chase scene ensues after the explosion, which wasn't ripped off for Ticker, and henry does this amazing run, well more of a waddle actually, and this is one of the biggest pieces of comical genius ever, classic without a doubt, even to rival the scene when ben affleck falls out of the helicopter in sum of all fears, in fact it probably surpasses it, and Henrys attempt at character depth is also classic with his 'Berlin 52, 53, 54' lines. The only other comical legend line from the movie is when Casper(another classic Seagal name)comes up behind the woman in the submarine, scaring her and saying, 'ooo i like that in a woman'. Classic without a doubt. this movie is the original cheapness and a masterpiece along with bats, python, spiders and that killer bee movie, i can't remember what its called but it doesn't really matter. Watch Octopus if you live for classic cheapness.
Collateral Damage (2002)
another load of cheap trash from the elite
I didn't really want to review this movie but i felt it was neccessary as Arnie is in the 'Elite'. This movie was along the same lines of Insomnia or the sum of all fears, it pretty much put me into a coma for 2 hours, only being able to laugh at how cheap the movie was and the scene where Arnie gets electricuted(obviousely the highlight of the movie) I watched this movie with a fellow 'Elite' follower and found myself constantly leaving the room to get more drinks just to escape the torture. I would like to disect the electricution scene for a moment, it was pure class, the film had been trash up to that point which made it a comical bonus, it was a similar scene to when 'Bennett(Vernon Wells; a fellow Elite member)' was electricuted in commando, and also the scene when ben affleck fell out of the helicopter in sum of all fears, comical mayhem. That was about the only watchable scene in the movie. There were some cheap explosions, not stolen from other movies unlike some other movies we know, but this could not save it. Of course i must promote this movie as it contains an 'Elite' member and so cannot put it down any more. watch it if you like Insomnia or sum of all fears.
Dip huet seung hung (1989)
Top 10 Masterpiece
This movie is a top 10 definite and chow and woo are now part of what i like to call the 'Elite'. I notice a few other reviews say this movie is over rated, this is utter trash and could not be further from the truth. This is an absolute masterpiece without dispute. I would also like to recommend, as well as the killer, those other classic john woo titles such as 'A better Tomorrow' and 'Hard Boiled' for its not until you have witnessed the full scope of woo and chows genius that you can really appreciate them in all their glory. although its pretty evident in 'the killer'. The Killer sports some awesome shootouts, without doubt the best ever on par with 'Hard Boiled' and 'Equilibrium', with some parts being especially pleasing when he empties an entire clip into someone or disarms that guy in the kitchen and stabs him with the kitchen knife. One more thing that got to me about the review on the front page was the the comparison to Jackie Chan(another member of the Elite) films. Woos films and JCs films are totally different and should never be compared, they are both impressive but in different ways. To sum up, The Killer is a Masterpiece, anyone who says otherwise is weak and should seek sanctuary and forgiveness in a small cave somewhere in Pakistan.
Beneath Loch Ness (2001)
Vernon Wells all the way
I'm not really bothered that there is only about 1 actual Scottish person in this movie, I'm not really bothered that the special effects really aren't all that special in this movie, I'm not even bothered about the typical stupid yanky portrayal of Scottish people in this movie, why? Because it stars Vernon Wells and he deserves 100 oscars. His performance in this film is 5 star gold plated with little frilly bits around the outside. He is immense, his accent was genius in the film, it almost had an Irish/Australian lilt to it which Wells obviously added himself to spice up his character as the constable. His role was classic and is the only thing worth seeing in this movie, ordinarily this film would be rated classic for its content but because it stars one of the biggest geniuses ever, it has to go into the Extra Special Classic collection.
Fortress (1992)
Lambert the Highlander and Wells the other guy
What a team, Legend Christopher Lambert and the truly awesome Vernon Wells in a movie together, and such a classic movie as well. This is a film of Mega proportions to the highest extent and both actors perform to the highest standard in it. Wells plays Maddox(what a name, i bet he thought of that himself) who likes beating people up and raping young men(what a role, he obviously had some considerable influence after his role in Commando so he gets to do whatever he wants in movies) Lambert is class as always and the plot is genius, what more do you need apart from maybe Schwartzkshgjsfgnjsjvnjnnegger or Edward Woodward to add to the already masterful piece of art. This is a classic with no doubts.
Possessed (2000)
Is it better than the Exorcist? Its Timothy Dalton.
Its Timothy Dalton and of course its better than the Exorcist. Anything with Timothy in is bound to be classic and this is no exception. He was a great bond and he makes a great alcoholic priest. This film is genius, one of the best, and Timothy's personal best. He put everything into this movie and its nothing short of a masterpiece. The part with the train set wrapping its self around the priests neck is masterful, Timothy obviously thought that one up himself, and what about Timothy's violent tendencies in the movie, when he practically beats the kid up at the end and starts fighting with the protesters who throw the brick at the beginning, if i may, 'which one of you m****r f****rs threw this?' Classic Timothy. In short, Timothy Dalton is greatness, if only him and Vernon Wells would team up with Schwatfdfjsdfnsjknplmnzenegger to do a movie, now that would be poetry.
The Patriot (1998)
Seagal Classic
This is another classic Seagal movie. He walks, no, cruises through the patriot just all the other Mega Seagal movies. Nothing even comes close to challenging Seagal in this movie except maybe the part where he has to find a cure for this so called 'plague' and he starts throwing things about the lab but it all works out, i mean lets face it, its Master Seagal, he's got to win. What about his outfit in the film, masterpiece, he must have picked it himself. Its great that everyone in the film is dying after being exposed to the virus but Seagal doesn't even get a cough. The incident at the end when he kills the fat guy with the broken glass, genius, i bet Seagal thought of that one as well. This film is class pure and simple. great plot, great characters, and Seagal.
Ticker (2001)
A true masterpiece
Ticker is a masterpiece, thats all that has to be said. People moan about the editing techniques used, poor acting performances and overall cheapness of this timeless classic but i couldn't disagree more. The actors were on top form, Hopper was especially pleasing with his accents. Seagal, well, what can be said about the master, that kick to car was the pinnacle of the movie, i mean who else would have thought of that, (Irish guy)'move the f****n car chief' (Seagal)'BOSH' , seagal kicks the car and knocks the Irish guy out. Classic, and what about Seagal at the end, the way he chops that guy with the knife, Genius. Lets not forget the scene with the broken watch where Sizemore fixes it without actually doing anything. The end scene with the bombs was particularly exciting with, what i now like to call, 'Seagal Time' where Seagal can slow down time and make 1 minute seem like an hour, in which he had time to give a nice little speech and teach Sizemore how to defuse a, excuse me, treat a device. Overall this movie excels and is one of the best ever, only slow minded people would say otherwise. The new style editing adds to the 'edge of the seat' nature of the film and all of the actors deserve oscars for their roles. In one word, Masterpiece.