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bjornrhein
Reviews
The Ritual (2017)
The yawn
Reading reviews with people who shout out words like " awesome horror " and " best horror in many years " with 10 stars of course , but keeps me wondering, what do these people think of movies like alien ? Or anything with high clas production and true acting , is that also awesome horror and 10 ? Because if you truly believe this garbage is on the same level as alien ,,, its an insult
This abomination is not even horror, its a boring drama with a script wrote in the cab on its way to the studio, its so boring I though my clock had stoped for a while , lets give it an extra star cause of the landscape.
Resident Alien (2021)
Close to perfection
Well, we all know how hard it seems to be to write a funny comedy, Ive seen many and the most of them is just not funny atall
But this is , its a funny comedy, I did not believe that when I wrote the plot , I gave it a try cause I could not find anything to watch on Netflix as usual, and noticed I liked this serie, I even laughed loud, and thats unusual
But its not perfect, with some small changes this would have been a 10 rating , first of all its getting time to time corky, not often but it happends, its a thin line between funny comedy and corky comedy and second I wish so much they would skip this little boy ,,, its getting a bit " home alone " feeling and that I dont like, also it is boring with this child, should not have been atall in this if you ask me
But its a fun comedy, watch it.
Growth (2010)
Growing mess
Ive seen this movie before, but did not remember anything of it and this is that kind of movie you can watch every second year without remember it
Already when it starts the first warningflag shines red , the longest intro ever , and thats typical when you dont have that much material for doing a movie, make long intros and 15 minutes is gone , second red flag is when the first person speaks,,, bad acting,,, and then you notice the direction,,, low budget b clas movie with bad script
Some clown gave this trash 10 stars and than he complained about almost everything but anyway though this was good , no this is just messy and boring, another joker though this movie could have been better, no actually I dont think it can , the whole idea is garbage.
5ive Girls (2006)
My name is trashmovie cause we are many
Well its not that bad , and I think I liked it a bit more first time I saw it when it came out then now when I watched it again, even if its not a good movie its something about it anyway
Its a low budget movie, but they tried their very best to do it well, acting, direction and writing, and perhaps it is why you keep looking , actually with little more budget this could have been a very good movie, the story is total ok
Its sleazy, whipping teeniegirls, nudity and girls like girls , ron Jeremy could have worked better in this movie than pearlman
Well , second time I saw this movie in my life but it will not be a third.
Blood (2022)
Not sure actually
What I think,, its pretty ok I guess but I will not watch it again, and a movie not worth watch twice perhaps not worth watch one time either
But lets start with the good parts, its good acting even from the younger ones , the movie is well done and the idea is total ok I think and the story works fine , its a little unusual vampire movie, reminds a little bit of " let the right one in " who also is a nice and different vampire movie
The bad parts,, well its little thin material, the movie needed something more than this, its an easy storyline without surprices so little cream on the top would do it and its a bit stupid, if your dog transform to cujo and your son to Dracula,, start with move away cause the ground is soiled, and the mothers solution to fix the problem , well a cheesecake can see this will not end well
But ok ,, this was an ok movie, not sparkle but ok.
The First Omen (2024)
Rated 6 6 right now - well thats an omen
But ok one 6 is missing, but I guess thats significant with this movie,,, missing parts
This is a mess , its an abomination,,,, I had so much hope in this , omen have been little pushed aside lately,, so much potential in the idea so this was something I waited for , but once again you sit there and twisting you in the sofa, its just not good
Im not a fan of omen original actually, great story but didnt came out than well in a movie perhaps but yet its a classic from my childhood , I must say omen 4 is the best one of them all but this movie could have been the movie to rule them all , instead its a pretty boring and strange written story, I didnt like it atall, and what is that with nuns thats smokes and making sexjokes, thats very catholic italy,, stupid
People like this anyway and thats also typical cause this is a different movie and it stick out for the rest and thats enough for create a hype that people like also
Nope,, will not watch this again, slow, boring, strange and stupid.
Dogman (2023)
What a mess
I give it 1 star cause of the acting, that is the only good thing I can say about this garbage, otherwise this is just a bad written boring story that mostly are a bit strange
So who are these people who like this trash? I have no idea, perhaps dragqueens or other people who relate closer to the subjects , that I can understand, but its just nothing to like in this , the whole idea is just od and the material to actually do something with this is paperthin
Of course Netflix have this abomination on their channel, its belong there toghetter with the rest of the trash they serve
But again, the acting is good.
Cuando acecha la maldad (2023)
Well it is what it is
And what is it ? Its a low budget horror movie with sloppy direction
It is a great idea and good story, reminds me a bit of "the witch " and I must say the effects are very well done , so this is the good parts ,, bad parts is the acting and direction, the characters are annoying, lots of shoutings and overplay
But ok , it is what it is,, they have done a good movie with little material and no money, it could have been much better with little smart direction but anyway its worth a watch, Im happy I watched it, but I will not see it again and I think its overated to see the reviews, this is an ok movie, not more.
Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
13 misstakes
Well Ive seen this movie a couple of times through the years and its not growing I can tell, I think perhaps it would be more fair to judge it the first time, but I tried to be as fair as possible
This is a movie who deserve a modern remake with a real filmcrew behind it knowing how to do horror, cause I really think its a good idea and it stick out from the rest of the horror we knows about , its a well written good story but this movie failed, some clowns wrote reviews about this beeing a good b movie,,, no this is not a b movie, its money behind it and the actors are known faces, this movie just looks like a b movie cause its bad done
Lots of pyroteknic, annoying people, direction from another planet and just not scary ,, but again, great idea.
Expend4bles (2023)
Again
If you dont have the money to do cool effects dont do them atall , because it will look like a computer game
I would call this boring action , even when something is happenings its boring, its nothing new, shoot,, make funny oneliner, shoot , make funny oneliner ,, drive fast make funny oneliner
Im not a superfan of the other expendables either but this is the worst of them , story is in line with schooltheatre and so is acting , direction is from another dimension and not in a good way , the only good thing I might like in this mess is thin lizzy played in the end , Boys are back in town,,, its just, , they are not.
The Changeling (1980)
Back in the days,,,,
This was of course cinema material, now its a tv show on sunday morning
Ive seen this movie a couple of times , so it would be more fair to judge it after the first watch , but anyway, this is a kind of movie you miss nowdays, a good written story, quality acting and a high creepy level ,,, not fast written mess with focus on cheap jumpscares
This is a classic ghost story , smart idea but yet I cant put higher rating than 6 ,, its just so outdated, even if I have grown up with this 80is horror and liked it , I cant see it anymore , its the direction, its just sloppy somehow
I think this could be a great remake actually.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
Party at the trollfactory
I refuse believe in people actually like this garbage, the reviews must be from internet goblins beeing paid for give this trash 10 points , I could not even smile at this , annoying characters , stupid, sloppy written and just so bad acting the clock stop
If you want good comedy, read the reviews about this and you will actually laugh alot, finally a good laugh then , some clown though this is better than Seinfeld, now thats funny , love it
No this is so bad its insane, I have nothing good to say about this, perhaps it was a good looking girl in the first episode, so lets give it 1 cause if that.
Elevator Game (2023)
It is what it is
And what is it ,,, its a low budget second selection b clas movie , so just dont expect anything else than that, it will not blow you of the chair
This is not a good movie, and it cant be either with this budget, effects look like child paintings in the background, but acting is ok and story works , its not a complete disaster and in the beginning I almost had a good feeling for this movie, but it stumble pretty fast and then it was downhill
But yes , it work a rainy day when you just dont have anything to watch than babadook or this one,,, you chose this one of course
The story sounds perhaps not that good but actually it work.
Bodkin (2024)
Move on , nothing to see here
Absolute garbage, seem to be no story atall and simple out of ideas after first episode, strange written and most of all boring, if this would have been showing on an airplain people would walk out from the door
I think its so boring my clock just stoped , some clowns think this a dark comedy , well dark it might be but never a comedy, this is nothing more than a boring drama about a small town with strange people
Acting is good atleast but what good is that for when they all are annoying people
This serie are so overrated , no idea what people like in this, but perhaps it was the locals from bodkin , they were just strange.
Lucifer (2016)
Satan is a spoiled little brat
I tried to watch this when first season came out back in the days but failed in the middle of it and though I never try again, but many years later I gave it a new chance,,, and came all the way to season 5 actually but didnt like it more than the first time
No shadow falling over tom ellis doing this , he is excellent actor and do what he is told to do ,, but I just dont like the character lucifer,, this is an alcoholic sexaddicted dork running around shouting with a corky voice " detective detective "
No , satan is a much darker creature and he dont fall in love , also suppose to have much more powerful skills than this
I just see this as a lost oppurtunity, could have been so much better with some smart writing, now you cant do it again, and that so sad cause this is a good idea
Writing is sloppy as usual , loopholes are everywhere the CGI effects are so bad its insane, it look like they standing infront of a painting but then you discover it suppose to be an effect
But acting is good , and time to time its funny also, and you get little caught in the serie anyway, but just when you start to like it a bit - season 4 starts and turn everthing upside down , season 5 is terrible and what I understand the last season is a disaster so I quit here and have some good memories from it ,, this dont sparkle, its something could have been so much better.
Torment (2013)
Its ok
Ive seen this before when it came out and remember I liked it , now when I saw it again I was not that sure
The acting is not on a oscar level , specially this katharina, look very good but did not play good, the boy is perhaps more annoying than the boy in babadook , also the direction is from another planet, love the father telling his child not to move, you must stay right here and absolute not move, and you must hide,,,,, CUT,,,
But this is not so bad as many says, if you like home invasion movies this is not on the 5 top list but it will be on top 10 I think, I think it deserve a sequel also.
Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2007)
Pizza without cheese
Its something missing, except money , but the material is little too thin for this movie, almost would have worked better as a episode in some anthology serie
Ive seen this a couple of times and I remember I liked it the first time, though it was a good comedy , but now when I watched it I must say its not that good actually and have a very weak link in the acting and dont let me even start with the direction, so not sure if Im just older now and see things Ive missed before or if the spirit is gone cause Ive seen it already
But its not garbage, its low budget with an ok story, and it has some funny moments.
Severance (2006)
It is what it is
And what is it ? It is a low budget stupid b movie
Somehow I missed this movie, it is something I should like, brittish horror comedy is on my toplist, but this have passed me , and I wish so much it would have keep passing
Its pretty bad , direction is from another planet, the story is probably written in a cab on its way to the studio, the only thing that might work is the acting, its not sparkling but its ok atleast
And of course people love this garbage, not sure why actually, cause its not a good slasher or violent, and there were no jokes or any trace of comedy things, it was mostly annoying.
Crawl (2011)
A cowboy, a hooker and clown walks in to a bar
I have seen this movie 10 years ago , had some false memory this was ok movie, its not,, its bad, so bad its insane
The acting is from hell , the direction is from another planet and dont get me start with the story, Ive seen schooltheatres doing better stories than this sloppy mess
Who actually like this ? Some joker said this was as good as cohen movies, what an insult to call this abomination cohen, this movie had material for 20 minutes, but to drag it out and expend it as long as possible they do everything in slow motion , If someone walk up in a stair, he take one step at the time and you need to watch it all the way up , and can someone please kill the guy with the cello playing 3 tones in the background
This is pure garbage, why do they even do trash like this, we have absolute nothing, no script, no money, no actors lets make a movie.
Shôgun (2024)
Father please forgive them
Cause they dont know what they are rating
Yes its a great story , we all think that - and I love the story , the book is amazing, the mini serie from the 80is is fabolous, but this,,,, abomination,,, is an insult , I looked forward to see a modern version, new thinking and todays effects , instead it came out a fast sloppy written low budget story with acting reminding schooltheatre
A guy at my work said to me " oh you should see this serie called shogun, they have swords and sht, its so good " so I said ok you should see the original from the 80is instead,, and he looked at me and said " öhh do they have swords also " so when you wonder who put 10 on this serie,,, guys like this
The story is great, but this version is garbage and just look on the original instead , I know I step on toes and swear in the church but I got so tired on people like this and dont know how much better this actually is.
The Girl with All the Gifts (2016)
A clever zombie movie
This was the second time I saw this , and I think I would have rated it higher if it would have been the first time actually, because I remember I liked it alot , but now it went to be a 6 cause I could see little things I didnt liked and noticed the first time
But this is a good zombie movie, its different and well done , good acting and direction, effects are good aswell, most of all its a smart idea
The weak link is the story by it self , it contain parts with stupid moments, same problem with all zombie movies ,, kind of this " oh lets go out by my self in the middle of the night " and its annoying
But watch it , its a good movie.
Don't Blink (2014)
Its a typical 4-6 rated movie
Its just an ok movie without sparkling, nothing special, its just ok
Some joker did a review about this movie and though it was so good it would be a tv serie instead , yeah right, it was hardly material for this 88 minutes, and it was about 10 people that disapeared,, think a serie with 100 people that pops out ,,, No I would say the other way instead , this would be much better as a episode in twillight zone or simular series
Its easy to write a movie when you dont need to explain anything, so this is an easy movie, sloppy acting, bad direction but sure it has some entertainment moments, its ok.
The Crazies (2010)
Starts so well
Ive seen original movie many years ago aswell and though the same as now , its such an interesting idea, a groundstone to an awesome movie and most of all what a great start it is , I must say iI like movies who start in minute one
But after the great start it fading fast , romero likes to bring in military in his movies and it fails every time , this could have been so much better with people fighting in their little city only
So I think story is not so good, but this remake is better than the original and much better effects and direction, its an well done movie, acting also is good
But story could have been so much better.
Travelers (2016)
Let me spoil the party
Whats the hype with this serie? Its so high rated is amazing, it was not good , it was boring and a story reminding of a schoolplay
Some joker wrote a review and said this was a nailbiter, he was sitting on the edge of his sofa the whole serie, for real ? I was yawning through it from beginning to end
The acting is good , thats the only good thing I can say , but the story is just od , and full of shortcuts and holes , and its of course very cute, no blood or violence and death is only for the ones who already suppose to die, this could be for children, and perhaps it is , would explain all the good reviews.
Clueless (1995)
Wow what trash this is
I can give it 2 stars cause mighty mighty bosstones are playing in this movie, and the father is pretty funny , but thats about it
So why is people like this ? Looks like the targetgroup are younger girls and I can respect that, but otherwise its amazing anyone rate this movie over 2 - this is stupid and the worst is the movie go nowhere, you think all the time its a point somewhere but its just a stupid movie about absolute nothing
Tried to understand the high rated reviews what they liked so much with this but its just didnt made sence , this is not funny, the spoiled bratgirl is just annoying.