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Khanzab (2023)
Blahblahblah
I dozed off so many times while watching this TV movie, tried so hard to stay awake. I dozed off so many times while watching this TV movie, tried so hard to stay awake. I dozed off so many times while watching this TV movie, tried so hard to stay awake. WTF.
I dozed off so many times while watching this TV movie, tried so hard to stay awake. I dozed off so many times while watching this TV movie, tried so hard to stay awake. I dozed off so many times while watching this TV movie, tried so hard to stay awake. WTF.
I dozed off so many times while watching this TV movie, tried so hard to stay awake. I dozed off so many times while watching this TV movie, tried so hard to stay awake. I dozed off so many times while watching this TV movie, tried so hard to stay awake. WTF.
Frostbiten (2006)
Frostsucks
It sucks big time, I kid you not. It is among the dumbest movies that has ever been released. It sucks big freaking a.s.s., the biggest that I have ever seen, I kid you not. This movie sucks so big freaking a.s.s.
It sucks big time, I kid you not. It is among the dumbest movies that has ever been released. It sucks big freaking a.s.s., the biggest that I have ever seen, I kid you not. This movie sucks so big freaking a.s.s.
It sucks big time, I kid you not. It is among the dumbest movies that has ever been released. It sucks big freaking a.s.s., the biggest that I have ever seen, I kid you not. This movie sucks so big freaking a.s.s.
Bird Box: Barcelona (2023)
Bird Droppings: Cornholio
I have a much better idea, instead of covering their eyes, people should be wrapped with diaper because this movie stinks like hell.
Repeat this while watching the movie: "I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!"
The Great Cornholio is the hyperactive alter-ego of Beavis. He turns into this in many episodes and other media. Cornholio is an iconic aspect of the series, and arguably the most popular. When Beavis consumes large quantities of sugar, caffeine and other stimulants, he will begin to exhibit symptoms of convulsions, rapidly shake his head, and gaze cross-eyed at his own fist. When a Spanish sounding word is spoken or mentioned, Beavis undergoes what appears to be a total personality change, and transforms into Cornholio. Most times, however, he instantly turns into Cornholio.
Bird Box (2018)
Bird Droppings
I have a much better idea, instead of covering their eyes, people should be wrapped with diaper because this movie stinks like hell.
Repeat this while watching the movie: "I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!"
The Great Cornholio is the hyperactive alter-ego of Beavis. He turns into this in many episodes and other media. Cornholio is an iconic aspect of the series, and arguably the most popular. When Beavis consumes large quantities of sugar, caffeine and other stimulants, he will begin to exhibit symptoms of convulsions, rapidly shake his head, and gaze cross-eyed at his own fist. When a Spanish sounding word is spoken or mentioned, Beavis undergoes what appears to be a total personality change, and transforms into Cornholio. Most times, however, he instantly turns into Cornholio.
I dozed off so many times while watching this TV movie, tried so hard to stay awake. There is no horror, this bird manure is a farce. For a similar idea, watch the Japanese horror movie Suicide Club (2001) instead, thank me later.
Insidious: The Red Door (2023)
Insidious:The Real Dork
I just stopped watching after thirty minutes into the movie, around the frat scene, two words came into my mind: disgusting, and boring. Frat morons with diaper, awkward dialogs and forced interracial relationship but, at least cast an attractive girl, yes? There are so many beautiful black ladies out there, is this a conspiracy to just cast a plain looking one? I almost dozed off.
This movie again serves as a prime example to discourage people going to theater, instead one should watch such a movie on a preferable device to conveniently fast forward it. All in all, glad I've finished it in 30 minutes, I might consider to generously give one more star if it pays to watch, be warned.
Catacombs (2007)
Dumbasses in Catacombs
Yeah, I know, this is an old movie but, Catacombs (2007) serves as the prime example to discourage people going to theater, instead one should watch such a movie on a preferable device to conveniently fast forward it. I just finished it before finishing up my dinner, I highly recommend you to do so to avoid completely wasting your time. This way you still have some time left to check out another movie, hopefully watchable.
I'm glad that I could use the arrow key on my keyboard to fast forward this movie, otherwise it would have been a chore to use something else. Thus I'm giving it one solid star based on this personal merit.
All in all, glad I've finished it in 20 minutes, I might consider to generously give one more star if it pays to watch, be warned.
Fan xiao (2019)
Pretention
This movie looks like a well produced TV show, the CGI is on par with the video games some twenty years ago. And the actors are those you usually see in Golden Horse Awards, yeah, those hired to clap hands.
Highly recommended to fast forward this movie while having a meal so as not to completely waste your precious time, I would consider to give one more star if the movie industry pays dividend to those who watch such lousy political propaganda. Be warned.
Highly recommended to fast forward this movie while having a meal so as not to completely waste your precious time, I would consider to give one more star if the movie industry pays dividend to those who watch such lousy political propaganda. Be warned.
Devil's Revenge (2019)
Dork's Revenge
This movie looks like a well produced TV show, the CGI is on par with the video games some twenty years ago, Captain Kirk seems to be teleported to the wrong movie. And the other actors are those you usually see in Oscar, yeah, those hired to clap hands.
Highly recommended to fast forward this movie while having a meal so as not to completely waste your precious time, I would consider to give one more star if the movie industry pays dividend to watch such movies. Be warned.
Highly recommended to fast forward this movie while having a meal so as not to completely waste your precious time, I would consider to give one more star if the movie industry pays dividend to watch such movies. Be warned.
Inside (2023)
Inside the arse
Not to be confused with the French movie: Inside (2007), which may be far more entertaining in a somewhat similar setting.
This, another artsy fartsy movie with certain social metaphors and vague allusions, talks which only pretentious people of subintelligence might find deep. Instant One Star Rating.
Glad I have finished the movie in about thirty minutes while having my dinner, so time was not completely wasted. Highly recommended to do something else while watching it so as not to completely waste your precious time. I might consider to give one more star if it pays big bucks to watch, be warned.
War of the Worlds: The Attack (2023)
War of the Worlds: The Arse
This movie looks like a well produced TV show, the CGI is on par with video games some twenty years ago. And the actors are those you usually see in Oscar, yeah, those hired to clap hands.
Highly recommended to fast forward this movie while having a meal so as not to completely waste your precious time, I would consider to give one more star if the movie industry pays dividend to watch such movies. Be warned.
Highly recommended to fast forward this movie while having a meal so as not to completely waste your precious time, I would consider to give one more star if the movie industry pays dividend to watch such movies. Be warned.
12 Strong (2018)
12 Trolls
"Just 5,000 to 1", says the Green Beret, the US spec ops elite heroes. You heard it right, basically just 12...trolls...were supposed to go into the mountain of Afghanistan to fight alongside Afghan General Abdul Rashid Dostum against 60,000 Taliban soldiers to avenge the 911 incident, in 2001.
Based on the true event, in the form of a book that came out many years later. Yeah, right. Who wrote the book? Who cares. Let's say you got to be the 13th troll to believe this story.
The 12 trolls who vow to eradicate the 'terrorist' training camps in Afghanistan before "Taliban the muscle and Bin Laden the brain", says the Green Beret colonel, produce more and more 'terrorists' coming at the Land of the Free after 911. Not making this stuff up, this is actually one of the lines in the movie. Where are the 'terrorists' now? Much like South Vietnamese government in the Vietnam War, Afghan General Dostum is now in exile and his enemy Taliban is seen on TV playing ping pong in the general's golden palace.
Released in 2018, this movie serves perfectly as the top achievement of embarrassment in 2023, as at the end of the movie General Dostum questions the Green Beret captain, "You leave, you are a coward". Now general, what do you call these superheroes as they retreated from Afghanistan in 2021? One Star Rating from General Dostum.
The Tank (2023)
The Stinky Tank
What kind of dad would go into a stinky tank deserted for decades, and repeatedly go in there to inspect with the stinky water level up to his chest?
What kind of cop sits still like a senile old man while watching the creature slowly crawl towards him? Well, this is probably the reason why the dad runs away after watching the cop dragged away by the creature, because the cop (a black dude again, why?) deserves it? Yeah, I know, it is in the 70s but hey, BLM, no? Moreover, the dad is not interested to grab a shotgun from the law enforcement vehicle before running away - Hello?? Anyway, later he tells his wife the cop is just dead. Cool story, bro.
What kind of mom would go into this stinky water tank to fight the creatures for no good reason? Need I say more?
You just don't care for the boneheaded couple, scratching your head why the creatures wouldn't finish them off in the most wicked ways, this is the only way to boost the movie rating as far as I'm concerned. But wait, someone here says the creature suit is too tight, good point. One Star Max Rating. Be warned.
Vikingulven (2022)
Viking Fool
In essence, Viking Fool (2022) serves as the prime example to discourage people going to theater, instead one should watch such a movie on a preferable device to conveniently fast forward it. I just finished it before finishing up my dinner, I highly recommend you to do so to avoid completely wasting your time. This way you still have some time left to check out another movie, hopefully watchable.
I'm glad that I could use the arrow key on my keyboard to fast forward this movie, otherwise it would have been a chore to use something else. Thus I'm giving it one solid star based on this personal merit.
All in all, glad I've finished it in 15 minutes, I might consider to generously give one more star if it pays the viewer to watch, be warned.
65 (2023)
65 million years ago on earth
...there were two alien visitors from another planet, Somaris. One of them appears to be Caucasian, married with a black lady and a kid back in Somaris, and they all speak American English. Another alien is a girl who also looks exactly like human, speaks no English but a peculiar language of Somaris which the alien guy does not understand at all. Instant One Star Rating.
Highly recommended to fast forward this movie while having a meal so as not to completely waste your precious time, I would consider to give one more star if the movie industry pays dividend to those who watch such movies. Be warned.
I See You (2019)
I see yo mama
Ten-year-old Beavis is blown off from his bike in slow motion, and OBVIOUSLY abducted by some supernatural force, but later you will see that there is no such supernatural force involved at all (???) in the movie. Instant One Star Rating.
Anyway, Cornholio is made lead detective on the case, assisted by Detective Spaghetti. Cornholio and Spaghetti are informed that Flash Gordon is pushing for a mistrial in light of a new abduction. Cornholio's wife, Jekyll, recently had an affair, leading their only child, Hyde, to resent her.
Cornholio is attacked by Slimy Frog, but Cornholio clubs Slimy Frog to NEAR DEATH, then stabs himself to make it seem like he was attacked by Slimy Frog. But for some mysterious reason Slimy Frog regains consciousness (WTF???) and fatally shoots Cornholio with his own gun. Spaghetti arrives and shoots Slimy Frog, but the two realize that they recognize each other. End of story.
Tinnitus (2022)
Is it a pays-to-watch movie?
In essence, Tinnitus (2022) serves as the prime example to discourage people going to theater, instead one should watch such a movie on a preferable device to conveniently fast forward it. I just finished it before finishing up my dinner, I highly recommend you to do so to avoid completely wasting your time. This way you still have some time left to check out another movie, hopefully watchable.
I'm glad that I could use the arrow key on my keyboard to fast forward this movie, otherwise it would have been a chore to use something else. Thus I'm giving it one solid star based on this personal merit.
All in all, glad I've finished it in 15 minutes, I might consider to generously give one more star if it pays to watch, be warned.
Bao gao lao shi! Guai guai guai guai wu (2017)
Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumpsters
I'd be generous, 3 stars up front, purely for the production. But wait.
The story? Oh, is there actually one? Forget about the disgusting kids and all that happen in the first half, they are just filler to extend the time for the sake of a feature film. The shock value, yet unimpressive, serves nothing at all to the finale which is as stupid as it gets. Not one single likeable character, zip. This movie tries to be comical at times however unfunny, so minus one star; tries to be serious in a certain social context but in fact shallow, minus another one. So minus 2 stars in total, this movie gets One Solid Star.
For the same genre, watch Deadgirl (2008) instead, far more superior. This "Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumpsters" looks like a rich highschool student film compared to it, thank me later.
4 Horsemen: Apocalypse (2022)
4 Horsehite: A.pooooop.calypse
This movie looks like a well produced TV show, the CGI is on par with the video games some twenty years ago. And the actors are those you usually see in Oscar, yeah, those hired to clap hands.
This movie looks like a well produced TV show, the CGI is on par with the video games some twenty years ago. And the actors are those you usually see in Oscar, yeah, those hired to clap hands.
This movie looks like a well produced TV show, the CGI is on par with the video games some twenty years ago. And the actors are those you usually see in Oscar, yeah, those hired to clap hands.
This movie looks like a well produced TV show, the CGI is on par with the video games some twenty years ago. And the actors are those you usually see in Oscar, yeah, those hired to clap hands.
À l'intérieur (2007)
Insider Info
Béatrice Dalle (who plays the fugly woman in black) has been arrested on several occasions for shoplifting, drug possession and assault. In January 2005, while making a film about prison life in Brest, Dalle met Guenaël Meziani, serving a 12-year prison sentence for assaulting and raping his ex-girlfriend. She married him after 24 one-hour visits, and spoke on his behalf at hearings for his early release. According to a 2015 profile of Dalle, she said the marriage was "a complete disaster" once Meziani was released from prison, and their divorce was apparently finalized in July 2014.
Interviewed on the French TV program Divan in 2016, Dalle stated that when she used to work in a morgue with her friends, they sold body parts of corpses, and while on acid, they ate a dead man's ear.
There you go, it is basically a movie about bunch of imbeciles.
The Devil's Tomb (2009)
The Devil's TP for his Bunghole
When Beavis consumes large quantities of sugar, caffeine and other stimulants, he will begin to exhibit symptoms of convulsions, rapidly shake his head, and gaze cross-eyed at his own fist. When a Spanish sounding word is spoken or mentioned, Beavis undergoes what appears to be a total personality change, and transforms into Cornholio. Most times, however, he instantly turns into Cornholio.
When Beavis turns into Cornholio, he will raise his forearms in a 90-degree angle next to his chest, pull his shirt over his head, and then begin to yell or scream erratically, producing a stream of gibberish and strange noises, his eyes wide.
Cornholio tends to wander aimlessly while reciting "I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!" in an odd phoney Hispanic accent. Sometimes, Beavis will momentarily talk normally before resuming the persona of Cornholio. Once his Cornholio episode is over, Beavis usually has no memory of what happened.
We Were Soldiers (2002)
We Are Shameful (2023)
Check this out, a nerdy Vietcong carrying AK-47 fixed with bayonet charges toward the CO, Col. Moore (Mel Gibson), while nobody is aware, guess what? That VC chooses not to fire point-blank at the CO, instead he keeps shouting and running into the enemies like a ninja with death wish, hoping to stab the CO at the back. Are we to believe it really happens in a real battle? Anyway, next thing you know is the colonel turns around with a lightning reflex and just blows the VC ninja clown brains out, with one freaking shot. This hilarious scene is an insult to anyone who has a brain cell, thus warrants the movie one solid star.
In short, a timely propaganda movie for kick-starting the invasion of Afghanistan in 2002. Like what Col. Moore explains to his little daughter in the movie, the US soldiers are going to kill the 'enemies' who kill other people in another country over some twelve thousand miles away. And who is actually defending their home country? Right. Now after twenty years, the superheros have retreated from Afghanistan like Saigon in the Vietnam War, Taliban is now ruling their own country. What have we learned? Probably nothing. Today we have the proxy war in Ukraine, and the escalating tension with China, again over some twelve thousand miles away.
Ice Road Killer (2022)
Where is the trailer?
I'm willing to give this TV movie one solid star as there is no trailer to be found, not even on YouTube. For this, it saves me precious time to watch the trailer, not to mention the TV movie. Have a great day.
I'm willing to give this TV movie one solid star as there is no trailer to be found, not even on YouTube. For this, it saves me precious time to watch the trailer, not to mention the TV movie. Have a great day.
I'm willing to give this TV movie one solid star as there is no trailer to be found, not even on YouTube. For this, it saves me precious time to watch the trailer, not to mention the TV movie. Have a great day.
Knock at the Cabin (2023)
Knock at the Crap
Who is dad and who is mom? Or each man is neither dad nor mom? I'm confused. Maybe that is exactly the reason why the four horsemen are sent there to deliver the apocalyptic message. Anyhow, this movie serves as the prime example to discourage people going to theater, instead one should watch such a TV movie on a preferable device to conveniently fast forward it.
I'm glad that I had the chance to watch the trailer, it saved me precious time, thus I'm giving it one solid star based on this merit.
All in all, glad I've finished it by watching a trailer, I might consider to generously give one more star if they pay me big money to watch this TV movie.
The Forever Purge (2021)
The forever pooop
In essence, this is a prime example that one should not go to the theater to watch a movie, instead one should watch it on a device as the viewer can conveniently fast forward to save time.
This is a special kind of crap. Body horror, strange stuff without even a trace of inherent logic, tragically bad acting, a storyline that basically doesn't exist and a plot as thin as down-watered cow manure. Writing in The New York Times, Nathan Lee described the film as "...silly, awkward, vulgar, outlandish, hysterical, inventive, revolting, flamboyant, titillating, ridiculous, mischievous, uproarious, cheap, priceless, tasteless and sublime.
Gangnam Zombie (2023)
The Meaning of Gangnam
Clearly, the meaning of the term Gangnam is Sucky. So now you know, the real title of this movie is: Sucky Zombies. Do yourself a favor to watch the trailer, it will save you time by skipping the movie. It is not even in the category of "so bad it's good", it's firmly in the camp of "so bad the trailer just sucks".
Clearly, the meaning of the term Gangnam is Sucky. So now you know, the real title of this movie is: Sucky Zombies. Do yourself a favor to watch the trailer, it will save you time by skipping the movie. It is not even in the category of "so bad it's good", it's firmly in the camp of "so bad the trailer just sucks".