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Reviews
Crash Landing (2005)
Exhausted story with lackluster everything.
If you look at the back of the box, you know exactly how everything in the story will go. You don't like any of the characters, nothing is surprising, the action is boring. The plot is just garbage. An air Force cargo plane pilot is acting and treated as an action commando and allowed to be a bodyguard for a billionaire's daughter with no combat experience and allowed to bring a gun onto a plane? Just a taste of the disappointing nonsense.
Robin Hood and Other Fabulous Fables (1991)
What a mysterious collection...
It's a collection of three animated shorts obviously animated by different animators with different styles that reminds me of old school Korean animation. The dubbing is also the early anime localization type where it was probably done by two or three people who worked in the office. The stories they are telling are a little closer to the original than say the Disney imaginings, but still nothing original there. I just found myself trying and failing to figure out who animated it and that was more intriguing than the actual stories.
Bibleman: Conquering the Wrath of Rage (2000)
More tongue in cheek and wink at the camera than I remember.
Watching this as an atheist adult, I actually found it enjoyable to watch. I really think they knew they were making a cheesy kids show and threw in so many comments directly to camera about the plot and scenery. The captions and a Charley Sheen, magic dust joke? Plus all the lines and action is just so cheesy.
Final Payback (2001)
Poorly done from start to finish, front to back.
This is one of those movies with no likable characters and a nonsense plot. The sound in the action scenes was laughably bad, as was the action. They will shoot 50 bullets at someone standing infront of them and the bullets don't leave any impact on the scenery around them. The same two sounds for punches over and over just keep being used. Nothing anyone does make sense, right from the start. It's just bad on every level. The acting was generally passable for a direct to DVD movie, but it was still poor.
Miami Magma (2011)
Sadly semi-solid and light on the schlock
Movies can be made with many purposes in mind: to entertain, to provoke, to express or elicit emotion. This movie neither failed, nor succeeded in any of these categories to a great degree.
The acting was serviceable, neither good nor laughable. The script failed to register any response or provoke any emotion. The camera work was...decent? Ok? The packing was solid though, never sticking in one place or on one scene for very long.
The only parts that were enjoyable were the three or four truly schlocky moments, which are what people watch disaster movies for. Those ranged from, "That doesn't work that way." to "Yes! Hole! Through! The chest!" The effects are suitably TV movie level and thus, the most ironically enjoyable part of the film.
Neither painful to sit through, nor enjoyable enough to sit through again, nor recommend it.