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Reviews
Dear God (1996)
Why can't we give a film zero?
Wow. Sometimes you go into the cinema or turn on the TV and, two hours or so later, you realize that you've just seen one of the finest films ever made; the sheer joy of that experience stays with you for days. Films like LORD OF THE RINGS, SEVEN SAMURAI, LAWRENCE OF ARABIA.
This film manages to produce the opposite reaction however. It is, without a shadow of a doubt, the worst movie I have ever seen. Worse than the last entries in POLICE ACADEMY. Worse than MISSION TO MARS. Worse even than BATTLEFIELD EARTH. It is cloyingly horrible, with appalling performances and an even more terrible script and story -- I felt my brain rotting as I watched it.
The only explanation I can give for the IMDb rating of 4.9 (including 40 people who gave it 10/10 and an average vote in the US of 5.2!) is that, a la VIDEODROME, there must be usually some kind of signal broadcast with this film that removes all critical abilities (fortunately they seem to have forgotten to flick the right switch the time I saw it). Either that or everyone who has given it a high vote has been home-schooled and this is the most exciting film they've ever been allowed to watch as it features a modern-day criminal rather than just biblical characters....
Minority Report (2002)
Enjoyable but no Blade Runner
Certainly some negative comments voiced here are pointless and probably intended to wind people up. However, this is not a reason to go over the top in response with praise for this movie.
This is a beautiful film, no argument. Speilberg knows how to frame a shot better than anyone and his cinematography is stunning. However, it suffers (like AI before it) from a forced injection of sentimentality and slush at the end, a very guessable plot (and this from someone who usually fails to guess; the old chap was just so obviously up to no good), and -- most importantly -- excessive media hype, which led the viewer to expect another BLADE RUNNER.
After coming out of the cinema I gave it a 6/10 (good; above average) because of the latter; now some reflection and a viewing without preconceptions pushes me more towards 7/10 (very good; excellent, but not an all-time classic).
Crocodile 2: Death Swamp (2002)
Dreadful but fun (if you can ignore the swearing)
I agree completely with everyone who says this is a truly dreadful movie (and I'm pretty sure the guy who said it was better than CITIZEN KANE was joking). But... but... I had quite a fun time watching it (after the sub-KILLING ZOE bank job and its home-video titles)! I got this movie in a pack of 12 DVDs for £12 (Croc I and II; Octopus I and II; Spider I and II etc etc etc) -- all Nu Image releases, the same company that completely dismembered WILD SIDE when Donald Cammell handed it in (if you saw it and hated it, try and get hold of the recent reconstruction of it: a totally different -- and genuinely decent -- film. It just goes to show how important editing is in the movie-making process).
No, it's not KANE or AMBERSONS or even AMERICAN BEAUTY (an over-rated film if ever there was one -- if you want the edgy dark-side of US suburbia, watch BLUE VELVET; if you want slightly pretentious Oscar-bait, watch BEAUTY). Heck, I can't justify giving it more than 2/10 -- it's that poor! Neverthless I had a good time watching it (and the illustrious Tobe Hooper directed first instalment) and I reckon most other folks will too, just so long as they disengage their critical brains, open a beer, and can see through the tears of laughter caused by the awful acting and CGI!
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
Poorly paced but in places enjoyable
Maybe I've been watching another film to some of the other people on IMDb, or perhaps it's because I've been having my own little classic movie fest over the past two days (with THE BIG SLEEP, THE THIRD MAN, THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS etc). Whatever the case, I was decidedly underwhelmed by Spielberg's latest offering.
The cinematography was very pleasing, Leo did a good job, the period detail was all there, there was some nice use of music (though not nearly as much as I was expecting) and there were some brilliant, laugh-out-loud sequences but... it just didn't work for me. The film's pacing was all wrong IMHO: far too slow at the beginning and between every major con; by the half-way point I was clock-watching, something I very, very rarely do in the movies. Usually I get very easily sucked into a film but in this case I just wasn't. Oh, well, my loss I guess. In terms of rating, the film gets points for craftmanship but is dragged down by the pacing and Hank's phoned-in performance to a straight average mark of 5/10
Auch Zwerge haben klein angefangen (1970)
Wonderful little movie...
I can't disagree more with the negative comments about this film made by some of the other reviewers -- it's magnificent, confusing, hilarious, disturbing, human, alien, and above all brilliant, all at the same time. Watch this if you get the chance and are open-minded: however if AMERICAN PIE or THE MATRIX are your favourite films of all time, start your Herzog education with AGUIRRE instead (actually, THE MATRIX is one of my favourite films but the point is valid I think).