Eulogy (2004)
Curtis Garcia: Fred Collins
Photos
Quotes
-
Fred Collins : [about to set his grandfather's casket on fire] Dad! Lighter!
Skip Collins : Be careful, guys. I love this lighter.
-
Fred Collins : What the hell is that?
Aunt Lily : It's your birthday cake. I was hoping it would be a surprise.
Ted Collins : I'm more than surprised. I'm shocked!
Fred Collins : This isn't what we ordered.
Aunt Lily : You don't *order* your mother. I spent two days making...
Ted Collins : We *ordered* an erotic cheesecake.
Aunt Lily : Excuse me?
Ted Collins : You're excused.
-
Lucy Collins : [Lucy and Judy enter the house]
[to Judy]
Lucy Collins : You remember Skip?
Judy : Yeah.
Lucy Collins : And the boys Tim and Jim, right?
Skip Collins : Yeah, close enough.
Judy : Hi guys, I'm uh, I'm Lucy's life partner.
Fred Collins : [Together with Ted] Lesbians.
Ted Collins : [Together with Fred] Lesbians.
-
Lucy Collins : You wouldn't know a sex toy if it left a battery in your vagina.
Alice Collins : My vagina, as you are so whimsically about to refer to it, has served as sacred passage, for three anatomically correct children, so...
Fred Collins : Bad image.
Ted Collins : [hits head twice] Erase, erase.
-
Judy : [on the couch reading, sees Ted and Fred] Yes, boys?
Fred Collins : Can we help you with anything?
Ted Collins : Maybe intern with you?
Judy : [pauses and stares] You can rub my feet if you want.
[sticks foot in the air]
-
Skip Collins : This is why your mother left us.
Ted Collins : She was a hack.
Fred Collins : I've seen better moms on TV.
-
Skip Collins : That's try not to be the biggest freaks in the circus.
Ted Collins : What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Fred Collins : He wants us to say 'No thank you' instead of 'Eat my ass Jello'.
-
Ted Collins : So, what'd he leave us?
Charlotte Collins : Your grandfather's will won't be read until after the funeral.
Fred Collins : Talk about being early.
-
Lucy Collins : What're you laughing at?
Ted Collins : I don't know.
Fred Collins : But I can't wait to find out what you two vageniuses are up to.
Judy : What did you just say?
Ted Collins : Lez vocab word!
Lucy Collins : [to Judy] What did he just call us?
Judy : Vageniuses.
Fred Collins : It's a compound compliment.
-
Skip Collins : My pop never told me. He never told me... How much he...
Fred Collins : Stop.
Skip Collins : What?
Ted Collins : You were going to say the L word.
Skip Collins : I just...
Ted Collins : Dad, we know how you feel. Don't cheapen it with words.